If You Took the Time to Notice Me

We had all been sitting around the table talking about little things when Gerard finally came down for something to eat. The room fell awkwardly silent the moment he stepped in and Donna turned to her eldest son.

“Are you going to join us?” she asked meekly. It was almost as if she were afraid to say anything to him. Gerard nodded wordlessly and carried his plate over to the table before sitting down in the seat beside his mother; the one directly across from me.

He began to eat and conversation picked back up again as the atmosphere returned to normal. I listened to Donna chat animatedly to Mikey while I ate the lasagna on my plate awkwardly.

I couldn’t help but feel a little intrusive; I had never been over to somebody’s house for dinner before and it felt wrong to be sitting here during what was usually private family time. But nobody really seemed to mind so I pushed the thought to the back of my head.

I had looked up from my plate briefly to see that Gerard was staring down at his plate; using his fork to push the food around a bit. I couldn’t help but watch him for a moment. He was just so odd…Even in his own home he acted as if he were uncomfortable; as if he didn’t fit in.

But then again, maybe that was because of me…Gosh, I feel so awkward here. When I finished my plate of lasagna, which was delicious despite all of the awkwardness, I looked around to see that everyone else had finished their dinner as well; even Gerard.

I stood up and gathered all of the dishes before heading over toward the sink to wash them up. I figured it was the least that I could do…“What are you doing, sweetheart?” Donna questioned.

“I’m gonna wash the dishes,” I told her shyly. “You know, as thanks for letting me stay over for dinner and everything.”

She chuckled as she approached me, gently moving me off to the side. “There’s no need for that,” she said, shaking her head. “I’ve got it covered.” I offered her a smile and Mikey approached us with that sideways boyish grin on his face.

“What do you wanna do now?” he asked and I looked past him at the microwave to see that it was nearing eight o’clock. Maybe I should start heading home now…

“Well it’s getting kinda late,” I started. “I think maybe I should head home now. But we can talk tomorrow and do a little more of our project then, okay?”

Mikey nodded. “Sounds good. I’ll walk you out, then.”

I followed Mikey back up the stairs to his bedroom so I could grab my backpack and slip on my sneakers. Once we got back to the room, I gathered all of my things and turned to him.

“Go ahead and print out that list of books and bring it to school with you tomorrow,” I told him and he went over to his desk to turn on his printer. “Got it,” he smiled, wandering over to his desk and setting up the printer.

After he had printed out the list, we went downstairs. Donna and Gerard were still in the kitchen cleaning up after dinner and I stood in the doorway to say goodbye. “I’m going back home now,” I started. “Uh…Thanks for letting me stay over, Donna.”

She turned around and smiled brightly. “It was not a problem at all, sweetheart. You come back soon, you hear?” I nodded. “Alright. So long.”

Mikey unlocked the front door and followed me outside until we got to the driveway where my car had been parked. He leaned back against the garage and let out a sigh.

“I’ll see you tomorrow then, right?” he asked even though he knew what the answer would be. “Of course you will,” I smirked. “We’re friends, right?” That crooked grin returned to his face and he nodded his agreement.

“Yeah,” he mused. “We are...”

Then, not knowing where I found the courage, I wrapped my arms around his body tightly and buried my nose in the crook of his neck. I could feel Mikey tense in shock but he eventually relaxed and put his arms around my waist to which I smiled.

I don’t remember how long we stayed like that, but when it started to get colder, I pulled away shyly. “Goodnight Mikey,” I said. “See you at school.”

He nodded and shoved his hands into the pockets of his hoodie as he watched me pull off. It wasn’t until I was halfway down the road from his house that I saw him waving his hand. I smiled to myself; for some reason, probably after being alone and depressed for so long, it felt nice to finally have someone to call a friend.

--

Of course when I got back home, Aunt Lauren wanted to know everything and when I told her about Mikey; she immediately started to ask all of those rather embarrassing questions. You know, the whole 'is he good looking?' and my all-time favorite, 'are you sure he’s just a friend?'

“Aunt Lauren,” I finally cut into another one of her embarrassing questions. I honestly couldn’t believe her sometimes. “He’s just my friend. The only reason I know him is because we have an English assignment together. He probably won’t even wanna be around me anymore when it’s over…”

Now that I thought about it, that probably was the case. Of course Mikey was going to be my friend for the next two weeks. We had to do this project for our grade and after that, he’s probably gonna find someone else to be best friends with.

It hurt a little bit, but I didn’t care. I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up in the first place. Aunt Lauren put a hand on my shoulder. “Don’t talk like that, baby. I’m sure he really likes you.” I shrugged and dismissed the conversation. “Whatever.”

Aunt Lauren grinned and kissed my forehead. “Well, it’s getting late and you’ve got school tomorrow. Why don’t you go shower and get into bed?” I nodded and got up from the couch to kiss her cheek before going up the stairs to clean up and get some sleep.

I went to bed that night thinking about 19th century literature, boys with geeky glasses, and trying to be happy again. Because things in my life were rapidly changing and even though I had never been one to accept change, things were really looking up.

I could only hope that it was all for real. Otherwise, I don’t know what’s gonna happen to me in the near future…But I know that it can only end in heartbreak.

Story of my fucking life.