I Miss You, I'm So Sorry

Delilah was nowhere near ready to talk about her past. Not to anyone, not even Alex, but she knew she couldn’t leave him without an explanation. She stared in Alex eyes for a second and then looked away as she started to speak.

“You have to understand I don’t have a very good relationship with my parents, that’s why I life alone. They don’t care about me and I’ve learned not to care about them. I won’t bore you with all the details, but you have to understand that I had no one when I was younger. I had one aunt, who did care about me, but she was at work a lot and didn’t always have time for me.

There was this one guy, my best friend, we really cared about me. We’d been friends since we were kids, we were really close. And, very predictable, I fell in love with him. At first I thought he didn’t feel the same, but I was wrong. He told me he loved me too, I was so happy, you have no idea.

I was young, stupid and in love, so I actually believe him when he told me he loved me. I trusted him, I trusted him enough to give him my virginity. I was afraid he might dump me afterwards, seeing he usually wasn’t the type of guy to have an relationship, but he stayed. Well that was until I found out I was pregnant. He dumped me and broke my heart. He was the only person I trusted and he let me down.

I moved and went to live with my grandparents. I was broken, I didn’t eat, I didn’t sleep and I…..”
Delilah removed her bracelets to show Alex the scars on her wrists. He gasped and wanted to say something, but Delilah caught him off.

“…..started to cut. My grandparents found out and forced me to go see a therapist. He really helped me and I stopped. I was getting better and I realize I was going to have a baby. And as much as I hated the father I did love that baby.

So, I got the pieces that were left of me together and focused on my baby. Things were getting better and I was actually excited to be a mom. A couple of months later I have birth to a perfect baby girl, I held her and my grandma even took a picture of us, before the doctors took her away. They explained that the…. state I’d been in the first few months, might have affected my baby and they had to make sure she was okay.

4 hours later they came back, without her, and told me they were very sorry, but she didn’t make it. There had been a problem with her heart.”

Delilah was crying, she looked down at her hands, which were in Alex’s now, his thumb softly stroking her scars. She continued with her story.

“I left two days after her funeral, I couldn’t stay there. I’ve been living with my aunt, who had moved to Seattle, ever since.

The song I played tonight was for her, my baby girl.”

Delilah couldn’t contain her sobs any longer and Alex pulled her closer. Not sure what to say. He’d been right about Delilah keeping a secret, but he never thought it was something this big. “It’s okay, everything will be alright.” He mumbled into her ear.

Delilah pushed him away. “It’s not okay Alex!” she yelled. “I killed my baby, my little girl! All because I was too selfish, because I was only thinking about me, my pain. I loved her more than anything and because of me she never even got a change to life! How can that be okay?” Alex wrapped his arms around her and she tried to push him away, but he wouldn’t let her.

“It’s not your fault D. It’s not, you hear me? It’s that boys fault, he’s the reason you were so depressed in the first place.” He let her cry in his arms. She looked up at him, even with her eyes red and puffy from crying she was still beautiful. Alex couldn’t help himself and leaned closer.

Their lips brushed against each other softly before he leaned in all the way and pressed his lips on hers. Delilah pushed him away after a few seconds. “I can’t Alex, I can’t do this again. I can’t make the same mistake.” She got up from the couch to open the door for him, but Alex wasn’t leaving. “D, please, I’m not him. I won’t do that to you.” He pleads, but it’s clear Delilah isn’t listening. “Just leave Alex. Please.”

Alex crossed his arms. “I’m not leaving, not after what you just told me. You shouldn’t be alone right now.” “Alex..” “No buts, I’m staying. Besides, we need to talk about what just happened. Please just hear me out. I like you, I really like you. I wanna be more than friends. I know you were hurt in the past, but I promise I won’t do that to you. I’m not like the other guy, I won’t break your heart like that. I…”

“Stop it Alex! Don’t just say thing to make me feel better.” She cried. “D, I’m not!” Alex pleaded. “I love you.

But before Alex could say anything else, Delilah was already out of the room. She locked the bedroom door behind her, tears rolling down her cheeks uncontrollably. She leans back against the door, sobbing, and slides down till she’s sitting on the floor. Alex words echoing in her head. I promise I won’t hurt you.

She starts to cry even harder. You already did Alex, you already did. She thought.

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Alex slowly walked over to the closed door. He could her Delilah crying on the other side. He sits down in front of the door, leaning against it. Hoping she would open it soon, but the door stayed closed.

After god knows how long Alex gave up. Still refusing to leave Delilah alone he decides to just sleep on the couch. Determent to talk to her in the morning.

He was in love with her and he was pretty sure she loved him too. And he wasn’t going to stop until she was his.

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The next morning Delilah found herself sleeping on her bedroom floor, leaning against the door. Memories of the previous nigh rushed back. Sighing she opened the door, only to almost slam it shut again when she saw Alex sleeping on the couch.

She figure she couldn’t hide from him forever, but most off all she was dying for a cup of coffee. She tiptoed to the kitchen and made herself a cup. Careful not to wake Alex up she went back to her room, or at least she tried, because when she turned around she saw Alex had woken up and was standing a few feet away from her.

“Morning D.” He said and patted on the space next to him. Delilah ignored his presence, finished her cup and walked past the couch to her room. But Alex wouldn’t let her, he grabbed her wrist as she walked past him. “Delilah, please, talk to me.”

She turned to face him, not saying a word. “I’m sorry for kissing you, I know I have the worst timing in the world, but I couldn’t help myself. I want you. I love you . I’m in love with you Delilah.” Delilah pulled away from him. “I don’t believe in love Alex.” She said flatly. “And what do you know about love? All you do is screw around. Your longest relationship was what? A day?” She spat. “So don’t talk to me about love. It doesn’t fucking exist!”

She wanted to walk away again, wanting him to leave her alone, for good. Not that she was staying here very long anyways.

“Don’t say that! I know how I feel Delilah, and what I feel for you is love. Just let me prove it to you!” Alex pleaded, getting a little desperate. “How!?” Delilah shouted. Alex pulled her closer and grabbed her face, kissing her with as much love and passion as he could. Delilah kissed back, not hesitating a second.

Alex licked her bottom lips, begging for entrance and she was more than willing to grant it. The kissed deepened and Alex pulled her closer to his body. After a couple of minutes of making out he pulled away reluctantly. Delilah was panting, trying to catch her breath. “Don’t tell me you didn’t feel anything.” Alex demanded. “I didn’t.” Delilah answered, but her voice didn’t sound very convincing.

“Damnit Delilah!” Alex groaned frustrated and pushed her against the wall, attacking her lips again. She kissed back with as much passion as him. His lips moved from her lips down to her neck. Delilah moaned softly as he nibbled on her neck.

She feels Alex’s hand trying to take of her shirt, snapping her back to reality. She pushes him away. “Stop! Get the fuck out Alex.” She whispers and goes back to her room, locking the door again, leaving a very confused Alex Gaskarth all by himself.