Noises

I jolted awake on the sofa as I heard the door of my apartment slam shut. I sat up straight and rubbed the back of my neck, which was cricked from having spent a night on the sofa after Hollie called and ended up staying at mine, and sleeping in my bed. She had, at first, insisted on taking the sofa, but she fell asleep practically cuddled up to me with her head on my shoulder, her sobbing reduced to sniffling by now. I had lifted her, one of my arms under the crevice between her bent knees and the other supporting her back and shoulders, to the bedroom, and let her sleep there.

I stood from the sofa, the meagre blanket that had been covering me that night falling to the floor, and made my way towards the bedroom, rubbing my eyes sleepily. Sure enough, Hollie had taken her bag from the night before which she had somehow managed to grab in the commotion and already left. I checked my watch – it was quarter past one – and sighed.

Last night hadn’t been particularly amazing when she got here, since the majority of her time was spent telling me what happened – a severely awkward moment because she clearly didn’t want to go into it. A blush formed on her cheeks every so often and she kept on apologising, but she got there in the end. However, after that, with watery eyes and sniffing every so often to clear her nose, she told me that she was incredibly sorry and offered to leave, saying that she’d be fine on her own. I refused to let her leave, and she mumbled quietly that it would only be awkward in the morning.

Hence, I guess, she left before it had a chance to get awkward.

I would say that this change of heart happened just when I thought we were getting somewhere, but I hardly count it as getting anywhere at all. She called me, probably as a last option, and only to save herself from the bastard that was trying to get in her pants. Even if she did keep thanking me last night, she still felt the need to point out that it would be awkward, especially since she had accidentally let slip that Ben was going to “take her virginity.” I think I probably turned beetroot whilst she covered her mouth quickly, and pushed her face into her hands, going a slightly darker colour than me but not by much.

So, it was obvious that she was thankful, but not willing to get past the awkward stages of, “Hey, thanks for helping me when I almost got raped last night, but let’s just stay friends, yeah?” A quick and silent exit would have helped us get past all formalities by avoiding them all together. I guess, in a way, I understood.

But then, really, it showed what kind of a character she was; and on top of that, how different we were. Old happy-go-lucky Joshua- a smile always on his face, ever the optimist, and now, here she was, changing me- young, beautiful Hollie, with a captivating laugh and a sour attitude to contrast it for the majority of the time. It made me wonder if something had happened to change her mood, but I somewhat doubted it; she seemed to be the kind who only saw the negatives. I wondered how she’d feel if I told her what I thought.

Of course, I never would tell her. I could tell myself that I could but these last few weeks have done nothing but show me what a sucker I really am. It’s quite obvious to me by now that I’ve fallen for this girl. This girl that does nothing to encourage me, tries to discourage me at every single opportunity that she gets and still fascinates me beyond words. And I didn’t have a clue what I was going to do about it.

I wondered into the bathroom to inspect myself in the mirror, running cold water into my hands and splashing it onto my face. My hair was a mess, I needed a shave and it looked like I’d put on a couple of pound in my face alone. I really had to stop eating so much ice-cream.

I walked back into the kitchen after towel drying my face, still avoiding anything to do with my hair - including my facial hair. Deciding I would simply avoid looking in a mirror again, I flicked on the kettle and leaned against the counter, waiting for it to boil.

I practically leapt up when I heard a knock on the door, rushing and nearly stumbling on thin air as I skirted out of the kitchen section of my living part. I looked through the peephole, and was sadly disappointed to see Max and Matt standing at the door. I shook my head – I should be happy to see my best friends – and opened the door, standing aside to let them in.

“Mate, you could have at least put some trousers on,” Max muttered, covering his eyes over dramatically. Matt rolled his eyes and shoved Max through the hallway, into the sitting area. He immediately fell upon the sofa, his eyes looking over the blanket and cushions stacked up as mock pillows, “How come you crashed in here then? Watching late-night porn?”

“Fuck off, Max,” I mumbled, pouring hot water over the tea bag in my cup, as Matt helped himself to a mug and a teabag from the jar, taking the kettle from me. I avoided milk as I wasn’t sure it was completely in date, but let Matt help himself. He didn’t check or register any discomfort when he drank it so I hoped that my inability to chuck things out once they’d passed their sell-by date wasn’t going to make him suffer.

“Your beds been slept in as well,” Matt mumbled, peering through the door to my bedroom, “And there’s a note on the pillow! Ooh err, Joshua, what have you been up to?”

I practically leapt from the sofa after quickly placing the mug on the coffee table with a thud, and literally leapt onto my bed, grabbing the note before Matt got a chance. He was quickly standing over me, trying to wrestle the note from my hands, but I kept my grip on it and put it down my boxers, stopping him from getting hold of it. He shuddered and walked away, taking the place that had been mine on the two-seater. Max had pulled out the PS3 and was setting up a game of Fifa, and I quickly made the excuse that I was going to get changed. Matt mumbled a quiet, “Yeah, right,” but left me to it. I shut the door behind me, pulling the slip of paper out of my boxers, careful not to give myself a particularly painful paper-cut. I flattened the crumpled paper out and read it.

________Josh,
Thank you for last night. You’re one in a million, and I’m sorry for going. I hope you understand.
__________Hollie x

I sighed, folding the note in half. As I did so, I noticed that there was a little more of her girly scrawl on the back: PS. If you’re bored this afternoon, come hang with me in the book store?

I smiled proudly, pushing the note into the top drawer of my bedside cabinet, beneath the socks that resided there. Pulling out some fresh boxers and slipping on some skinny jeans, I picked out a t-shirt and chequered shirt to go over the top, and went back into the living room.

“What did the note say, Loverboy?” Max mumbled, most of his attention focused on the game that he and Matt were playing.

I smiled, “Nothing much,” I replied, knowing that he was too distracted to answer back, or even register my answer. He scored a virtual goal, and all thoughts of the note were pushed out of his head, as well as Matt’s, by his over dramatic dancing around my flat with his shirt over his head.



It was nearing three o’clock by the time I’d managed to slyly shift Max and Matt from my apartment. I practically sighed with relief as I shut the door, and heard them walking away, talking between themselves about the ninety minute marathon we’d just had of Playstation games. I ran a hand through my hair in a meek effort to tame it, covering my messy hair with a beanie hat and vowing to get a haircut and shave later.

I found myself flying down the flights of stairs in my flat rather than my usual mechanical approach of taking the unbearable slow elevator. Nearly tripping several times and hitting the physically-blocking wall about half-way down and having to slow my pace, I was thoroughly out of breath by the bottom, but carried on my walk to Hollie’s store as calmly as I could manage.

On the way, I passed a Barber shop. I caught myself in the reflection on the window as the sky was bright with unfallen snow and the windows were slightly misty from the difference in warmth both outside and inside the shop, and decided that Hollie could wait for another half an hour. I shook my head with a small smile because I was making more effort for her than I ever had for anyone else and pushed the door open, a bell going off above the door and the guy behind the counter snapping out of his half-trance. He looked up from the paper in front of him that was covered in doodles and smiled at me, nodding his head, “Alright?”

“Yeah thanks man, you?” I smiled, and he nodded in reply. I pulled the beanie hat from my head and shook a cold half through my hair, shoving the hat into my coat pocket and unbuttoning my coat. He took it without really asking and hung it up on the hooks that were near the back of the shop, swivelling round a chair as if to silently offer me a seat. I took it and he pulled up a stool to sit next to me.

“Do you just want a tidy up, then, or something different?” He picked up the magazine that he been up on the mirrored shelf in front of me and flicked through it absentmindedly whilst I decided. Flinging it back onto the counter in front of me, he signalled that he was ready for me to tell him. I ran my hands through my hair in an effort to provoke some thoughts.

“I guess just a tidy up. I had an undercut here before,” I mumbled, running my fingers through the now lengthening hair, “And the rest kind of just floppy messy- just a bit shorter.”

The barber nodded, and smiled, grabbing an electric razor that was clipped to his belt. His organisation made me jealous for a second before realising I had no use for such structure in my life of mayhem. He set about determining a grade of the razor of his own accord and soon we were stuck making idle chit chat to pass the time whilst he shaved and combed and cut and thinned my hair out with expert timing.

I hated idle hairdressing-chit-chat more than any other kind, because you had to keep talking. You couldn’t start a conversation and then walk away, and you couldn’t be mean because they held a big proportion of you general appearance in their hands, and it was too awkward to sit in silence for half an hour, especially not in an empty Barber shop at three o’clock in the afternoon on a weekday when it was quite clear that no-one else would be entering.

Before long, he was finished. I gave him a tenner and told him to keep the change in an effort to get away from the awkward atmosphere, and carried on my speedy hike to the bookstore. I checked my watch for what was probably the third time in ten minutes to see that it was nearing half past, and wondered what time Hollie actually finished up at the shop. I hoped it wasn’t any time soon and carried on walking with haste.



The shop was incredibly warm and smelt of a mixture of coffee and paper. A few people were drifting around the shelves and browsing, and there was one old man sat down at a table in the middle of the store with a small cup of coffee resting on the table in front of him and a book in his hand. I looked around and saw Hollie resting her head on her hand at the counter, leaning down slightly and reading the book that was in front of her. I moved to the side and away from the door so that she wouldn’t see me if she looked up, and pretended to browse the section I was looking at, picking up a book at random without looking at it and flicking it open, watching her the whole time. She smiled at the person who walked to the counter with a stack of books in hand, and made small talk whilst ringing them through the till, smiling as the lady answered her questions and talked animatedly about the books. As soon as she’d finished the transaction, Hollie moved from behind the counter and popped the book she had been reading back onto the shelf, smirking over at me as she saw me.

“I didn’t know you were expecting, Josh?” she smiled, nodding down to the book that was between my palms. I looked down too, and flushed red to find that I was reading a pregnancy yoga book, putting it back onto the shelf quickly.

“I wasn’t reading it!” I gushed, rubbing my hands together as if to rid them of a residue that the book might have left over- the residue that said “I’ve just been reading a book about yoga for pregnant ladies”.

Hollie raised an eyebrow, “Then why did you have it in your hands?” She nudged me, “Planning to steal it and sell it to make a quick profit?” She smiled, and moved back to the counter as someone else made their way over, and I leant against the counter as she served the man, chatting to him in a similar way as she had with the lady before him. I smiled at her little questions and the way she grinned when the old man told her to have a nice day. It was the little touches that pushed her from being another pretty girl to being somewhat worth it.

“Do you want a coffee or anything?” She smiled at me, already setting up the machine to make another cup without waiting for my answer. I nodded, but she had her back to me and she turned and put the coffee down in front of me anyway.

“That was quick,” I smiled, picking the mug up.

“It’s a quick machine,” she nodded, turning her back again to make another cup for herself.

So here it was- the awaited awkwardness that was inevitable, and yet somehow, it wasn’t nearly as bad as I’d expected. She turned around with her cup between her hands, blowing slightly on the coffee to cool it down, and smiled at me. I smiled back, and without a word being said, we were okay again.

We made idle chit-chat the whole afternoon- the kind of chit-chat that I had previously thought about how much I hated with the barber, but with Hollie it was different. She seemed to care about what I had to say and I certainly cared about her responses to my questions.

It wasn’t until closing when she said that she should be getting home that she approached the subject of last night.

“Look, Josh,” she mumbled, looking down at her feet slightly- something that was so unlike Hollie it startled me in a way, “I just wanted to say…”

She trailed off, so I inferred what she had to say. It was obvious that she was thankful, and her behaviour today had hinted that already. I didn’t want things to be anymore awkward than they had to be, so I took the pressure away from her and finished her sentence off for her in my mind, replying, “Its fine, love, don’t worry about it.” She smiled at me softly, and brought her hand up to her mouth to cover a yawn, laughing slightly. I couldn’t help but smile at her- she just had that effect on me.

“Okay, well, I guess I’ll see you around,” She shrugged, but looked at me expectantly.

I smirked, “You know you can’t get away from me anyway.”

She took a step closer to me, and my heartbeat raised slightly. She wrapped an arm around my neck, and moved closer still, pulling me into a tight hug, “Thank you,” she whispered into my ear. She pulled away as quickly as she’d initiated the hug.

“Call me if you need me,” I offered, as she turned away, not wanting her to have the last word.

She always seemed to manage it though, “See you around, Franceswee.”