Billie Joe Armstrong Is My Step-Father...and I Hate It

I blinked and silently gulped. How was I going to get out of this? My phone was eaten my a bear? Dropped it in the river? Lost it? None of them made any sense. Hollie had scurried across the hallway, letting Billie scoop her up in his arms. I watched her go, almost like a mother would watch her only child move out. My eyes followed her until the met Billie and I scowled at him.

“It’s none of your business” I snarled. “So what if I didn’t pick up? What’s it to you?”

“Grace, we were all worried about you!” he told me. “Jesus Christ, you could have at told us you didn’t want us calling!”

I found a way out. “Yea, alright” I said, “I wanted some alone time. Is that so much to ask? Can’t I be out without you all on my back?”

I walked forward and tried to push past him but he grabbed my arm. “Grace, wait a minute…”

I paused, and for once, I was petrified of Billie Joe… because he was onto something. I stared back at him, unable to control my scattered thoughts. He seemed to be examining me closely. He definitely knew his solvents… he probably could smell the alcohol off me even if I rolled in manure and drenched myself in soap.

“Grace, you smell of… have you… been drinking?” he asked me.

“No” I said, a bit too quickly, snapping my arm back. “You’re probably just smelling yourself, idiot.”

“No, it’s definitely coming from you” Billie said. Hollie’s bright blue orbs were filling with wonder. I shifted my eyes from her to Billie before I shuffled back a bit.

“Well, I wasn’t drinking…”

“Tell me the truth, Grace” Billie said.

“I am” I said.

“No, you’re not…” Billie said.

“What’s going on?” I looked over to see Kage at the doorway, glancing around. “Why is there raised voices?”

“What are you doing up?” Billie asked him. Kage shrugged.

“I have a bad head ache” he winced. “I don’t know… what it is…” He seemed to space out for a bit before catching himself on. “But I keep spacing out…”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“I don’t know what I mean!” Kage snapped violently. I paused.

I learned about this… I remember my conversation with Don. He told me that he had schizophrenia, and his cousin had epilepsy. And I asked what WAS epilepsy…

“I just feel… it’s not as if I’m cold or anything, but I’m shaking” Kage said, holding out his hand. It was shaking.

“That’s a bit weird…” Billie said, putting down Hollie. Hollie watched her older brother with interest. I felt my face crease with concern.

“Yea, it’s not the first time. Sometimes, I’ll just… shake, y’know?” Kage asked.

“Maybe we better wake mum…” I said. Billie stepped back a bit.

“I’ll get her” he said, walking off.

“Why, what’s happening?” Kage asked, his hazel eyes darting between the faces. “Is this bad?”

I bit my bottom lip, not having the heart to tell him he might have… epilepsy… but it was true. Kage had been spacing out quite a lot and shaking. A few months back, he passed out too. And now that Don had explained to me…

No. Kage doesn’t have epilepsy I thought to myself.

Mum appeared at the doorway, still half asleep. “What’s all the fuss about Kage having a headache?”

“Mum, I’m shaking for no reason and they’re not telling me something!” Kage whined. “Look, I’m shaking!” He held out his hand, which was trembling even more now.

“Huh… that is weird” she said, echoing what Billie had said.

“It could be epilepsy” I said, softly. Mum and Billie looked at me. I stared back. Mum looked startled for a moment but shook her head.

“I think I would have known if my child was epileptic” she said, but she sounded uncertain.

“Yea, but still” I said. “You never know these things…”

“I feel sick…” Kage whimpered. He was shaking even more now.

“What’s wrong with Kage?” Joey had joined our little group.

“Kage? Kage, listen to me” mum said, kneeling in front of him. “Has this been going on for a while? Honey?”

Kage nodded in response. “I c-can’t stop shaking…”

I was about to pass out myself. Kage. Our little Kage. Always full of life… and he was epileptic… I bit my lower lip. I felt Hollie pull at my leg.

“Grace, what’s wrong with Kage?” she asked.

“Wha- oh… he’s fine, he’s just… a little cold” I lied. Suddenly, Kage lost consciousness.

“Oh my God!” mum screamed. “Kagie! KAGIE!”

“Wait, hold on, what the fuck is happening?!” Joey exclaimed loudly.

“Kage is epileptic!” I yelled back.

“Grace, what’s eppilpiitick?”

“Epileptic” I said, to get the drift of the word into Hollie’s head.

“Since when?” Joey asked, his eyed widened.

“I don’t know!”

“Billie, don’t just stand there, CALL SOMEONE!” mum screeched at him.

Billie was transfixed with panic to even move for a few seconds before he zipped away to make some use of himself. Kage stirred slightly, groaning. “Kage? Kage, answer me!”

Kage simply groaned again, slowly opening his eyes. “What happened?”

“Oh thank God” mum sighed in relief. “You passed out… are you alright?”

“… I… I… I… don’t know” Kage said, softly. “I was just shaking and all of a sudden, I couldn’t hear anything, it was like… being underwater, y’know?”

“Alright, well, Billie is calling someone for you now” mum said, softly.

“I’m f-f-f-fine.”

“No, you’re not, come on… let’s get you into your bed or something” mum said, helping Kage up.

I simply stood there, feeling totally useless. I couldn’t believe what I just saw. I just witnessed Kage having an epileptic seizure… I shut my eyes tight, trying to push it out of my head. Kage shaking like that… it was too much. What will happen now? I wanted to drown away. The image was pasted in my head and it wasn’t going to leave my mind any time soon. I opened my eyes, noticing Kage, mum and Hollie were gone, leaving me with a rather confused and shocked Joey. I glanced over at him, and he stared back.

“Wh- bu- ho- what just happened?” he stammered eventually.

“I think it was an epileptic attack” I said, softly.

“Kage has epilepsy?! Since when?!”

“Epilepsy can hit at any time… this is gonna change his life so much” I said, biting my lip again. “He wanted to be a footballer… and I don’t think he can anymore…”

“Holy shit, that poor kid…” Joey mumbled quietly. I shook my head, my eyes stinging.

“Why is this happening?” I whimpered. “Why do bad things happen to us?”

“Hey, don’t cry” Joey said, warmly, wrapping his arms around me. And right now, I was willing to accept comfort from anyone. “I’m pretty sure they’ll give him medication.”

“But it’s not… enough, what if it kills him?” I asked, sadly.

“How will it kill him?”

“He might forget and end up taking an epileptic attack on the street and then get hit by a bus!” I said, burying my face into him.

“C’mon, don’t cry…” Joey said. I felt him stroking my hair. It gave me some form of strange comfort. At least I knew someone cared.

Billie Joe appeared from the stairs and leaned in through Kage’s bedroom door. “Someone is coming to look at him in ten minutes” he said. Slowly, I detached myself from Joey, rubbing my wet eyes. I walked towards Kage’s room.

He lay on the bed, groaning about something. Hollie sat beside him on the bed, watching him carefully, her bright blue eyes as wide as saucers. “Mommy?”

“What is it, sweetie?” mum said, also not detaching her eyes from her only son.

“Why did Kage fall?”

“Because I felt like it” Kage snarled at her.

“Kage, don’t get worked up” mum said to him, gently.

“Mommy?”

“What is it, Hollie?”

“Was Kage cold?”

“Yes, sweetie” mum lied. Hollie whispered a small “oh” in realization.

Ten minutes passed and soon, a doctor appeared at the front door. Mum lead him up to where Kage was lying, still moaning on and on about feeling sick. “-and then he just fell. I don’t know why, it never happened before.”

“Are you sure?” came the calm voice of the doctor.

“Well… actually, we were out at the zoo once and he passed out but I just thought it was because he wasn’t eating anything that day” mum responded, guiltily.

“I see” the doctor responded. “And has he eating yesterday?”

“Um… yes, he was” mum said. The doctor entered the room, followed by an anxious looking mum. “Is he alright? I don’t think it’s normal.”

“We’ll see… hello Kage” the doctor greeted him warmly. Kage glared up at him.

“You’re not gonna inject me with anything, are you?” he inquired sharply.

“Oh, no, I don’t think so” the doctor responded. “So, can you tell me what has been happening?”

“Well, I started shaking… like… really badly, yea? But it’s not as if I was cold though. And then all the sounds were… were… like… y’know when your underwater?” Kage explained poorly. But the doctor guy nodded anyway.

“I see. And then what?”

“I dunno, I kept shaking and then I phased out, next thing I knew, I was staring at the ceiling” Kage said.

“Any other symptoms?”

“Well… I’ve been phasing out a lot… y’know… I just sorta sit there and it’s not like I’m there, it’s like… I’m off somewhere else but… I’m still there… you know what I mean?”

“Yes, I know what you mean. I treat a similar patient who lives near by and he has the same symptoms.”

“Don Richardson?” I asked.

“Yes. Do you know him?” he asked me.

“Yea, he’s a good friend of mine” I said.

“Yes, well, Don has a mind condition called schizophrenia. And, although it’s not certain, I think Kage may have epilepsy” the doctor explained. Mum sighed sadly, turning around to face the wall, hopelessly. “We need to take him into the hospital and take a few brain scans before we’re certain.”

“Mum, I don’t wanna get my brain tested!” Kage protested. “I’m fine, it was nothing!”

“We need to be sure” the doctor said to him, in his calm voice.

“I don’t care, there’s nothing wrong with my head!” Kage yelled.

“Kage, we have to know” mum said, shakily. “Come on, I’ll drive you there.”

“I’m not leaving!”

“Kage, wouldn’t you rather know before it could be too late?” Billie asked him. Kage looked up at him, about to protest, but he shut his mouth, crossed his arms and sulked.

“Fine” he muttered. “I’ll go.”

It was a long, impatient wait in the hospital. Mum left with Kage and I was left with Billie Joe and the rest. Joey was busy with Hollie, trying to get her mind of the situation, by playing with her in the kids waiting room. Jake had fallen asleep. So it was basically just me and Billie Joe. I sat, fidgeting and squirming with anxiety.

“Do you want some coffee?” Billie asked me. I glowered over at him. “Bad question?”

“You think?” I snarled. My leg was shaking nervously and I kept my eyes on the corridor Kage and mum disappeared down.

“This must be hell for you” Billie explained.

“It brings back too many memories” I said, softly. “I remember waiting for any news about my dad… and then… they tell me…” I trailed off, unable to speak anymore.

“I know, I was in your shoes once” Billie told me.

“I know” I said, sharply and coldly. “But you knew what was going to happen. You knew it was coming. I didn’t.”

“I suppose…” Billie said. “But that means I had to constantly wait for it.” I didn’t respond or take my eyes from the corridor. “Strange though… this kinda stuff seems to happen to the good people.”

“Tell me about it” I muttered. “Someone up there has it in for me.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Because my life has been one big spiraling mess. My dad died, I was lonely for four years straight, YOU land in and now Kage has epilepsy. Weird. I don’t think I ever did something that bad to deserve all that” I said, icily.

“No one deserves any of that” Billie told me. “Especially not you.”

I tried to ignore that. “Why does the world have to be such a bitch?”

“No one knows, Gracie” Billie sighed.

Another few minutes passed and suddenly, mum turned a corner, stopping to let Kage catch up with her. He was as white as a ghost, and he looked like he just seen one too. I stood up and ran down the corridor to meet them. Kage glanced up at me, with wide, fearful eyes. He looked like he lost a few years. He resembled a frightened five year old. He was shaking, but not like he was when he took the epileptic attack. I glanced at mum, who looked extremely miserable. It could only mean one thing…

“Kage is epileptic?” I asked, feebly. Mum nodded slowly.

“That’s what the tests said” she said, darkly. Kage whispered something to himself before shaking his head.

Kage didn’t deserve this. He was a good kid. The best little boy I know. And I’m not just saying that because he’s my younger brother. It had reduced him to a frightened mess, and I had a strong feeling it wasn’t going to disappear the next day. Epilepsy isn’t like the cold. It doesn’t just disappear in a week. This was going to stay with him for all his life. And it’s going to have some effects on him too. Who was next, Hollie? I dreaded to think about that.

Dad was dead. Mum was engaged to a pot head junkie. Kage was epileptic. And I’m depressed.

Well, what a happy mother fucking family.

“We need to get his medication” mum said. I was too much in shock to even move out of her way.

“No… they made some mistake, Kage can’t be epileptic” I told her, sharply. “I’m going to tell them to re examine it.”

“It was already announced, Grace” mum said, coldly. “C’mon. We need to get the damn medication and let’s get the hell out of here.”

She felt it. She felt the memories. She was remembering the time she sat in here, waiting for the news about dad. And it was ripping her apart.

This was too much. This was far too much.