It Wasn't Meant to Be Like This

It’s been two months since we moved to New York, I’ll briefly update you on what’s been happening. Well, April has come visited three times. It was now the end of September, April had turned 15 now, we all went out into the city, and had a big dinner celebration.

Beth’s birthday was last week, she’s now officially 22 and I spoiled her, we went to a fancy place, I brought her a diamond necklace, a new pair of shoes, a spa treatment and we had amazing sex when we got home. Just saying….

Beth’s job was going great, she was coming home with a bounce in her step and so much to tell me about everything and the new season collection or whatever. I didn’t really listen properly, but it was nice to hear she was enjoying herself.

It’s almost five/six months since I spoke to Jack and I was hoping I could soon forget about him, because it was sad to think of him now, it was hurtful to know we weren’t speaking. I missed that.

But on the bright side, I do have some major news. I had just started up my own photography business. I had used some money from my Dad’s inheritance, which Mom reminded me about. It was about 5000 dollars, which was more then enough to put a down payment on the space, which was available on the high street near the apartment. I used the rest to spruce the place up, I went over budget so I had to use a loan and get all the legal stuff sorted out. Beth says she’s really proud of me, and so is Zoey who I see a lot more of now. She had graduated recently, but she was busy as she had gotten a part as a dancer in a theatre show, it was nothing big but it was a start. I had brought new equipment and it was hard trying to find some business, but it was getting there slowly…

I was quite pleased with myself, I had got myself an income, Beth and I were happier than ever and it seem my life was actually going well.

--

“One, two, three…and smile!” I announce, clicking my camera to the two young girls in front of me, they were about 17 years old, and wannabe models that needed some photography for their portfolios and experience. They were pretty young girls, but I felt bad for them…one of them was plainly anorexic, the other one was treated like shit by the other girl, they were both overly desperate to get into the modelling business.

“Okay, Lisa…could you place your hand on Jessica’s shoulder, and just drop your hip slightly…” I ask, and Lisa did as I said.

Another month had passed and my business was doing great, I had even hired two people already. Cassie, my receptionist, and also hates the world and everything in it and Theo, my newest friend and assistant. Theo was a fairly rich guy who was currently rebelling against his parents, he’s 20 years old and has become my sort of new best friend but he would never replace Jack, never.

Theo was also gay, which didn’t bother me in the slightest, but it was weird when he made a comment about a guy that would come in…but I honestly didn’t mind. He was still a cool guy.

Theo was a photographer also, he had dropped out of college though but I decided he needed to be given a chance.

“Darlings, you look great!” Theo told the girls, who beamed with pride.

“Okay, want to take five?” I ask, we had been doing this for hours, trying to get it right. They nodded and Theo whisked them into the changing rooms for the next set. I have been getting a lot of bookings lately, from wannabe models, to family portraits, or families to be.

I was reloading my camera, when Cassie stomped in, I put on a false smile, Cassie wasn’t the best company but by god she was good at organizing and she was always here on time, always had coffee ready for me, and she adored photography, and knew what she was talking about, which was good enough for me.

“What’s wrong Cass?” I ask, not even looking at her as I reconnected my camera up.

“Some guy is here to see you, he doesn’t have an appointment though, I told him you were in a photo shoot and you’re unavailable, and he should book an appointment. He laughed at me and said that you would make time for him!” Cassie snapped irritably. I sigh, glancing at my watched, it was almost two…I really didn’t have time for this. I needed these photos in the printer by tonight.

“Okay, I’ll handle it…just send him in.” I say tiredly, as I put my camera on the stand. Cassie nodded stiffly and stomped away, her heels echoing on the tiled floor. I began to put props onto the pretend set, I was going for a minimalist look, with just black and white, I was going to do black drop screen, and white furniture, maybe have them lying down… my mind was whirling with ideas and I didn’t even hear the person some in.

“I always knew you would go off on your own…” the voice said, it was the voice I hadn’t heard in a very long time. A voice I had missed, I voice I thought hated me.

It was Jack. I froze, and turned slowly to face him, the bright lines shining in my eyes.

“Jack?” I ask, thinking I was hallucinating, stress can do that to you right?

“Hello Finn.” Jack says clearly, I wanted to slap myself, to just to make it real. I didn’t though.

“What- what, I mean..” I stutter, unable to form a true sentence. Jack smirked, his signature smirk, that I had actually missed.

“What are you doing here?” I manage to choke out. He looked calm, he looked different too. He looked a lot different, he looked thinner, more bulkier muscle though, his hair was shorter, and he was wearing baggy jeans, a black designer t-shirt and black biker leather jacket, he looked smart, he looked good. Which surprised me.

“How about we go for a walk?” Jack asks me calmly, I was shocked to say the least. He just turned up at my work…and now he wanted to go for a walk? Had he fucking lost it?

“Um…” I say, confused.

Theo decided to make an appearance.

“Finn, the girls are ready! Ooh, la, la…who is this!” Theo says excitedly, seeing Jack. If I forget to mention, Theo never hides that he’s gay, oh he’s straight as a curly straw and loves to flaunt it.

“I’m Jack Adams, nice to meet you…” Jack says politely.

“Theodore McCray, pleasure to meet you, call me Theo.” Theo introduces. I watched as Jack smiled, obviously know that Theo was gay, we always had a perspective for this time of thing.

“Theo, I need to pop out real quick. Could you finish up?” I ask quickly. Theo stares at me widely.

“What!” he almost cries.

“I just, I need to go do something…” I say rambling, I couldn’t miss this opportunity to see Jack, I just couldn’t.

“Look, I’ll come back-” Jack says, backing away.

“No, stay!” I order. Jack chuckles and freezes.

“Theo, you know the set…just tell them relax and you’ll be fine.” I assure him. Theo gulped nervously, he had never done a set without me.

“But, what if I mess it up?” he asks squeakily.

“You won’t. Have a bit faith, I’ll bring Cass in…” I say and Theo nods unsurely.

“Okay, I’ll be back in an hour…tops.” I say, glancing at Jack, who was looking around the room interestedly.

“Okay.” squeaks Theo.

I signal for Jack to move out and we do, I grab my trench coat, picking up my wallet from my office.

“Cassie, I’ll be back later…keep an eye on Theo.” I say, opening the door as Jack walks out.

“What about you’re 4 o clock?” she shouts after me.

“I’ll be back!” I shout, stressed out. I shut the door and Jack and I begin walking into the busy streets of New York.

I shove my hands in my pocket, as Jack and I walk awkwardly beside each other, dodging people as we walked past.

“Let’s get some coffee.” Jack says suddenly, as we neared a Starbucks. I nod silently, as Jack opens the door and we walk in, the smell of freshly ground coffee and freshly baked goods, and the sweetness of cinnamon, vanilla and caramel lingered in the air.

“What can I get you?” the guy asks, looking extremely unhappy as a screaming child was in the place. I glanced at the menu.

“I’ll have an Americano, one sugar and he’ll have a Cappuccino with one sugar.” Jack orders, he knew me so well still. I smiled and nodded, as the guy looked at me for confirmation.

“Mind if we sit outside?” Jack asks, nodding at the empty table on the sidewalk, I nod, shrugging still in half shock and confusion as why he was even here.

“Sure.” I mumble, we wait for our drinks in silent and when the drinks come, Jack picks them up and leads the way to the exit, and we take a seat at our table, there wasn’t many outside, but it was a good spot, to just watch people go by…

Jack made himself comfortable, burying his hands in his pockets, rummaging around for something, while he did this. I stirred my drink, making sure the sugar was mixed in.
Jack pulled out a pack of Marlboro cigarettes and a plain silver lighter. My eyes filled with curiosity, as I watched him take one out and put it to his mouth, lighting it carelessly, and the smoke filled the atmosphere. Jack use to smoke in high school, about two packs a day, he wasn’t extremely addicted, he use to say they were for stress. After he graduated, he said it was bad for his health and he quit…well not anymore.

“Started smoking again?” I comment simply, as Jack inhaled the cigarette, the butt shining red and he exhaled like an expert, smoke filing out of his nose and mouth.

“Yep, had a lot things on my mind lately Finn…” he says in a raspy voice, he cleared his throat, and inhaled again.

“Want one?” he offers. I shake my head, sure when I was younger I occasionally had a smoke, but it was nothing like Jack, it did nothing for me really.

“Suit yourself…” says Jack, as he puffed away.

An awkward silence built between us, both us occasionally sipping our drinks. I couldn’t take more, my curiosity was burning me.

“Why you here Jack?” I blurt out, rudely. I wasn’t meaning to be, but I had to find out. He was acting…normal.

Jack tapped his cigarette, ash falling to the ground. He shrugged, and inhaled again, exhaling second lately.

“Jack…c’mon. You show up at my work, how did you even know where I was?” I ask, in disbelief, as he was really here, sitting in front of me, smoking and drinking and Americano.

Silence, still.

“I called your Mom.” Jack says suddenly, finishing his cigarette, and he dropped it to the floor, ignoring the No Littering sound, and cigarette bin nearby. He stubbed it out with his foot and leaned forward, tucking himself in and sipped his drink.

“My Mom? Why….” I ask confused.

“As gay as it sounds Finn, I miss you alright? I miss your stupid face, your stupid habits and your stupid attitude. Despite everything that happened and part of me still hates you, I’ve found myself actually missing your pathetic ass.” Jack snaps suddenly, he wasn’t anger just sounding irritated at my questions.

I smiled slightly, as Jack lights up another cigarette, that’s why he was stressed…

“You missed me?” I ask, laughing slightly in a harmless way. Jack grunts.

“Don’t get use to it, you prick.” he replied, I started laughing lightly. He honestly hadn’t changed. He really hadn’t.

He was colder though, not physically, but you could see the wariness in his eyes, his worry, his mistrust.

A silence came again, it wasn’t as awkward, as the sound of sirens, feet on the pathway, the sound of coffee machines from inside, the smell of smoke and food wafting in the air of New York.

It was strangely peaceful.

“I am sorry.” I say suddenly, that’s all I could really say to be honest.

Jack looked at me, his eyes searching me. He nodded slowly.

“I know.” he says simply. I wanted to sigh with relief, I wanted to make it better again.

“I never wanted to hurt you, I just..” I begin but Jack stopped me.

“Look Finn, I didn’t come here for answers, I don’t want to know anything about you or Elizabeth. I just…I wanted to talk about you and me.” Jack says quietly.

“What about us?” I ask confused.

“It’s ridiculous but even though you fucked up Finn, I kind of want to forgive you, I kind of want to be friends again you know? I’m sick of not being able to just call you and ask your advice, or just to talk about the Xbox. I couldn’t believe it when I found out you moved, I was actually gutted….” Jack admits.

His words didn’t affect me this time. I nodded, agreeing.

“I won’t be moving back Jack, but I want to stay in touch.” I say honestly. Jack hesitates before he nods.

“I know.” he says.

“We’ll never be the same you know? You and I…we’ll never be the same.” Jack says suddenly, his voice still cold. I nod, understanding that he was right. Even if we became friends again, it would never be the same.

“But I still want to be friends Jack, it’s better than nothing right?” I say, hopefully. Jack laughs, as if he thought of something funny.

“You’re right…it’s better than nothing. So, I guess…we’re good.” Jack says, leaning back, relaxing slightly.

“Good?” I repeat, confused and reliving some memories of when we fought when I first met Beth…

“Sure, I might still hate you a bit, but I think deep down you hate me too right?” Jack teases, but I knew he was serious somewhere deep down.

“Feelings mutual Jack.” I joke. Jack smirks.

“You know Finn? You’re a complete and utter fucker…but I have to say, you’re a funny one.” Jack laughs, and I join in. The tension disappearing completely.

“I’m glad you’re here Jack.” I admit, watching as Jack stared at the building near us.

“Me too Finn.” Jack says, sounding much more warmer…

“How long you sticking around for?” I ask, hoping we could hang out.

“Not long, only a couple of days then I’m heading over to my Dad’s again.” he tells me, and I can’t help but feel disappointed.

“You and your Dad getting along?” I ask surprised. Jack nods slightly.

“Sort of, he’s not such a bastard now.” Jack jokes, but he was being serious. I nod, happy to hear it. I didn’t really like his father though.

“Well, my number is still the same…” I say. Jack nods.

“I’ll call you, maybe.” Jack says, getting up and I followed suit. Jack smiled at me, an actual genuine smile.

“You’ve done well Finn, your job and everything…and Lizzie. Don’t fuck it up Finn, don’t make me hate you again.” Jack says, without a hint of humour. I nod, feeling my lips tug upwards.

“Thank you Jack, I promise…” I say solemnly. Jack nodded, we gave each other a manly hug, but it was a hug of so many words that hadn’t been said. I did love Jack, as my brother, a friend that I always needed and no one could replace that.

“Love you man.” Jack says so quietly, I almost didn’t hear it, even though he was right by my ear. I felt a weight raise off my shoulders, my stomach feeling lighter, my head feeling clearer and sudden emotion of complete happiness.

“You too Jack.” I say, knowing I shouldn’t repeat the words to him. I knew it wouldn’t be the best thing to do. Jack wasn’t a soppy guy, well not to me anyways. He was tough and it was how he always wanted to appear to me. Deep down, he knew that everything was mutual.

We let finally, and Jack straightened his jacket, getting out another cigarette, lighting it up and shoved the cigarettes back in his pocket, and lighter.

“Try and quit.” I tell him. Jack scoffs, exhaling.

“Fuck off, Donnell.” he tells me laughing, and then Jack turned around, flicking the ash to the ground and walked away, with his bad boy swagger that the girls always swooned for. I watched him, smiling, as he faded away into the busy, never ending crowd.

He disappeared into New York.
I knew I might not see him for a while, but at the end of the day. He was still my best friend.