I'm in Love With You, Are You in Love With Me Too?

Things had been going pretty smoothly with Nick and me. Nothing else had gone wrong since we’d gotten back together; Nick had given me no reason to not trust him. Of course there hadn’t been any parties either. I was glad on one hand, but I also didn’t want to have to worry about parties and be thinking about if anything would happen, because I loved parties. I almost wanted there to be one so I could test him or something, but then I felt like a bitch. I was torn.

But I had just been enjoying my time with him. We had only been apart or broken up or whatever you wanna call it for about a week or so but I really had missed him. I had only had one good day with him before the party since I’d actually been in Arizona. And the end of the school year had been torture being away from him. So I was glad to finally have him back all the way.

We were at Nick’s apartment that he shared with Halvo for once instead of mine and Kahlen’s. Kahlen and John were there and we didn’t want to interrupt anything, and Halvo wasn’t home so we could actually be alone.

We were in the living room watching TV and Nick was playing with my hair while I laid with my head in his lap. I was about to fall asleep when Nick started talking to me.

“I wrote a song for you,” he said, completely out of the blue.

“What?” I was genuinely surprised. I looked up at him with questioning eyes.

“I actually wrote it when you were in Chicago. But I wanted to play it for you in person and there hasn’t really been a good time since you’ve came back to Arizona,” he said and looked away guiltily. “But I want to play it for you now. If that’s ok,” he finished softly.

I sat up and looked him in the eyes. “Of course it’s ok! Actually you had better play it for me right now! You can’t just tell me that you wrote a song for me and then not play it for me. Go get your guitar!” I practically yelled at him and he stood up laughing. What can I say, I was really excited. No one had ever even sung a song for me, let alone written one. And Kahlen was always talking about how John was singing to her and playing for her and writing songs for her and I was jealous. So it was about damn time I could brag to her about Nick writing one for me.

I was practically jumping up and down in my seat on the couch by the time Nick came back out from his room with his guitar in hand. He sat down next to me on the couch with his guitar in his lap.

He started strumming and humming along and I was amazed already. “She knows exactly what to do, whenever I’m alone with her. I can barely make a move, by the time she opens up her eyes,” he sang the first verse and I loved it so much already.

“Oh Dakota, I know our love is new. I barely know ya. I’ve fallen over you. It’s the way you do the things you do that make me fall in love with you. Dakota are you in love with me too?” he got to the chorus and I was smiling like an idiot. He had used my middle name, which for most of my life I had wished was my first name and I seriously sometimes considered just going by Dakota anyways. It was sweet that he remembered me telling him about it shortly after we first met. I had to tell him my middle name in order for him to tell me his middle name, which he claimed to be totally embarrassing, but I thought it was kinda cute in a totally embarrassing way. Nicholas Bernard Santino. Totally cute.

After the song was over I couldn’t even form words. I was so amazed and in awe and I absolutely loved it.

“Nick. That was… amazing. God that doesn’t even describe it.”

“So you liked it?”

“I loved it! And I love you.”

“I love you too. I’m glad you like it. I was so nervous to play it for you. I can play in front of crowds of people no problem, but you actually matter to me so it meant a lot more ya know?”

I just nodded and I couldn’t keep the cheesy smile off of my face. I inched closer to him on the couch and he set his guitar off to the side so he could reach out and hold me close. I kissed him on the lips deeply and I never wanted to be apart from him ever again.

Things started to get more heated and we moved to the bedroom, not wanting to take a chance on getting interrupted. It had happened far too many times to Kahlen for me to take any risks like that.

It was going to be our first time since we’d gotten back together and I didn’t want anything to ruin it. Even though we had been back together for a couple weeks we hadn’t done anything serious yet, which was kind of weird for me, but I just wanted to make sure that I could trust him again and that things really were good between us before we had sex again. But now I knew that they were and I couldn’t wait to show it to him.

We wasted no time getting our clothes off and getting into it. It wasn’t slow or gentle, it was rough and sexy like I liked it and it felt so amazing being back in his arms and being intimate. And he knew just what to do to make me feel good and turn into a quivering mess beneath him. Not that I was complaining. I was far from it. And I was being very loud in voicing just how good it was.

We both lay there panting afterwards and I just felt fantastic. I couldn’t remember it ever being that good but I definitely hoped that it would continue to be that good or get better.

“Holy shit that was great,” Nick said and kissed me softly on the cheek.

“You were great,” I said back to him and couldn’t erase the huge grin off of my face.

After about a half hour of just lying around and talking, something dawned on me and I sat up abruptly.

“What’s wrong?” Nick asked.

“Um… Nothing. I just… I have to go. I forgot I promised Kahlen that I would do something with her,” I quickly made up an excuse. I got up from the bed and started getting dressed. I could feel Nick’s eyes on me and I don’t think he really bought my story but I was a little too preoccupied to care.

“Jordanne… Talk to me. What’s going on?”

“Don’t worry about it. I just have to go.” I pecked him on the lips and walked out the bedroom door hurriedly. I could hear him coming after me but I didn’t stop.

“Jordanne! Stop! What did I do?” he shouted after me.

“It was nothing you did Nick. I swear. But I need to go so please just let me go.” I kissed him again. “I love you.”

He sighed but said, “I love you too.”

I got into my car and sped home. When I got there I ran up the stairs and opened the door right away.

“Kahlen! Where are you? I need to talk to you!” I shouted, really hoping that John wasn’t there.

“What’s up J?” she asked with a concerned look on her face as she walked out of her bedroom.

“Is John here? I need to talk to you alone.”

“He just left. What’s going on? You’re kind of freaking me out.”

“Well, I’m kind of freaking out myself!”

“What happened? You were at Nick’s right? Did something happen with you guys again?”

“Well, we had sex,” I started.

“Ok, that doesn’t seem that bad. So what’s wrong? Was it bad?” she asked with an amused look on her face.

“No Kahlen. It was not bad. It was amazing. But afterwards I remembered that I haven’t been taking my fucking birth control and we didn’t use a condom! What if I get pregnant? I can’t be fucking pregnant! I just graduated from high school!”

“Oh,” Kahlen said simply and her face kind of fell. “That is not good Jordanne. How could you be so careless?”

“I don’t know! I just… I kind of stopped taking it when we broke up or what the fuck ever cos I was pissed and depressed I guess and I just didn’t want to do anything, let alone take a fucking birth control pill. And I mean, I wasn’t planning on having sex with him today, I wanted to try to take things kinda slow because I didn’t want anything to get fucked up again. But then he wrote a song for me and played it and I couldn’t even keep my hands off him. Fuck Kahlen. What am I gonna do if I’m pregnant? I really, really can’t be pregnant.”

“Well, there’s nothing you can do about it now. I guess just hope and pray that your period comes?”

“And if it doesn’t?” I asked softly with a look of panic on my face.

“I don’t know Jordanne. I guess we’ll just have to deal with it when the time comes. I would tell you to try not to freak out about it but I know that’s not gonna happen. So I’ll just tell you that I’m here for you when you need to freak out and I’ll be here for you no matter what. You’re my best friend and I love you forever, ok?”

I nodded. “Ok.”

“Are you gonna tell Nick?”

“I don’t know. I don’t think so. Maybe I’m just freaking out about nothing. Maybe nothing will happen. Right?”

“Right,” she agreed with me even though I could tell by the look on her face that she was just as freaked out as I was.