Lessons In New Jersey

Weeks had gone by since that night at the coffee house and I hadn't gone to school. Only to avoid Frank, but that didn't stop him from coming over to my house everyday to try to talk to me. I still kept in touch with Gerard and the rest we even hung out but not for long. My mom had started home schooling me. Gerard and them still hung out with Frank. And Gerard would later tell me how Frank would get off task cause he would ask about me. I hated this and my mom new this. So she felt the best thing was to have me move in with my Grandma in Colorado. Every so often when I had time for myself I worked on another song. This time it would have more than just one instrument and Gerard said he would help with that.

"Hey love." I heard Gerard say when he walked up to the backyard porch.

"Hey, Care bear." I replied back.

"how come I'm a care bear?" he questioned me.

"Because I love care bears and there so cuuuute." I replied with a laugh pinching his cheek.

"Oh yay, what time are you leaving tomorrow?" he questioned me again.

"12, my mom's going to take me to the airport." I replied and put down my notebook.

"Okay, are you nervous for tonight?" I heard him question me again.

"Not so much," I replied back laying my head on his shoulder.

"Ah, thats good, I'm going to miss you." he replied "heh I remember when we all first met that was fun,"

I laughed at him "Yea,I remember good times." I sighed and looked at my shoes "does Frank know?" I questioned him.

"Yea he does, and I think he might come by the coffee house today. Also maybe I should tell you this. But he's back with Magdelena," he replied again.

"Thats nice of him. Maybe he won't be so 'ah' if he sees tonight I don't care if he comes tonight it's probably a song he needs to hear." I replied.

"Maddie I have to tell you something." Gerard looked at me.

"Okay." I replied and looked back.

"I've actually, liked you more than a friend for awhile. But you were with Frank, so I didn't know what to do," he replied, I looked at my shoes again not knowing what to say.

"Gerard I love you I do, but I just don't think of you that way, I'm sorry." I replied back. I felt bad.

"It's okay, you don't have to apologize, I'll see you tonight." he left before I could say anything back.

I sighed and grabbed my notebook walking back inside to my room which was filled with packed boxes. I put my notebook in one and went back down stairs getting a soda from the fridge and sitting at the table.

"Hey, I just saw Gerard leaving, he looked a bit eh." I heard my mom say as she walked in with two grocery bags.

"Yea he just gave me some news about something," I replied back.

"What'd he say?" she questioned me.

"That he's likes me more than just a friend." I replied back.

"Really, oh." she replied back and started to unpack the bags.

"But I don't feel the same, I don't think I do...Oh crap I'm so fugging confused."

"language,"

"sorry, urgh I'm gonna go take a nap," I replied and went up stairs to my room and laid on my bed. All I could think of was Gerard though. I closed my eyes and fell asleep.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"Wake up!" I heard someone yell in my ear I startled awake and look to see Mikey.

"Shit what time is it?" I questioned him.

"Its 7, you have 30 minutes to get there." he replied and pulled me up off the bed.

"Dammit," I grabbed my make up bag and a different shirt. Mikey pulled me outside to the car where Gerard was waiting. He looked a bit better than when he left.

[At the coffee house]

We walked up to the coffee house and it looked more busy than I had thought it would be.

"Okay now I'm nervous, why'd I have to all of a sudden be hit with the feeling that I have to puke," I replied as we got closer all the guys stepped away. "I'm not okay." I reassured them.

"You'll be fine, you got Ray, Bob, and Mikey, how fun is that." Gerard replied.

"Oh so fun, um can you guys go ahead I gotta talk to Gerard for a moment." I grabbed Gerard's hand and pulled him back. They nodded and went inside.

"We'll set everything up." Ray replied back. I smiled at him and waited till they were inside.

"Gerard about what you told me earlier today." I started still holding his hand.

"I know you don't feel the same," he cut me off for a moment.

"No, I just, I'm confused about things right now." I replied back. "I'm starting to think that maybe the first drama we had when we were at your house that one night, way back when. Maybe that wasn't because of the whole drinking thing." He looked confused for a moment then remembered what I was talking about.

"Oh, that." he gave a little smile. I just smiled back. I kissed him on the cheek and hugged him. "I'm never going to forget you, or any of the guys." I replied.

"I know you won't and I won't forget you." he looked at me and kissed me on the forehead. "come on before people have a bitch fit." he put his arm around me and we walked inside.

When we walked inside people were already seated and Ray and the rest were already on the stage. "By the way thanks for letting me borrow the band."

"Anything for you poppet," he replied with a smile.

I smiled back and walked away to the stage. People clapped as I stepped on stage and put the guitar strap over my head. "Yes I'm back with my other friends here, Ray, Bob, and Mikey and the song I will be singing is another one I wrote called 'I'll Find Mine'" I spoke into the microphone and people clapped. When I was about to start I saw Frank walk in followed by Magdelena. I looked away and looked at Gerard then back at Frank "This song is actually dedicated to someone too." I spoke again and looked at Ray and Mikey.

We started the melody and with one sigh I started the song.

You looked so happy
When I saw you with her
And I'm so glad
I knew you before you met her
So I know
How guys are before they get her.

I've got it down
You showed me again
Just so you know.
Don't push me around
I know you resent that I'm alone
Pity and mercy
Do nothing for me
You know me better than anyone.

Go get your girl
She's looking at you like you're crazy.
We can pretend you never even knew me.
It would work out
Don't let go of that one
And I'll find mine.

Run into you
Everytime I walk out my door.
Oh, it's precious
You've never held my hand like that before.
No need to stop and wave,
You stay calm and I'll be brave.
Don't ever look down on me
Don't ever feel bad for me.

I've got it down
You showed me again
Just so you know.
Don't push me around
I know you resent that I'm alone
Pity and mercy
Do nothing for me
You know me better than anyone.

Go get your girl
She's looking at you like you're crazy.
We can pretend you never even knew me.
It would work out
Don't let go of that one
And I'll find mine.

Oh, find mine.
Find mine.
Look at me look at me,
I've got time to find.
Mine. [4x]

I've got it down
You showed me again
Just so you know.
Don't push me around
I know you resent that I'm alone
Pity and mercy
Do nothing for me
You know me better than anyone.

Go get your girl
She's looking at you like you're crazy.
We can pretend you never even knew me.
It would work out
Don't let go of that one
And I'll find mine.
I'll find mine
I'll find mine

When I finished the song I had realized the whole time I had my eyes closed, When I opened them again I saw Frank and Magdelena sitting at a table. I said my thank you's and walked off the stage towards Gerard, Frank got up and stopped me. He was about to say something but I stopped him.

"I'll find mine," I said to him and went around over to Gerard who was standing up, I walked up to him and kissed him on the lips he kissed back wrapped his arms around me. For the first time in weeks I was happy. But only knowing it wasn't going to last long. Cause I was going to leave him tomorrow. We pulled apart and smiled at each other, Gerard grabbed my hand and we walked out

Gerard dropped the guys off and gave me a ride home. We sat in the car in silence not really knowing what to say. He smiled at me and I smiled back. I gave him another kiss and got out walking up to the door and inside. The light was on my mom was still awake.

"Everything went well?" she questioned me. I smiled and nodded then walked up to my room to go to bed. I laid on my bed thinking of Gerard then drifted off to sleep.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I sat in the car at the drop off at the airport. Mom was going through a check list and I would randomly say check just so she would think I was paying attention. I got out of the car with my messenger bag with my notebooks and walkman with a couple of CD's. I looked around but still no sign of Gerard, or Mikey, or Ray and Bob. I sighed and got my bags and turned to my mom.

"Remember what gate it is?" she questioned me.

"Gate G7 yea you only told me 50 times." I replied with a smile.

"Just making sure," she smiled back. and hugged me "have a safe trip and call me when you get there."

"I will," I smiled and could feel my eyes tearing up. She gave me a kiss on the cheek and I walked away inside. I looked at my watch and it was sure enough time for boarding. I walked over to the counters to hand them my bag then over to my gate. People were already boarding. I sighed and walked over feeling the tears coming down my cheeks.

"You weren't going to leave without saying goodbye," I heard some voices behind me. Just in time Gerard, Ray, Mikey, and Bob came walking up.

"I was hoping I wouldn't have to, thanks for saving me." They all walked up and gave me a hug, one big hug.

"You know your going to have to call us everyday right." Ray replied with a smile.

"Of course I will, I love you guys." I replied.

"We all got you something. But you can't open it till your on the plane," Bob said handing me a bag, what a surprise it was black. I laughed a little.

"Thanks," I gave them all another hug and was pulled a side by Gerard.

"I already miss you as cheesy as it sounds," he replied, I saw a tear escape his eye and I could feel mine starting to come out again. I wiped it away and pulled him into a kiss. I could feel more tears coming from my eyes and from his.

"I'll come back, I promise." I replied hugging him. "I won't forget you." he held me as I cried.

"If you don't come back. I'll come looking for you, okay. We'll meet again no matter what happeneds." He replied rocking me. "When both our cars collide."

"It's just one of those things, I know." I replied looking at him. He kissed me again and let go.

"You should go now, your going to miss your plane. Don't look back, it'll only make it harder." he replied, I nodded and looked at the boys I gave them all last minute hugs and walked away. I did what he said I didn't look back. I went through the terminal to the airplane and to my seat where the flight attendant directed. Lucky for me I got a window seat. I sat there breathing trying not to completely lose it, I opened the back and started to look through it. I pulled out a Mew stuffed animal and read the tag It was from Mikey, with a little note 'Gerard told me of your freakish pokemon love, Saw this and thought of you, cute huh, luff you' I smiled and put it back in the bag, I looked in and pulled out a badly wrapped gift it was from Bob I opened it and it was a big bag of pixi stix and tapped to it was a picture that I was only to familiar with, 'good times, keep your sugar level high have fun with the flight attendants' I laughed a little only Bob would think of something like that. The next gift was from Ray, It too was a pokemon thing, a poke'ball that flipped inside out into a squirtle, I had fun with it for awhile till I put it back and pulled out the last gift, it was from Gerard, it was wrapped with black paper and the size of a jewelery box, well it was a jewelery box, I opened it and it was a heart necklace, one of those ones with the rice that has been written on. The rice had Gerard's name on it and a little not inside the box said 'you have my heart, please don't break this', I felt another tear roll down my cheek I wiped it away and put the box in the bag and clasped the necklace around my neck. Few minutes later the plane started moving, I turned and looked out the window and my heart broke as I saw Gerard standing in the window at the gates. He waved at the plane, and though I know he couldn't see me I waved back. I promised him I would be back. And that was a promise I intended to keep.