Wake up Under the Sun

John was leaving in a few days. It was shocking and upsetting to accept this but I couldn’t be clingy; I wouldn’t allow myself to be noticeably upset, and I wouldn’t ask for any of it to change. We had plans to hang out every day until he leaves; lunches and dinners, dates, parties, he had it all planned. Vaguely planned, really, but he promised we’d spend the days together.

Currently, it was mid-afternoon the day after he told me he was leaving and John was running around the backyard with Kaden. I sat at the picnic table, watching them play. They had both abandoned their lunches halfway through and now I was sitting here, lost in my thoughts about the next three months.

John stopped to pull his phone from his pocket. He put it back then swooped Kaden off his feet, carrying him over to me. “Garrett just texted me saying there’s a party at Max’s tonight. You wanna go?”

I took Kaden from him. “I guess, yeah. If you want to.”

Kaden reached over my shoulder to grab the remaining half of his turkey sandwich. He then sat in my lap contently and ate it. John smiled as he sat next to me.

“We can go and if it’s lame, we can leave and watch movies together,” he said. “Sound good?”

I smiled in response, then had the sandwich thrust upward into my face. I looked down at Kaden and he was smiling, offering it to me. “Thank you, Kay. I’ll have a bite, but you finish it, okay?” I bargained, then took a bite. He nodded happily and took a bite right after I did.

“I can’t believe he really doesn’t talk,” John said. “I know I said he’ll talk when he has something to say, but I just thought, you know, he’d be curious as to who you and I are and why we’re here.”

Kaden looked at John as he chewed. They stared at each other for a moment, then Kaden handed him the sandwich and hopped off my lap. He rushed away to his little jungle gym and busied himself with it.

“Yeah,” I finally said to John. “I kinda thought so, too.”

Dad walked into the back yard to check on us. We were caught yesterday when mom and dad came home – something else we didn’t think through. Mom hated that she had been lied to, but when dad and I sat down with her – and John took Kaden to another room to play with legos – she realized it wasn’t fair to me. It wasn’t fair that she wanted me back in the family, but she didn’t want anyone in my life to be in the picture. It wasn’t fair that she wouldn’t trust me enough to look after my own brother.

“Mom’s on the phone,” he called to us. Kaden stopped playing and looked over at dad. “She wants to talk to you, Kaden.”

Kaden ran over to dad, eagerly taking the phone. I had learned a lot last night. Dad didn’t work anymore; he stayed at home with Kaden. Mom felt like she wasn’t as close to Kaden, which is why she had such a hard time letting anyone else in; she felt as if everyone had a bigger connection to him than she did and it killed her to be away from him all day, every day.

I promised her John was a good person, and that if he ever proved me wrong, I wouldn’t let him around Kaden anymore. She seemed to ease up a little after hearing that from me, but I could still tell she was skeptical.

“You kids can leave now if you want,” dad said to us. “I’m not going anywhere else today.”

I nodded and stood up. John helped me clean up from our lunch and, when Kaden was done on the phone, we said our goodbyes. I could see in his eyes that he was sad we were leaving.

“We’ll be back tomorrow, okay, buddy?” John said as he kneeled down to be at eyelevel with Kaden. He nodded sadly, holding onto dad’s leg. John stood up again and grabbed my hand.

“Lunch again tomorrow, Kaden. I promise. We’ll even go out somewhere this time,” I told him. Dad smiled and nodded.

“Call me when you want to come over tomorrow, okay, Delaney?” he said, standing in the doorway as we walked out to John’s truck. “I’ll let mom know your plans.”

I nodded, waving goodbye before getting into the passenger seat. John backed out of the driveway and started to drive somewhere. I wasn’t sure where he was going, but he reached over to hold my hand as he drove and suddenly I didn’t care.

“I’ve got to practice for a bit at Pat’s house,” John explained when we finally reached our destination. “But I didn’t want you to go home, so I brought you with me. Obviously.”

I couldn’t help but laugh as we got out of the truck. His hand found mine again almost immediately. Pat’s house was absolutely lovely and his parents were the cutest couple ever. They wanted to catch up with everyone but they knew the boys had their agenda to tend to – so they stayed as out of the way as they possibly could. John quickly introduced us and I smiled, shaking each of their hands. They asked John a question, and that’s when I noticed a scruffy little dog sitting at my feet. I bent down to pet its head and scratch its ears.

“That’s Cosmo,” Pat’s mom told me. “He’s a lovebug, isn’t he?”

I laughed softly, picking him up. “Yeah, he’s rather cute for a little guy.”

She laughed at my comment, causing John and Pat’s dad to look over. I made a face as the dog started to squirm in my arms and quickly set it down.

“John?” Pat called out, his voice echoing.

“We’ll let you get to your practicing. It was nice meeting you, Delaney,” his dad said with a nod when Pat entered the kitchen.

“Come on, we’ve been waiting on you,” Pat said to John. He turned on his heel, heading back down the same way he came.

John laughed softly, shaking his head at me. “They haven’t been waiting at all. Practice wasn’t even scheduled today.”

Their practice room was small. It was very heavily soundproofed and very much cluttered with instruments. Everyone was sitting around the room, with what I assumed were their respective instruments in hand. Pat instructed me to sit down and relax while they ran through their setlist and worked out a few trouble songs.

They went at it for hours, going back and forth on which song needed to be cut from the list and if one should replace it, or if they should work through the trouble song and keep it on the list. They spent forever on one song, breaking it up piece by piece until they mastered it. Then, they took a break to talk about the structure of the setlist; which songs go where and when they would break to talk and interact with fans.

Honestly, I had no idea this much time and work went into setlist selections.

“Okay, seriously,” Jared sighed, a total of three hours later. “Can we please just go play Xbox now? My brain is a little fried on this setlist.”

“I agree,” Garrett chimed in. “We can only beat up the list for so long before it ends up going back to where we started.”

Pat sighed. “I guess. But only for an hour. This needs to be done before the day ends!”

Pat, John and I took a seat on the couch to the side of the video game couch. All of the boys sitting on the couch directly in front of the TV had game controllers in their hands, so, naturally, it had to be the video game couch. John sat down on the other couch and pulled me onto his lap, wrapping his arms around my waist as we watched.

The video games lasted a lot longer than an hour, and the setlist debacle was settled between John and Pat while the others were engrossed with the TV screen. As a matter of fact, the only time concentration was broken from their video game was when they had to use the bathroom and when Pat’s parents came downstairs later that night.

“Oh, yeah, that party starts in half an hour,” Garrett said once the parents had left. “We’re all going, right?”

“I dunno,” Kennedy yawned.

“Bro, you know you want to go,” John laughed. “Don’t even play that tired card.”

“Seriously,” Garrett added, laughing as well. “At least save it until you meet a hot chick and you can play it up.”

I raised an eyebrow, turning slightly to look at John. He just grinned innocently. I listened as they all went back and forth about what they’d heard about this party in promises of girls and drinks. They talked it up for a few more minutes before deciding it was worth checking out. So, with that, all of us piled upstairs. Everyone streamlined out the front door, but I stopped to say goodnight and thank you for having me to Pat’s parents. They seemed to appreciate it, smiling wide at me and telling me I was welcome back any time.

The party was in a small house a few neighborhoods away from Pat’s house. The house was one-story and jam-packed with people. John’s hand never left mine, even as the others disbursed and went separate ways throughout the house. He handed me a red solo cup filled with whatever drink he just mixed, then repeated the same process for himself.

He mingled and I followed. He talked to people and I listened in on their conversations. I hadn’t felt this out of place in a long time. Or maybe out of place wasn’t the right word; I felt more like the awkward third wheel. The only time John and I had to ourselves, essentially, was when he was mixing drinks for us.

“You okay?” he asked about five drinks into the night. “You’re being quiet.”

“I dunno,” I said, shrugging halfheartedly. His eyes met mine questioningly, causing me to sigh heavily. “I just want to spend time with you.”

He sucked his lower lip for a moment, then nodded and grabbed my hand. He pulled me outside to the backyard, where there was more room and less people. It was quieter, too. We sat outside by the pool, listening to the people around us for a while.

“So,” John said softly, catching my attention. “I’m going to miss you when I’m gone.”

I smiled. That was all I could do. Now that I had been sitting for a while, I felt the alcohol taking over. My face was getting hot and my fingers were going numb. My thoughts were starting to slowly lose focus and meaning.

“I know it’s been, like, a month,” I started, trying my hardest to keep from slurring. “But I’m really going to miss you, too.”

John grinned, leaning down to kiss me. I sat up straighter, turning toward him more. Maybe it was the drinks he made, or maybe it was in me all along, but I really wanted nothing more than to kiss him all night long. I didn’t care when my lips started to hurt or when his hands got a little too comfortable on my hips. I didn’t care that people could see us, that they were watching, or when he started to pull me closer. I didn’t care about anything, not even when his hands creeped up my shirt.

I did care, however, when he got to second base.

“John,” I mumbled, pulling away from him. I pushed his hands out of my shirt.

“Sorry,” he muttered. He licked his lips and shifted his eyes downward.

“Just – just not out here.”

His eyes snapped up again. “Do you want to go?” he asked.

It wasn’t even a real question. He and I were making our way through the yard and out the back gate, stumbling down the road to get to his truck, before I could even think of answering. He drove slowly, taking time to focus on the task at hand, and when we reached his house, he pulled me upstairs. He locked the door, his eyes staring directly into mine. I couldn’t help myself – the look he just gave me, it made my insides twist and turn. My lips were on his again and our bodies were melting together.

He fell onto his bed, and I stood there awkwardly for a moment. How had that even happened, and why hadn’t I gone down with him? Technicalities aside, I crawled onto the bed and straddled his hips. His hands greedily grabbed at my thighs and when I swatted his hands away, our gazes locked.

“You are crazy gorgeous,” John slurred as my hair fell into his face. I smiled, lightly kissing his nose and cheeks and forehead. He roughly grabbed my face and pulled my face to his, our lips crashing together.

We kissed and kissed and kissed, our hands wandering all over the place; tangled in hair, exploring hidden skin, holding on tightl. My overshirt had been thrown onto the floor, leaving me in just a spaghetti-strap tank top, and my skin prickled with goosebumps as his hands wandered up and down my arms. Suddenly, though, John stopped and looked at me with wide eyes.

“De- Delaney, st-stop,” he stuttered. And I did. I pulled away from his lips and I sat up. I didn’t understand what was happening until he pushed me off of him and he stumbled into his bathroom, closing the door and locking it. I sat there for a moment, staring at the closed door, and then it hit me.

“John?” I questioned, biting back my giggle. “Are you okay?”

“God, Delaney,” he grumbled, his voice barely audible through the walls. “I’m fucking – I’m fucking dying.”

I couldn’t help it. The giggle just exploded through my swollen lips and I couldn’t control it. I kicked my shoes off, the giggle still trickling out, and pulled back the covers. I settled in and closed my eyes against the scent of his cologne lingering in the sheets. I could feel myself falling asleep. Everything was quiet, my body relaxed, and my thoughts were slowing down to a light buzz.

My body jerked awake when John pulled the bathroom door open. When he came into view, he had changed out of his earlier clothes, now in just a pair of basketball shorts, and he looked a little bit nervous.

“Sorry,” he mumbled, climbing under the covers with me.

“No, I think I should be the one apologizing,” I laughed softly. “I didn’t even think, you know- I’ve never-”

“Lets just not talk about it, it’s embarrassing,” he muttered, tugging me closer to him.

I looked at him – really studied him. His eyes were closed, his breathing even. It amazed me that he was constantly so calm and collected, at peace with everything that ever happened to him. Awkward, embarrassing situations didn’t bother him, which transferred to me not being bothered by it either. He was contagious, but whether that was a good or bad thing was still up in the air.