Friends With Benefits

Over and over again, I thought I had learned my lesson about randomly hooking up with Fletch and over and over again, I disappointed myself by repeating my mistakes. I couldn’t understand why I was so drawn to Fletch for comfort. I supposed it was because he gave me the attention I craved that Will didn’t and it somehow made me feel good that I could at least interest someone, even if that someone was a douche like Fletch. Thought of why I degraded myself in such a way entered my head when I yet again found myself half-naked on Fletch’s bed the following week.

It was a Friday and the day at school had begun simply enough. I was still hitching rides to and from school since he was my next-door neighbor, though Fletch and I were sort of on good terms again and Fletch had subtly informed me he wouldn’t be too opposed to driving me again. Things came to a head that Friday when Will came up at the beginning of study hall.

“I can’t take you home this afternoon, Ailee,” Will said, sounding genuinely sorry. “I asked Fletch, though, so you don’t have to worry about getting a ride…”

“Why can’t you take me home?”

“It’s Maddie,” Will sighed.

“Maddie Schemer? Please don’t tell me you’re getting back with her. She is positively the worst girlfriend you’ve ever had…” I begged him.

“It’s not like that,” Will insisted. “We’re just going out for coffee after school… You know as well as anyone how hard Maddie took our breakup…”

“Yeah… she burned her name in your front yard,” I shivered.

“Anyway, her mom said she’s been sort worried about Maddie…something about her acting really suicidal over the summer,” Will shrugged. “I just agreed to go so we could clear the air and so Maddie could move on. I’d hate if she hurt herself or something just because things didn’t work out between us. And believe me, if I need rescuing from her evil clutches, you’ll be the first person I call.”

“I get it,” I admitted sourly.

“You’re great, Ailee. You really are,” Will beamed at me. “So… since you’re the only girl it seems I can trust anymore, any advice for handling a possibly sociopathic ex?” I gave Will some pointers on how to deal with Maddie in her delicate state as he walked me out to Fletch’s car. Of course, the fact that I was willing to help Will didn’t mean I didn’t spend the remainder of the drive back to Fletch’s house complaining about what an evil scheming bitch Maddie was.

It seemed things went from me postulating that Maddie had a voodoo doll of Will somewhere to me splayed out on my back in Fletch’s bed, both of our shirts missing, my bra unclipped and discarded and Fletch’s pants being unbuttoned and slid down slightly to allow for certain growing regions of his anatomy to be more comfortable. I knew things had already gone too far considering the entire top half of my body was exposed, but I still let things go further. I had only begun to realize I was letting things get out hand when Fletch slipped his hands down to my waist line and slowly starting to unbutton my jeans.

Other than occasionally rolling my hips against his to piss him off, things below the waste had been one hundred percent off-limits for both Fletch and I. Sure, he felt free to run his hands over every inch of my upper torso and I did the same with his, but we had never touched each other anywhere near “down there.” It was when I felt the gentle unsnapping of the button to my jeans that I was suddenly catapulted back into reality and became aware of just how far things were going. While my raging hormones were begging me to just wait and see where things went, the conscious part of my brain was sending out danger signals a mile a minute. With my propensity to over think things, I let my brain gain control and shoved Fletch to the side, nearly sending him head first into his bedroom wall with the unexpected force.

“What are you doing?” I breathed, in an unintentionally husky and throaty voice. Fletch was lying beside me on the bed, groaning from the pain in his nether regions and from his awkward fall.

“Come on Lenny…” Fletch moaned, attempting to get back on top of me.

“No,” I told him. “I… I can’t do that…”

“Do what?” Fletch said, as if he had suddenly forgotten he was three seconds away from fondling me.

“You know what you were doing,” I said. “You were going to touch me…”

“Well… isn’t that what you want?” Fletch shrugged.

“What?” I said, caught completely off guard by what he said.

“Well, I mean, we’ve been making out for about five months now and since all we’ve been doing is kissing and some touching…” Fletch said, completely embarrassed, “I thought… maybe… I don’t know… I thought you were ready to go further or something…”

“Why would you think that?” I replied.

“Because that’s the natural progress of things and… well…” Fletch frowned embarrassed. “I mean…it’s not like I would mind if we…”

“Oh my God, Fletch,” I grimaced, reaching over and grabbing my bra and shirt off of the floor beside the bed. “You can’t just randomly pull something like that…”

“Yeah, but the thing is I thought…” Fletch began as I slid back on my clothes

“I honestly don’t think you were thinking,” I shook my head. “I mean, it’s one thing that we… already do what we’re doing… that’s just too far, okay? I mean, it’s not like you’re my boyfriend or anything and it’s not like we’re serious about each other at all. That’s just a step down a dangerous path, okay? And I don’t think either of us are ready to deal with the consequences of what could happen if we let things get too out of hand… okay?”

“You’re right…” Fletch sighed, sitting up and refastening his pants. I reached over and grabbed his shirt off the floor, handing it back to him. Fletch sighed and put it back on before lying back down on the bed beside me.

“This is bad,” I sighed, allowing Fletch to sneak his arm around me as I rested my head against his shoulder, my forehead touching his chin and my chin against his chest. It was probably a bit more intimate than I should have been considering how far Fletch had been willing to take things with us moments before, but it was oddly comforting all the same. “Seriously, how did we let this get so out of hand?”

“I don’t know,” Fletch sighed, gently moving stray strands of hair away from my face.

“And we just keep getting in deeper and deeper,” I sighed.

“Yeah,” Fletch agreed.

“Maybe we should stop… for good…” I sighed. “Someone’s going to get hurt, you know? One of us is going to hurt the other one.”

“I guess,” Fletch shrugged. We laid there and were both quite for a moment.

“So, what do you think Will is doing with Maddie right now?” I asked. “He said they were just going to get coffee, but you never know what she’s up to… I mean, Maddie always has been a scary bitch…

“She’s probably attempting another one of her awful attempts to seduce him back,” Fletch agreed. “I really hope he doesn’t fall for her crap again. She’s definitely the worst girlfriend he’s ever had.”

“I hate it,’ I sighed. “I just feel like… like he’ll never notice me, you know? Like I’m forever doomed to just be Ailee, his best friend. I can’t get over him either. It’s just painful. It’s like having an incurable disease, almost, you know?”

“Like knowing something is bad for you but wanting it anyway,” Fletch nodded. “it’s like an addiction.”

“Exactly,” I nodded. “So, have you seen Ivy lately?”

“No,” Fletch said.

“I guess you’re still not over her yet, are you?” I sighed.

“No,” Fletch admitted with a sigh, “but if I figure out how to do that, I’ll let you know so you can do the same with Will if you want…”

“Thanks,” I nodded. ‘So, you wanna actually do something constructive or something?”

“Honestly, I don’t mind staying right here,” Fletch shrugged, “but then again, I probably should get my homework out of the way so I can relax for the rest of the weekend…”

“I gotta get my dumb math homework done,” I sighed.

“Come on,” Fletch said, getting up out of the bed and pulling me out of the bed with him, “I’ll help you out.”

Fletch helped me with my math homework and I reviewed history notes with him before he was kind enough to drive me home. He was working a late shift at the grocery store that evening and so had to head straight to work after he left me. I finished up what remained of my homework on the kitchen table while my mother made fajitas for supper. Following eating supper, I headed upstairs and immediately got a phone call from Sara. She was at first mad at Eric since he was grounded for a prank he and Chuck and pulled in the boy’s locker room the week before. Eric had lost basically everything electronic and was only allowed to drive to and from school. Of course, as soon as I mentioned that what Eric had done was pretty dumb, Sara went on defending him and talking about how wonderful he was.

Sara slowly shifted the topic of conversation to what I had done that afternoon and I begrudgingly admitted that I had been with Fletch. I didn’t give any exact details, but I did tell Sara that things had gone a lot further than I had intended them to and that Fletch had been trying to push our physical relationship a little further than I was willing to go. Sara was rather quiet for a moment and I cringed inwardly, knowing that she was going to scold me and that I most likely deserved it. I could blame Fletch’s wandering hands all I wanted, but I knew everything that happened between us would always be partially my fault.

“I hate to be a broken record, but seriously, Lenny, what if you hadn’t stopped him? What if things had gone further?” Sara asked.

“I know,” I sighed, “I know I need to put an end to it, but I guess I’m so starved for the attention, I’ll take it even if it’s bad for both of us…”

“I’m serious, Lenny,” Sara sighed. “What if you guys had sex? I mean, how would you deal with that? How would you go about your life after that?”

“I’d probably hate myself for losing my virginity to him,” I admitted. “I mean, it’s supposed to be with someone you love and really care about. Fletch is… well, he’s probably the last guy I could see myself having sex, with the exception Chuck.”

“And if you and Fletch had sex… what if he got you pregnant or something?” Sara asked. “Seriously, what would you do if you were pregnant with Fletcher Murphy’s baby…”

“I don’t even want to think about that,” I grimaced.

“You need to,” Sara said. “You need to before you let something like this happen again.”

“So, what’s it supposed to be like?” I asked Sara. “Having sex, I mean.”

“It’s supposed to be special,” Sara nodded. “And it won’t be if you’re just doing it because you’re mad at Will or trying to get back at him or something…”

“Is that how it was for you and Eric?” I asked her curiously. I could imagine Sara’s eyes glazing over as she went into her own personal la-la land.

“Yeah,” Sara giggled. “His parents were gone for the weekend and he set up a picnic with a tent in his backyard with all of these candles and strawberries and whipped cream and…”

“I really don’t need that many details,” I grimaced, not really thinking of Eric as a romantic guy.

“Well, it hurt a lot at first, but Eric made it okay,” Sara continued. “And I didn’t mind so much because I love him and he loves me. And he’s always caring, still. He wants me to enjoy it as much as he does, you know? He doesn’t just get off and leave or whatever.”

“I still think it’s weird to think of you and Eric having sex,” I admitted.

“It’s not weird,” Sara shrugged. I started to rebut her claim when my phone started beeping, signaling I had an incoming call.

“Will’s calling me,” I said. “He probably wants to talk about coffee with Maddie…”

“Okay. See you later,” Sara nodded before I clicked off and over to Will’s call.

“What’s going on?” I asked him.

“A lot better than I thought it would,” Will admitted. “I did all of that let her down gently stuff you recommended and I did all that listening crap…”

“Listening isn’t crap. It’s the basis of any healthy relationship,” I replied.

“You honestly believe it’s possible for anyone to have a healthy relationship with a nutcase like Maddie?” Will snorted.

“Point taken,” I admitted. “So, what happened?”

“Well, I fed her some crap about how she deserves better and that we weren’t a right fit and that if she keeps being stuck on me, she’s going to miss out on all of the great guys dying to take her out. I think she bought it.”

“That’s real nice of you,” I rolled my eyes.

“Don’t be like that Ailee,” Will sighed. “You know as much as the next person how crazy Maddie is and how long it took for me to shake her off. I mean, she burned her name into my yard and sent me a jar of her nail clippings and crap like that.”

“Just because she’s crazy doesn’t mean she deserves for people to be mean to her,” I reasoned.

“I guess,” Will shrugged. “I mean, she is doing a lot better than when we first broke up. And her therapist apparently told her she’s making great progress. That’s why she wanted to talk I guess, to put things behind her and move on.”

“Well, that’s great,” I nodded.

“Anyway, Maddie invited me out to some party tomorrow night her cousin is having out in Bennington and she said to bring some friends since it’s supposed to be really killer,” Will said. “Most of the guys from the team are going and bringing their girlfriends, so I probably won’t be able to hang out with them that much. I was wondering if you’d like to go. I mean, you’re actually more into the party scene than I always thought you were and it’ll be fun to hang out together.”

“Sure,” I nodded. “That sounds great!”

“Cool,” Will nodded. “I’m going to invite Fletch along, even if he kind of is a wet blanket.”

“Why?” I grimaced.

“Hey, he’s my friend, too. And I don’t want to leave him out,” Will shrugged. “He might have to work or something. I don’t know. but I’m not going to just flat out ignore him.”

“I guess not,” I sighed.

“We can leave about seven and pick Fletch up and then we can all grab a bite to eat before we head out,” Will said. “How does that sound?”

“Great,” I said, hoping that Fletch had to work or had something unexpected pop up at the last minute. The last thing I wanted was Fletch’s continued intrusion on what time I got with Will.

“Thanks for agreeing to this, Ailee. I was worried Ih’d have to go all on my own and be the lame wallflower at the party,” Will said.

“No problem,” I shrugged. “I’ll eve help guard you from Maddie if she decides to get nutso on you again.”

“Aileen Iverson,” Will laughed, “you are the coolest girl I know.”