Regrets A Waste Of Time
Through The Grapevine
I was walking to my locker after school, I just wanted to get my stuff and then get the hell out of here for the day; I couldn’t take it anymore especially after lunch. Zack knew, he had to know that’s why he wouldn’t even look at me. I saw the note from earlier still in my locker, I didn’t want to see what this person was putting on the blog tonight, there was so much else in that journal, in my journal that was worse than just that. I closed my locker door and standing there was the girl who gave me the death glare at lunch, she was leering at me.
“Can I help you?” I asked curiously, she smiled.
“Yeah, get those thoughts of Zack out of your disgusting mind, freak” she said, anger welled up inside of me, hiding the sadness.
“Get the fuck away from me”
“What did you just say to me?” she asked dumbfounded.
‘I said Get the FUCK away from me.” I said pushing past her as I elbowed her.
“You stay away from Zack, you dirty faggot!” she screamed, that’s when Zack came around the corner, I knew he heard what she said. I looked up at him, confusion written on his face. I dropped my backpack and ran out the door, I heard him calling my name but I didn’t turn around. I ran out the doors, people stared at me but I ran right to my car where Alex was standing.
“David” I heard Zack calling, but I didn’t turn around.
“Get in now” I said, Alex didn’t ask any question he got in the car and I quickly drove off, I turned off the radio. I just wanted to drive in peace and quite.
“What is wrong?” asked Alex, I pulled over to the side of the road as the tears streamed from my eyes, Alex pulled me into a tight hug as he patted my blond hair. “it’s ok”
“It’s not ok, Alex. She called me faggot and Zack heard. He will never like me, I was so fucking stupid”
“You can’t help who you like and maybe Zack didn’t hear her. Maybe he knows nothing”
“How can he not know? The whole fucking school knows, Alex” I said scoffing
“He might not, you just need to calm down” said Alex, I pulled away from him.
“Yeah, I will be sure to calm down when my life is ruined”
“We are going to your house and you are going to sleep” said Alex, I just looked at him and began to drive.
I woke up with the sound of my alarm clock I had set for midnight, I got out of bed and walked to my laptop and typed in the school blog address, and there it was another post.
I went to the school’s pool today to swim, I just wanted to get out of my house and not think about anything. When I was walking by the workout room, I saw him. Zack was working out with his shirt off, I never knew he was that built before. His body was beautiful and amazing, I wanted to feel his strong arms wrapped around me, I wanted to feel his lips on mine. My eyes traced down his abs to his crotch, I could see the outline of it in his shorts and my trunks grew tighter. I quickly looked away and jumped into the cool pool. I had to calm down, I wanted Zack more than I have ever wanted anything before. He was beautiful and sweet, I wanted him in my life, I needed him in my life. He was perfection, would he ever want me?
This entry was from last summer, I couldn’t believe this! This person wasn’t going in order, they were just writing stuff to hurt me, and to make people hate me. I looked down, the count was higher this time almost 500 people have viewed this in less than 10 minutes time, there were even comments. I noticed the first was from that girl who confronted me earlier.
Hailey: This is disgusting. This faggot needs to get his ass kicked.
Ian: This kid really thinks Zack is going to like him, what a fucking loser
I scanned threw the comments they were all pretty much the same, calling me names or saying how stupid I was, that was until I got to one.
Anonymous: I am sorry this happened to you, David. You are sweet and attractive, I am just like you. Gay. I dare not tell anyone because I don’t want them to hate me, I know you didn’t come out someone forced you out, but I think you are brave.
I read that comment over and over, I couldn’t believe someone, even Anonymous, was like me. I wasn’t alone even though I felt that I wasn’t alone for the first time. My phone went off beside me, I looked at the text from Alex.
Who is doing this? I am going to fucking find them Alex texted
Alex, I don’t know. Why are they doing this to me? I texted back.
I am going to fucking find them
I didn’t reply to that message, I just put my phone down, that’s when my computer said one new comment. I looked at it and my heart skipped a beat, my mind didn’t want to believe it and my eyes didn’t want to see it.
Zack: What is this?
Only three words, but those three words made me want to die.
“Can I help you?” I asked curiously, she smiled.
“Yeah, get those thoughts of Zack out of your disgusting mind, freak” she said, anger welled up inside of me, hiding the sadness.
“Get the fuck away from me”
“What did you just say to me?” she asked dumbfounded.
‘I said Get the FUCK away from me.” I said pushing past her as I elbowed her.
“You stay away from Zack, you dirty faggot!” she screamed, that’s when Zack came around the corner, I knew he heard what she said. I looked up at him, confusion written on his face. I dropped my backpack and ran out the door, I heard him calling my name but I didn’t turn around. I ran out the doors, people stared at me but I ran right to my car where Alex was standing.
“David” I heard Zack calling, but I didn’t turn around.
“Get in now” I said, Alex didn’t ask any question he got in the car and I quickly drove off, I turned off the radio. I just wanted to drive in peace and quite.
“What is wrong?” asked Alex, I pulled over to the side of the road as the tears streamed from my eyes, Alex pulled me into a tight hug as he patted my blond hair. “it’s ok”
“It’s not ok, Alex. She called me faggot and Zack heard. He will never like me, I was so fucking stupid”
“You can’t help who you like and maybe Zack didn’t hear her. Maybe he knows nothing”
“How can he not know? The whole fucking school knows, Alex” I said scoffing
“He might not, you just need to calm down” said Alex, I pulled away from him.
“Yeah, I will be sure to calm down when my life is ruined”
“We are going to your house and you are going to sleep” said Alex, I just looked at him and began to drive.
I woke up with the sound of my alarm clock I had set for midnight, I got out of bed and walked to my laptop and typed in the school blog address, and there it was another post.
I went to the school’s pool today to swim, I just wanted to get out of my house and not think about anything. When I was walking by the workout room, I saw him. Zack was working out with his shirt off, I never knew he was that built before. His body was beautiful and amazing, I wanted to feel his strong arms wrapped around me, I wanted to feel his lips on mine. My eyes traced down his abs to his crotch, I could see the outline of it in his shorts and my trunks grew tighter. I quickly looked away and jumped into the cool pool. I had to calm down, I wanted Zack more than I have ever wanted anything before. He was beautiful and sweet, I wanted him in my life, I needed him in my life. He was perfection, would he ever want me?
This entry was from last summer, I couldn’t believe this! This person wasn’t going in order, they were just writing stuff to hurt me, and to make people hate me. I looked down, the count was higher this time almost 500 people have viewed this in less than 10 minutes time, there were even comments. I noticed the first was from that girl who confronted me earlier.
Hailey: This is disgusting. This faggot needs to get his ass kicked.
Ian: This kid really thinks Zack is going to like him, what a fucking loser
I scanned threw the comments they were all pretty much the same, calling me names or saying how stupid I was, that was until I got to one.
Anonymous: I am sorry this happened to you, David. You are sweet and attractive, I am just like you. Gay. I dare not tell anyone because I don’t want them to hate me, I know you didn’t come out someone forced you out, but I think you are brave.
I read that comment over and over, I couldn’t believe someone, even Anonymous, was like me. I wasn’t alone even though I felt that I wasn’t alone for the first time. My phone went off beside me, I looked at the text from Alex.
Who is doing this? I am going to fucking find them Alex texted
Alex, I don’t know. Why are they doing this to me? I texted back.
I am going to fucking find them
I didn’t reply to that message, I just put my phone down, that’s when my computer said one new comment. I looked at it and my heart skipped a beat, my mind didn’t want to believe it and my eyes didn’t want to see it.
Zack: What is this?
Only three words, but those three words made me want to die.