Friends With Benefits

Reluctantly, I turned and went with Will back into the house and back into the den where the start of all of this trouble had begun. Rather than put myself at risk again, I opted to sit on the chair, leaving the sofa to Will. Perhaps it was too late in the game to be making that decision, but I wanted Will to know in no uncertain terms what he had done was out of line. I just about hated him now. He had ruined things with Fletch and had taken advantage of me in his selfishness. He definitely wasn’t the guy I always thought he was. Sure, I knew he made his way around with girls, but I never expected him to sink so lowly as to try and steal his best friend’s girlfriend. Deciding I was getting ahead of myself, I permitted Will to say his piece and give him the benefit of the doubt. After all, I couldn’t positively attest to the fact that Will knew Fletch and I were together or that he was purposefully trying to steal me away.

I waited in the tense silence as Will tried to find the words to explain his side of the giant mess we were all now in. While he was looking for words to explain himself, my thoughts were on Fletch entirely. He had said he hated me. I knew it was in a rush of emotions, feeling betrayed by his best friend and his girlfriend, but the words stung painfully. I tried to convince myself he didn’t mean them, that he was just upset. Still, there was a big, throbbing pain in my chest that wouldn’t die down. I had to make things right with Fletch, even if he didn’t want to see me. Will was right that Fletch needed time to cool down, but I didn’t want to give him too much time. I wanted Fletch to know whatever I had said about or felt for Will was all in the past now.

I was drawn from my thoughts as Will shifted his position on the couch and began to speak.
“When Fletch moved here in fifth grade…” Will said, seeming to decide that was a good place to start, “I wasn’t really interested in making friends with him. You felt sorry for him and, even though he really insulted you that first time… actually most of the time when we were getting to know him, you always insisted we hang around with him. At first, I didn’t like the idea because I didn’t want to lose you as a best friend. Then I realized Fletch was an okay guy and that it was fun to have a guy my own age to talk to about stuff. No offense, Ailee, but there’s some stuff you just don’t feel comfortable talking to girls about as a teenage guy…”

“No offense, Will, but there’s some stuff I don’t feel comfortable telling you because I’m a girl,” I replied. Will smiled knowingly and continued with his story.

“Anyway, after we had that field trip to natural history museum… where Fletch teased you about looking like the stuffed gorilla and then threw bananas at you at lunch?” Will asked.

“How could I forget?” I grimaced. “I was called ‘monkey girl’ for three weeks until Stephanie Hoffsteader developed that unfortunate case of poison ivy around her mouth and everyone thought it was herpes…”

“Yeah,” Will nodded. “Well, you were really upset since you were trying to be nice and friendly to Fletch and all, so you asked me to ask him why he had to keep bullying you.”

“And he told you it just seemed like it was funny at the time and he hadn’t meant anything by it,” I remembered.

“That was a lie,” Will said.

“So, he enjoyed ruining my life?” I snorted.

“He made me promised I’d never tell,” Will shrugged.

“Like a pinkie swear?” I snorted.

“More like I swore if I told I would be punished by birds pecking off my balls and eating them,” Will shrugged. I looked at him curiously and he shrugged. “We were in fifth grade. It seemed like a gross and disgusting thing to stop me from squealing. I mean, it’s still a gross and disgusting thing…”

“You’re rambling,” I prompted him.

“Right. Sorry,” Will nodded before focusing back on the subject at hand. “Anyway, the real reason Fletch was teasing you was because he had a huge crush on you and that’s the only way he knew how to deal with it. As we got older… well, he never really matured enough to just walk up to you and stick his tongue in your mouth or whatever. He just kept teasing you, hoping that you’d see through it.”

“So, you swore to him you’d never tell me he had a crush on me?” I grimaced. “Even now? Even after all this time? Do you realize how stupid that was? How many problems that’s caused?”

“I didn’t just promise not to tell you he liked you,” Will said. “I promised I wouldn’t ask you out either, that I’d never go out with you. I… well, I’d wanted to ask you to Spring Fling, but I knew I couldn’t. I’d promised Fletch. Besides, you were my best friend and I thought you’d be creeped out if I asked you… I thought you’d think I was a sicko or something…”

“You…” I began. “You wanted to ask me to Spring Fling?”

“Yeah,” Will admitted, “but I knew you’d never say yes…”

“Will, I broke down in tears after you asked Kelly,” I shook my head. “I had the largest crush on you since we were little… all the way up until…”

“Yeah?” Will began.

“All the way up until I realized it would never work out between us,” I said. “You aren’t the guy I always thought you were. You’re always running around with girls and looking for meaningless sex and getting drunk and careless… That’s not what I want.”

“You want Fletch now?” Will asked.

“Not just now,” I shook my head. “He’s… he’s the guy I didn’t realize I wanted.”

“What do you mean?” Will asked.

“Well,” I tried to explain, “I want someone who can make me laugh and who doesn’t have to party to have fun and who can just hang out with me. Someone who I’m comfortable enough with I can burp in public and not be mortified yet they still make me feel special… make me feel needed and wanted… I want someone who thinks I’m amazing, even when I’m really being lame. Someone who’s there for me when I’m at my worst…” I paused. “Someone who cares so much for me, he wants to make every moment together unique… even if it means embezzling potato chips…”

“You and Fletch really are perfect for each other,” Will smiled sadly.

“Yeah,” I said, sniffling, wondering if I would ever talk to Fletch again now that he professed to hate me.

“I really fucked things up royally for you, didn’t I, Ailee?” Will said.

“What if he never wants to talk to me again? He said he hated me, Will,” I said, feeling the tears coming on. “He said he hated me…I never told him that I loved him… I never got the chance… and when he walked in on us… God, no wonder he thought I was using him…”

“It can’t be that bad…” Will began.

“It got mad at you at Chuck’s party last summer,” I confessed. “I thought I could make you love me after you broke up with Maddie. Then you showed up with Natalie… I was upset and hurt. And I drank a lot… and… Fletch and I made out. And we’ve been hooking up ever sense…”

“You’ve been having sex with Fletch for almost a year?” Will gaped.

“Not having sex. Just making out… and a little more…” I confessed. “We didn’t actually have sex until two weekends ago after your party in the treehouse…and last Friday…”

“Jesus H. Christ on a Cracker, Aileen!” Will gaped. “You and Fletch had sex?”

“Will…” I began.

“This is…” Will shook his head. “Holy shit. You and Fletch have been hooking up for nearly a year and you guys had sex! And in the treehouse where I keep my action figures!”

“You know, this is exactly why we never told you. We knew you’d overreact,” I huffed.

“Sorry, but this is a lot of information all of a sudden,” Will said. “I didn’t know… when Fletch called you his girlfriend… I didn’t think he was serious… I thought he was just… you know…wishful thinking earlier… so… so the other night at the mall… you two….?”

“We were on a date,” I confirmed.

“Holy hell, Ailee,” Will shook his head. “I really fucked this up.”

“I did too,” I admitted.

“You didn’t do anything,” Will replied. “I kissed you. I’ll tell Fletch. I’ll make him understand, okay?”

“Really?” I asked.

“You’re my best friend, Ailee,” Will agreed. “Fletch is my best friend. And you two obviously really like each other. I just want you guys to be happy. And I ruined it. I’ve got to fix it now.”

“What if he won’t listen?” I asked worriedly.

“I’ll make him listen,” Will assured me. “And I’m really sorry, Ailee.”

“It’s okay,” I shrugged. “I forgive you… I just… I just need things to work out with Fletch.”

“We’ll figure it out,” Will nodded.

“So… about you kissing me…” I began.

“Won’t happen again,” Will promised. “I swear.”

“Good,” I nodded. “Honestly, I expected more out of the great Casanova that is Will Swain.”

“It wasn’t good?” Will frowned.

“Like being licked by a dog,” I admitted.

“We could try again… it wasn’t my best…” Will began.

“No,” I shook my head. “Once was more than enough.”

“You’re right,” Will nodded. “I guess we shouldn’t be kissing anyway.”

“I still love you, Will,” I admitted, “but I love you like I love Matt.”

“I love you like a sister, too,” Will nodded.

And this time, when he said it, he didn’t rip my heart in two.