The Choices We Make

I fell onto my bed and stared at the bags on the floor. I only wished the clothes would somehow crawl out and hang themselves up in my closet. The little two hour shopping trip with Zane I just endured exhausted me and there was three bags of clothing to put away. All of the clothes were safe. No clingy clothes, no tight pants, everything loose but cute enough that nobody would question.

I played with my hair aimlessly and stared at the ceiling watching my fan spin swiftly. It had control in a way. It never skipped a beat, all the blades moved together as one, the fan never slowed nor speed up. Constant speed. Constant balance. I wish I could be like the fan, all my pieces going together as one. Instead, parts of me were sprawled everywhere.

My eyes moved to the bags again, they were hesitant; a hope was tucked deep within that they really had moved. No such luck. I groaned and picked up one bag and spilled the contents on my bed and hung each piece on the hanger and then moved it into the closet. After I put away the first bag and indented into the second I noticed a second pair of hands pulling clothing out of the bags randomly. I look up and met those green adoring eyes.

"Mommy let me in." He was so used to being around that he felt comfortable being in my house and calling my family his. It made me uncomfortable at the thought of him being more family than he was now. Marriage and a kid. I could see him trying to force himself into something he didn't believe in for me and this child. I suppressed a sigh and forced a smile.

"Good, I need help with all this." I said. "You came over just in time."

He glanced at every piece before hanging it up and raising his eyebrows more each time. He shook one dress in the air and looked at me. "Isn't this like five sizes too big for you?"

I laughed softly. "Probably are. Zane called me fat and took me shopping and kind of got huge ass clothes. But they are cute", I said holding up a pink blouse. "so I probably will wear them anyways."

We quickly finished up and I sat on the edge of my bed and Nate joined me. I leaned on his shoulder and he wrapped his arm around my waist.

"You should return those clothes."

I looked up at him. "Why?" I wondered warily.

He smiled and poked my stomach. My eyes gaped open and I had to look away before he noticed the change in my expression. "Your body is too cute for it to be so covered." He bent down and gently brushed his lips to mine and then he pulled me closer. "I'm so glad that you're my best friend."

I smiled on the outside, but on the inside, my smile was not true. My heart felt like it was being ripped open with a dull razor blade. My mind kept repeating his words and then mentally saying Not just that but also the mother of your baby. Are you glad about that? I tried pushing the negative thoughts away but it brought others. Like Jake and how he acts towards Kassie and how he would feel if he knew. I fought a frown.

"I love you so much, Ace." He kissed my forehead, then my cheeks, then my nose, and then my forehead again. He did that often. I guess it was Nate's way of showing that he loved me. I felt tears betray my shield of fake happiness. I sucked them up before they could fall out. Nate loved me as a friend. Friends don't have babies together. Hell, friends don't have sex. I guess we weren't like most friends but there was no romantic feelings for each other.

He patted my knee and laid back on my bed and kicked his feet up on my lap. "So, hows things with Jake?" He asked with honest wonder. He wanted things for Jake and I to work out. To him, it seemed realistic. To me, it seemed to far away.

"Um.. I really don't know. I really care about him and he shows it, but he never says it. Whatever, I got to focus on bigger things now. Head in the game. College is so near. Forget him."

He smiled. That was the smile that always reined the girls in. "Don't give up, sweets. That boy is heads over heels for you. He loves you."

"I know he likes me.. as a friend.. and sometimes I think it's more.. but then he acts all Kassie crazy."

He laughed and stretched. "Guys act stupid sometimes. Even when we really like a girl, we act stupid."

I shrugged and bit my lip as I pushed his legs off me and sprawled out next to him. "I just feel like there's something wrong with me."

Nate's eyes got big and he glared at me. "Something wrong with you? You're crazy. There's something wrong with him if he doesn't see all the amazing little pieces of you." He put his hand on mine. I wished that this baby didn't have to come along. Maybe then I could try and pursue Jake. Maybe. Maybe I would be enough. Nate bumped his shoulder to mine.

"Guess what's coming up in a week?"

"What?" I asked, clueless.

"Your birthday." He was right. I completely forgot. Next Monday was my sixteenth birthday. All this baby talk made me forget. My sixteenth birthday and my seven week mark of pregnancy. Oh, joy, this is exactly how I wanted to spend my teen years.

Nate's phone buzzed erratically and he sighed and answered. "Hello... Yeah.. Okay.. Er.. Whatever, be there in a few minutes."

I looked up at him with curiosity. He jumped up and straightened up his clothes and then frowned at me. "We'll have to hang out again, we never see each other enough anymore." I nodded but stayed lying down, not feeling like getting up. He walked over to me and kissed me on the lips quickly. It's just how our friendship was. We kissed each other like that and it showed merrily a family type love in our heads.

He left the room and the tears started to fall as soon as I hear the front door close. I had to leave him behind. I would miss his stupid ass. I hope the baby doesn't have green eyes. If it does, then all it's gonna do is make denying the father more difficult. My brown eyes better be on this child. No matter what, I'm still going to miss him, along with everyone else.

Life is a bitch.