Friends, Lovers, or Nothing

“Welcome to the Holiday Inn at London Heathrow,” she greeted us with a tight, stressed smile. I could tell the poor girl had had a long day. I could relate.

“‘lo,” Josh smiled at her. “We need a room, preferably with two queen size beds.”

She gave us a short nod and then went to her computer. She started hitting some keys and just going about her business. I watched her face carefully, and watched as the smile slowly disappeared and replaced with a disappointed look. “I’m sorry, but we’re booked pretty full because of the storm. All we have left is a suite with a king size bed.”

As I leaned against the counter, I smacked my forehead and groaned. “No fucking way,” I muttered, mainly at Josh. “We won’t make it out alive.”

He sighed, sounding tired. “Stop Peyton. We don’t have a choice. All the hotels are going to be booked, and at least it’s a king bed and not smaller. Plus it’s a suite so there’s a couch or something I’m sure.”

I sighed as well. I couldn’t believe he was being so calm about this whole thing, but if he was going to be calm then I guess I would be too. “Fine,” I said shortly. I watched as he rolled his eyes and then went about booking the room for us.

I took a step away from the desk and walked over to a shelf that held a bunch of brightly colored brochures advertising various places in and around London. I picked a few up that seemed interesting, even if we wouldn’t have any time at all to do anything fun today, and then I made my way back to Josh.

Just as I got to the counter, the girl behind it was handing over the keys and smiling at us. “You’re in room 226 on the second floor, and I hope you enjoy your stay.”

We both thanked her, and then turned to head towards the elevator. We walked in and stood in silence as Josh hit the number 2 button and we waited to get to the second floor. We walked in silence towards the room and we were silent as Josh inserted one of the keys into the electronic lock on the door and we were silent as we waited for the light to turn green.

When we walked into the room and saw the king sized bed though, it all set in. The reality of the single bed really hit us. “Oh fuck,” Josh muttered. “Okay,” he said as he turned to face me. “So I’ll take the couch.”

I nodded wordlessly and went over to the bed to sit down. I pulled my legs up under me and sat Indian style for a minute, just staring at Josh while he stood in the middle of the room.

“What time is it?” I asked him suddenly.

He shrugged, pulling his Blackberry out of his jeans and checking it. “A little after one, why?”

“Because I’m hungry, and neither of us has any clothes or anything to sleep in. And if it’s so early, we can’t exactly just stay in this room all night glaring at each other.”

He didn’t say or do anything, but then he nodded. “Yeah, okay. I’m hungry too.”

And I couldn’t believe it, but I think we were making some sort of progress.

***

“So Tesco is like Wal-Mart in the states?” I asked him again, for what was probably the thousandth time. “Except, of course, a million times better.”

He laughed, a smirk appearing on his face. “It’s just a shop Peyton, I’m missing the fascination with it.”

We were walking through the Tesco near our hotel, picking up a few odds and ends and even grabbing some clothes for us to wear to bed. We found a little Chinese take-out place that we were going to grab dinner from after, and for some reason the night wasn’t too bad at all.

After Josh and I decided to actually do something with the afternoon, we chose to push aside everything else subconsciously. We weren’t Josh and Peyton, the two ex’s who hated each other. We were just Josh and Peyton, and it was incredibly relieving.

“Peyton?”

My head snapped over to Josh holding up a bag of chocolate and smiling. “Still PMSing?”

I threw my head back and laughed, but didn’t deny it. I snatched the chocolate from his hand and nodded. “Smart cookie, you are.”

We continued on our way through the store, grabbing a few more things before checking out and heading back out to the car.

We headed to the Chinese restaurant next. We ordered massive amounts of take-out, grabbed some drinks, and then headed back to the hotel.

When we got back to the room, I told Josh to set out the food so I could change out of my jeans. I slipped into the bathroom and threw on the sweatpants I bought today and the baggy t-shirt, and then stopped to look in the mirror. “What’s going to happen?” I whispered to myself. Well, I wasn’t exactly sure. Something had changed between Josh and I, and it made me think I needed to talk to him. Maybe tonight was the night to get everything out between us.

That scared me. That scared me so much.

I took a deep breath, splashed some water on my face, and then headed back out into the room. When I got out, Josh was already relaxing on the bed with food spread out all around him and the TV turned on.

“I wasn’t sure where you’d want to sit but I figured this would be most comfortable.”

I smiled and nodded before making my way over to the bed. I sat down beside him and grabbed one of the containers of food and took a bite with the chopsticks sitting beside me. I swallowed and then turned my head to look at Josh, to really look at him for a moment.

I watched as he ate his food and laughed at the movie on the TV. I watched his eyes crinkle up in amusement at the stupid humor, and I watched as he slowly turned his gaze towards me, realizing I was watching him so closely.

“What?” he asked, mouth full of food.

I laughed and rolled my eyes. “Your mouth is full, loser.”

He smirked and swallowed. “Okay. What?”

I watched him closely again, taking in every detail of Josh’s face, before sighing slightly and setting my take-out container down. I pulled my legs up under me and turned my body to face Josh completely. “Okay, Josh, I need to talk to you.”

I quirked an eyebrow as he looked at me, and nodded slowly. “‘bout what Peyton?”

I took a deep breath. “A lot,” I informed him simply. “But, I guess for starters us, and everything that’s gone on in the past few weeks.”

He nodded. “Well what do you want to talk about?”

“I guess how fucked up everything’s been,” I said firs. I started to get ansty though as I spoke, so I climbed off of the bed and started pacing. “Nothing makes any sense anymore, y’know? I mean, me and Ollie, and you and Danielle. It just... this isn’t how its supposed to be.”

I glanced at his face quickly, only to catch a hint of anger forming. “Why are you even with Ollie, Peyton? What’s that all about?”

I sighed, stopping finally to throw my hands in the air in frustration. “I don’t know Josh! It’s nothing serious, not like you and Danielle,” I spat.

He rolled his eyes and got off of the bed. “If you would just open your eyes and stop being so dense, you would quit getting so angry all the time,” he ground out between his teeth.

I glared at him.

Suddenly, we were back to our old place again.

“Well if you would quit being so goddamn impossible all of the time then I wouldn’t have to get angry!” I yelled.

He took a step to get closer to me. “It’s not about me being impossible Peyton, it’s about you fucking invading in on my life!”

So we were back to that argument again, huh? “I’m not invading, Josh!” I stomped my foot adamantly. “I’m just here! It’s been a year, you’ve had time to get over me. A year later and I show up, and you’re mad because it’s invading in on your ‘get over Peyton’ time? That’s so fucked up it’s not even funny.”

“Hypocrite!” He boomed. I felt like the whole room shook from the volume of his voice. “You’re a fucking hypocrite! I’ve had a year? If you haven’t noticed, I was doing just fine without you Peyton. But why don’t you look in the mirror and ask yourself the same, because this is your fault.”

“How so?” I spat, taking a step closer to him as well.

“I never wanted to see you again, Peyton. What don’t you get about that? I never wanted to see you again because no matter how long I had to move on, and no matter how ready I thought I was, seeing you again would put me back at square one. Do you not get that? Do you not understand that seeing you again just hurts that much more? It’s like, here’s this girl standing in front of me who I loved, and yes I do mean loved, and she’s literally standing right here,” he emphasized, “but I can’t have her, and everything is fucked and suddenly, I’m back to square one. I’m back to trying to hate you so much but I just can’t. Do you not understand that at all?” he cried, getting even closer to me.

We were both breathing heavily, our chests rising and falling in anger. My face was beat red, I’m sure, just as Josh’s was. His eyes were dark with rage, and I’m sure it just mirrored my own. We were both so angry, and yet there was something else there, a completely different emotion entirely.

None of that mattered. None of the anger, or the things being said, or anything. None of it mattered. Because suddenly, my lips were on his, and suddenly, I couldn’t have cared if you were lighting all of my money on fire and throwing puppies off of a building. Absolutely none of it mattered.

It was hard and rough and intense at first. It was like every passionate feeling we had over the course of the past twelve months had built of and hit its exploding point, and this was the result. I wasn’t complaining.

Our lips were crashing together, probably swelling and bruising with each passing second. My arms wrapped around his neck tightly, bringing him even closer to me, while his arms ventured to my waist and held me close.

My hands traveled to his air, first and foremost, something I had missed dearly. I raked my fingers through it and tugged at it gently, earning a moan to escape from his throat. The more intense the kissing got, the more wrapped up in him I got. I jumped up, wrapping my legs around his waist, while he stumbled backwards and landed on the bed.

While he sat and I straddled him, it just built. His hands roamed under the t-shirt covering my body, grazing over the lace of my bra, which made my skin erupt into goosebumps. I took my lips away from his momentarily, only to attach them to his neck and nibble the skin there softly. It didn’t have nearly the effect that it had on me when the roles were reversed, but it definitely got my point across.

He turned us then, so that my back was laying on the bed and he was straddling my waist and hovering over me. He discarded his t-shirt and then quickly took mine from my body, only gaining more goosebumps from the sudden exposure.

Now that I was half naked, he decided to take advantage of my sweet spots. He trailed kisses from my lips across my jaw and then down my neck, stopping only when he got to the one spot that always got me right under my ear, causing my back to arch in pleasure.

He laughed against my skin. “I see that’s still your spot,” he remarked, running his lips against my neck still.

I just laughed.

Before long my sweats were gone and, while we struggled, Josh’s jeans were too. Before long, we were tangled in the sheets, getting completely wrapped up in each other. Before long, it was over, and nothing, absolutely nothing could have ruined it.

When I collapsed back against my pillow, Josh wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into him. We were both going to fall sleep soon, as usual. We always did. But regardless, he pulled me into him, nothing but a sheet separating us while I faced his bare chest. My head came up just under his chin, and he kissed my forehead quickly before laying his own head back against his pillow.

He pulled me closer still, so that my head was resting against his chest, and then I heard him mumble, “There. Perfect,” before his breathing started to even out and his heart rate slowed.

And I realized as I lay next to him that not much could top the moment we were having right then. With Josh’s arms around me and me in my own blissful state of happiness, I realized everything was pretty much perfect.

But everything had just taken a turn for the complicated, and I knew that. Despite my blissful happiness, I knew this wasn’t going to last long.

That was the last thing I remembered thinking before closing my eyes and promptly falling asleep, pushing any and all negative thoughts out of my brain for the time being.