Going The Distance

“What’s happened?” I whispered, not knowing if I even wanted to know the truth.

“The press found out about me and Becky.”

“No.” I whispered, feeling tears welling in my eyes. We’d left all of that behind us.

“But that’s not everything.” He said, taking a deep breath and closing his eyes, opening them again to show the fear and anger in his eyes. “Another Saints cheerleader has come out with a kiss and tell story. She’s claiming to be my mistress too.”

I stared at Nick for what felt like forever, though it was merely only a few seconds. I had frozen in place, my breathing stopping and I wouldn’t have been surprised if my heart wasn’t far behind.

“Excuse me.” I whispered, finally pulling myself together and standing from the couch, clasping my hands together tightly in front of me.

Nick too stood up and reached for me but I pulled away, causing his eyebrows to furrow together. He tried again but I stepped back this time, his eyes now narrowing slightly.

“What are you doing?” He asked softly, watching me, no, analysing me.

“I’m just going to go out for a little while.” I continued to whispered, quickly sliding behind the back of the couch where Nick wasn’t quite able to lean over in time to stop me.

There was nothing and then as soon as I’d entered the bedroom to change into some running clothes, I heard his harsh and heavy footsteps coming closer, the sound echoing in the corridor before his feet met the carpeted floor of the bedroom.

I pulled on a hoody and glanced at Nick in the corner of my eye, standing right in the middle of the doorway, my only escape, unless I wanted to jump fifteen floors from our balcony which I may consider if another slut came out of the woodwork, but for now I needed to get past Nick.

After pulling on some shorts, I rummaged around for some socks and then my new trainers, all the while Nick just stood there in silence watching me, his gaze burning a hole in the side of my face. I prolonged the amount of time tying up my laces in the hope that Nick would finally say something.

He didn’t.

I finally stood and grabbed my ipod from the bedside table and walked towards the doorway, not making eye contact with the 6’5 man standing in it. He now had his hands on the sides, completely blocking it off.

“Nick, please.” I pleaded quietly, looking up at his arms and judging whether I could duck beneath them. I needed to get out of this apartment and away from Nick.

“Sit down, Charlene.” He said calmly, though the undertones of his deep voice were far from calm. He nodded towards the bed and expected me to follow his command. “And before you think you’re able to leg it out of here, remember what I do for a living. You can’t out run me.”

I finally brought my gaze up to his heavy one and instantly regretted it. Tears welled in my eyes and before I could do anything, they were cascading down my cheeks. Nick reached for me but I pushed his hand away, causing his eyes to flare.

“Stop doing that!” He bellowed, taking a step closer to me. “Stop acting like you’re the only one hurting out of this and that I’m some sort of monster! My name and career is being dragged through the mud with every passing day, so the least you can do is support me!” He growled angrily.

“Oh, the least I can do?! Nick I support you more than any other bloody NFL wife does their husband! I put up with the non stop paparazzi, the constant waves of women flinging themselves at you and wishing I would just disappear, the repeated cold comments from other NFL about betrayal and cheating that is apparently inevitable. I stand by you through thick and fucking thin, so don’t you DARE accuse me of not supporting you!” I could feel my entire body shaking and boiling over, my eyes stinging through the tears and pain. “Now what I need is to go for a run to clear my head so just move.”

I felt anger rising inside me as Nick stepped back into his same position in the doorway, blocking it off.

“Nicholas.” I growled, glaring up at him.

“You’re not leaving whilst you’re this wound up and hot headed. Please, just let us talk things through first.”

“Nicholas. Move from that door now.”

He stared down at me and raised an eyebrow and for a split second I got a flash back of him and Becky, and then images of him with these other girls appeared in my mind.

“Nick.” I said once more, feeling myself on the edge. His eyes lowered, daring me to try to push him once more. Then without thinking I swung my hand up and slapped him painfully hard on the face. He stumbled backwards, clearly not having expected that.

“Shit, Charlene!”

I took this as my chance and bolted for the kitchen, panicked tears still rolling down my cheeks. I grabbed the door handle with my burning hand and swung it open, hearing nothing behind me as I quickly made my way towards the lifts and out of this damn apartment block.

For the first time in my life, running did nothing to help clear my head. In fact it simply made it worse, knowing that deep down I just wanted to be back at the apartment trying to figure things out but I was just so tired of this. I was sick of all of these women coming out with these stories, even if they were false, it still hurt to hear it non stop, and most of these stories were pretty damn explicit.

With only a mile to go until I was in my friend Rachels neighbourhood, I decided to head that way, if only to grab a glass of water and a much needed hug. When her house finally came into sight, I could feel those wretched tears forming again, my feet suddenly much heavier than ever before. I rang the doorbell and it was eventually opened by Rachel who had the phone to her ear.

She looked at my tear drenched face and pulled me close, holding me tightly as she abruptly finished her call.

“Just trust me ok?” Were her parting words before hanging up.

“Sorry.” I sniffled. “Did I come at a bad time?”

“Charlene, there is never a bad time when it comes to one of my best friends.” She let out a sad sigh and tucked some hair behind my ear. “I’m sorry about these new additions to your already shit day.”

Just then her husband walked into the room and scooped me up into a hug.

“I’m sorry this is happening to you guys.” He said sympathetically. “I don’t think I’ve ever met a couple with so much love for one another, but these stories are certainly testing I’ll bet.”

I nodded and sniffled, stepping into Rachel’s open arm.

“Right, you’re going to go upstairs and have a nice relaxing bath and shower, and then we can have a little chat ok?”

“I love you guys.” I smiled softly. “I know I can be a burden some-”

“Ssh! None of that thank you very much.” Rachel chuckled at her husband before leading me upstairs to the bathroom where to my surprise the bath was already full and hot.

“Wait...did-did you know I was coming? Am I that bloody predictable?”

“Only to your husband.”

I stopped and shot my head over at Rachel and narrowed my eyes slightly, trying to make sense of it.

“He rang soon after your fight and asked we take care of you since he knew you’d find your way here. Little silly if you ask me, of course we’d take care of you but he’s just worried about you, Charlene.”

“I’m fine.” I muttered.

Rachel crossed her arms and raised a perfectly tweezed brow. “You ain’t fooling anyone, honey.”

She continued to stare at me and tilted her head to the side in thought.

“Are you angry at him?” She asked quietly.

I stared at her for a while, trying to figure out how I truly felt since I was far too caught up in the moment to have processed it all.

“Yes.”

“But why? Do you think these allegations are true?” She frowned and it was clear that she thought these stories were absolute bullshit.

“No, I don’t believe these stories at all, but I can’t help but wonder what motivations these women have. Why aren’t they targeting any other players? But more than that, I’m mad that his job is interfering with our lives so much. I know he can’t help it, but I hate to think of how stress free our lives would be if he weren’t in the NFL; about how less painful it would be.”

Rachel pouted sadly at me and rubbed my arm protectively.

“I don’t know how you do it. I’d of gone crazy a long time ago. Do you think you’d cope better if you weren’t all the way in New Orleans? If you were closer to family and long term friends?”

I nodded and bit my lip, my eyes watering once more.

“I get so lonely sometimes.” I whispered. “Our house is so huge, that when Nick’s away and I’m not out, I sometimes just lie in bed and cry, wishing I was back here or in Chicago with my family.”

“Lene.” She cooed, hugging me tightly as I wiped at my tears.

I had kept this in for far too long and I was finally realising it. Nick and I needed a big talk.

...

Much later that evening Rachel dropped me off at home much more relaxed and clear headed. I was met with a silent apartment; the kitchen and living room empty. I made my way down to the bedroom and bathroom to find them both empty. Frowning, I opened the wardrobe and changed into one of Nick’s old shirts that he had worn the night before, so his amazing scent was all over the thing.

Wearing just my underwear and Nick’s shirt that reached the top of my thighs, I peered outside to see Nick leaning on the balcony bars, a beer in his hand. I let out a sigh of relief and carefully pulled the balcony door open, causing his head to fly around. Closing the door behind me, I turned and walked towards Nick who was now stood facing me, no longer leaning on the bars.

When I finally reached him I didn’t say a word and instead reached up and placed my hands on both of his cheeks and guided his lips to mine, standing on my tiptoes as I kissed him with everything in me. I grabbed his can of beer and chucked it behind me, knowing I’d have to clean it up later but not giving a shit right then. Nick’s arms tangled around my waist, pulling me tightly into his chest as our passionate and mind blowing kiss continued.

With my arms now around his neck, I slowly walked backwards towards the bedroom door, smiling into the kiss as he soon got the message, bending down to wrap my legs around his waist before carrying me through to the bedroom.

He tried to pull on the door but during the cold it often got quite stiff and stuck. Nick pulled his lips from mine and held me up by one arm, using the other to yank it open.

“Mother fucker.” He groaned.

I chuckled and bit down on his ear lobe, causing a moan to leave his lips.

“I need you now, Nicholas.” I whispered.

That seemed to do the trick and he yanked the door open, causing a loud bang as it hit the end. Nick stumbled in and swiftly closed the door behind us before falling onto the bed. He dove in for my lips and slid my underwear from my body as he did. I moaned loudly and clasped onto his hair as his fingers worked between my legs, causing my eyes to roll back.

Desperate to feel his skin on mine, I pulled desperately at his shirt and hoody to get it from his body whilst he quickly removed his boxers and trousers and throwing them into a corner where his shirt that I was wearing soon followed.

His lips soon found my breasts, causing even more moans to leave both of our lips.

“Nick.” I groaned, pulling him up to me. He wrapped his arms around me and positioned himself before emitted a loud moan as he entered me. He kissed me urgently as we made love, my nails digging into his muscly back as he drove me closer to heaven.

It wasn’t long until my toes curled and the amazing feeling racked through my body before I started to shake, with Nick following soon after.

“I love you so so much, Charlene.” Nick breathed, pressing soft kisses all over my face.

“I love you more than anything, Nick. You’re everything to me.”

Nick smiled down at me and pressed a long kiss to my lips.

“You’re my life, Charlene. You’re my entire world.”

...

Nick POV

The following morning I awoke with Charlene’s soft and naked body tangled up in mine, her hand placed gently on my chest with her engagement and wedding rings sparkling in the morning sun. This amazing woman was mine.

I cursed quietly when Charlene’s phone rang from her beside table, causing Charlene to snuggle closer. I tried to reach for it to turn it off but couldn’t quite grab it without waking Charlene. She pulled me closer when I attempted to get off of the bed to turn it off.

“I’ll get it.” She whispered, shuffling mid sleep across the huge bed to reach it, keeping a hold of my hand the entire time. She switched the phone off and shuffled back over into my arms.

“Last night was amazing.” I smiled, running my fingers through her soft hair. She smiled tiredly up at me and rubbed my ear with her thumb which she knew I loved.

“How many hours sleep did we get?” She chuckled.

I glanced behind her at the clock and grinned. “Three.”

“It was definitely worth the no doubt massive bags under my eyes.”

I chuckled and rolled over so she was lying on my chest staring down at me, her fingers tracing my chest.

“We still need to talk.” She said quietly, almost guiltily as if she hated ruining our little bubble, but we both knew it was looming in the background.

“I know.” I sighed.

“But hey, at least one good thing has come of our argument last night.” She smiled. “Possibly some of the best make up sex we have ever had.”

I laughed and slid my hands down to her bare behind.

“Bloody hell, yeah.”

Her smile suddenly changed and her face went even softer than before.

“I love it when you sound British.” She said quietly, gently caressing my cheek.

“Me too.” I smiled back, matching hers. “It shows I’m getting to spend loads of time with you.”

Charlene sighed quietly and lay her head on my chest, holding me close.

“Hey.” I nudged her chin upwards, holding her cheek in my hand.

“I’m sorry I slapped you yesterday.” She whispered, though I could see she felt bad about it, I also knew that wasn’t the main thing on her mind.

“You are a strong little thing aren’t you. But it’s nothing compared to the tackles I get at work.” I chuckled quietly. “What’s really on your mind?”

She lay her head on my chest and now I could see her eyes welling with tears.

“I’m beginning to hate your job.” She whispered, ashamed of what she was admitting to me. “I hate how much pain it is causing me and I know that sounds selfish but I’m just being honest.”

I lay in silence just staring at her, my hand frozen on her cheek, her eyes pleading for me to say something.

“I can’t really ask why considering what has just happened.” I said quietly. “But apart from the allegations...why else do you hate what I do for a living? It gives us this amazing lifestyle that we couldn’t afford without it.”

“Yes but Nick, I’d rather go without all this luxury if it meant I got to spend more time with you. You’re always on the road, at training, at press junkets, you’re always switched onto work.”

“I’m not now.”

“But why are you here? Because the women involved in your job are trying to ruin us. If it wasn’t for that, then you’d be over in New Orleans and we’d of been apart for a whole month.”

I shook my head and lowered my eyebrows. “Because you needed to come to England! That’s nothing to do with my job.”

She sat up and grabbed a throw to cover herself. “Yes but if your job gave you some damn time off you could have at least come along for some of it.”

“You’re being completely unreasonable now, Charlene.”

She sighed and shuffled off the bed, pulling on my old shirt and her underwear before throwing my boxers at me.

“Oh alright, and leaving me home alone in a country that isn’t even my own, whilst you vanish for your tours is perfectly reasonable? If it wasn’t enough, I left my home to move to America to be with you because I love you. But did we live in Chicago where our friends and family were? No. We lived in New York where thank God at least Sara and Henry were. But what then happens? Oh that’s right we’re moved to fucking New Orleans where I know NO ONE and am on the other side of the country from everyone that means something to me!”

She had snapped. The soft and gentle woman that was with me merely minutes ago was gone and I could see she had been holding this in for a long time. I just wished the atmosphere hadn’t changed so rapidly. Our bubble had popped.

“You knew what my job would mean, Charlene.” I groaned as I climbed from the bed and walked closer to her. “You knew damn well that my job meant we would be moving but you agreed because you knew it wouldn’t be forever.”

“No, I agreed because I love you!” She sobbed. “I couldn’t stand the thought of being apart from you so I went along with it all purely so I could keep you! Little did I know that you’d still be on the road all the time, leaving me at home alone. Where is the positive in all of that?”

My heart felt like it snapped in half as I stared at her and listened to everything she was saying. I never expected any of this.

“This,” I said softly, grabbing her hands, “is the positive of it all. Us.”

She stared up at me too and gulped, though she didn’t pull her hands from mine.

“Answer me one thing, Nick.”

She paused and I waited for what felt like years as I watched her eyes get more intense with every passing moment.

“You’ve heard everything I’ve given up for you...now tell me, what have you given up for me to make this work?”

“No, that’s not fair, Charlene and you know it.”

“Why? Because you will realise the exact same thing I did just now? That I have sacrificed everything and you have given up nothing?”

“You can’t compare it like that, Charlene!” I yelled, panicking over how her mind had settled. “I asked if you wanted to live in England and you said no!”

“Because you said we’d have to commute all the time! What kind of a fucking marriage is that Nick?!”

“But I gave you a choice.” I growled. “I didn’t force any of this on you. When we were involved in high school, you loved me and I loved you, simple. But when we gave things another go years later, you knew things were different, you knew the job I had and the baggage that came with that.”

“Did you mention all the women that would be out to ruin our lives and spit in my face? Did you mention the lack of privacy and personal time?”

I scoffed and ran my hand through my hair, shaking me head at it all. “Oh so it’s all my fault is it? I work my arse off to provide for us, to give us these amazing homes so you don’t have to worry. I’m working so hard now because I know in a few years the work will die down since players expiry date is short lived in the NFL. I’m working now to provide for us and our children, for the rest of our lives.” I reached for her hands and thanked God when she placed them in mine, not once pulling away. She was listening.

“You think it’s easy on me being torn away from you so often? You think I don’t wish I could speak to you all the time when I’m away, that I could just sit on skype to you all day. Charlene, I take your freaking pillow on tour purely because I can’t sleep without you, so it’s the closest thing I can get. It hurts because I see all the single players so free and living life to the fullest on tour, whereas I’m sitting there hurting because I’m not with you.”

“So, you’d rather be single?” She whispered.

I scrunched my face and realised I hadn’t phrased it the way I should have. I squeezed her soft hands and shook my head.

“No, I meant that my job is affecting me as much as it is you. What used to be my favourite part of the job, the constant travels to new places, is now my dreaded part because I’m not with you. But now it hurts because all I wanted was to make you proud of me and my job, but in fact it’s the direct opposite.”

“No it’s not.” Her timid voice responded, her face surprisingly pale now. She was drained from it all. “I am proud of you, how could I not be? I’m there at as many games as I can be cheering you on. I’m now just feeling the effects of your job.”

She looked away and finally looked back when I squeezed her hands.

“Nick, I’m lonely.” She cried quietly. “All I want is to be around my husband, family and friends but I can’t be. A lot of the time I’m just home alone with Bella and Winston.”

“Charlene.” I whispered, feeling my throat clogging up as I wrapped my arms firmly around her shaking body. She sobbed into me, her tears falling onto my bare chest, a reminder that I was the reason she was upset. It was at times like this that I wondered if she’d of lead a more rounded and happy life had she chosen Mark. “I’m so sorry.”

She sobbed again and snuggled closer to me, holding me just as tightly.

“Nick.” She whimpered, pulling back abruptly from my chest but still holding onto me. “Please don’t ever think I’d rather not be with you. Because although I hate all of this, I would never trade lives with anyone because despite all of the pain, I can still call you my husband. Those rare moments I get you all to myself, make it all worthwhile.”

“But if you’d gone down a different road, you’d have this dream life you want.”

“No I wouldn’t because I wouldn’t have you!” She cried, now holding my face in her hands, her face dropping as she saw a tear fall from my eyes. “My dream life is only possible with you because you’re the love of my life, Nick.”

I stared down at her as another tear fell down my cheek. “I never knew I caused you so much pain. Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”

“Because I thought you’d be able to see, as my husband, that I wanted more.”

I took a deep breath and placed my hand delicately on her cheek, tilting my head to the side as I stared at her.

“So where do we go from here?” I asked quietly.

She didn’t respond and instead stared at me sadly, sniffling softly.

“I’m in a contract with the Saints and purposely signed for three years rather than one because I wanted us to make a home for ourselves and ensure we could settle in and make quality friends. No one is able to offer more money than the Saints did and I doubt they’ll let me go without a fight.”

“I’m not asking you to quit your job.” She whispered.

“So what, you expect me to go back as if this conversation never happened? You expect me to go back knowing you feel like this?”

“This is why I didn’t want to bring it up.” Charlene continued to whisper and looked away from me. “I just fuck everything up.”

When she tried to pull away I lowered my arms and wrapped them around her, pulling her close despite her resistance.

“You think being honest fucks things up?”

Again she didn’t say anything but finally lay her head on my chest and eventually replied.

“I’m just gunning for this stupid fairytale I guess. I knew we’d be slightly isolated down in New Orleans but I just thought things would work out and I’d be ok with it.”

I let out a soft sigh and pressed a kiss to her hairline.

“So I ask again, where do we go from here?”

Though neither of us knew the answer; at least the answer both of us wanted to hear.

We’d already come to a crossroad.