It Wasn't Meant to Be Like This

I should have be calm, cool and collected and all nonchalant. I should have thought before I spoke. I should have done something, other than this.

“SHIT!” I say, too loudly causing a fellow couple and a mother of two look at me disapprovingly. Aaron was staring at me, confused and Emma, well I think it’s Emma was smiling at us.

I snatched my hand away from Beth’s. “It’s Aaron!” I hiss, pathetically looking away, hoping that the “I can’t see you, so you can’t see me” rule still applied.

Obviously not, as Beth looked over. “Fuck, Finn!” she hisses lowly, and it was surprising hearing her swear. It didn’t sound right coming from her.

Aaron, the bastard he is, made his way over, his hand embedded in Emma’s.

“Hey guys” he says, his tone sounded fake and I knew I was in for it.

“Hi Aaron, you must be Emma…” Beth says, sounding guilty. Emma nodded, she was a pretty thing. But I was panicking too much to care right now.

“Nice to meet you….” Emma begins.

“I’m Elizabeth” Beth says, using her full name. I prayed to God, I chanted, I did anything to get a miracle.

“Emma, why don’t you have a chat with Elizabeth, Finn…over there now” Aaron orders, trying to keep the distaste out of his tone. He failed.

I sighed, knowing I had no way of getting out of this. I noticed Beth give me a sympathetic, worrying glance as I traded places with Emma, who was oblivious to Aaron’s sudden glare at me.

“We’ll be right back” Aaron says, grabbing my arm tightly and pulled me outside of the parlour. I tried to get Aaron off me as we turned the corner, out of the view of Emma and Beth.

“What the fuck man! That’s Jack’s girl!” he yells furiously, shoving me against the wall. I knew Aaron would react like this. He was a protective type.

“Look, let me explain okay!” I insist, hoping he wouldn’t punch me. I’d hate to get into a fight outside of the ice cream parlour. That’s beyond pathetic and low.

“What’s there to explain?! You’re lying to your best friend, you’re holding hands with someone that doesn’t belong to you!” Aaron accuses. The pressure got too much, the accusations.

“I fucking love her okay! I’m in love with her Aaron!” I yell, screaming out my frustration. I was sick of being the bad one. I was sick of not being heard. Aaron faltered in his accusation, he stopped talking altogether and stared at me in complete shock.

“You what?” he repeats softly, as if he dreaded my reply.

“I’m in love with her, Aar…I’m completely and utterly in love with her. I can’t help it. I can’t stop it. I’ve tried. I’ve tried to hate her…I can’t do it! You won’t understand…” I ramble, trying to sound as if my argument was worthy.

“This is possible the most lowest you could get Finn. Loving your best friend’s girlfriend? That’s just wrong…”

“YOU THINK I DON’T KNOW THAT!” I scream, shoving Aaron away from me. I start cussing and storming up and down, pacing trying to stop myself from punching him and losing my mind altogether.

“Have you been dating behind his back?” Aaron asks calmly, uncaring that I just assaulted him.

“No, this is the only time we’ve been out.” I say, it was true. We hadn’t been dating…not really.

“Has anything happened?” Aaron demands, I knew it would be worse if Jack found out.

“I kissed her, that’s it” I say, not wanting to put Beth in the blame. I knew Aaron would never see the same. I’d rather that he hate me instead of Beth.

“Finn…” Aaron groans, placing his thumb and finger over the bridge of his nose, his eyes closed. He looked annoyed, irritated and angered all at the same time.

“I know…I know. I’m fucked!” I groan, as I cover my face, wishing I could rewind time altogether.

“You have to tell Jack.” Aaron says and I stopped pacing and I stared at him, as if he would actually suggest that. I was so shocked, I started nervously laughing.

“You’re fucking with me aren’t you?” I ask, hoping I was right. Even know I knew I was wrong.

“I’m serious, you have to tell him. He’s your best friend!” Aaron snaps, and I rolled my eyes.
“Yeah well, he doesn’t act like one” I reply childishly and Aaron stares at me, feeling his gaze made me feel as if I was burning. I hated it.

“Does she love you?” Aaron asks me suddenly, sounding calmer. I sighed.

“I don’t know. She has feelings for me, she admitted it to me. We plan on getting together after she ends it with Jack” I say tiredly, wishing something in my life could just be easy.

Aaron looks at me, with some sympathy, yet some anger. “You need to set your priorities Finn…she’s some girl and you’re risking all of it-” Aaron never finished his sentence.

Beth and Emma had walked around the corner. I froze.

“Aar? I invited Beth and Finn back for dinner tonight…that’s alright yeah?” Emma says brightly, she seemed a nice girl and I wish I had been more polite earlier. Aaron was glaring at me but as soon as he saw Emma’s face, his gaze softened.

“Sure honey” he says and I almost sighed out loud with relief. I thanked God for the miracle, even if it was a little bit late.

---

“This is delicious Emma.” Beth says, as we ate some of the chicken risotto. I wish I could have enjoyed it more, but the feeling of a glare opposite me was distracting. Aaron hadn’t spoke one word since we left the ice cream place.

“Thanks Beth, you know…” I tuned out, unable to concentrate and Aaron glanced at Emma, smiled weakly then returned to glaring at me.

Aaron slowly got up, mumbling about needed a drink. He kissed Emma’s head, who continued to animatedly talk to Beth, who looked slightly bored but I loved her for trying. I took Aaron’s exit as a chance, so I slowly crept out, leaving the girls to talk. I went into their kitchen, we had been given a tour of their room. Aaron really had done well for himself. Aaron was currently leaning forward, against the sink. He looked in thought.

“Hey Aar-” I begin and he turned around, looking at me with sympathy.

“Do you know how much your risking?” Aaron demands. I nod, slowly.

“Aaron, you know when you asked me what my priorities are?” I asked, knowing full well what my answer was.

“Yeah” Aaron replies.

“Beth is my priority, she’s not just some girl. It’s not just some chick Aaron. I love her and I know what I’m risking…and I don’t care. I’m past caring Aaron, you would feel how I feel if Emma was someone else’s girl. If you loved her as much as you do, and she couldn’t be yours. How would you feel?” I say determinedly.

Aaron couldn’t reply, as his face said it all. He would have done the same.

“I would feel the same as you do now Finn. I understand…I’m just worried that you’ll get hurt and you’re friendship with Jack will end forever, for no reason” Aaron admits, sounding genuinely worried.

I half smiled, touched that he still cared.

“I won’t get hurt” I say confidently.

“What about Jack?” Aaron asks me, sadly.

“I made my decision about him, the first time I kissed her.” I say and Aaron nodded understandingly.

“I won’t say anything Jack, but don’t expect me to defend you or lie for you. I’m not being part of it-”

“I don’t expect you to be” I interrupt. Aaron nods, a brief silence between us before we awkwardly hugged, making a silent pact.

“Good luck pal” Aaron says. I nod.

“I’ll need it” I sigh, as we went back into the dining room. We finished our dinner and within the hour, left promising Emma and Aaron to meet again. We drove home in an comfortable silence, the radio playing a country love song, and our hands interlaced, my thumb stroking her hand. It gave me comfort, probably more for me then her.

“We’ll be okay” Beth suddenly says softly, raising our linked hands, as my other hand rested on the steering wheel. Beth kisses my hand, that was interlocked with hers. I gave her a half-felt smile, and returned my glance to the road, wondering what our excuse for coming back together would be.

Beth stroking my hand, with her thumb, kissing it now and again and I suddenly felt calm and all my worries just suddenly went away. Beth had that effect, Beth could do this to me. I knew I was making the right decision. Beth was too important to me to let go of her now.
There was no going back...