Constant Companions
Chapter Five
~Sarah~
The sounds of the church organ firing up for the wedding march set my heart into a frenzy unlike anything I had ever experienced before. I thought that I had panic problems in the past, but those times were nothing compared to this.
As I looked around, I knew that I was making my bridesmaids nervous. They were already in line, their arms looped through the groomsman's they had each been partnered with. Matt was just in front of me with my best friend, but he hadn't turned around recently enough to see the look of complete panic on my face. He stood rigidly, still looking awkward in his tux while his eyes stayed fixed on the doorway that would lead us into the nave of the church.
My best friend turned her head slightly, her eyes catching mine in a way that wouldn't alert Matt. She was worried by the look on my face, I knew.
Forcing a smile to my face, I tried to look reassuring for her sake. I knew the nerves I was feeling were completely normal, and probably had more to do with being the center of attention of everyone I knew, rather than rethinking the choice I was currently making.
I loved Justin. That wasn't going to change in the last half an hour before we were officially married. I was just nervous about something going wrong during the ceremony and ruining the beautiful day I had planned.
I could trip, I knew. I was never good at walking in high heels. I didn't know why I chose them at all. Or, I could choke on my own spit and have a coughing fit in front of the whole congregation. Worse yet, I could somehow screw up the words I had to say. Sure, I would only be repeating what the pastor said, and yes, the only important ones were just two, one syllable words, but I still saw myself somehow screwing it up.
A tugging at my arm brought me out of my frantic thoughts. Turning my head, I looked up into my father's sympathetic eyes, feeling a sudden wash of comfort flood over my mind. I smiled back at him and leaned into his arm, threading my own through it.
It was just Matt and my best friend ahead of us now. It was almost time for my own walk down the aisle. My last walk as an unmarried woman.
Taking a deep breath, I watched as Matt stepped forward, moving through the archway and into the main room of the church. The look on his face probably matched mine, but luckily for him, most people didn't actually watch the groomsmen.
When Matt and my best friend were a third of the way down the aisle, my father reached up to pat my hand. "Ready?" he asked, looking down at me with an excited smile.
I forced another smile up at him and nodded, ignoring my sudden urge to throw up. Half an hour from now, this would be over, I would be married, and I would never have to do anything like this again.
My father began walking first, pulling me forward by the arm he clasped until I could force my feet to move underneath me. Suddenly, the aisle ahead of me seemed at least twice as long as it had been.
Then, I lifted my gaze, catching Justin's eye. Keeping my eyes on him, I was able to even out my breathing. Today was about us, I reminded myself. Nothing else mattered. If I tripped, he wouldn't care. If I choked, he would pat me on the back. If I screwed up the words, he would know my real meaning. Everything was going to be alright. I could see that now.
By the time I reached the altar there were tears in my eyes. As I turned to my father to give him one final hug and a kiss on the cheek, I could feel nervous laughter making its way up my throat, laughing at how stupid I was being, crying over a ceremony like this.
My father kissed me back, then turned to Justin, taking one of my hands and one his hands, then pressing them together. "Take care of her," he whispered, tears in his eyes as well. Then, quickly, he turned and took his seat, as if he was afraid he would start to blubber if he stayed any longer.
Locking my eyes on Justin again, I gave him a watery smile, allowing him to tug me closer to the altar, and turn my body toward the pastor.
The next half an hour went by in a blur. I repeated what needed to be repeated, cried when Justin went through his vows, then practically broke down when the pastor announced us to the congregation. Justin quickly took advantage of the opportunity to kiss the bride, then turned us both to the crowd. There was a broad smile covering both of our faces as we quickly moved down the aisle and back out the doors.
We didn't wait for anyone to follow once we were outside. We would see everyone at the reception, and, for now, we both seemed to have the same idea as we made a beeline for the limo that awaited us. We needed to get out of sight. We were done being the complete center of attention.
As we collapsed on one of the long seats in the back of the limo, we both broke into fits of laughter that we had been holding in the entire ceremony. Neither us of was very good at being in the spotlight when it came to things like this.
Quickly, our bridesmaids and groomsmen filed into the vehicle and the limo pulled out into traffic. We still had the reception to get through, but everyone was at ease now. The pressure was off. Now we could just enjoy the party without worrying about how we looked, or the way we were holding ourselves. This was the fun part of the wedding; the part that everyone could enjoy.
Pulling me against his body, Justin let out a long sigh. "I thought I was going to pass out that entire time," he admitted to the group of laughing friends. Now that we were inside the safety of the tinted windows of the limo, we didn't need to worry about pretending.
"You thought you were going to pass out?" I laughed out in an exasperated tone. "I was convinced I was going to throw up the entire way down the aisle, and while we were standing there, I was beginning to worry I had passed out, and I was just dreaming."
Smiling, Justin pulled my face to his lips. "It's too good to be a dream," he whispered quickly into my ear before turning back to the group.
"Can I take this tux off now?" Matt asked, already beginning to loosen his tie.
"No!" I said in mock-panic, lunging across the gap at him. "You will not ruin my wedding!" I was already laughing, even as I threatened my brother, grasping at his neck and trying to redo his tie in an angry way.
Unfortunately, there is no real way to arrange a tie that looks angry, and I wasn't very good at it anyway. So, my fit only really succeeded in making the group laugh, and, in the end, Matt was left with a clumsily done tie, hanging crookedly beneath his face.
"Wow, Sarah," Matt remarked as I sat back in my seat, and he began redoing his tie. "You suck at ties."
Rolling my eyes at him, I turned my attention to the window. We were getting close now, and I could feel the anxiety bubbling up again. Turning, once again to my group, I put on my best game face. "You all ready for round two?" I asked, doing my best to sound like a high school coach.
Everyone around me cheered loudly, sounding more like a riot than a wedding part, and I couldn't help but smile myself. Everything was turning out perfectly so far. And, at this point, I was convinced that nothing could go wrong.
The sounds of the church organ firing up for the wedding march set my heart into a frenzy unlike anything I had ever experienced before. I thought that I had panic problems in the past, but those times were nothing compared to this.
As I looked around, I knew that I was making my bridesmaids nervous. They were already in line, their arms looped through the groomsman's they had each been partnered with. Matt was just in front of me with my best friend, but he hadn't turned around recently enough to see the look of complete panic on my face. He stood rigidly, still looking awkward in his tux while his eyes stayed fixed on the doorway that would lead us into the nave of the church.
My best friend turned her head slightly, her eyes catching mine in a way that wouldn't alert Matt. She was worried by the look on my face, I knew.
Forcing a smile to my face, I tried to look reassuring for her sake. I knew the nerves I was feeling were completely normal, and probably had more to do with being the center of attention of everyone I knew, rather than rethinking the choice I was currently making.
I loved Justin. That wasn't going to change in the last half an hour before we were officially married. I was just nervous about something going wrong during the ceremony and ruining the beautiful day I had planned.
I could trip, I knew. I was never good at walking in high heels. I didn't know why I chose them at all. Or, I could choke on my own spit and have a coughing fit in front of the whole congregation. Worse yet, I could somehow screw up the words I had to say. Sure, I would only be repeating what the pastor said, and yes, the only important ones were just two, one syllable words, but I still saw myself somehow screwing it up.
A tugging at my arm brought me out of my frantic thoughts. Turning my head, I looked up into my father's sympathetic eyes, feeling a sudden wash of comfort flood over my mind. I smiled back at him and leaned into his arm, threading my own through it.
It was just Matt and my best friend ahead of us now. It was almost time for my own walk down the aisle. My last walk as an unmarried woman.
Taking a deep breath, I watched as Matt stepped forward, moving through the archway and into the main room of the church. The look on his face probably matched mine, but luckily for him, most people didn't actually watch the groomsmen.
When Matt and my best friend were a third of the way down the aisle, my father reached up to pat my hand. "Ready?" he asked, looking down at me with an excited smile.
I forced another smile up at him and nodded, ignoring my sudden urge to throw up. Half an hour from now, this would be over, I would be married, and I would never have to do anything like this again.
My father began walking first, pulling me forward by the arm he clasped until I could force my feet to move underneath me. Suddenly, the aisle ahead of me seemed at least twice as long as it had been.
Then, I lifted my gaze, catching Justin's eye. Keeping my eyes on him, I was able to even out my breathing. Today was about us, I reminded myself. Nothing else mattered. If I tripped, he wouldn't care. If I choked, he would pat me on the back. If I screwed up the words, he would know my real meaning. Everything was going to be alright. I could see that now.
By the time I reached the altar there were tears in my eyes. As I turned to my father to give him one final hug and a kiss on the cheek, I could feel nervous laughter making its way up my throat, laughing at how stupid I was being, crying over a ceremony like this.
My father kissed me back, then turned to Justin, taking one of my hands and one his hands, then pressing them together. "Take care of her," he whispered, tears in his eyes as well. Then, quickly, he turned and took his seat, as if he was afraid he would start to blubber if he stayed any longer.
Locking my eyes on Justin again, I gave him a watery smile, allowing him to tug me closer to the altar, and turn my body toward the pastor.
The next half an hour went by in a blur. I repeated what needed to be repeated, cried when Justin went through his vows, then practically broke down when the pastor announced us to the congregation. Justin quickly took advantage of the opportunity to kiss the bride, then turned us both to the crowd. There was a broad smile covering both of our faces as we quickly moved down the aisle and back out the doors.
We didn't wait for anyone to follow once we were outside. We would see everyone at the reception, and, for now, we both seemed to have the same idea as we made a beeline for the limo that awaited us. We needed to get out of sight. We were done being the complete center of attention.
As we collapsed on one of the long seats in the back of the limo, we both broke into fits of laughter that we had been holding in the entire ceremony. Neither us of was very good at being in the spotlight when it came to things like this.
Quickly, our bridesmaids and groomsmen filed into the vehicle and the limo pulled out into traffic. We still had the reception to get through, but everyone was at ease now. The pressure was off. Now we could just enjoy the party without worrying about how we looked, or the way we were holding ourselves. This was the fun part of the wedding; the part that everyone could enjoy.
Pulling me against his body, Justin let out a long sigh. "I thought I was going to pass out that entire time," he admitted to the group of laughing friends. Now that we were inside the safety of the tinted windows of the limo, we didn't need to worry about pretending.
"You thought you were going to pass out?" I laughed out in an exasperated tone. "I was convinced I was going to throw up the entire way down the aisle, and while we were standing there, I was beginning to worry I had passed out, and I was just dreaming."
Smiling, Justin pulled my face to his lips. "It's too good to be a dream," he whispered quickly into my ear before turning back to the group.
"Can I take this tux off now?" Matt asked, already beginning to loosen his tie.
"No!" I said in mock-panic, lunging across the gap at him. "You will not ruin my wedding!" I was already laughing, even as I threatened my brother, grasping at his neck and trying to redo his tie in an angry way.
Unfortunately, there is no real way to arrange a tie that looks angry, and I wasn't very good at it anyway. So, my fit only really succeeded in making the group laugh, and, in the end, Matt was left with a clumsily done tie, hanging crookedly beneath his face.
"Wow, Sarah," Matt remarked as I sat back in my seat, and he began redoing his tie. "You suck at ties."
Rolling my eyes at him, I turned my attention to the window. We were getting close now, and I could feel the anxiety bubbling up again. Turning, once again to my group, I put on my best game face. "You all ready for round two?" I asked, doing my best to sound like a high school coach.
Everyone around me cheered loudly, sounding more like a riot than a wedding part, and I couldn't help but smile myself. Everything was turning out perfectly so far. And, at this point, I was convinced that nothing could go wrong.