I Know.
William
We finish the show, after a set of six songs, and I throw my hat straight up in the air as the crowd settles down. I watch the hat hit the stage, and I move backwards, screaming into the mic, "I'd like to thank everyone again for allowing us to share our passion with you." I turn the microphone off and place it on the stand. I rush to join Pat before getting off stage.
"You know he is only letting you flirt with him because he adores you."
"Adoration can turn into love." I wink.
Pat scoffs, "Did you see the look on his face? He obviously wanted to hide. You shouldn't have done anything like that on stage. He was never one for all the attention, like you."
"Excuse me," Some photographer pulls me aside, once I step off the stage. He points at his camera and asks me if he can take a few more pictures.
I smile, remembering how I met Lucas. "Sure."
I wait for him to direct me and stage the pictures. When he finishes, he asks if he can take some full band pictures as well. I laugh and say, "I'll gather the troops."
Pat, Georgie, Kelly, and I stand together in front of the photographer. He quickly rearranges us and takes a few shots. As soon as he finishes, Pat runs and pulls Lucas over. Pat says,"You should be in our pictures, too."
The photographer hesitates, staring at Lucas, and I feel something bubble up in my gut. I'm furious that he would even look at Lucas that way. I tug Lucas out of Pat's hands, and I say, "It wouldn't bother you, would it? I'd like to have a picture of us for my bedroom. "
"I don't think it is a good idea..."
"It isn't a good idea to have a picture of you? That is absurd."
"I don't want my picture taken,William."
I roll my eyes. "The camera won't steal your soul."
"No, William."
The photographer finally snaps. "This is your idea of a fun weekend? You hang out with some band, like a groupie. Are you sleeping with them as well, then?"
I happen to moan the words "I wish" just as Lucas interjects, "No!"
Lucas hits my shoulder and glares at me. I just shrug, "I can't lie when it comes to you. If you would just let me take you out."
"I already spoke to you about that."
"Yeah... You are content without a lover. I get it."
"Without a lover?" The photographer scoffs, "Fine."
Lucas moves to the photographer and pleads, "Devin, please just hear me out."
"There is no need. I believe I heard everything I need to know."
"No." Lucas grunts, "You only hear what you want to know."
The photographer Devin rolls his eyes. "Do I, now?"
"Why are you so stubborn? Sure, I didn't tell you about this because everything was so last minute and I was in a rush. I didn't think it would bother you so much. You had to work, and I was just going to spend time with friends."
"I'm sure there is more than just friendship over here."
"Fuck you."
Pat can't take the arguing any more. "What is going on? How do you two even know each other?"
"Lucas is my boyfriend."
Everyone is silent, and I swear my heart is breaking. Did I hear that correctly?
"We went on a few dates. A relationship has never been mentioned." Lucas butts into the conversation.
Pat's jaw is still on the ground and as he tries to straighten up, Devin says, "I was planning on talking to you about it during breakfast."
"Well, I'm glad you didn't."
If looks could kill, it would be a homicide. Devin is glaring at everyone now, but mostly at Lucas. I don't want to even chance the thought that his eyes might begin to shoot lasers so I step in front of Lucas. As calmly as I can, I say, "I think you should go now."
I think I would rather strangle him, though. Lucas should thank me with his kisses. By the time Devin leaves, there is so much tension that I have to do something about. I turn around to face Lucas. "You don't want a relationship, yet you go around dating people..?"
"It isn't like that. I didn't want one when we spoke about it, but when I was with Devin, I actually thought about it. And now I'm convinced, I really don't want one." He can't look at me; not even once do his eyes flicker up at me.
I sigh, and I lift his chin. "I really wish you'd give me a chance."
He looks up at me with eyes glossed over. He's ready to start crying, and the pain in my chest becomes unbearable. I kiss his forehead and say, "I just want you to be happy, Lucas."
Kelly moves towards us. "We should probably just leave and go somewhere more vacant."
Pat and Georgie agree, so Lucas and I slowly follow behind. It surprises me, when Lucas allows me to keep my arm around him, but I would never mention it.
"You know he is only letting you flirt with him because he adores you."
"Adoration can turn into love." I wink.
Pat scoffs, "Did you see the look on his face? He obviously wanted to hide. You shouldn't have done anything like that on stage. He was never one for all the attention, like you."
"Excuse me," Some photographer pulls me aside, once I step off the stage. He points at his camera and asks me if he can take a few more pictures.
I smile, remembering how I met Lucas. "Sure."
I wait for him to direct me and stage the pictures. When he finishes, he asks if he can take some full band pictures as well. I laugh and say, "I'll gather the troops."
Pat, Georgie, Kelly, and I stand together in front of the photographer. He quickly rearranges us and takes a few shots. As soon as he finishes, Pat runs and pulls Lucas over. Pat says,"You should be in our pictures, too."
The photographer hesitates, staring at Lucas, and I feel something bubble up in my gut. I'm furious that he would even look at Lucas that way. I tug Lucas out of Pat's hands, and I say, "It wouldn't bother you, would it? I'd like to have a picture of us for my bedroom. "
"I don't think it is a good idea..."
"It isn't a good idea to have a picture of you? That is absurd."
"I don't want my picture taken,William."
I roll my eyes. "The camera won't steal your soul."
"No, William."
The photographer finally snaps. "This is your idea of a fun weekend? You hang out with some band, like a groupie. Are you sleeping with them as well, then?"
I happen to moan the words "I wish" just as Lucas interjects, "No!"
Lucas hits my shoulder and glares at me. I just shrug, "I can't lie when it comes to you. If you would just let me take you out."
"I already spoke to you about that."
"Yeah... You are content without a lover. I get it."
"Without a lover?" The photographer scoffs, "Fine."
Lucas moves to the photographer and pleads, "Devin, please just hear me out."
"There is no need. I believe I heard everything I need to know."
"No." Lucas grunts, "You only hear what you want to know."
The photographer Devin rolls his eyes. "Do I, now?"
"Why are you so stubborn? Sure, I didn't tell you about this because everything was so last minute and I was in a rush. I didn't think it would bother you so much. You had to work, and I was just going to spend time with friends."
"I'm sure there is more than just friendship over here."
"Fuck you."
Pat can't take the arguing any more. "What is going on? How do you two even know each other?"
"Lucas is my boyfriend."
Everyone is silent, and I swear my heart is breaking. Did I hear that correctly?
"We went on a few dates. A relationship has never been mentioned." Lucas butts into the conversation.
Pat's jaw is still on the ground and as he tries to straighten up, Devin says, "I was planning on talking to you about it during breakfast."
"Well, I'm glad you didn't."
If looks could kill, it would be a homicide. Devin is glaring at everyone now, but mostly at Lucas. I don't want to even chance the thought that his eyes might begin to shoot lasers so I step in front of Lucas. As calmly as I can, I say, "I think you should go now."
I think I would rather strangle him, though. Lucas should thank me with his kisses. By the time Devin leaves, there is so much tension that I have to do something about. I turn around to face Lucas. "You don't want a relationship, yet you go around dating people..?"
"It isn't like that. I didn't want one when we spoke about it, but when I was with Devin, I actually thought about it. And now I'm convinced, I really don't want one." He can't look at me; not even once do his eyes flicker up at me.
I sigh, and I lift his chin. "I really wish you'd give me a chance."
He looks up at me with eyes glossed over. He's ready to start crying, and the pain in my chest becomes unbearable. I kiss his forehead and say, "I just want you to be happy, Lucas."
Kelly moves towards us. "We should probably just leave and go somewhere more vacant."
Pat and Georgie agree, so Lucas and I slowly follow behind. It surprises me, when Lucas allows me to keep my arm around him, but I would never mention it.