If I Told You I Loved You, How Far Would You Run?

The next morning is awkward.

We sit on opposite ends of my bed, unwilling to look at each other. Silence. And then—

“Why did you do that?” I ask in a raspy voice.

Ryan just shrugs and when we finally look at each other, I see a dull look in his eyes so I crawl over to his end of the bed and wrap my arms around him.

“You still have me, Ry,” I tell him softly. “I’ll always be your best friend.”

And he does this weird sort of barking laugh. “God, we are such a soap opera,” he says bitterly.

I kiss the top of his head. “Ryan,” I say, tone dead serious. “I need to ask you something.”

“Anything, Bren.”

“So, I know we’ve sorta been screwing around and kissing each other and stuff but you have a girlfriend,” I begin, feeling awkward and uncomfortable but probably not as awkward and uncomfortable as Ryan. “And I need you to choose. I … I don’t want to screw around with you unless you’re committed to me, unless I’m your boyfriend. And if you have a girlfriend, then I can’t touch you. I need you to choose.”

“Well what about you and Pete, huh?!” Ryan explodes, looking at me wildly. “You’re in a relationship too, Brendon. I’m not the only one who’s cheating!”

He sort of has a point there, except we both know that Pete and I exist on a whole other plane than Keltie and Ryan. “Except Pete actually wants me to hook-up with you, Ryan,” I say.

“Are you sure?” Ryan asks, looking wild and almost half crazy. “He sounded pretty sincere the other day—maybe he’s decided that he likes you exactly where you are!”

“You’re crazy,” I say flatly.

“Crazy in love,” he mumbles under his breath, but I still hear him and I freeze up.

“What?”

Ryan blushes and looks away from me. “Nothing.”

And I nod my head sadly. “Yes, Ryan, that’s exactly what we are. Nothing.”

* * *

We’re back to avoiding each other at school, and it really sucks.

“What happened?” Pete asks, walking me to my third period class.

“We made out last night,” I mumble, ducking my head.

Pete’s eyes darken. “You shouldn’t do that, Brendon,” he says. “He’s got a girlfriend.”

“Yeah, but isn’t the point of this to get him to date me?” I shoot back. “So isn’t that okay?”

“No! You’re just getting him in the habit of cheating,” he says. “Who says he wouldn’t cheat on you too if this whole thing continues?”

I give him a weird look. “Pete?” I ask slowly. “Are you still trying to get me and Ryan together?”

His jaw clenches and he doesn’t say anything.

“Pete?” I question.

“I don’t want to talk about this now,” he mumbles. “Save it for after school.”

What? “Why? What’s going on after school?” I ask.

“I’m kidnapping you and bringing you home with me.”

“No,” I say firmly.

“What? Why not?” Pete asks, pouting at me.

I laugh, socking him playfully in the shoulder. “Pete, honey, only Ryan can pull off pouting, so don’t even try,” I tell him, snickering slightly. “And honestly? I’d really rather just go home and talk everything out with Ryan.”

Pete looks defeated. “I guess I never will be able to be Ryan for you.”

I give him a sad look. “You got that right at least.”

“But you’re still my boyfriend, Brendon,” he says, taking my face in his hands and kissing me tenderly.

Just as Ryan walks by, holding hands with Keltie.

Pete’s still kissing me when Ryan stops suddenly, causing Keltie to run into him, and glares at Pete and me. He has the same look of complete rage and jealousy on the face that I feel when I see him with Keltie.

“Ry-baby, what’s wrong?” Keltie asks, stroking his cheek, but Ryan shakes her off, eyes still narrowed at Pete and me.

When Pete pulls away from me, I blink at him in surprise, blushing, before he turns around to wink at an enraged Ryan and runs off down the hall.

“What the fuck was that, Urie?!” Ryan explodes.

“That was my boyfriend,” I say calmly, walking over to pat him on the cheek patronizingly. “And you should do good to remember it.”

As I’m walking away, I hear Keltie asking him what’s wrong.

“Leave me alone!” Ryan screams and I hear his footsteps running off in the other direction.