It's Too Much to Bear, the Weight of the World

They were the cool kids I knew I’d probably never fit in with.
I said this to myself sitting alone in the cafeteria, looking around the cliques, seeing if I had a hope in hell of fitting in with any of them. This was my third day at this school and I hadn’t made any friends but I definitely figured out the popular ranking and who to avoid.
I watched the cool kids of my class, laugh and joke, throwing food at one another. They were made up of Gavin, Josh, James, Aled and Sean, already I envied them. The closest contact I’d came to them was Aled giving me a small smile as I made my way to the back of the class on my first day. I could tell straight away Aled was the nice one. Josh was the ‘sort-of’ leader; he made the decisions and was the only one with a girlfriend. I didn’t know much about Gavin or James but I knew already that Sean was gay, when I walked into the class on the first day he wolf whistled and called out “fresh meat!” and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a tiny bit flattered.

Two years above me, I had made some so-called enemies, I wasn’t looking where I was going and bumped into a tall guy with frighteningly black hair and a glare that could make people wet themselves. He didn’t say much except, “Fucking watch it four eyes”. So the torture began. I walked passed him and his posse later that day, there was less of them which made me feel slightly calmer. The three of them coughed, on purpose, the word “nerd”. How they thought I was a nerd, apart from my glasses I didn’t know. They were an easy bunch to avoid which I was happy about too. The ‘boss’ with the black hair, I knew his name was Ian and his two followers had bright hair. One with bright red and one with blonde hair and a pink tipped Mohawk. I didn’t know their names.

It wasn’t as bad as I interpreted, at my old school I was given a nickname on the first day and it stuck the full 7 months I was there. Hence why I moved. Everybody and I mean everybody called me Geeky Gustav. The kid with glasses and an okay singing voice, that was my reputation and I didn’t mind it until people started to pick on me for no reason. This school was nothing like that though, and I liked it.

--

“Yo Gustav!” called a voice from behind me.
I spun round on my chair to see Sean looking straight at me from another table, I looked around nervously then pointed a finger at myself, “Me?”
“Yes you! Come over and sit with us, better than sitting alone!” he said cheerily, pointing out the empty chair beside him, Josh and James gave me a welcoming smile while Aled and Gavin compared jotter work, not taking much interest.
“Um, okay!” I agreed, picking my books up and heading over to my allocated seat, I shoved my work on the desk and Sean snatched it up, scanning my page in awe. I sat down and smiled at everyone shyly, they all smiled back.
“Sean you freak, give him his jotter back!” scolded Gavin, clopping Sean on the side of the head.
“Ouch!” exclaimed Sean, rubbing the spot where Gavin slapped him, “I was just noticing how nice his handwriting is!”
The rest of the table ooh’d like a pantomime crowd and began to grab for my jotter, Josh snatched it up and studied it carefully, “Christ, my handwriting makes me look retarded compared to this!”
I was taking that as a compliment. He handed me the jotter back and returned to his own, then everyone did the same. I was beginning to get back into the mindset of my work when I felt a finger prod into my side. I jolted my head round to see Sean grinning at me.
“Is something wrong? Do you need help?” I asked kindly.
“Yes please!” he said desperately “How do you spell Bee-jing?”
“I’m going to assume by Bee-jing you mean Beijing? The capital of China?”
“Yeah that!” said Sean frowning, curling his lip jokingly.
“B-E-I-J-I-N-G” I spelled out clearly, Sean wrote as I spoke, his tongue poking out the side of his mouth.
“Thanks Gustav! Awesome name by the way!”

--

My next class was P.E, something I was never happy about, I usually got my mum to write me a note saying I had hurt my leg or something, I told her it was just until I settled in but after writing two fake notes she said I had to start taking part. Aled was in my class with me, while the rest were in French. We made our way to the gymnasium.
“Sorry about Sean,” he said laughing a little “He gets excited about new additions”
“No need to be sorry, he’s very friendly” I said, truthfully
“Sometimes he gets a little too friendly,” laughed Aled, coughing loudly to signal a subject change “So how is school? Made any other friends or enemies even?”
“The only friends I’ve made are you guys, sad I know” I said biting my lip nervously, “Enemies, I guess you can call them that”
“Who? Although I could probably guess who...”
“Ian and the two guys with the bright hair” I had barely finished the sentence before Aled began talking.
“Yep, I knew it, Ian, Gerard and Jared. Be best to avoid Ian and Gerard but Jared’s actually a lovely person.”
“Oh. Well, I suppose that makes me feel a little better!”

Me and Aled had took too long walking to the gymnasium and ended up late. Mr Dickinson, the teacher, gave us a telling off and told us to get changed quickly or it was laps around the hall. We were ready in less than 2 minutes and joined the class.

--

My final class of the day was English, which I loved. I was put in the highest class and, no offence to him or anything, I assumed Sean wouldn’t be in my class, but he was. Sitting waiting at a table, waving at me joyfully. He watched my every movement and it made me feel quite uneasy.
“Hey new buddy!” he greeted me once I sat down.
“Hello” I replied humbly “I love English!”
“God why!?” he gasped, clutching his heart theatrically “Its shit!”
“I don’t know really, mostly because I’m good at it”
“I’m good at it and I still hate it!”
That sentence shocked me, still no offence to Sean.
--

At the end of the day I walked home with a little stride in my step. I was pleased with myself, I’d made some good friends and new that this was probably going to be a lasting friendship. I didn’t find fault with any of them, except I was slightly intimidated by Josh. Sean’s over friendliness gave me a nervous feeling, because I knew he was gay, still it wouldn’t change anything. My thoughts were interrupted by arms grabbing at my shoulders. Gavin, Josh and James were behind me, gripping onto my arms.
“Gustav, any plans for today?” said Josh, standing in front of me, halting my steps.
“Probably just go home and do homework” I said, annoyed at how nerdish I came off.
“Come to the park with us, we’re meeting Aled and Sean there!” James proposed happily.
I didn’t think I was in any position to say no to be perfectly honest.