Why Don't You Love Me Enough?

The clock was ticking, the chair was squeaking and our breathing was gentle as we sat in silence. Our hands interlocked tightly together, the comforting feel of his thumb stroking my hand kept me sane.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

We were waiting for Dr. Edwards, well Joe. Today was another appointment, Adam didn’t go to his last one last week because we fell out, he said he couldn’t face it without me.

I think it’s just because he hates Joe, he wouldn’t go unless I asked him to.

I shifted slightly, the chair making an annoying creaking sound. Adam glanced at me, his beautiful blue eyes looked lighter slightly and it gave me something very important. It gave me hope….

The door suddenly opened, making me jump slightly and Joe walked in with a calm smile on his face.

“Hello Adam, long time no speak” he says and it sounded patronizing, but I let it slide this time. I expected a comment from Adam, but instead my hand was squeezed gently and I looked at Adam who directed a polite but stiff smile at Joe.

“Hi Joe” he says peacefully and I stared in shock.

Joe kept himself upright and took his usual seat, and gave a smile again, shuffling his papers to look important.

“Shall we get down to business then?” he says smartly and Adam nodded meekly, my hand being squeezed slightly.

“Sure” he breathes, in what I think braveness.

Joe began to speak and I listened properly this time, he asked Adam loads of question but then he just let Adam talk and he was really honest, how he felt at the time, why he feels like it…and that he does want to get better.

I was so proud of him, I could feel tears coming on.

When we finished, Joe arranged another appointment for next week and we walked out, hand in hand. I felt lighter inside, and I think Adam did too. When we got outside, he pulled me towards him really quickly and kissed me.

When we finally back away, I stared at him breathlessly and my heart hammering…

“What was that for?” I ask confused and Adam gave me a cute, sweet smile.

“Thank you Grace” he says sincerely. I look at him confused.

“What for?” I ask, giving him my hand again as he held it out for me to hold and we walked towards his car.

“For being you” he says simply, as we got to the car. We quickly got in and drove home and I couldn’t help but feel serenity and peace.

---

I knew things wouldn’t go back to normal completely, Adam still had breakdowns, and there were days where he did want to give up. Occasionally, we’d fall out still but nothing major.

I felt hopeful though, something I had missed for a long time.
I felt like we weren’t alone and that Adam could and will get better. Adam and I are still together and we survived through something that may seem impossible.

It didn’t matter how much we went through, fall outs, accusations, insults, attempted death.

We could managed it all.
That all important question you may ask;

Why?

Because, we can.
Because we have hope.

I didn’t need to ask Why anymore.
I didn’t need questions.

I had answers, and I was accepting them.
Now it was time to move on, to a hopefully unquestionable future.