Listen To Your Heart

All I needed to do was push this little, tiny, green phone button.
That's all I needed to do.
But I can't.
What if he answers? What if he doesn't? What if it goes to voicemail? Do I leave a message? What if he answers? What do I say? 'Hi Riley. It's Rory. Remember me? Yea, we had sex. Then you ditched me! Good times, yea?' No. I can't say that. So many 'What ifs...' not enough answers!
I pushed the button.
I bought the phone up to my ear and listened to the dial tone. One ring. Two rings. Three---
"Hello?" Oh shit! What do I do? I hung up.
"UGH! Dammit!" I screamed. I flopped back on my bed and covered my face with a pillow. Shit. My phone started blaring the generic default tone. I really need to change that. I answered without looking at the caller ID.
"Hello?" I mumbled.
"Rory? Is that you?" I shot up. I took the phone from my ear. Sure enough, the caller ID said Riley. Shit.
"Yes?" I squeaked. Riley chuckled on the other end.
"I'm glad you called. I didn't think you would."
"I-I wasn't. At first," I admitted. He chuckled again, "At least you're honest. I'm really sorry I left you. Amber called and needed a ride home. I'm sorry." I took in a breath. So he didn't intentionally leave me? He could be lying.
"Rory? You there?"
"I want a shake," I said, "Meet me at the diner in 10." Then I hung up. I jumped off the bed and ran to the bathroom. I took a quick shower then tore my closet apart. I was flinging clothes left and right, not caring where they went.
"What the hell?!" I heard my brother say, "Rory, what are you doing?"
"I'm going to get a shake!"
"Will you put on some damn clothes?!"
"I'm trying to!" I finally pulled on a pair of gray skinnies and a purple graphic tee. Jordan tossed me my hi-tops. I hopped around my room trying to get the shoes on while gathering the rest of my belongings.
"WHOA!" I tripped and fell on the floor. Jordan laughed at my misfortune and walked away. I moaned as I stood back up. I grabbed my messenger bag and keys and tried not to fall down the stairs.
I arrived at the diner a couple minutes late. Riley wasn't here yet, however. I sat down at the first empty booth I saw. I waited to be served and waited for Riley.
"Hi, I'm John. I'll be your server to--- Rory?!" I looked up.
"John? You work today?" I asked, my eye widening.
"Yea," he nodded, "Are you... alone?" I shook my head. I bit my lip nervously.
"No...I'm meeting someone."
"Okay. Well, I'll go get your shake. Chocolate chip cookie dough, right?" He started to walk away.
"Wait! And an order of fries, please." He smiled then went to place my order. I was really shocked he remembered what shake I ordered. Riley was now 10 minutes late. I sat back in the booth and gnawed on my thumb. Another nervous habit. I kept glancing at my phone. I didn't give him the option to bail on me. He had to know I was sitting here waiting. Add this to the list of stupid things I do because of Riley.
He wasn't going to come.
"fuck," I sighed. I laid my head down on the table. Something ice cold hit my cheek. I shot up squealing away from it. John looked at me and laughed.
"You okay?" he laughed.
"What the hell? That's fucking cold!" He sat down across from me. He took the lid off my shake and dipped one of my fries in it.
"Delicious," he smiled.
"Hey!" I protested, "Those are mine!"
"Actually, I'm the one paid for this."
"You did what?"
"Consider it a gift. So... I"m on break and you're still here alone. Sure you're not being stood up?" I looked down sadly. John pushed the shake and fries towards me. You can't be stood up if the other person never agreed to the plan. Right?
I looked up at John. The boy I kept unintentionally running into. With his bright green eyes and cocky smirk.
"I don't know anymore," I said quietly. The bell on the doors to the diner dinged. I glanced behind John to see Riley walk in. He was wearing black skinnies and a red button-up over a black tee. Damn, he's hot. He glanced around the diner, then briefly caught my eye. I quickly looked away. All my original nervousness was coming back.
"Since you obviously have no plans, do you---"
"Hey Ror." Riley's voice cut off John's. We both looked up to see him smiling at me.
"Hi," I squeaked. I cleared my throat and closed my eyes. I opened them back up and glared at Riley.
"You're late," I mumbled.
"Yea, sorry. Some geese and ducks were having showdown in the middle of the road. It's crazy what animals do for a scrap of old bread."
"Bullshit," John coughed. Riley glared at him and slid next to me. He took my hand in his; I resisted the urge to pull away.
"How 'bout we go somewhere a little more private. So we can talk. Alone." I wasn't ready to be alone with Riley again. I pulled my hand away from his and gnawed on my thumb.
"I-I'm fine right here. I've got my shake. And some fries. I'm perfectly fine," I rambled, "And John's here! Isn't that great?! You remember him right?" I sound like an idiot. My mouth just won't stop moving. Riley has that effect on me. I'm either rendered speechless or won't shut up.
"Yea... great," Riley mumbled. He sat back in the booth and glared at John.
"Last night I thought you were a pretty cool guy," he said, "Now I'm beginning to rethink that."
"Why's that?" John chuckled.
"You reek of douchebag."
"Sure you're not smelling yourself/ Pretty sure I'm not the one that leaves girls waiting."
"Okay! Okay! Let's go somewhere else," I said. John scowled at Riley as he smiled triumphantly. Geez... boys and their testosterone. I gathered up my shake and fries and rose from the booth.
"Thanks for this," I said to John. He nodded, "See you around, Rory. Call me sometime." He winked just to piss Riley off.
"He paid for that?" Riley asked once we were outside. I shrugged, "He felt bad for me." I mean, it's not like I was waiting half an hour for you or anything. We got into Riley's car and drove to the park. We got out and sat on his hood.
Neither one of us wanted to say the first word. What were we supposed to say? I mean, this topic was already awkward. There's no way to bring it up and make it not awkward.
"Beautiful day," Riley said. The weather. Really?
"Riley..." I sighed.
"You think I intentionally left you, don't you?" I was stunned into silence. I looked away from him and surveyed the scenery.
"I wouldn't be surprised," I mumbled, "I don't have the best luck wit guys."
"I'm not that type of guy." I gave Riley a look.
"Okay. You're right. That was a lie. I like you though, Ror. I wouldn't do that to you." So he says. Tell me why I didn't believe him. When I didn't look at him I could just hear all the lies easily leave his lips.
"I don't believe you," I said, "You've been toying with my emotions for years, Riley. We both know you knew I'd be an easy lay for you. Nobody cares about me, so don't act like you do. My own mother and brother barely give two shits about me. My ex-boyfriend only dated me to win a fucking bet."
"Rory..."
"I"ve been thinking. A lot. Us having sex really opened my eyes. I'm no different then the other girls you talk to.You only left a note cause I'm someone you actually know. And you didn't want Amber jumping down your throat." Riley sighed heavily and ran a hand through his hair.
"I didn't lie when I said I liked you. I guess the rest of what you said is kinda true." I hopped off the car. I opened the door and sat in the passenger's side.
"What are you---"
"Take me back to my car," I interrupted.
"Rory," he scoffed, "We still need to talk."
"There's nothing more we need to discuss. I regret my lapse in judgment and you got what you wanted. End of story."
"You're being ridiculous."
"Take me to my fucking car!" To say I was pissed would be an understatement. I was livid. He wasn't supposed to admit that my fears were right. He was supposed to lie and we'd run off in a fantasy world and be happy. I feel so shitty right now. Even shittier than when Erik dumped me. If Riley really did care about me, last night would have never happened. He was fucking sober! Sure, I'm the one that suggested it, but I was drink. You're not supposed to take a drunk person's word for anything! Oh yeah. You definitely are about me.

x-x-x-x-x

Why does it feel like everyone's watching me? Jordan dropped me off at school today, and I swear as soon as I stepped out the car it got quieter. Same thing walking the halls. What the hell is going on? I didn't start my period, so it's not like I have a huge blood stain on my ass.
I get to English class and take my spot by Tyler. As soon as I sit down, I hear hushed whispers all around me. Well... this is obviously not good. I poked Tyler with my pencil.
"What is going on?" i whispered. He didn't even have to ask to know what I was talking about. He already knew. This was worse than I imagined. Tyler glanced at my nervously then tore out a sheet of paper. He quickly scribbled something down then passed it to me.

I don't know how, but they know. Everyone heard about you and Ri. And since you and Erik just split, you're the new 'SLUT.'

"Aw hell!" I said out loud.
"Ms. Sharpe," I froze at the sound of my teacher's voice, "Do we have a problem with the assignment?" I felt myself go red.
"N-no. No problem at all." Mr. Wilhelm stared at me for a couple more seconds before going back to grading papers. I slammed my head on my desk. Great. Just great. Can't I ever get a break?