Halfway Gone

Martin couldn’t take it anymore.

Everywhere he went, everywhere he looked and every time he thought he’d gotten away from it, it came back. His beautiful heaven had started to fill up with starving angels, all to fast for him to cope with. Endless reminders told him that there was no escaping the mass power of the disease which was burying itself further into him.

Sunny days out turned into days spent inside, praying that his insides could fend another day without failing. A smile which he saw in the mirror every morning no longer exists and neither does the mirror; it had long been disposed of on one of Martin’s bad nights. Bad nights were the nights Martin had when it got to the point that everything was gone but it wasn’t.

Zack watched the man he loved crumble and decay in front of him knowing that only God could save him now. Hands that he had grabbed onto for support now looked like those of an old frail man with no reason to live. Bottom line was that Zack needed Martin but Martin wasn’t who he used to be and that doesn’t appear to be changing any time soon.

Zack returned home from going to the gym, a hobby he’d taken up to try and forget Martin for awhile. Walking through the hall he dropped his bag and tossed the jacket he was wearing into the bedroom after checking that Martin wasn’t in there. Next he poked his head into the living room to check for any sign of his boyfriend, nothing.

From the kitchen Martin heard Zack creeping up the hall, he didn’t bother getting up from his seat at the small kitchen tables. He scuffed his sock covered feet against the shitty yet clean tiles that covered the whole kitchen floor as Zack walked in. Every time Zack saw Martin his heart and soul died just that little bit more, his baby looked too ill to be recognised.

“Have fun?” Martin asked as Zack pulled out a chair and sat across from him.

“Never mind that, are you alright?” Zack queried.

“I’m fine. So did you have fun?”

“Why are you so interested on whether I had fun or not?” Zack said sternly, questioning pulled at his eyebrows.

“You ask me questions all the time. Am I not allowed to be curious about your enjoyment?”

“It doesn’t matter though.”

“It does to me.”

“Stop being difficult Martin.”

“I’m not. So did you have fun?”

“Yes! For the love of God yes, I did have fun,” Zack cried, Martin jumped a bit in his seat at the sudden change in his tone.

Really it was a lie; Zack hadn’t had fun at all. Even lifting weights which weighed as much as Martin did now couldn’t keep his mind off of things. Alex has said to consult a therapist but he was half drunk when he suggested it so Zack had not thought much about it. Rian however said that the best thing he could do was spend every waking moment with Martin but Martin was too proud to be treated like an old lady.

Martin stood up and placed the cup he was drinking out of at the edge of the sink, he couldn’t sit there and let Zack stare at him. He turned round to leave but the younger man stood in front of him, blocking his exit.

“Are you not hungry?” Zack asked. His mission was to get Martin to stay, “I’ll make you something.”

“If I want something I can make it myself. You do know I’m not completely useless,” Martin spat after taking offence at Zack’s offer.

“What the hell, I didn’t say anything like that,” Zack defended himself.

“You implied it.”

“Did not!”

Martin didn’t have the energy or patience to continue arguing with Zack, it always ended in tears anyway. He slipped round Zack before the curly haired man had time to react, he was glad. Zack knew that there would be no point going after him; he was stubborn like a child so like all children he would come running back for hugs and kisses.

Later on, around 10 o’clock Zack pushed open his and Martin’s bedroom door to reveal a sobbing Martin. Zack could tell by the redness of the mans eyes that he had been crying for over an hour, he was at the stuttering stage. Another thing that reminds Zack of children is the way he hides the covers over his head when someone catches him crying, any other time Zack would find this cute.

Getting on the bed Zack crawled over to Martin, instantly capturing his frail frame in his arms. Martin poked his head out to show is dull and lost eyes, Zack could’ve cried. Instead he kissed Martin softly on the cheek before gently pushing him down to a lying position. Like always they lay down with Martins back against Zack’s chest, they fitted together like jigsaw pieces some might say.

“I love you. Don’t you lose this fight tonight my darling,” Zack murmured into Martins lifeless hair.

“I love you too but I lost that fight ages ago.”