It Wasn't Meant to Be Like This

Later that day, I was watching TV, still in a moping mood. I had just consumed two tubs of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream and I owe April an apology as it does actually make you feel better.

I was surprised to suddenly hear a key in the lock, and I doubt April would be coming over right now.

I stayed still, turning the TV on mute and listened for whatever would happen next.
Jack suddenly walked in, carrying two huge cardboard boxes…

“Jack?” I ask, unsure.

He dropped the boxes beside me, Jack walked in front of the TV, turning it off, and turning to me. A cold glare on his face.

“Pack your shit and move out by the end of the week…I don’t want you here anymore.” Jack says finally, and I stare in shock.

I bolt up, staring at him, as he stood before me, his tattooed arms folded.

“You serious?” I choke out.

Jack laughed, with no humour.

“Hell yeah. I want you out, I’ll sell the place, we’ll split the money and you can fuck off out of my life-” Jack spits angrily.

“Whoa, Whoa…Jack, slow down okay? Just, let’s talk okay…please.” I beg, desperate for some time. Jack rolled his eyes, in a way of spitefulness.

“Why should I listen to you?” Jack asks me. I tried to think of witty answer, so I merely shrugged.

“Please” I pleaded, hoping he would just listen, even though I didn’t deserve his time.

Jack gave me a cold, warning look and I took it as my opening.

“Jack, I’m sorry okay…I really am. I didn’t mean for it to happen. It just did, I know I shouldn’t have kissed her, or had sex with her, that was wrong and I’ll always hate myself for it…but I really, really didn’t mean to hurt you-” I was in the middle of my little ‘Please, Forgive Me’ Speech, when Jack could me off.

“You know, you’re un-fucking-believable. For the past few days, I’ve been hating you, I’ve been calling you every name under the fucking sun and I’ve wanted to beat you so much, that I almost broke into the apartment the other night…but then I realized, you weren’t worth it.”

The words hurt, but I deserved it.

“I know Jack….I’ve fucked up but-”

“What excuse do you have Finn? What excuse is there for sleeping with my girlfriend?” Jack suddenly says, anger and sarcasm sinking through the words.

I was stumped, because there wasn’t an excuse. No excuse for what I did.

It was silent for a while, an awkward, tense silence. Jack then spoke again…

“Why Finn? Why my girlfriend? Why did you have to love her?” he asks, his voice changing half way through, from anger…to sadness.

I feel myself fall on the couch, burying my head in my hands in shame.

“I don’t know Jack, I don’t know…” I mutter.

“You knew how I felt about her! You knew I fucking loved her, you knew we were serious and you ruined it. You fucking ruined it Finn!” Jack snaps, I wanted him to punch me again.

“I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry Jack. If I could change things I would, if I could turn back time and not meet her, I would. I can’t though. It was fate, it was fucking fate.” I say, feeling emotional again.

“I know she’s hot, and sweet, funny and everything….but you seriously picked a chick over me? You’re best friend, or was it a lie? Did our friendship mean nothing to you Finn?” Jack asks dryly.

I felt a surge of helplessness, as I wanted to convince him so badly that I was sorry, and that our friendship was important to me, even though I don’t act like it.

“It was! You are my best friend Jack, our friendship is important-”

“Just not as important as Lizzie right?” Jack replies harshly, and it felt foreign hearing Beth be referred to ‘Lizzie.’

I couldn’t reply, I had no reply, nothing. I sighed deeply, running my hands through my hair, my head spinning, my stomach sinking…

“I still can’t believe it” Jack states coldly, and I felt like crying all over again.

“I’m so fucking sorry.” I beg, glancing up at him. Jack sniffs slightly, and his eyes harden.

“I appreciate the apology, but you’re not forgiven. I don’t know how I can ever talk to you again after this. You broke my trust Finn, you broke our entire friendship…our brotherhood. We’re no longer friends, and I don’t think we ever will be again.” Jack tells me with so much hatred, I just wanted to beat myself up.

“Please Jack, please…just give me chance..” I beg desperately, I needed Jack, I needed Beth too. I couldn’t have both, that’s how it was. I was only allowed one. I didn’t know which one to pick.

“Pack up your shit and leave, don’t ever come back Finn. I can’t stand the sight of you.” Jack states, with no emotion.

I sighed, as Jack swiftly left, the hate still lingering in the ear. I fell back against the couch, swearing to myself.

“What the fuck have I done?” I asked myself, and it annoyed me that I couldn’t answer as I mentally battled against myself.

That night, I packed up all my stuff, rang my Mom and moved back home, not leaving a trace of me. I left my key on the side, deciding to respect Jack’s wishes.

When I arrived at Mom’s, April ran to me, hugging me tightly, whispering she was sorry. It felt nice, not to be hated. Mom kissed my cheek and told me to unpack and dinner would be ready.

At dinner, it was awkward as I could feel they both wanted to talk about it. But I couldn’t, not yet. I was still arguing within myself. After dinner, which I didn’t really eat. April and I watched TV, as Mom was on nights. I was glad I could be home with April, she fell asleep against me, as we watched Monsters Inc. One of my favourite Disney films.

I was playing with my phone, debating to either call Jack or Beth. I dialled a number and put the phone to my ear, listening to the ring.

“Hey” the voice said.