If I Tell You the Truth, You'd Vie for a Lie

“Why are you being so easy on her?” Sam asked as we sat at the wooden table in the worn down kitchen. The television was on in the background, playing that late night news.

“I need her alive, you know that.”

“Roughing her up a little won’t kill her…”

“Time.” I said.

“I’ll take this up to her then.” Jack said from the kitchen, holding a glass of water and a plain sandwich.

“No, I have to talk to her…” I said, “I will.”

As I walked up the stairs to where I was keeping her, in the room next to mine, I wondered why I had bothered to lie to them. What had I needed to talk to her about? Nothing. I just wanted to see her – and it had become painstakingly clear.

She cowered in the corner as I opened the door, from where I was standing the light from the hallway masked her face, making it appear pale with streaks of black from where she had cried her make up away.

“Hi Angel.” I said, walking closer to her. “Come with me, I’ll clean you up a little bit.”

When I saw her shaking and crying in the corner at my arrival I had a change of heart. I suddenly found myself wishing that I hadn’t done what I did, but that I met her and she lived here with me… willingly.

She didn’t move, so I took a few more steps toward her, and, placing her food and drink on the floor, I gently grabbed her upper arm and proceeded to pull her up from where she was curled in the corner of the room.

Cautiously she followed me, not saying a word. I took her next door into my bedroom and sat her on my bed, getting a face-washer from the connecting bathroom and coming back to clean off the dried blood and make up scars that were plastered on her face.

“Why are you doing this?” She whispered.

I didn’t know what part she was referring to – her kidnapping, cleaning her, changing my attitude toward her – so I stayed silent.

“I’m sorry.” I said.

I put the face-washer on the bed beside us. I could feel her eyes on my face but I was too afraid to look at her in the eyes.

Stop it, for fucks’ sake you’re meant to be in charge here!

I looked at her. It seemed like we were staring in one another’s eyes for ages. I swallowed and averted my gaze.

“I’m not scared of you, you know.” She said. “I don’t get scared of people like you.”

“Excuse me?” I demanded, standing up from the bed.

“It doesn’t matter… I’m sorry…” She said, instantly regretting what she said when she saw the instant anger on my face.

“You better be fucking sorry. You’re here Maddison, I can do whatever the fuck I want to you and no one else knows and no one is coming to get you until I initiate it, don’t you fucking forget it!”

“I’m sorry.” She said, I could visibly see her becoming more frightened as the seconds ticked by.

I resisted the urge to grab her, to kiss her, to punch her – to do something to her. Instead I grabbed her roughly and dragged her back into her room.

“There’s a sandwich and water there.” I said emotionlessly.

She was totally silent.

I went to leave and lock her away when something stopped me. She was back in her corner, but she was calling after me in a whisper.

“What did you say?” I asked her.

“I … I said wait…” She muttered. “I just… I don’t know your name or… or anything.”

“Alex.” I said. “My name is Alex.”

I stood by the door awkwardly, not entirely sure of what to do. It wasn’t normal, this situation. I wasn’t supposed to care about her and take her into my bedroom to clean her up, and she wasn’t supposed to be brave enough to talk to me, or to be remotely interested in something such as my name.

“Alex,” she said, “do you have to go? It’s just… I know I shouldn’t be talking to you or anything… but…” She inhaled deeply, and I could see her swallow. “I’m not used to being alone… and I just wanted to…”

I stayed standing in the doorway, unwavering. With out saying a word I turned on my heel and left, bolting the door behind me so she could not escape.

__________________________________________________________________

“What did you have to talk to her about?” Sam questioned me as I sat in front of the television, next to him on the couch.

“Well, I guess you could say I roughed her up a little,” I joked.

Sam smiled and turned away.

“Emily’s been calling.” He said. “I told her you’re working though… and that you’ll call her when you have time.”

I laughed. “She has no idea about what’s going on here. I mean fuck, I tell her I’m away on business and she continues to call me. Were we even together?”

“For two months, yeah.” Sam laughed.

“Huh.” I said, averting my gaze from them. I sat on the couch and cracked open a beer, leaning back into the cushions.

“Uh… so when you say rough her up, what do you mean?”

“What’s it to you?”

“Well… You know…”

“Whatever.” I said, knowing he was referring to raping her. I couldn’t let them think that I was nice to her, it would lower my status and respect with all of them. I had to pretend like I didn’t give a fuck about her. Which I don’t… of course I don’t.

I watched in guilt as Jack and Sam both walked up the stairs, heading for her room. It felt like hours until I decided to dare go up there, into my room, knowing it was next to hers and that I could hear anything.

I heard her muffled screams before anything else. As I edged closer to the door I heard deep moaning and thumping against the ground, like Maddison was daring to struggle.

“Hold her down, for fucks’ sake Sam!” Jack was grunting.

I heard a crack, like something had broken, before a deep thud and then, finally, laughing.

“Oh fuck, I think you fucking killed her,” Sam was saying.

With out hearing anymore I edged toward my room and closed the door, trying to hardest to avert my gaze from the locked door that adjoined mine and Maddison’s rooms.

The familiar ripple started in my head, like it always does. The frustration grew as it spread down my body, like a wave, enabling my limbs to act on the anger. I knew this time the fit of rage would be worse, this time I had a reason for it, and whenever I have a reason from my rapid change of sanity, it is always worse. I didn’t know why I felt like this, or what was happening to me. I had become weak, and yet so much stronger at the same time. The simultaneous feelings contrasted within my head, echoing my anger further. I stood up from the bed, neared the door and punched it, square in the panel, splintering the wood. I turned and punched the wall over and over again, until there were at least five holes in the plaster.

Sweat dripping down my forehead and back, my skin red and my teeth clenched, I sat down on the bed.

“Fuck!” I screamed as I lit a cigarette and sat on my bed, waiting for hours until I heard the one sided moaning next door subdue, only guessing that the foul play had lead to Maddison being knocked unconscious, not even able to close my eyes when I heard their footsteps retreat, satisfied, back down the stairs.