Friends, Lovers, or Nothing

“Nice sweater. How long did you have to whore yourself out for that?”

My jaw was to the ground in a split second as Josh sneered at me. He was referring to the Drop Dead hoodie I was wearing, a gift from my own damn brother, and yet he still thought that was okay to say? I wanted to punch him square in the jaw and knock that nasty look right off his face. Or better yet, I wanted to junk punch his balls into the next century.

Unfortunately, I could do neither as the rest of the guys came out of the bus. I had to settle with a steady death glare and a, “You’re such a fucking prick,” even though that hardly sufficed. We were being quite enough though that no one could hear our tiff as the group returned.

The whole morning had been pretty much a disaster. We had to wake up way too fucking early, in my humble opinion, but then again that may have just been because I hadn’t gotten much sleep the night before. Once Danielle had returned to the house with her purse in hand and a dreamy smile on her face, we had to have an emergency girl-talk session. Just thinking about the talk made me cringe.

“Oh my god, Peyt. Guess what,” she gushed as she sat on my bed.

I was half asleep and I had never been one to be in a good mood when I was woken up, but I tried to push that aside as I yawned and asked her what was up.

“So I may have a little girl crush on Josh,” she informed me as she blushed vividly.

I swear, if I hadn’t already been laying down I would have fainted to the ground. What a lovely sight that would have been.

“You what?” I all but screeched. I couldn’t help it; I may have been good at hiding what Josh and I had been through, but when I was hit with something like this from out of the blue just as I was woken up from a deep-sleep nap, my brain didn’t work properly.

She blushed harder, if that was even possible, and threw her body into my bed, burrowing her face into the blankets. She mumbled something, but because of the intruding blankets around her mouth, I had no idea what that something was.

“Talk to me, Dan.”

She sat up again and took a deep breath before continuing. Shit was getting serious, obviously. I wasn’t sure how I was going to handle that.

“Well he was being all sweet when we were looking for my purse, going into all the stores with me and helping me ask around about it. And I just couldn’t stop thinking about how adorable he was being throughout the whole ordeal.”

My face was blank. I mean, really, what was I supposed to say? “Yay! I’m so happy you want to bang my ex who I haven’t moved on from! Oh, ps, I’m lying to you about a ton of shit!”? I don’t think so. Instead, I nodded and told her to go on, because again, what else was I supposed to do?

“Well when we finally found it, it was actually him who found it. And I was so happy I just jumped on him and started hugging him.”

“And?”

The blush on her face the deepened answered my ‘and’ pretty clearly. But, instead of assuming, I just point-blank asked her. We were best friends, after all, so wasn’t that what I was supposed to do? “Did you kiss?”

She laughed and shook her head.

Cue a giant sigh of relief here.

“Not then, anyways. He kissed me on the cheek when he dropped me off. Such a sweetie,” she said this part mainly to herself as she shook her head and smiled, looking down at my comforter and plucking a few loose threads.

Oh, yeah. He’s a sweetie alright.

We talked for a little while longer, but I tried to steer it towards the tour that we were leaving for the next morning. I guess I couldn’t blame Danielle for liking Josh because after all I had been there before, but it didn’t make it hurt less. Then I just reminded myself that I had gotten myself into this situation and I could get myself out if I just told her. But I couldn’t do that, not now.

So, after staying up with Danielle and then proceeding to have a terrible night’s sleep due to my brain never shutting off, it was safe to say that waking up at six this morning to pack up and drive to where we had to pick the bus up at was not my idea of a good time. But I did it, and I even tried to do it with a smile.

“You ready Peyton to find out what your brother’s really like?” Dan asked me as he ran a hand through his bleached hair.

I laughed. ”I have a feeling he isn’t much different on tour than at home, but yeah I’m ready.”

I peeked at Danielle, who was standing by Josh and chatting with him. The smile on her face was wide, as was his. It made me a little sick, to be honest. I turned around quickly as I noticed the guys climbing onto the bus. Max was still standing, waiting for me I suppose. He gave me a sympathetic smile as he too saw Danielle and Josh chatting it up. “Jealousy doesn’t look good on you, love.”

I wanted to protest. I wanted to say I wasn’t jealous, but Max would see through it anyways, so what was the point? I just grunted as I brushed by him and climbed onto the bus.

It turned out UK buses were completely different from buses back in the States. They were double decker buses, first off, meaning there was enough room for about twenty five people. I mean, not really. But you get the point. Not only was there a lot of room, but the bunks were bigger too, which apparently was the biggest selling point. Max snuck up behind me as I was checking out the bunks on the lower level of the bus. “Josh always sleeps down here,” he whispered as the guys around me claimed bunks. “There are a few bunks upstairs if you want to grab one of those.”

I thanked him with a smile and then hurried up the stairs to the bunks on the top level.

Max wasn’t kidding when he said a few bunks. There were actually only four, two on each side of the bus running parallel to each other. I found another girl up there, claiming a bunk, along with Oli, their merch guy. I smiled at the girl. “I’m Peyton,” I said as I threw my stuff on the punk opposite hers.

She smiled back, tucking a strand of blonde hair behind her ear. “Bryony.”

“Oh! I think you’re the one I’m going to be helping out.”

She nodded. “Max told me. I’m glad to have you. It takes that much more off my hands,” she smiled gratefully and sat on her bunk. “You won’t have to do much the first day or so, because I’ll be just learning the ropes myself and I don’t want you to get in the way.” At my confused look, she quickly added, “Oh, no offense! It’ll just be easier to teach you what you need to do after I know exactly what that is.”

I smiled and nodded then, sitting on my own bunk as well. “I guess Danielle will be helping Tom out with photography and the like,” I said.

Bryony nodded. “I’ve heard.” She got up then to peak out the window behind her and when she turned back to face me, she was smirking like mad. “But that’s only if she and Josh don’t bonk each other first.” She winked to let me know it was all in good fun, but now that she had planted the idea in my head, I wanted to throw up.

After I had put my stuff away, I headed back downstairs, where Danielle was just now entering the bus. “Where’s your bunk?” she asked me. I gestured upstairs and she nodded before hurrying up.

Josh brushed by me then and I rolled my eyes. “Excuse you,” I muttered before someone was calling my name. “Back lounge!” Max yelled, and I followed his voice.

He and the guys were all sitting back there, along with another man that I had a feeling was Tom Barnes, judging by the camera around his neck. I waved hello to him before taking a seat next to Max and Dan.

Max grinned wildly at me and I knew he was up to something.

“Okay lads, go ahead,” Tom said then, lifting a video camera up and turning it on.

Max continued grinning, throwing his arm over my shoulder to keep me in my seat. I had no idea what was going on, but I had a feeling I wasn’t going to like it.

“Hi everyone!” Josh yelled, waving enthusiastically at the camera.

“We’re just gettin’ on our way to Edinburgh now for the first day of pre-pro, and we’re so excited!” Max cheered.

“Okay, enough of the rehearsed crap. Act like I’m not here,” Tom instructed then.

Then all hell broke loose.

In the midst of the guys acting like idiots, I spotted Danielle standing in the doorway, watching with an amused smirk on her face. I tried to escape then, but Josh caught her standing there too and pulled her into the mayhem—literally.

She squealed as he pulled her onto the couch, which actually had her ending up in his lap. She laughed and shoved herself off of him, into a more appropriate spot on the couch, while he slung his arm around her shoulder. “Tom! Get a look at the girl that’ll be helpin’ you for the next few weeks!”

Tom focused the camera on Danielle then, who kept laughing as she blushed. “Josh, quit!” she pleaded, but he just laughed.

I clenched my fists at my side, and Max wrapped his arm around me tighter. “Jealousy, love, don’t forget it,” he said quietly.

I just wanted to scream.

When the shenanigans finally died down and Tom shut the camera off, I finally got up off the couch to leave the group. I walked upstairs to grab my laptop and brought it back down to the front lounge, taking a seat at the make-shift kitchen table. I had some emails to send, and I wanted to check in with my mom, so I figured now was the best time.

As I was messing around on the computer, I heard footsteps coming towards me. I turned to check who it was, and when I saw Dan’s bleached hair I smiled and turned back to my computer.

He sat down across from me and didn’t say anything for awhile. When I sent the email I was working on, I looked up. He had the same sympathetic smile Max had on earlier, and it irritated me. “What?” I asked.

He shook his head. “Y’know Peyt, you’re takin’ this pretty well considering.”

I shrugged. “Nothing to take. Danielle’s my best friend,” I informed him, my tone getting drastically quieter. “If she’s happy, then I am too.”

He shrugged. “Maybe so, but doesn’t mean you have to like it. And I’d say you’re doin’ a pretty good job of hidin’ that jealousy.”

I sighed before shutting my computer. Obviously I wasn’t going to get anything done. “I’m not jealous, Dan. Like I said, if she’s happy I am too. No jealousy here.”

He laughed and nodded. “Whatever you say, love. Whatever helps you sleep at night.”

“What do you want me to say, Dan? Everything sucks and I haven’t moved an inch and every biting comment Josh throws my way hurts more than a knife to the heart?” I hissed as quietly as I could. “Fine. But I refuse to let something stupid that happened a year ago interfere with my best friend’s happiness. She’s been there for me more than anyone I know over the past year, and that means a hell of a lot.”

Dan sighed then. “Denyin’ it doesn’t make it go away, love. Just makes it build up and then when it all comes out, it’ll bloody hurt more.”

“Denying is all I can do right now, so I’ll keep doing it until I’m blue in the face.”

He nodded before getting up. He walked over and ruffled my hair gently before walking off.

I sighed, shaking my head, before opening up my laptop again to try and do the work I had started before Dan had interrupted me with his heart to heart.

When I closed my laptop, I got up and walked to Max’s bunk, where he currently was residing. “How much longer before we get there?”

He laughed, looking away from his laptop. “Awhile, love. Go take a nap or something.”

I nodded, liking the sounds of that quite a bit. Just as I was turning to leave Max and go to my own bunk, I caught Danielle and Josh, still sitting in the back lounge together. They were only talking, from the looks of it, but they might as well have been having sex right in front of me. It all hurt the same.

Sighing, I went back up to my bunk to try and get some rest. It was going to be a long next few days.