I Left My Heart in San Diego

A light knock on my door woke me up the next morning. I opened my eyes, seeing nothing but polka-dotted fabric. I took in a deep breath, picking my head up as another light knock on my door sounded, accompanied by a call. "Arizona?" It was a man's voice, one I knew was not Aran's. Intrigued, I got up from my bed and went to see who was at my door. I cracked it open, poking my head out just a few inches. "Hey. You're alive." It was Mike. "Can I come in?" he asked.

I smiled slightly and nodded, throwing open the door and going back to my bed. I sat down, grabbing the nearest pillow and hugging it to my chest. I brought my knees to my chest so I could rest my chin on them. Mike came in and closed the door behind him, sitting down on the edge of my bed, watching me. I could feel his eyes on me and looked up at him. "What?" I croaked. I heard the sound of my voice and cleared my throat in an attempt to make it sound more like my actual voice.

"Billie told me what happened."

I rolled my eyes and looked away. "Of course," I muttered.

My eyes snapped back up to Mike's face when he started to speak again. "I've never seen him so..." Mike trailed off, searching for the right word to complete his sentence.

"So what?" I asked, waiting for the word Mike would use.

It took another few seconds, but the realization on Mike's face told me he had found the perfect word. "So heartbroken," Mike said.

I snorted, fresh tears washing away the caked mascara and eyeliner that had run down my face from crying last night. I stared down at the pillow I was hugging to my chest, watching the tears fall and fan out on the fabric of my pillowcase. "How do you think I feel?" I whispered.

I heard my covers ruffle as Mike inched up closer to me on my bed, and I felt his hand on my shoulder a few seconds later. I don't what it was, but something about his touch just made more tears fall. I looked up at Mike, his face full of concern and the answer to a question I had been asking since last night. He quickly grabbed me into a tight hug, and I continued crying, just as hard as I had been the previous night. "I'm not going to tell you that I know how you feel, or that I understand, because I don't, and I like you too much to lie to you," Mike said, making me smile beneath my tears. "But both you and Billie are some of my best friends, and I hate to see both of you hurting like this." Mike released me from his hug, but he kept his hands on my shoulders, looking me right in the eye. "But I can tell you this: Billie loves you." I snorted and looked away; Mike shook my shoulders, making me look at him. "He does! As much as you might not believe him right now, he does!" Mike took a deep breath. "And you can't not talk to him forever. You're still going to see him if you continue to hang out with us, it's inevitable."

"I can just ignore him," I reasoned.

Mike took his hands off my shoulders, giving me a disappointed look. "And how long do you think that's going to last?" he asked. I shrugged, continuing to cry. "Not very long, I can tell you that right now. So it's best for you two to just talk it out and stay together, alright?"

I looked up at Mike and gave him a slightly cold look. "It's not like I'm going to break up with him, Mike." I sighed, knowing that what I was going to say next was pretty much going to seal my defeat. "I still love him," I muttered.

A small smile graced Mike's face. "See? You still love him, he still loves you, why not just forgive him and forget this ever happened?"

I sighed again, wiping my cheek with the back of my hand, and wiping my mascara-tinted hand on the back of the pillow I had resumed holding after Mike released me from his hug. "I can't forgive him for this," I said, my face falling back into my pillow. "Not just yet."

Mike sighed, and I felt the bed sink slightly as he got off. "Well, you know you can always talk to me about it. Tre, too," he said. He squeezed my shoulder before I heard him walk out. I sighed, more tears falling. I saw my phone light up from my nightstand. I reached over and picked it up, seeing it was Billie calling me.

Much to my surprise, I answered it. "Hello?" I said, trying my best to not sound like I had just been crying.

"Arizona?" Billie whispered.

"Yeah, it's me."

"You answered." I could detect the slight smile in his voice.

"I don't know why I did that," I said honestly.

"Well I'm glad you did," Billie said quietly. I could hear in his voice that he had been crying recently, too.

"Can I hang up yet?" I asked, not wanting to talk to Billie anymore. Billie didn't say anything; he only sighed, obviously in disappointment. "I'll take that as a yes," I said, and hung up. I looked at my phone sitting in my hand. I almost smashed it against the wall next to me, but that would be counterproductive to solving this problem with Billie. And I also wouldn't be able to text or call anyone to talk about this problem with. So, instead of smashing it against the wall, I just held onto it, throwing it up in the air and catching it again.

Billie didn't deserve to be talked to. At least not right now. And I wasn't going to be the one talking to him.



CURRENT STORY DATE: 01/02/11

I grabbed my phone out of my pocket and dialed Zie for the millionth time. She picked up on the second ring. "What?" she answered hastily.

"Where are you??" I demanded, stomping my foot on the wooden floor of the foyer.

"On my way!" she squeaked. "I'm like five minutes away."

"Okay, but we're still gonna be late!" I whined.

"By, like, five minutes, Arizona! Relax!" Zie yelled.

"Ugh! Just get here!"

"I'm pulling in your driveway, come on!" Zie said, hanging up.

I shoved my phone in my pocket and shouted a goodbye to my mom and Aran, walking out the door. I saw Zie's sedan in my driveway, smiling at her at the wheel. "Hey!" I said, giving her a quick hug.

"Hey! Are you ready?" she asked, smiling.

I buckled my seat belt. "Of course. Let's go!" I said eagerly, smiling back at her.

She laughed, pulling out of my driveway. "So are you excited?" she asked.

"Very," I said, looking down at my protruding belly. I rubbed a hand over it gently, smiling.

"That's good," Zie said. Her smile faded, her face becoming much more solemn. "Can I ask you something?"

I sighed. "Is it about Billie?" She nodded. I smiled slightly. "Yeah."

"When was the last time you spoke to him?" Zie asked, glancing over at me.

I thought for a moment. "The morning after he told me that he was with another girl the night of the crash," I answered.

Zie whistled. "Wow, Ari. That's just about two months."

"I know, Zie. Believe me, I know. I've been counting the fucking days," I said.

"Do you miss him?" Zie asked quietly, turning onto the highway.

I took a deep breath, thinking over the question carefully. "Yeah."

"Are you going to forgive him soon?"

"Probably." That made Zie smile. "Why is everyone so eager to see me make up with Billie?" I asked.

"Because," Zie said. "No one's ever seen Billie this happy with a girl, so to see you two fighting kinda hurts all of us." I smiled. There was a few moments of silence before Zie asked her next question. "Are you going to tell Billie the sex of the baby?"

I knew she was going to ask me that, and I had been asking myself that since I made the appointment last week. I had been going back and forth, but in the end, I decided that I would. Billie deserved to know, anyway. It was his baby. "Yeah."

"Good. I think he deserves to know." I watched Zie pull into a parking space and shut off the ignition. "Now come on. I'm such a good driver that we're only about two minutes late." I smiled at her, opening the passenger side door and using it as a support to stand up, one hand on my belly.

We walked as fast as we could to the doors, my name being called as we rushed in. The nurse standing in front of the waiting room looked over at us. "Are either one of you Arizona Willows?" she asked.

I raised my hand. "That's me."

The nurse smiled. "Well, follow me then."

I took a second to catch my breath, and then started walking, hurrying just a little to catch up to the nurse. As Zie and I walked in to the exam room, everything was very white and looked very sanitary. It kind of freaked me out a little, to be honest. "Yikes," Zie whispered to me, making me smile.

"Now, if you would just lay down here on this paper, and I'll set up the machine," the nurse said, patting an elevated bed covered with paper. It crinkled as I sat down, making Zie smile at me.

The nurse came back with a couple accouterments for the ultrasound machine, and hooked them up, tapping on my belly. That was the signal for me to life up my shirt to expose my pregnant belly. "So," the nurse began, opening the tube of gel. "How old are you, Arizona?"

"Eighteen," I answered proudly.

"Wow," the nurse said. "Did you plan on having a baby this young?"

"No, actually. It just kind of happened, and my boyfriend, at the time, was the one who pretty much convinced me to keep the baby after it was born," I explained.

"At the time?" the nurse asked.

"Yeah. He was my boyfriend at the time. After he and a couple of his...friends got in a car accident, he asked me to marry him," I said.

"Oh? And?" the nurse urged.

I showed her the ring on my finger. "I said yes."

"That's beautiful!" the nurse exclaimed.

"Thanks. It belonged to my fiance's mom," I said.

"She let him give it to you?"

"Yeah. I asked him that, too, and he said he asked his mom before he gave it to me. She's practically a second mother to me."

"Well, that's wonderful. But I have to ask, where is he now?" the nurse asked.

I sighed, looking away briefly but then looking back. "We're going through a bit of a rough patch," I said.

"Well, I'm sorry to hear that. I hope everything turns out alright," the nurse said, squirting some of the gel onto my belly. "Sorry if this is a little cold."

"Thanks. And no, it's fine." The nurse smiled, turning on the machine. She placed the mouse (as I call it) on top of the little blob of gel and moved it around to spread it. Once she had done so, she started looking for my baby.

"There it is," the nurse said, pointing at the screen. I grinned. "That's an arm, and there's a leg, and, oh, there's the head," she said, freezing the frame. I continued to smile, looking up at Zie, who was smiling as well.

"That's amazing, Ari," she said, glancing at the screen. I chuckled.

"Would you like to know the sex?" the nurse asked, turning off the machine.

"Yes, please!" I said, smiling.

The nurse smiled as she wiped the gel off of my belly. "It's a girl." I didn't say anything; Zie and I were just both smiling, happy as clams. "Your baby is perfectly healthy. Do you have any questions?" the nurse asked.

I thought for a moment, then shook my head. "Nope, none I can think of."

"Alright then. If you have any questions, you can always call us."

"Thank you so much," I said, sitting up.

"You'll be hearing from someone here at the hospital within the next few days to make your next appointment," the nurse said, cleaning off the equipment.

"Thanks again." Zie and I walked out of the hospital with big smiles on our faces, both of us pulling out our phones. She dialed Mike, and I dialed Billie for the first time in two months.

He answered on the third ring. "Arizona?"

"Hi, Billie."

"Hi. Honestly, I was surprised you called."

I chuckled. "I thought you would be."

"So, what's up?" Billie asked, sounding happy for once.

"I just came out of the doctor's office."

"Why? What's wrong? Is it something with the baby?" Billie asked, instantly sounding concerned.

"No, no, nothing's wrong. In fact, everything's great. The baby's perfectly healthy."

I could almost sense Billie smiling. "That's awesome, Izzie. Oh, sorry," he said, catching himself.

I chuckled. "Don't worry about it."

"Yeah?" Billie asked happily.

"Yeah."

"Okay, so are we..." Billie trailed off.

I sighed, smiling. "Yes. I forgive you, Billie."

"I'm so glad to hear you say that, Izzie."

"I figured out the sex of the baby today," I said. "It's gonna be a girl, Billie. We're going to have a daughter."

"That's amazing, babe! Can I see you when you get home?" Billie asked.

"Yeah, sure."

"Okay. I'll see you when you get back. I love you, Izzie," Billie said.

I smiled. "I love you, too, Billie."

"Everything back to normal?" Zie asked, smiling knowingly.

I chuckled at her. "For the most part. Come on, I have my fiance waiting for me back at home." Zie grinned, helping me down to her car.