The World's On Fire

Finally. I’m finally finished packing up everything that reminded me of Gena. She came and got all her stuff three days ago. Now, all that remained were the pictures of us around the house. Those were now in the boxes, which would hopefully never leave my attic.

Icky ran down the hallway at me, barking his head off. He always wanted to be picked up. Majesty was too big for that now; she got her entertainment out of jumping and knocking people down. I was so glad they didn’t miss Gena. Majesty was a jealous girl anyway.

“Let’s go watch some TV,” I told the small black dog in my arms. Icky just panted and tried to lick my face, so I took that as a yes. Dogs were so much easier to please than humans. Humans were just, annoying. They were annoying as fuck.

The dogs and I watched previous baseball game reruns for a couple hours. I would take them to the park, but I couldn’t stand looking at all the happy couples and families. Their lives appeared to be perfect, while mine was the opposite. It wasn’t fair.

My phone started to play Out Ta Get Me by Guns N’ Roses. Why I let Matt screw around with phone, I don’t know. I glanced at the caller I.D. It was my Mom. She was probably going to call me to tell me to apologize to the rest of my family for being a dick on Christmas.

Gena picked up her shit on Christmas of all days. I did say two days, and Christmas two days after I’d told her. She had to bring her dick of a boyfriend over too. My Christmas wasn’t Merry. Especially since the asshole kicked my dogs for barking at him. I told them they were a good girl and boy for protecting Vengeance territory.

“What Mom? I’m kinda busy at the moment?”

“Zackary James Baker! Don’t talk to me like that. I know you were watching baseball anyway.” She scolded. Her voice was hoarse, as if she’d been crying.

I frowned, “Sorry Mom. What’s wrong?”

She sniffled, “It’s-it’s your sister.” Her voice caught, “Th-They couldn’t save her.”

“Mom, you’re not making any sense. What about Rylee?”

“Oh Zacky!” She started crying on the phone. No, no this couldn’t be happening. I began shaking my head as the phone shifted and my father’s tired voice met my ears.

“Zacky, Rylee passed about an hour ago.”

This wasn’t possible. Rylee was at home, watching some lame reality show on MTV and texting her friends. This was some sick joke. It had to be.

“Is this some sick joke? ‘Cause I’m not laughing.” I spoke into the phone, my voice cracking.

“Son, why would I joke about something like this?”

“One of my babies’ gone!” I heard my mother sob in the background.

I knew they couldn’t see me, but I shook my head harder. “No, this can’t be true. Rylee’s not dead. She can’t be!” My voice cracked, a sob escaping my throat. “She can’t be.”

“Zack-”

I hung up. Resisting the urge to throw my phone into the wall and watch it smash into a million pieces, I placed it on the coffee table and held my face in my hands. This couldn’t be true. My sister, my baby sister, could not be dead. It wasn’t possible.

My phone started ringing again. Majesty and Icky watched me carefully; they didn’t know what to do. Their Daddy was hurting and they didn’t know why. Maybe it was Mom calling to tell me it was all a lie, just to get back at me for being a dick.

It was Val though. I snatched the phone and flipped it open.

“Listen Val, now’s not the-”

“Jimmy’s dead.”

“Excuse me?”

Val’s voice was emotionless, until it started cracking. “Jimmy is dead. Jimmy, James, Jimbo, Crazy Fucker, Giant, String Bean is gone. And they don’t know why.”

“Don’t lie to me Val! Is this to get back at me for being a dick at your Christmas party? Because I’m fucking sorry. Don’t play games Val.”

“Zacky I’m not lying.” She sobbed. “Jimmy’s really gone. Leana found him dead in bed.”

“No!” I finally broke, tears streaming down my face. “They can’t be!”

And I hung up on her too. This wasn’t happening. This just couldn’t. I turned my phone off so I wouldn’t get any more calls. I glanced at all the pictures that decorated my walls. Me and Rylee, old family photos, old band photos, photos of the guys at Matt and Brian’s bachelor party, and one of Gena and I that I missed. They weren’t gone, they couldn’t be.

I suddenly leaped up and grabbed the frame with the picture of Gena and me. I threw it at the wall, loving the sound of the glass braking into thousands of tiny pieces. They were all lying, every single one of them. Destroy, I had to destroy. To make everything else know what I was going through.

I saw red as I flipped the coffee table, watching the glasses break as the table crushed them. More picture frames met the opposite walls and the lamp became acquainted the wide screen television.

And then it stopped. I collapsed onto of the bits of broken glass and furniture, sobbing. This wasn’t true. It couldn’t be. Why were they leaving me? Why were they playing sick tricks on me?

I cried. It hurt to much to move, the glass sticking into my skin and the thoughts of going on with out my best friend, the love of my life, and my baby sister. What was the point either? We were all going to die. I could just lie here and die too. Jimmy and Rylee already did. And the tears started again.

I stared at the casket as the lowered it into the ground. That was Jimmy, my best fucking friend ever, besides Rylee, being lowered into the ground. The girls cried and the guys tried not to. They had to be strong for their girls, but I didn’t. I was a single man, but I had to be strong anyway.

Rylee’s funeral was yesterday. My parents had opted for her to be cremated. She had always said she’d rather be burned then buried anyway. That way she’d never be a zombie, like I was. I was a living zombie.

There was no point in life now. The band was finished. My best friends and I weren’t the same; we were missing a link. My family was destroyed. My relationship torn to shreds. My dogs scared shitless of me because of my freak out, which I cleaned up in hopes of distracting myself.

Tears trickled down my cheeks and Jimmy was moved lower and lower. One by one the guys threw a white rose on top of the casket. I had to be strong. Even if I wanted to die, I had to be strong for Rylee and Jimmy. They would never have wanted me to cry over them, but I couldn’t help it.

It was soon my turn. Leana handed me a rose, crying so hard she almost fell over. Michelle and Brian came over to her and hugged her. Brian and Leana, being the closest to Jimmy, needed each other. I approached the dark hole in the ground. I was trying not to bawl, and then I felt a warm breeze blow over me. Even though California was pretty warm, I was so cold.

I few of the petals blew away and flew around my ears. I was going crazy. They seamed to be whispering ‘I Love You’ in the breeze as it warmed my soul. I gently left the rose fall into the grave. I had to leave before I fell apart in front of all these people.

“Zack!”

I turned around, just as I was about to get in my car. My mother ran up to me, a CD in her hand and tears in her eyes.

“This was in Rylee’s stuff. She also left this in on top of it.” She held up a folded sheet of notebook paper and handed me both the paper and the CD.

“Thanks Mom,” I sniffled.

She sniffled too and threw her arms around me, “I love you Zacky. No matter what, I’ll always love you.”

I pulled away and got in my car, “I love to Ma. I love you too.”

I just drove. I didn’t go back to my house, or my Mom’s, or Jimmy’s. I just let myself go anywhere. Anywhere that wasn’t there. I ended up at the beach. The same beach Rylee and I last shared ice cream. I sniffled and unfolded the sheet of paper.

Dear Zacky,

Please don’t cry. Please don’t cry as you read this. Your ‘beautiful jade orbs’ look hideous surrounded by red. It’s worse than department stores in December.

I know I will die. We all die, it’s just a matter of time, and unfortunately my hourglass is empty. But please don’t cry. Please. I’d rather you celebrate the life I lived instead of the life I didn’t get to. When ever you think of me, I want you to smile and remember all the good times we had, instead if think of what could have been.

Please listen to the CD, and know that I’ll always be with you. I’ll always be there, watching over you, Matt, Zina, Mom, Dad, the guys, Icky, Gavin, Majesty, and even Gena (even though she doesn’t deserve it). I love you Zacky, don’t you ever forget that.

Your baby sister,

Rylee

I sniffled after reading it. Rylee always wanted everybody happy. I picked up the CD. It was just one of the ones Dad bought in packs of one hundred from Target. I put it in the car’s CD player and waited for it to start.

A guitar riff started before the rest of the band started.

Little sister, I’m gonna miss ya,
Sometimes you keep me up all night long.
When you memory, comes to me,
If it don’t kill me then it’ll make me strong.

Little sister, now you’ll be eighteen,
And posing in your graduation dress.
It’s probably better, we’re not together,
The world’s on fire, it’s a fucked up mess.

Do your wings fit good, can you fly?
And do your wings fit good, can you fly?

It’s almost like you’ve been carrying me,
A little angel always watching over me.
Save me from the danger I can’t see,
So I know where I’m supposed to be.

When in the darkest place,
You’re my light, you’re my saving grace.
You’ll be an angel but you’ll always be,
Little sister.

Little sister, I’m here for ya,
If you ever need to talk to me.
Not gonna keep you, just love to see you,
Is there any way to let you leave?

Do your wings fit good, can you fly?
And do your wings fit good, can you fly?

It’s almost like you’ve been carrying me,
A little angel always watching over me.
Save me from the danger I can’t see,
So I know where I’m supposed to be.

When in the darkest place,
You’re my light, you’re my saving grace.
You’ll be an angel but you’ll always be,
Little sister.

Do your wings fit good, can you fly?
I hope your wings fit good, when you fly.

It’s almost like you’ve been carrying me,
A little angel always watching over me.
Save me from the danger I can’t see,
So I know where I’m supposed to be.

When in the darkest place,
You’re my light, you’re my saving grace.
You’ll be an angel but you’ll always be,
Little sister.

Hope your wings fit good.