Crash World

Well, the Blackhawks made it to the Cup Final that year but lost in 7 games. That was Dylan’s first hockey game and even though the outcome wasn’t what we wanted, it was a great experience. He sure helped cheer some of the guys up after, with his goofy grin. Just seeing how much love everyone had for him was one of the most incredible things.

I did end up moving to Edmonton, after Dylan had his 1st birthday. I tried very hard to convince myself to stay in Chicago but it ended up being too difficult. And I knew if Dylan was going to have a shot at a more normal life, Edmonton was the place to do it.

Me and Jonathan got into a huge argument over this. And we ended up going to court. The only thing I thought about during that whole process was why was he doing this, he knew how much Dylan meant to me. Jen was there of course, to help him try and get Dylan part time. But thankfully, the judge didn’t award half custody to Jonathan and I was able to keep full custody of Dylan, we moved later that year. It had been a hard adjustment but my family helped with it.

And now here we were 18 years later, at the NHL Draft in Raleigh. My baby boy was grown up and now 18 years old. Dylan ended up getting into hockey like Jonathan. He played for the Portland Winterhawks, and ended up winning the Memorial Cup back to back in his first two seasons and was named MVP in his 2nd year. That same year he had helped Canada win gold at the World Juniors. Now he could very well be the potential number one pick. He had been in a close race all year with another top forward in the WHL and it would all come down to today.

I looked at Dylan, “Still nervous?”
“Duh, mom. I’m surprised you’re able to sit in your seat so still. Thought for sure you’d be going crazy by now.” I looked around, my parents were here and so were Jonathan’s. Andree and Bryan had been very much a part of Dylan’s life since he had been born. For my parents it was easy since I lived near them, but even though the Toews’ lived in Winnipeg they made the effort to visit very often and even went to Dylan’s games.

Dylan had done an interview for CBC a month ago. Many questions he would get asked about were to do with Jonathan. The beginning of the interview started with the normal questions about hockey, possibly going #1, winning the Memorial cup twice and the gold medal.
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“Now, I know the topic about your relationship with your dad is something you usually don’t discuss openly. Why now talk about it?”

“Well, with my draft day approaching I felt as though it was time for me to give my side, so that I could move on and focus on my future professional career.”

“Alright, your relationship has been perceived and shown in the media as a close one. This was confirmed by your dad, 2 years ago in an interview. How true were his statements?”

Dylan scoffed, as he answered the question, “We don’t have a relationship, well not for the past 8 years.”

“What was the cause for this rift between you and your dad?” The interview asked, almost in shock of what Dylan had just said.

“Up to about when I was ten, I talked to him quite regularly and saw him when the Blackhawks played in Edmonton. But as the years went on the visits and phone calls just became less and less. I think for me the moment I knew he wasn’t there for me was when he missed my first memorial cup win.”

“Yes, what kind of effect did that have on you?”

“Well, more than anything that hurt me the most. All a kid wants to do is make their parents proud. And for him not to even show up, it made me feel like I wasn’t good enough. But over time I learned that it wasn’t me it was him. He made that choice and now he has to live with it.”

“Do you ever think about if you and your mother hadn’t moved to Edmonton and had stayed in Chicago? Might you and your father have had a different relationship?”

“When I was younger, and didn’t understand a lot of stuff I did. You can’t say you don’t ever think about it. But my mom made the smartest decision for my future, not only hockey wise but school wise as well. I’m so thankful that she gave me a chance for a great life by moving to Edmonton.” He said as he shifted his gaze from the camera to me. “And it’s pretty bad that a son would have to live in the same city as his father to actually have a relationship with him. If he can’t spend some time watching his son play the game that he loves then having a relationship with him is not work my time because I have plenty of people who care about me.”
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I was jolted back to reality as Dylan was trying to get my attention. Finally Jonathan and his family had finally arrived and just before the draft was supposed to start. This had become typical of Jonathan. Late or missing for anything important of Dylan’s. He and Jen had married and ended up having one more child and son named Kyle who was now 16 years old. He played hockey for a while but then took up baseball and Hannah was now 18 and heading to college.

After that interview had aired last month, Jonathan suddenly wanted to try and make things right but he had missed a lot of things and it was too late. Dylan didn’t want to hear any of it. No one ever told him he couldn’t see his son, he chose not to. To this day I can still remember Jonathan saying when we went out for dinner a month before Dylan was born, that he would be there for his son. But he broke that promise, just like he had done many of times that year, and plenty of years after that.

A couple of minutes later it was time, the draft was about to begin. The moment Dylan had been working towards was finally here.

“And with the 1st selection in the 2029 draft. The New York Rangers are proud to select from the Portland Winterhawks Dylan Toews!

Of course the tears began as soon as his name was called. I gave him a huge hug, and told him I was so proud of him and the young man he had become. He went down the line hugging his family. Dylan made his way down to the stage where he put on the jersey and hat. Watching him accomplish one of his dreams took me back to when he was a baby. Sitting in his 1st nursery with him, looking at my beautiful baby boy. Now remembering the first time he picked up a hockey stick, skated for the first time and his first goal in Timbits. Now here he was all grown up, and I couldn’t have been more proud.

I looked over at Jonathan, and he looked over at me. We held that stare for a moment and then he turned to his family. I had gotten through everything life had thrown at me over the past 19 years, Jonathan cheating on me, getting pregnant with Dylan, moving back to Edmonton and being a single mom. As hard as that had all been, it made me stronger. And as I took my picture with Dylan later that evening, I knew that life was about to get as good as it could get. My boy’s dreams were coming true and in the end that’s all I could ask for.