Noises

“Call me if you need me.”

And that was the last I heard from him. The second I said my goodbye, he left, the cup of coffee in his hand as he went. When he disappeared, my back stayed facing the door, and my eyes shut. I bit my bottom lip and leaned back against the desk, my head lowering. My heart had indeed sunk.

It seemed that spending time at Joshua’s was just what I needed, but obviously, I had overstayed my welcome. I don’t, and can’t, remember how I got there from being on the sofa, but when I woke up in Joshua’s bed, my mind was all over the place. He helped me, hugely, and I owed him much more than just a small thank you. Even if that small thank you was repeated, time and time again.

The way his pillows smelt captivated me, and although that was quite odd, it’s true. His bed was so comfy, his room felt so familiar, though I knew I’d never been in there before. It was strange, but I didn’t at all mind him looking after me. And that was what got me thinking.

I was shocked by what I was thinking to myself, but I was certainly in no position to develop feelings for Joshua. However, that’s exactly what was happening. I could feel it; I thought of him that morning when I woke up, and I got butterflies. With no idea why, though; I hated him a few days ago.

Megan snapped me out of my thoughts, though. She had walked out of the back room, the door slamming shut behind her. My eyes opened and I lifted my head, returning her sad smile. After coming home early that morning, she obviously had questions, so I told her what had happened, and who came to my rescue. And once I had, all she did was apologise for setting me up with Ben. I shrugged in reply; it was all over.

But now, it was Christmas Eve. Two days since Josh left the shop. And still, nothing has been said between us. Maybe I’m overreacting when I say that I probably scared him off, but I shouldn’t be caring anyway; the little crush I had developed for him would only stick around for a little while, right?

I turned my iPod up as I stepped off the underground train. I had, officially, pushed myself to actually make an effort this Christmas, and left my small flat in Surrey to travel the 40 odd minutes to London itself. And now I was here, I just wanted to get it over and done with.

It was weird, being in London. It was so different to Surrey, even if there was only minutes between them. Surrey was a little village, almost, and London was some big city with models walking the streets in the latest fashion and the most prettiest make up. And here I was, some skinny, lanky girl with a birds nest for hair. And then I began to wonder, as I walked through the underground to get out onto the streets of London, why does Joshua even like me? I was nothing compared to the girls who strut around the theatres.

I stepped into a café, almost regretting it as I did so; the blonde bit who was Joshua’s arm candy at the pub was sat in there with a new boy to add to her collection, her fake eyelashes batting as she giggled at something he said. I tried not to roll my eyes in disgust and took out the earphone in my left ear, letting it dangle as I ordered a Hot Chocolate with cream and sprinkles. And just as it was about to be given to me by the girl behind the counter, a body skidded to a halt in front of me, and after I jumped with shock, I realised it was Joshua’s ex-blonde.

“What are you doing here?” she snarled, her hands on her hips. What on Earth had I done to deserve such attitude?

“Oh,” I replied, simply, whilst reaching around her to collect my Hot Chocolate. I briefly licked the cream on top and after a few seconds, shrugged. “Is this a whores-only gathering or something; I’m not quite sure I got the message…?”

She feigned a laugh, then suddenly stopped, poker-face. “No.” was her retort. “You think you’re amazing because you slapped me in the face and Joshua ran after you, well you’re not.” she paused, flicking her hair over her shoulder. “You’re nothing of the sort. Far from it. A loser.”

In retaliation? I just blinked, calmly, carefully sipping my drink with the odd, slow nod.

“You know what,” I began, my expression one of total agreement. “I agree. I’m not anything special, but unlike you, I’m not a slapper. So, why don’t you go and take your on-loan tits and fuck the hell off out of my way.” I flashed her a bittersweet smile, then feigned an overly-happy giggle. “And before you try to call me an ‘emo’ again, I’d just like to warn you that just because we’re in a café, doesn’t mean I can’t beat the shit out of you.”

And then, as I was leaving, she huffed, yelling, “You’d get put in prison, and who’d be the arse, then?”

I raised my eyebrows and turned, staring at her in amusement. She had caught everyone’s attention by now, and to be honest, I wasn’t entirely bothered. “Still you.” I stated, then shrugged my shoulders. “But, you know, I guess I’d rather sort you out and get put in prison than leave you and let you roam the streets like the little whore you are.” Then, I added, “They don’t get paid as much as you’d like to think.”

Screaming in frustration, she stormed off back to her little group, and I smiled at everyone, sweetly, before leaving the café, popping in my left earphone again as I window-shopped for a little while. But, even that didn’t last long; a few moments after, I was putting my cup of Hot Chocolate in the bin (it was boring me to drink) when my phone began to play a few seconds of Lullaby by The Cure from inside my bag. I reached in and pulled it out, reading the message:

listen, hollie, I think we need to hang out. you came to my house, you left the next morning, and we haven’t spoken since I left your shop. two days!

what’re you doing now? ‘cause if you aren’t busy, come to mine later? around 6? xx

And that, ladies and gentlemen, was from Joshua. But, this time, instead of rolling my eyes or simply just ignoring it, I took his offer into consideration. Maybe I shouldn’t have smiled and agreed to it, but I did - even if I vowed I wouldn’t interact with him; I wanted to lose this little thing I suddenly had for him, not deepen it. But I actually wanted to, that’s the thing.

So, after replying with a yes (and telling him that he’d have to help me wrap some presents - presents that weren’t his, if I got him anything at all), I put my phone back in my bag and continued on with my window-shopping.



Arriving at Joshua’s was surprisingly pleasant. For now, he had candles lit, and the odd small lamp on, but somehow he made sure it looked dim. He ushered me inside and took my bags off of me, putting them to the side and closing the door after me. Then, once we were in his living room, he twisted his lips to the side at the tree that stood in the corner.

“I put it up before,” the singer informed me, glancing in my direction, then up at the tree. That was a big tree. “But, I need help decorating it and stuff, so…”

I lifted my hand, dramatically, and playfully rolled my eyes. “Don’t ask; I’ll do it with you. Don’t fret.”

Josh just laughed and shook his head, and beckoned me over to the decorations. It took us, over all, about an hour to decorate it with dangly things and glittering lights, and then finally, he lifted me to let me put the angel on top, which, of course, made me feel that tad bit special; Megan was always the one who put the angel up on top of the tree.

Whilst we were decorating Joshua’s tree, I found it rather fun - comforting. There was music on in the background that we had often danced to, normally with each other, bumping hips and shimmying, or sometimes it was even him dancing on his own whilst I continued to decorate the tree, or I took pictures, or just laughed at him. And then, visa versa.

When we finished, Josh managed to do some big speech about how much Christmas ‘touched his heart’, before gesturing for me to do a dramatic drum roll, so I did. Then, he flicked the switch on the wall, and on came the lights. They lit up the entire room, and mixed nicely with the candles. I switched off the odd lamp, and the two of us sat on his carpeted floor, the presents I had bought earlier in the middle of us, alongside scissors, cello tape, and Christmassy wrapping paper. Of course, Joshua’s present was in a separate bag, near the front door, so he couldn’t see it.

And whilst we wrapped the presents in front of the tree, we ate Marsh Mellows and strawberries with chocolate, and for probably the third or fourth time, we had the most amazing conversations I could’ve ever expected to have with him. It turned out that this boy had enough problems of his own, what with trying to tour with the boys by getting buses and trains, staying at the odd fans’ house, his friend in the process of dying because of drugs. He was just trying to get by each day as easily as possible. And because of that, he immediately earned a lot of respect from me.

And then, it was over. The tree was up, the presents were wrapped, and we were hardly exhausted. Currently, with our happy moods, we were dancing around his living room, and what with his curtains being wide open, I’d be surprised if no one saw us. But, then again, I wouldn’t have minded. You want to know why? Because I was actually enjoying myself, with someone I hated a couple of days ago. But after a couple of hours to get to know him, him practically saving my life and a few good laughs, I actually began to like him, and the only person to have been so surprised was probably me. Well, me at the moment because no one else knew, but if Megan ever found out - well. She’d be playing cupid.

Just as one Christmas song finished, another started, and after a few minutes, we both bailed. We put away our empty dishes and then, obligingly, Joshua gave me a piggy back into the living room, dropping me onto the sofa. I made a small noise and laughed as I hit the cushions, and looked up at him, my eyes following him as he got on his knees, on the floor, beside me. He rested his elbows on the sofa and just stared at me, and just by a quick glance at his eyes, I could see that he, too, just had the time of his life. Even if it was wrapping presents and decorating a tree and dancing like a lunatic. It was freedom, and it was evident the two of us wanted needed it.

But after a few moments of silence, the singer spoke up. “Do you think that, you know… something will happen between us?” he murmured, briefly nudging the tip of his nose, his fingertips quickly disappearing up his nostrils, then re-appearing seconds later to run through his hair. A habit of his.

I stared at him, ignoring his fidgeting hands, and shrugged, looking down at my shirt. “I don’t know, Josh.” I replied, quietly. “I’ve only just… started to warm up to you, you know? It’s hard to say.” I sighed, glancing up at him. He was nodding, his gaze on the floor.

So, to lighten things up a little, I grabbed a cushion from behind me, and hit the back of his head with it, laughing when he looked up, a look of feigned shock upon his face.

“That wasn’t nice!” Josh whined, grabbing a cushion of his own and throwing it down on my stomach, making me keel over, giggling. He then proceeded to beat me with the pillow, which didn’t hurt, obviously, but it did make me laugh.

“I surrender!” I cried at one point, underneath Joshua’s weight as he sat on me, wriggling around and bouncing, whistling as he did so. He stopped this, and slid off, pointing his finger at me.

“Truce?” the singer asked, his eyebrows rising. I nodded, and he lifted his pinkie. “Promise?” he murmured, and strangely, I found that quite adorable. I linked my pinkie with his for a few seconds, dropping my pillow, and sat up, stretching, whilst Josh got up and ran to the kitchen. I stayed where I was, still stretching when he came back, a minute later. Hey, I had been sat on for quite a while by that boy.

“What’ve you got there?” I asked, seeing something in his hand. When he showed it me, I rolled my eyes, laughing. It was a camera. He honestly wanted to take pictures? “A camera.” I stated, quietly.

Joshua nodded, and he sat beside me, pulling me closer to his side, his arm around my shoulders. After suddenly yelling ‘pose!’, and bursting my eardrum, he opened his mouth, his eyes widening, his eyebrows lifting, like he was screaming. Though because I couldn’t really think that well on the spot, I pursed my lips, dramatically, my own eyebrows lifting. He flipped the camera and laughed at the picture. “That’s going on the internet, later. A nice Christmas Eve gift for the fans.” he grinned.

I blinked at him. “I’m in the picture. That isn’t a gift for the fans.” I laughed, shaking my head. It didn’t really occur to me that his arm was still around my shoulders.

The singer pulled a face, and shrugged, playfully nudging my temple with his nose. “So? They’ll be focused on me - duh!” his hand then shot under my armpits, and he tickled me, making me wriggle and squeal and get up, pouting. “Sorry.” he uttered, sheepishly, and it was obvious that he was holding back a laugh.

But, before I could open my mouth, my phone began playing ‘Lovecats’ by The Cure. Yes, I love The Cure. I plucked it out of my pocket and answered the call, immediately squinting as Megan squealed down the phone, asking where I was and why hadn’t I gotten in touch with her. Whilst I was on the phone, however, I hid my face for the occasional picture that Joshua took of me.

When Megan hung up, I sighed and reached down, picking up the bags that held all the wrapped presents, and Joshua’s. Though, when I muttered a quick ‘I have to get home’, the singer stood, dropping his camera onto the sofa and following me the door. He opened it for me, and I thanked him, leaving his apartment.

Though, before I could get to the elevator, my expression rueful, he called my name. I turned, looking quite hopeful, a little smile on my face. “Yeah?” I replied, nibbling my bottom lip.

Josh stared at me, then began to smile slightly. “Max is throwing a Christmas party tomorrow.” he began, his hands in the pockets of his jeans. “Come? Obviously, you can bring Megan, and… Tom.” his eyebrows rose, and he licked over his lips. “I’ll see you there?”

I stared down the hallway at him, then nodded, slowly. Megan would love a good ol’ Christmas party, and I suppose it would’ve been better to celebrate than to be stuck at home on my own. I waved, my smile widening when Josh blew me a playful kiss, and then I left.

Sure, I was going to get yelled at when I got home, and maybe I had to stay up a little more to wrap Joshua’s present, but whatever. It was Christmas tomorrow, and I was going to have a good time.