Unsaid Things

“Niccy?” It had been a few days since we’d gone drinking, and I’ve hung out with the four lads every day since. McFly were sometimes busy recording their newest album, but they’d still come over to see us. Danny was over more often than the rest, keeping me company and treating Lilly like a princess. He holds her all of the time, tickles her, and sometimes, he’ll ask me if he can feed her. Slowly, he was rising on my list…We were slowly turning into best friends again.
It was around 11 in the afternoon and I was sprawled out on the couch, watching an old TV show I had ran across. Lilly was laying with me, clinging to her bear as if he were to leave her side. Rachel took a seat at my feet, rubbing my ankles.
“Hmm?” I hummed, turning to her for a split second before turning back to the TV. She cleared her throat, causing me to look over again, but keeping my eyes on her.
“How do you feel? I mean…I heard you on the phone last night…and I…” She paused, and I looked down with a sigh. Oh. Last night, I had got a call from a rather drunk Damien…

“Hey baby!” I exclaimed, answering the phone with a smile. Lilly was upstairs, fast asleep, and I was in the kitchen, grabbing a glass of water before bed. My smile fell as I heard a feminine voice in the background. “Damien? Who’s in the background?” I whispered, my eyes glazing over slightly.
“Nobody. It’s the…uh…TV.” He muttered quickly, and I closed my eyes softly. Lie. “So what did…did you want?” he slurred, and I raised an eyebrow.
“You were the one that called me.” I muttered. I heard a grunt on the other side and my heart began to beat rather fast as I heard a girl giggle. She was definitely not on the TV.
“Oh, woops! I guess…I guess I called you on accident. I was just having a beer with a few friends and I was meaning to call you to tell you, that I can’t wait for you to come home in a month!” he exclaimed, and I raised an eyebrow.
“Damien. I’m coming home in less than two weeks.” I corrected, and I heard him sigh.
“Oh, well. Whatever. I need to go. Stef-Steve wanted to take more shots. Bye!” he hung up before I could say another word, so I just shook my head. He didn’t have any friends named Steve.

“Oh…I thought you were asleep.” I whispered, looking away and at the floor. I bit my lip, closing my eyes to clear my mind shortly.
“Niccy, what happened?” she whispered, and I sighed, looking up at her. Lilly was wiggling out of my grasp, trying to crawl over to the coffee table, where her coloring books were. I turned back to Rachel, shaking my head. “You know you can tell me what’s going on. I want to help you.” She said, and I shook my head again.
“I’m just over-thinking…like usual. I just…” I sighed, looking down at my left hand, twirling my ring with a sigh. It still didn’t feel right. “I don’t know.” I whispered. I sat up slowly, looking over at Rachel with a sigh. “I don’t know what I’m feeling. I’m all mixed up…about everything.”
“Talk it out.” She merely said, and I sighed. Story time.
“It might take a while.” I commented, turning to her as I crossed my legs. She turned to me too, copying my position. She smiled.
“I’ve got time.” She smiled sympathetically at me as I sighed again. Here goes.
“My mind is so…confused.” I said, letting my voice trail off. I tried to think of the right words to say, but everything was too complicated. Finally, I just took a deep breath and spoke as if I were writing in a journal. “I have two problems. One: Damien. When he purposed to me, I was beyond excited. I mean…he was on one knee with a rock in my face. Who wouldn’t be excited? But the second the ring clung onto my finger, I felt…weird. Kind of like…a weight had been added. It felt bizarre, and it still does. I looked down at it at random times and wonder…is the time right?” I whispered the last part, looking away from Rachel and at Lilly. I knew she was far enough away that if I spoke softly, she’d have no idea who I was speaking of. “We fight all of the time, and I just…I’m not happy, Rachel. I love Lilly, she’s my life now. But Damien…he doesn’t care. He loves me…I think, but he doesn’t love her. He hates her…he flat out told me.” I whispered, causing Rachel to gasp.
“That fucker.” She muttered, and I nodded slowly.
“But that leads to my other problem.” I spoke, and Rachel nodded for me to continue. “Danny.” I whispered. “When I see him with Lilly, its like seeing the light. I don’t care if that sounds super cheesy or stupid…it’s true.” Rachel laughed softly, and I smiled. “He treats her just like I wish Damien did. Damien holds her, sure, but Danny holds her.” I said, looking down at my hands. “He is completely gentle, and he acts as if he could break her at any second. He’s constantly giving her the attention she deserves…the attention Damien never offered.” I sat back, smiling softly to myself. “Danny understands her as if she was his own…and…is it weird that…sometimes…I wish that? That Lilly was his?” I whispered, and Rachel raised an eyebrow.
“You’re supposed to love Damien, Nic.” She muttered, and I nodded sadly, looking down.
“I know. But how do you love a man that you doubt your trust on?” I asked her, furrowing my eyebrows. Rachel tilted her head to the side, giving me a questioning look.
“You don’t trust him?” she asked, and I shook my head.
“Last night…on the phone…I heard a girl. He tried to tell me it was the TV, but I doubt our TV is that realistic. I heard him grunt, and he quickly wanted to get off of the phone. Explain that to me, Rach.” I whispered, and she looked sympathetic.
“Maybe…oh maybe…I don’t know.” she sighed, looking down. “I can’t even try to come up with something because I hate him too much. But Niccy, you can just jump to conclusions… Maybe it really was the TV? Maybe it was even porn because I mean…well…he is of the male species. Don’t sell him out so quickly, okay?” she said, and I just looked down.
“What do I do with Danny, then?” I asked her, and she hummed to herself.
“Tell me how he makes you feel.”
“The other night, he took Damien’s place in my head. My mind was trying to convince me that Damien didn’t exist, and that Danny was the center of my attention. Also, I catch myself looking at him at times I shouldn’t and that makes me blush. He makes me blush, Rachel! Damien can’t even do that, even if he tries hard enough.” I mutter, throwing my hands up in frustration.
“Well, you are in quite the pickle…” she muttered, and I raised an eyebrow.
“Help, please.” I begged, giving her my best puppy dog face.
“So let me get this straight. Being proposed to Damien scares the piss out of you and Danny makes you feel incredibly warm inside. Damien treats Lilly like shit and Danny loves giving her the attention she wants and needs. Damien might be cheating on you and Danny is constantly following you like a love puppy.”
“Hey, I never said that last part about Danny!”
“But it’s true. And by the looks of that…you know my answer.”
“You also hate Damien’s guts and love your cousin.”
“That may have had an affect on my decision.”
“Rachel! Stop joking and help me figure this out!”
“Just follow your heart before it shatters into a million pieces. Or just figure out which man is willing to catch you when you fall. Either way…choose the man you know deserves every piece of your heart.”