Back to December

December in California was definitely different from the Decembers in Chicago. For one, there was no snow on the ground. Something that Alexandra both enjoyed at hated at the same time.

It had been four days since she saw Brian at the store and she was feeling rather comfortable in Zacky’s home. Gena had been welcoming, telling her that they needed to do some girl things while she was in town since she rarely ever saw Alexandra other than at family gatherings.

Tonight Zacky had invited the entire band over for a sort of “family gathering” of their own. This usually never happened since Zacky had always flown to Chicago to see Alexandra.

“Are you sure you don’t need any help?” Alexandra asked as Gena pulled a dish out of the oven.

“Nah, it’s alright hun. We’ve got this,” The bleach blond hairstylist smiled.

“If we need you, which I’m sure we will later, we’ll call, alright?” A curled brunette that was introduced at Jimmy’s girlfriend Leana added.

“You need to go talk to Brian anyway,” Gena reminded. “He’s been calling Zacky every morning since you’ve been here.”

“Yeah,” Alexandra sighed. “I don’t really think he wants to talk to me,” She said, playing with the salt and pepper shakers on the counter.

“Lex, you can see it in his eyes,” Gena said. “I know he wants to talk to you.”

“Well then he can come talk to me.”

Leana shook her head, joining the conversation. “He won’t do that.”

“Why not?”

“Because he’s Synyster Gates for fuck’s sake. Women come to him, not the other way around.”

“Oh well then,” Alexandra shrugged, getting up from the counter and heading outside.

“LEX!” Johnny yelled from the table on the patio. “I saved you a seat!”

She giggled, stepping over to the short man, taking a seat next to him. The minute her ass touched the fabric of the chair, Alexandra could feel Brian’s eyes on her. She wanted to get up and say something to him, but knew that if he really had something to say, he’d do it first.

“Last I heard, he was dating Valary’s sister,” one of Alexandra’s long time childhood friends said. Hearing this news made her heart break.

“Oh.” Was all that she could whisper in to the receiver of her cell phone.

“You’re thinking about him again, aren’t you?”

Truth was, he was all she had been thinking about since she had moved to Chicago. She wondered if moving was the right decision after all. Her mind argued back and forth between if breaking up with Brian was a good idea or if it was the worst idea in the history of the world.

“He called me the other day,” Her friend started. “He asked when you were going to come back.”

“And what’d you say?”

“I told him that I didn’t know.”

“Great.”

“He misses you Lex.”

“I know,” She whispered, biting down on her lower lip.

Alexandra stole another glance at him, stealing Zacky’s beer and taking a huge gulp of it. As she set the bottle back down, her brother just gave her a questionable look, asking her if everything was alright. One look at her eyes and he knew what was wrong.

He looked over at his best friend across the table, seeing that same distant, lost, and guilty look in his eyes.

Zacky cleared his throat. “Hey, do you guys want to go see if they need any help in the kitchen?”

“But they said –“ Johnny began, but Zacky shot him a look, telling him to shut the fuck up.

“Yeah, I’m sure they’ll need help carrying stuff out,” Matt suggested, getting up from his spot, dragging Johnny along with him for good measure. Jimmy trailed behind the two and Zacky left soon after, but not without giving Alexandra a ‘you’re welcome’ look first.

“So,” She said, looking down at her feet. “How’s your family?”

“They’re good,” He answered in a monotone sounding voice. “Everyone’s doing good.”

“That’s good,” She said.

A silence fell between then, causing Alexandra to panic. This was not how she pictured running in to Brian again. She thought things would go a lot smoother than they were right now.

“Why’d you do it?”

She picked her head up, bringing her green eyes to his level. “What?”

“Why’d you do it?” He repeated, displaying the sadness across his facial features.

“I-I don’t know…”

“I loved you Lex,” He said quietly. “And I still do,” He said under his breath, hoping that she wouldn’t hear.

“I know.”

“Then why’d you leave?”

“I don’t know.” Was the only answer that she could come up with.

“Lex, you know we could have worked things out. I would have given up the whole damn band just to be with you.”

“And that’s what I didn’t want you to do,” She said, biting the inside of her cheek. “I wanted you to live your dreams too Brian and not be worried about me all of the time.”

“But I wanted to worry about you.”

“No you didn’t. You and I both know that.”

“Lexi,” He whispered softly. Only Brian had ever called her Lexi. “Every time I said I loved you, I meant it. I meant every goddamn word I ever said to you because you were my everything back then. I’d give up the world for you if I could just to see your face again.”

Yep, this was definitely not how she planned on meeting him again.

Brian got up from his chair at the other side of the table, quickly walking over to where she was before she even had a chance to get up. Softly, he cupped her cheeks, making her look right up at him.

“Brian, don’t do this,” She begged.

“I’m not losing you again Lexi. I went crazy trying to get to you.”

“I’m not worth it Bri.”

He smiled a coy smile at her. “But you are baby; you are worth every goddamn thing I have ever owned. I love you.”

He leaned forward, pressing his lips up against hers in a gentle manner, letting her know just how much he felt for her in one single kiss. But just as fast as it had started, Brian pulled away and dropped his hands from her cheeks, getting ready to move away from her.

“Wait,” She called out. “I’m sorry.”

“For?”

“Leaving you that night. I didn’t know what I had until you were gone, so, I’m sorry.”

She lifted her eyes up, trying to gauge his reaction, but failing miserably. She hated how he was so good at hiding things sometimes.

“Just answer me one question,” He proposed.

“I’m not answering why I left.”

He shook his head. “Not that.”

“Then what?”

“Do you still love me?”

Out of nervous habit, Alexandra stared down at her feet, avoiding eye contact with him at all costs.

“Do you still love me Lexi?”

“I still love you Brian.”