Awake

Part one of two.

My pale fingers trace down his jaw bone, down his throat, over his collarbone and into his coat.
I press my palm to his chest gently.
I feel it.

A soft, steady, heartbeat.

"Your real, you have to be"
I gasp out the words, tears filling my eyes.
He runs a thumb across my cheek bone, wiping away a fallen tear.

"Of course I am"
Blake kisses me again, this time it's different then any other kiss from him.
It borders on rough as his mouth crashes against mine and his tongue shoves against my bottom lip.
Something inside me screams that this is wrong, but a more powerful, louder something tells the other to shut up, that this is good. Very good.

He finally pulls away leaving me breathless.
My senses are sluggish as I recover.

I try to say something, but only a 'Uhm' comes out.
He smirks and goes to say something , but is interrupted.

"What the hell?"
Hearing a voice that belonged to neither Blake or myself brought me back down from my strange high with a harsh yank.
Suddenly I feel the cold that seeped through my coat and my boots.
The sharp wind slowly cuts along my face, stinging it.

I step backwards away from the boy front of me, gazing at him.
I turn, holding icy air in my lungs.

Asher stands, shoulders squared, jaw clenched.
His cheeks are flushed, not by the climate, but by the intense anger that rolls in almost visible clouds off his being.

"Asher"
My voice is strained, and my body starts moving towards him without me telling it to.
He looks down at me when I stop a foot away from him.

"What the hell is going on?"
He repeats, eyebrows furrowing.

"Asher, it's Blake, my brother, he's here"
Light laughter comes from within me as I say the words, forgetting the anger of Asher.

He's here, Blake is here.

So many confusing emotions attack me, I want to dance in joy for a boy who I couldn't even look at when I left, I want to ask Asher what his problem is, I want to ask Blake why he thinks he can kiss me after what he did and I want to ask for more.

My head spins as each feeling jerks me and my heart in a different direction.

I find myself gripping onto Asher's coat, my vision clouding.

"Asher help"
I whisper before my spinning mind comes to rest as a cold, darkness takes me over, drowning it all out.

*X*

"We should take her back inside"

"No! I'm here to take her away from this place!"

"You can't do that!"

"And why the hell shouldn't I?"

"Because..Well you just can't take her away from me-I mean here"

"You little...you like her don't you? well let me tell you something, she's been hurt enough in past, that won't happen again. I made a promise and I intend to to keep it this time. I don't want her near you or anyone else"

I listen to the male voices a moment before I try to comprehend where I am.
Wherever it is, it's warm and it smell like Joop.
Opening my eyes I find myself laid out the in backseat of Blake's car.

The two boys sit in the front seat, hunched down.

"Look it's a big enough risk that we are out here right now, you have no idea what could happen"
Asher seems desperate to convince Blake not to leave with me.

"Well it won't be a risk for long, I'm taking her away from here, now. Get out of my car"
Blake demands, jabbing a finger at the passenger door.

"No, you can't take her away"
He's begging now.

"Give me one reason why I should shove you out into the cold and drive off right now?"

"Because...Because, I need her, if you take her away from me, I will die"
My brother scoffs at this.

"Yeah, she's your world and blah blah"
He wrenches the passenger door open and starts pushing Asher out.

"No you don't understand, she needs me too"

"Not anymore, I'm here"
Asher is clinging to the headrest now, trying to keep from fall into the snow.

"Well it wasn't your name that fell from her lips, calling for help before she fainted now was it?"

Blake stops, I can't see his face, but I hear a low growl and imagine the glare upon his face.

"That doesn't mean shit"

"Maybe so, or maybe it means I'm the one she wants to catch her, I'm the one who she wants to be held by"

Is he right? Do I want that?
I care for Asher, I love Blake, but something has changed with that love, it's....Deflated

"You son o-"Stop"