It Wasn't Meant to Be Like This

The following day, I had a meeting with my counsellor because I was apparently ‘failing’ my classes and I should consider ‘dropping a class’. I had two 3 hours long classes a week.

Sitting in the office, waiting awkwardly for my mentor, Mr. Browning. He was a okay dude, he was recently married and had a two year old daughter he dotes upon.

The office door opened and in walked Mr. Browning,

“Hello Finn” he tells me kindly, sitting down, tucking himself under his desk, shuffling papers trying to look important. I gave a brief smile back.

“Hi Mr. B” I say casually. He merely glances at me for the use of his nickname I adopted almost a year ago.

“Now, as from what I can see here Finn. You’re not passing your grades in Mechanics.” he tells me. I listen, trying to depict what he meant.

I shrug, unable to respond.

“The classes you took are extremely contrast and it’s common for students to prefer one then the other…it seems you like photography more as you’re just about passing that class”

“So, what do I do?” I ask, confused.

“I think you should either drop the class Finn and come back to it or seriously consider if college life is for you. You’re a smart kid Finn, with very good talents but you’re not using them to your ability. You hardly turn up for class, you have many severely late assignments” he explains.

I suddenly feel horribly guilty, I have let my Dad down. I couldn’t even keep up Mechanics.

Mr. B saw my silence and cold expression. “I’ll let you think over, we’ll reschedule for next week, same time and we’ll decide whether or not college life is best suited for you” he says calmly and I nod faintly, getting up slowly and storming out.

Stupid fucker, who’d he think he was?

I went the nearest café and down a coffee with two sugars, as I needed something for the shock and it was too early for alcohol. I was just about to order another one, when I felt someone come and sit beside me. I was sitting at counter, on a stool so I wondered why they hadn’t gone to go get a table.

“Hey” a bright, all too familiar voice says. I turn and see Beth staring me in all her beauty, she had her hair up to, with ringlets framing her face. She looked beautiful, I loved seeing her neck like that. If I was Jack…

Forget it, Forget it. Forget. It.

“Hi Beth” I sigh, hoping she would take pity on me.

“Penny for your thoughts?” she teases and I smile slightly, hugging my second cup of fresh coffee, the addictive scent drifting up my nose.

“I’ll bore you to death” I say seriously and Beth shrugs indifferently.
“Try me” she tests and I then begin my long boring story of how I might have to quit college. Beth listened intently, occasionally she would take a sip of her drink or twirl a curl around her index finger.

“Sorry, I warned you. It is boring” I say and Beth giggles.

“It’s not boring, I’m listening aren’t I? I was just thinking when you mentioned your Dad, you didn’t want to let him down. Why is that?” Beth asks and I feel myself feeling suddenly sad.

“He died when I was 16, and I promised I would make him proud and I feel like I failed him” I murmur and Beth’s face shows understanding.

“Well, you haven’t.” Beth tells me. I look at her confused, what could she mean?
“What you talking about?” I ask.
“You haven’t disappointed him Finn, Jack’s told me all about how you protect your little sister and how you take Mechanics but you don’t even like it, you just want your Mom to be happy. That’s not being a failure Finn, that’s being a good person” she says softly and I smile, feeling brighter.

“Thanks” I say gratefully.

Beth nods, taking a sip of her drink again. “My brother died you know?” Beth says suddenly I paused, looking at her sadly.

“He was killed in a car accident. He was driving too fast around a bend and he smashed into a tree. He died by the time I got to the hospital. He was so stupid, always wanting to show off his driving skills and speed all over the place. He died two years ago.” she says softly, pain obvious in her voice.

“Why are you telling me this?” I say, just above a whisper.

Beth smiles sadly and I felt like I needed to cheer her up. “Because you told me about your Dad, so it’s only fair you know something sad about me”
I knew saying sorry wouldn’t cut it, I knew because people had told me they were sorry my father died, but it never helped.

Apologizing for his death, didn’t help me.

I smiled, feeling depressed though.

“Want to do something fun?” I ask suddenly, knowing the subject should be changed.

Beth looked at me warily. “Like what?” she asks. I think for a moment, wondering what would be the best thing to do.

“Ice skating” I announce.

She didn’t answer.

But she gave a smile that told me everything.

We were going ice skating.