Catastrophic Happenings

It was the fourth of January, the night before Azalea was to return with her weighted decision. Austin was coming home from a long night of getting high with some old buddies from high school. He wanted to take his mind off the band for a few hours.

When he got to his room he kicked off his once-white vans and plopped down on his bed. He took out his cell phone and stared at it. It took all the willpower that Austin had in him to not contact Azalea the last two days. He wanted so badly to tell her that she was stupid for even thinking about quitting the band. He wanted to remind her that singing was her dream and that the band meant more to her than she realized it did. Or at least he hoped it meant that much to her.

Austin was upset that she was putting the band through so much stress. But the band aside, he was angry at her as a friend. What he really wanted to tell her was that he was in love with her. The realization wasn’t so much an “Aha!” moment as it was a slow burning. Spending so much time with her just fed the crush he had until Austin knew that he was so in love with her that he was in trouble.

On the one hand Austin was relieved. As weird as it may sound he was happy to know that he had finally moved on. As sappy as it sounded he was glad he could love someone other than Rachel. Loving Azalea made it possible to finally place Rachel in his past. He was over her.

But on the other hand, he was in love with a girl that was the definition of “unavailable.”

Honestly, Austin did not know how no one in the band has noticed. He would stare at her back all of practice, and sit near her whenever possible. Maybe it wasn’t so obvious because normally Austin wouldn’t be so dumb to fall for a girl with a boyfriend. But he was. And he did.

Austin was about to reach for his laptop on the nightstand when he was surprised to see the screen of his phone light up. He was even more surprised to see that Azalea was the culprit considering she was the one was calling him.

“I thought you didn’t want us to contact you?” he said when he picked up.

“Well, you’re not contacting me. I’m contacting you, so it’s perfectly all right.”

Austin turned on his side and propped his head up on his elbow. “You back from Pennsylvania yet?”

“No, we’re leaving early tomorrow morning. We should be back by ten though.”

Austin rolled his eyes at her use of “we.” He was in no mood to hear about her times on the slopes with Ben, so he didn’t bother asking, “So why’d you call me?”

“Would you think I’m a selfish rich girl if I decided to quit?”

Austin knew she was thinking about what he said to her the first time they met—how she’d probably quit the minute things got rough. He instantly felt bad.

“No, I wouldn’t think that,” he told her honestly. “I’d resent you for it though.”

“Well thanks, no pressure then,” she replied in an easy tone, though she knew Austin was completely serious.

“Am I allowed to give you my two cents? I’m only assuming that’s why you called.”

“I think you’re the most impartial person I can talk to about this. Sammy is my best friend and a little too immature, Cade hates me, and Rick’s a little too emotionally invested.”

“And you’re in love with me,” Austin imagined that thought in Azalea’s voice. For a brief second he allowed himself to picture them together before devoting his full attention to the conversation.

“And what about Ben?” he could not help but ask.

“Well, of course I’ve talked to him about it. I’ve been talking his ear off about it these last few days. But he doesn’t really help because he’d love me with or without the band. Ben just wants me to do whatever will make me happy. The problem is that I don’t know what that is right now. He can’t tell me what I’d miss if I left. You can though.”

“Okay,” Austin said in understanding. “The way I see it is simple. Either you want to be a singer or you don’t. If you really want to do music, stay. If you want to do something else with your life, I’d hate to see you leave but that’s what you should do.”

“It isn’t that simple though,” she rebutted. “If this doesn’t pan out, I’m screwed. I know that if I continue to do the best I can in school and rock my SATs than I can go to a really good college. This might sound conceited but my success is practically guaranteed.”

“So you’re scared of failing? Don’t you think we all are? Sammy, Cade, and me are all nothing if we don’t make it. But we want what we want. And we want to be rock stars.”

The silence Austin was hearing let him know that she was in her thoughts

She finally replied, “I feel like I’m nothing without my good grades.”

“What?” Austin asked incredulously. It was always off-putting for Austin to hear this side of Azalea, the side that didn’t match her bold, don’t-mess-with-me personality. He couldn’t help but wonder why she often trusted him with it.

“It’s honestly the thing I like most about myself. I like that I’m smart, I have ever since I was little. My grades are my pride and joy.”

“What about singing? You know that you’re a pretty amazing singer. You probably just haven’t taken that talent as seriously as you should have. Either you want to be a singer, or you don’t,” he repeated.

“Thanks for listening Austin. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

He sat up, “Wait, that’s it? Does that mean you’re staying?”

“You’ll find out tomorrow,” she teased. “Bye.”

Austin rolled his eyes and sighed, “Bye, Azalea.”

No longer feeling like going on the internet, Austin got up to get ready for bed. After brushing his teeth and stripping down to his boxers, he climbed underneath the blue sheets of his full-sized bed. He’d had the thought in his mind for a long time that at least a little part of Azalea had feelings for him too. Even though she probably didn’t realize it yet, Austin liked to think that there was a reason she often went to him for advice or solace.

Austin turned off the lights before sliding between the sheets of his full-sized bed. He rolled on his side, shut his eyes, and (as he often did) let thoughts of Azalea soothe him to sleep. Austin knew his feelings had him stuck, and that progress could only be attained by either home-wrecking or moving on. And he most certainly did not want to move on.