280 Days
4.
At 9:00 the next morning, Daniel Harden closed his office for the day. He told the secretary that he had to do some private business, sent her and the rest of the staff home, and kept only one nurse, Linda, an older, African-American woman from south Louisiana whom he had sworn to secrecy. He trusted Linda infinitely, and had told her the story so she’d know why everything had to be kept quiet.
“Good Lord, your friend Charles got some poor little girl pregnant?” she’d scolded in her thick Cajun accent, her big brown eyes sad. “That’s just terrible. Things like these got consequences.”
All Daniel could do was shrug and set out the necessary instruments. He hated performing terminations, but it was part of his job. Most of the time he only took care of tubal pregnancies. Not abortions out of choice. Even the tubals, which he knew were absolutely necessary, he hated. All he could think of was seeing his two girls on the ultrasound screen. But today he was going to bite his lip and soldier on. For Charles.
At 9:30, Charles brought Ina in. She’d been silent the entire drive over, curled against the window of his battered old Camaro, staring outside at the buildings and people and hot dog stands. Charles was worried sick thinking that someone would see them. It didn’t matter that the OB/GYN offices were in a completely different part of town than the college.
In the past 15 hours, Charles had felt enough guilt to last a lifetime. He wondered why it had taken this long to hit him. After a year, he was finally questioning where this relationship was going to lead. Ina was 24 years old. She had her whole life in front of her. By the time she was 30, he’d be 50. When she was 40, he’d be 60. He might be dead before she saw 50. How was that fair?
It wasn’t.
But he couldn’t bring himself to leave her. Especially not now. He loved her. Even if it didn’t seem like it at times or people would question it, he loved her. The tiny old-fashioned part of him told him to marry her, do the right thing by her. But he just couldn’t risk it. He couldn’t risk his career, his reputation.
Ina was still staring out the window. She was dressed in blue jeans and a dark, oversized pullover, the hood pulled up over her head. Charles reached over to grab her hand. She didn’t respond.
“Kitten, you okay?” he asked, putting a hand on her shoulder. She didn’t move. Didn’t react in any way.
“I’m fine,” she said, her voice flat. Charles took his hand off her shoulder and put it back on the steering wheel, looking straight ahead. They passed 87th street and Charles took a left onto Minnesota Avenue, where the office was.
“We’re almost there. It’ll be over soon,” he said. She shrugged.
A part of him was nearly irritated. He’d never seen her like this, this passive. He was used to her being bright, vibrant, alive.
He shook his head, pulling into the parking lot of the Lower East Side Women’s Services building.
“Okay, Ina. You go in first, I’ll be right behind you, okay?” he soothed, leaning over and unlocking her door. She nodded, picked up her bag, and got out of the car, walking slowly into the building. He was afraid she was gonna make a run for it. But she didn’t.
After she made it through the door, he got out as well, and, looking around one more time to make sure no one had seen them, followed her into the office. It was well-lit, with bright colors and faux leather furniture. A sweet looking woman was standing by Ina, her arm around her shoulder.
“Hey there, sweetie. You just come with me, okay, Cherie? Everything’s gon’ be alright. We’ll take good care of you,” she crooned, her accent thick and smoky. As the woman led her into the back, Ina threw one glance back at Charlie.
“I love you, Ina,” he said, his voice choked. “Do you want me to come back with you?”
Ina shook her head, then turned around, letting the nurse lead her into the back. Charles sat down in one of the leather chairs, picking up a pamphlet.
TAKE CHARGE OF YOUR PREGNANCY NOW! It said in big, bold purple letters. INCEMA FOLIC ACID TABLETS HELP KEEP YOU AND YOUR BABY HEALTHY AND HAPPY!
Charles tossed the pamphlet onto the table and closed his eyes, placing his head in his hands. He didn’t want to think about pregnancy or babies or folic acid tablets. He didn’t want to think about what was happening in the back.
After a quick moment, he heard Daniel.
“Hey, Charles,” Danny said, sitting down beside him.
“It’s over with already?” Charles questioned, sitting up straight.
“No, no. We haven’t even started. I just wanted to come talk to you real quick. Look, Charles,” Danny shook his head, lowering his voice. “She doesn’t look good. Are you sure she's okay with this?”
Charles felt sick.
“Yeah, Danny. Yeah. We decided together,” he said, shaking his head. Danny shrugged.
“Okay. Well, you’re gonna need to keep an eye on her for the rest of today. Can you stay with her or do you have to go back to campus?”
“I can stay with her. Will she be okay?” Charles asked, almost frantically. Danny nodded.
“Yeah, she’ll be okay. We’ll see you in a bit.”
With that, Danny walked back into the back. Ina was seated on a table, her legs in stirrups. Her heart was beating into her throat, so fast that she thought she might faint. Linda had a hold of her hand, and Danny fought the urge to run back into the waiting room and tell Charles he wasn’t going to have any part of this.
“Hi, Ina,” he said instead, his voice artificially calm. “I’m Dr. Daniel Harden, but you can call me Danny. Look, I know this is hard and I’m sure it’s very scary. Do you want to be sedated? We can do that,” he said, patting her shoulder. Ina shook her head.
“No,” she whispered. “I hate being sedated.”
“Okay,” Danny said, sitting down at the foot of the hospital bed. “Now, first we’re going to numb your cervix, okay? This won’t hurt at all. It might tingle a little, but nothing will hurt.”
Ina nodded, but as soon as he got the swab near her, she started shaking.
“What’s wrong, honey?” Linda asked, motioning for Danny to stop.
“I can’t do this,” Ina sobbed. “I don’t want to do this. I can’t do this, please don’t make me do this. Please, Dr. Harden. I don’t want to get Charlie in trouble, I really don’t. But I can’t do this,” she whispered, her shoulders quivering. Danny felt a wave of relief wash over him.
“Hey, Ina, calm down, okay? We’re not going to make you do anything you don’t want to do. You don’t have to do this. No one’s making you,” he said, covering her up with the sterile sheet. “Do you want to be left alone for a minute?”
Ina nodded, but then pointed to Linda.
“I want her to stay with me,” she said, clinging desperately to the older woman’s hand.
“It’s okay, baby, I’m gon’ stay with you,” Linda cooed, brushing Ina’s hair back. Ina continued to sob uncontrollably.
Daniel pulled off his gloves and walked out of the procedure room, back through the lab, and into the waiting room. Charles jumped up.
“Is something wrong? Did something happen?” he questioned frantically. Daniel shook his head.
“No. Charles, she changed her mind. She’s back there crying and shaking and I refuse to do anything to her that she doesn’t want me to do.”
Charles felt liked he’d been punched in the gut.
“Danny, we have to. She can’t… she can’t have a baby. Not my baby. Do you realize what’ll happen?” he said angrily, running his hands through her hair. “You’ve got to talk to her, tell her what the consequences will be!”
“Charles!” Daniel roared. “These are the consequences! You screwed around with someone you shouldn’t have screwed around with and now she’s pregnant! The consequences have already happened! And you know what you need to do now? Take it like a man. Don’t make her do anything that she doesn’t want to do just because you’re scared. She doesn’t want this. And I’m not going to let you make her do this. You two have got to figure out something else now. Go to a social worker, talk to the dean, man up and tell her parents that you two screwed up big time! But she obviously doesn't want this and I’ll be damned if I’m gonna sit back and do something to her that she doesn’t want! And if you take her somewhere else after this, force her because you’re scared of ruining your career and reputation, well, you’re not the man I always thought you were.”
Charles stared at Daniel, who was breathing heavy, his face red.
“Let me talk to her,” Charles pleaded. “I know she’ll see this is the only way.”
Daniel shook his head.
“No, Charles. I’m not gonna let you talk to her. You can’t talk someone into a decision like this. This isn’t like talking someone into seeing a movie or giving you a discount at a bar or getting a better deal at the car dealership. You try and ‘make her see this is the only way’, and she’ll hate you for it for the rest of her life. She doesn’t want this. And you’re going to have to live with that. Go home.”
“What?” Charles asked, his mouth gaping and his eyes on fire. “You know, I’m going to have to take her with me,” he sneered, stepping towards Danny. Danny held up his hands.
“Go home, Charles. Linda will give Ina a ride. Look, Charles. I love you like you’re my own damn brother, man. But you need to get away from her. Don’t do anything you’re going to regret,” Daniel said. Charles pulled on his coat, striding towards the door. Before he walked out, he turned around, pointing his finger at Daniel.
“I already have, Danny. I regret everything about this.”
With that, he was gone slamming the door behind him, and Daniel was left standing alone in the waiting room. He stood still for a minute, rubbing his temples, then he pasted on his happy, calm “doctor” face and walked into the back.
“Ina, I have to be frank with you,” he said. Ina looked up from her seat on the bed. She was already back in her street clothes, and to Danny’s delight, while she still looked worried sick, she didn’t look like the walking dead anymore. “Charles is upset.”
Ina’s face fell, but she kept her cool.
“I knew he would be. He’s scared. Dr. Harden, I am too. But I just I couldn’t do this.”
Danny put his hand on Ina’s shoulder.
“I know, Ina. And it’s okay. I’ve known Charles for a long time. He’ll cool down after a while. Just take it from me, these next few days, give him his space.”
Ina nodded.
“I was going to go home anyway. I need to tell my parents.”
Ina paused, seeing Danny’s agonized expression.
“Don’t worry. I’m not going to rat him out. I really do love him, Dr. Harden. I don’t want to get him in any kind of trouble.”
She stopped again, taking a deep breath. Linda patted her back, and Ina breathed deep, tears rolling down her cheeks.
“I love him, but I understand if he doesn’t want to be with me now. I want him to want to be with me. But if he doesn’t, I’ll be okay,” she said, crossing her arms across her stomach. “I’ll be okay without him.”
Charlie was spending the night at Ina's place, and they were laying in her bed, watching the light from the broken street lamp outside flicker and fade and burst back bright on the ceiling above them. Everything was quiet except for Edgar's purring and the sound of Ina's broken fan clicking rhythmically. After a while, Ina broke the silence.
“Don’t ever leave me,” she whispered.
Charles’ looked over at Ina. She threw her arms around his neck, kissing his cheek.
“What?” he asked, laughing.
“Don’t ever leave me. Please, don’t ever leave me. I don’t think I could stand it if you did.”
Charles kissed her forehead, rubbing her back gently.
“Don’t worry, kitten,” he said. “I won’t leave you. I won’t ever leave you.”
Charles stomped back into his apartment, crazy with nerves. He locked the door behind him and then turned, slamming a lamp off the table by the door. It busted into pieces on the hardwood floor, and Irvin whimpered in the corner, scared at his master’s sudden turn of emotions. He slunk over to Charles on his belly, and Charles bit his lip, sinking to the floor. He petted Irvin’s big furry head gently, flopping his ears around.
“I’m sorry, boy. I’m not mad at you. You’re a good boy, aren’t you?”
Irvin, satisfied that he wasn’t the cause for Charles outburst, wagged his tail and jumped up, yapping and licking his face.
Charles, though, wasn’t so easily sated. He sunk down on the couch, and, for the first time, sobbed. He cried himself out, feeling completely sick and ashamed and absolutely wracked with guilt. Irvin came over, bumping Charles’ leg with his head. Charles nodded, and Irvin hopped up into his lap, putting his head on Charles’ shoulder. Charles hugged the big shaggy dog, rocking back and forth.
“Thanks, Irvin. I can always count on you, pal, can’t I?”
Irvin barked, and Charles smiled, laying down on the couch. Irvin curled up by his side and Charles continued stroking his head. Soon, Irvin was asleep, but Charles just kept dragging his hand through his soft fur.
“I can’t believe this is happening,” Charles muttered. He felt sick. He knew he was going to lose his job. He wouldn’t be able to get a job at any reputable school ever again. He’d forever be known as the professor that knocked up that student at NYU.
He sighed heavily, still patting Irvin’s heavy head.
He never thought that he and Ina would end up like this.
“Good Lord, your friend Charles got some poor little girl pregnant?” she’d scolded in her thick Cajun accent, her big brown eyes sad. “That’s just terrible. Things like these got consequences.”
All Daniel could do was shrug and set out the necessary instruments. He hated performing terminations, but it was part of his job. Most of the time he only took care of tubal pregnancies. Not abortions out of choice. Even the tubals, which he knew were absolutely necessary, he hated. All he could think of was seeing his two girls on the ultrasound screen. But today he was going to bite his lip and soldier on. For Charles.
At 9:30, Charles brought Ina in. She’d been silent the entire drive over, curled against the window of his battered old Camaro, staring outside at the buildings and people and hot dog stands. Charles was worried sick thinking that someone would see them. It didn’t matter that the OB/GYN offices were in a completely different part of town than the college.
In the past 15 hours, Charles had felt enough guilt to last a lifetime. He wondered why it had taken this long to hit him. After a year, he was finally questioning where this relationship was going to lead. Ina was 24 years old. She had her whole life in front of her. By the time she was 30, he’d be 50. When she was 40, he’d be 60. He might be dead before she saw 50. How was that fair?
It wasn’t.
But he couldn’t bring himself to leave her. Especially not now. He loved her. Even if it didn’t seem like it at times or people would question it, he loved her. The tiny old-fashioned part of him told him to marry her, do the right thing by her. But he just couldn’t risk it. He couldn’t risk his career, his reputation.
Ina was still staring out the window. She was dressed in blue jeans and a dark, oversized pullover, the hood pulled up over her head. Charles reached over to grab her hand. She didn’t respond.
“Kitten, you okay?” he asked, putting a hand on her shoulder. She didn’t move. Didn’t react in any way.
“I’m fine,” she said, her voice flat. Charles took his hand off her shoulder and put it back on the steering wheel, looking straight ahead. They passed 87th street and Charles took a left onto Minnesota Avenue, where the office was.
“We’re almost there. It’ll be over soon,” he said. She shrugged.
A part of him was nearly irritated. He’d never seen her like this, this passive. He was used to her being bright, vibrant, alive.
He shook his head, pulling into the parking lot of the Lower East Side Women’s Services building.
“Okay, Ina. You go in first, I’ll be right behind you, okay?” he soothed, leaning over and unlocking her door. She nodded, picked up her bag, and got out of the car, walking slowly into the building. He was afraid she was gonna make a run for it. But she didn’t.
After she made it through the door, he got out as well, and, looking around one more time to make sure no one had seen them, followed her into the office. It was well-lit, with bright colors and faux leather furniture. A sweet looking woman was standing by Ina, her arm around her shoulder.
“Hey there, sweetie. You just come with me, okay, Cherie? Everything’s gon’ be alright. We’ll take good care of you,” she crooned, her accent thick and smoky. As the woman led her into the back, Ina threw one glance back at Charlie.
“I love you, Ina,” he said, his voice choked. “Do you want me to come back with you?”
Ina shook her head, then turned around, letting the nurse lead her into the back. Charles sat down in one of the leather chairs, picking up a pamphlet.
TAKE CHARGE OF YOUR PREGNANCY NOW! It said in big, bold purple letters. INCEMA FOLIC ACID TABLETS HELP KEEP YOU AND YOUR BABY HEALTHY AND HAPPY!
Charles tossed the pamphlet onto the table and closed his eyes, placing his head in his hands. He didn’t want to think about pregnancy or babies or folic acid tablets. He didn’t want to think about what was happening in the back.
After a quick moment, he heard Daniel.
“Hey, Charles,” Danny said, sitting down beside him.
“It’s over with already?” Charles questioned, sitting up straight.
“No, no. We haven’t even started. I just wanted to come talk to you real quick. Look, Charles,” Danny shook his head, lowering his voice. “She doesn’t look good. Are you sure she's okay with this?”
Charles felt sick.
“Yeah, Danny. Yeah. We decided together,” he said, shaking his head. Danny shrugged.
“Okay. Well, you’re gonna need to keep an eye on her for the rest of today. Can you stay with her or do you have to go back to campus?”
“I can stay with her. Will she be okay?” Charles asked, almost frantically. Danny nodded.
“Yeah, she’ll be okay. We’ll see you in a bit.”
With that, Danny walked back into the back. Ina was seated on a table, her legs in stirrups. Her heart was beating into her throat, so fast that she thought she might faint. Linda had a hold of her hand, and Danny fought the urge to run back into the waiting room and tell Charles he wasn’t going to have any part of this.
“Hi, Ina,” he said instead, his voice artificially calm. “I’m Dr. Daniel Harden, but you can call me Danny. Look, I know this is hard and I’m sure it’s very scary. Do you want to be sedated? We can do that,” he said, patting her shoulder. Ina shook her head.
“No,” she whispered. “I hate being sedated.”
“Okay,” Danny said, sitting down at the foot of the hospital bed. “Now, first we’re going to numb your cervix, okay? This won’t hurt at all. It might tingle a little, but nothing will hurt.”
Ina nodded, but as soon as he got the swab near her, she started shaking.
“What’s wrong, honey?” Linda asked, motioning for Danny to stop.
“I can’t do this,” Ina sobbed. “I don’t want to do this. I can’t do this, please don’t make me do this. Please, Dr. Harden. I don’t want to get Charlie in trouble, I really don’t. But I can’t do this,” she whispered, her shoulders quivering. Danny felt a wave of relief wash over him.
“Hey, Ina, calm down, okay? We’re not going to make you do anything you don’t want to do. You don’t have to do this. No one’s making you,” he said, covering her up with the sterile sheet. “Do you want to be left alone for a minute?”
Ina nodded, but then pointed to Linda.
“I want her to stay with me,” she said, clinging desperately to the older woman’s hand.
“It’s okay, baby, I’m gon’ stay with you,” Linda cooed, brushing Ina’s hair back. Ina continued to sob uncontrollably.
Daniel pulled off his gloves and walked out of the procedure room, back through the lab, and into the waiting room. Charles jumped up.
“Is something wrong? Did something happen?” he questioned frantically. Daniel shook his head.
“No. Charles, she changed her mind. She’s back there crying and shaking and I refuse to do anything to her that she doesn’t want me to do.”
Charles felt liked he’d been punched in the gut.
“Danny, we have to. She can’t… she can’t have a baby. Not my baby. Do you realize what’ll happen?” he said angrily, running his hands through her hair. “You’ve got to talk to her, tell her what the consequences will be!”
“Charles!” Daniel roared. “These are the consequences! You screwed around with someone you shouldn’t have screwed around with and now she’s pregnant! The consequences have already happened! And you know what you need to do now? Take it like a man. Don’t make her do anything that she doesn’t want to do just because you’re scared. She doesn’t want this. And I’m not going to let you make her do this. You two have got to figure out something else now. Go to a social worker, talk to the dean, man up and tell her parents that you two screwed up big time! But she obviously doesn't want this and I’ll be damned if I’m gonna sit back and do something to her that she doesn’t want! And if you take her somewhere else after this, force her because you’re scared of ruining your career and reputation, well, you’re not the man I always thought you were.”
Charles stared at Daniel, who was breathing heavy, his face red.
“Let me talk to her,” Charles pleaded. “I know she’ll see this is the only way.”
Daniel shook his head.
“No, Charles. I’m not gonna let you talk to her. You can’t talk someone into a decision like this. This isn’t like talking someone into seeing a movie or giving you a discount at a bar or getting a better deal at the car dealership. You try and ‘make her see this is the only way’, and she’ll hate you for it for the rest of her life. She doesn’t want this. And you’re going to have to live with that. Go home.”
“What?” Charles asked, his mouth gaping and his eyes on fire. “You know, I’m going to have to take her with me,” he sneered, stepping towards Danny. Danny held up his hands.
“Go home, Charles. Linda will give Ina a ride. Look, Charles. I love you like you’re my own damn brother, man. But you need to get away from her. Don’t do anything you’re going to regret,” Daniel said. Charles pulled on his coat, striding towards the door. Before he walked out, he turned around, pointing his finger at Daniel.
“I already have, Danny. I regret everything about this.”
With that, he was gone slamming the door behind him, and Daniel was left standing alone in the waiting room. He stood still for a minute, rubbing his temples, then he pasted on his happy, calm “doctor” face and walked into the back.
“Ina, I have to be frank with you,” he said. Ina looked up from her seat on the bed. She was already back in her street clothes, and to Danny’s delight, while she still looked worried sick, she didn’t look like the walking dead anymore. “Charles is upset.”
Ina’s face fell, but she kept her cool.
“I knew he would be. He’s scared. Dr. Harden, I am too. But I just I couldn’t do this.”
Danny put his hand on Ina’s shoulder.
“I know, Ina. And it’s okay. I’ve known Charles for a long time. He’ll cool down after a while. Just take it from me, these next few days, give him his space.”
Ina nodded.
“I was going to go home anyway. I need to tell my parents.”
Ina paused, seeing Danny’s agonized expression.
“Don’t worry. I’m not going to rat him out. I really do love him, Dr. Harden. I don’t want to get him in any kind of trouble.”
She stopped again, taking a deep breath. Linda patted her back, and Ina breathed deep, tears rolling down her cheeks.
“I love him, but I understand if he doesn’t want to be with me now. I want him to want to be with me. But if he doesn’t, I’ll be okay,” she said, crossing her arms across her stomach. “I’ll be okay without him.”
Charlie was spending the night at Ina's place, and they were laying in her bed, watching the light from the broken street lamp outside flicker and fade and burst back bright on the ceiling above them. Everything was quiet except for Edgar's purring and the sound of Ina's broken fan clicking rhythmically. After a while, Ina broke the silence.
“Don’t ever leave me,” she whispered.
Charles’ looked over at Ina. She threw her arms around his neck, kissing his cheek.
“What?” he asked, laughing.
“Don’t ever leave me. Please, don’t ever leave me. I don’t think I could stand it if you did.”
Charles kissed her forehead, rubbing her back gently.
“Don’t worry, kitten,” he said. “I won’t leave you. I won’t ever leave you.”
Charles stomped back into his apartment, crazy with nerves. He locked the door behind him and then turned, slamming a lamp off the table by the door. It busted into pieces on the hardwood floor, and Irvin whimpered in the corner, scared at his master’s sudden turn of emotions. He slunk over to Charles on his belly, and Charles bit his lip, sinking to the floor. He petted Irvin’s big furry head gently, flopping his ears around.
“I’m sorry, boy. I’m not mad at you. You’re a good boy, aren’t you?”
Irvin, satisfied that he wasn’t the cause for Charles outburst, wagged his tail and jumped up, yapping and licking his face.
Charles, though, wasn’t so easily sated. He sunk down on the couch, and, for the first time, sobbed. He cried himself out, feeling completely sick and ashamed and absolutely wracked with guilt. Irvin came over, bumping Charles’ leg with his head. Charles nodded, and Irvin hopped up into his lap, putting his head on Charles’ shoulder. Charles hugged the big shaggy dog, rocking back and forth.
“Thanks, Irvin. I can always count on you, pal, can’t I?”
Irvin barked, and Charles smiled, laying down on the couch. Irvin curled up by his side and Charles continued stroking his head. Soon, Irvin was asleep, but Charles just kept dragging his hand through his soft fur.
“I can’t believe this is happening,” Charles muttered. He felt sick. He knew he was going to lose his job. He wouldn’t be able to get a job at any reputable school ever again. He’d forever be known as the professor that knocked up that student at NYU.
He sighed heavily, still patting Irvin’s heavy head.
He never thought that he and Ina would end up like this.