Absolution
Chapter Four
Two Days Later
I was sitting alone in my living room, trying to make up a bullshit essay on Hamlet. It would have been a lot easier if I’d read the book, because I keep getting it and Julius Caesar mixed up. I had read it in high school but that was the problem. I’d also read Caesar that same year… hence the getting the confused. I was so lost in thought that I didn’t see my younger brother Mikey come into the room.
“Hey, Gee.” He said, throwing himself down by me on our couch.. “Whats up?”
“Hey, Mikes.” I said looking up at my brother. He’s really tall with a mousy face and somewhat long dirty blond hair. He wears glasses that are too big for his face and they’re usually hanging at the end of his nose, causing him to resemble a waddling goose in my opinion. Geekiness ran in the family. “Nothing, just homework.”
He nodded and said, “Where were you the other night?”
I arched my eyebrow. “Why?”
“I was just wondering. You usually come home at some point in the night… or morning… but you were gone for an entire day.” He shrugged.
I was biting my lip and looking at him. “I was with a friend…”
“Bert?”
“God no.” I said without thinking. After I had said it, though, it occurred to me that he was the perfect excuse. “I mean, yeah. With Bert.”
Mikey just looked at me, this time raising his eyebrow.
“What? It’s none of your goddamn business anyway.” I stood and gathered my things, making a rather dramatic exit as I went down to my room.
Now that my working mood was ruined, I threw myself onto my bed and grabbed the student index, flipping to the ‘I’ section. Right next to the name Frank Iero was a small thumbnail picture of him. I ran my finger over it gently, looking at his face. It was really pretty. Pretty was the only word for it. He most certainly wasn’t handsome—not in the stereotypical big man sense, at least. I didn’t find myself wanting to ‘jump his bones.’ Instead, when I looked at him, I wanted to lay down with him in a park and stroke his hair or face.
It was beginning to get hard, only seeing him at school. His parents weren’t yet gone to Rome, much to his and my disliking. I get the feeling that when they leave he’s going to invite me over again. I don’t think I’ll go. I’m getting too close to him. It gets hard to not tell him my the total extent true feelings for him when he so casually grabs my hand or arm to lead me somewhere. When he walks next to me, lightly bumping against me. When he smiles at me and urges me to talk, though I’d usually just shrink back into my own thoughts. He is good for me. He’s breaking me out of my shell piece by piece, but I’m not sure how I feel about it.
We haven’t kissed again, even though it was a very nice kiss. I couldn’t get what he said out of my head. I was special; he looked forward to seeing me. Someone looked forward to seeing me. Someone who wasn’t using me for sex, that is.
I heard the doorbell ring in the distance, but didn’t bother to get up. Mikey was out in the house. He could get it. A few minutes later, the door leading into the basement opened and someone stepped down it. Bert McCracken looked up at me.
“You’re ignoring all of my calls. What did I do now?” he asked, glaring at me.
I shrugged, casually hiding the Student Directory under my pillow. He moved towards me, staring at me. I looked back at him, feeling myself tense up.
“What? Is there someone else now? Someone cooler? Someone who can get you drugs cheaper?” he whispered.
I looked up the stairs. The door hadn’t been closed. I muttered this.
“It doesn’t matter.” Bert laughed. “Who the fuck cares if your douchefuck of a brother sees us?”
“Mikey isn’t a douchefuck—.” I began, but he hit me across my face.
My eyes widened and I raised my fist, but he grabbed my arm and forced my hand down.
“I don’t like being played, Gerard.” He hissed.
“No one is playing anything.” I tried to stand, but he pushed me back onto the bed.
“Oh, I think you are. You’re playing mind games with me. You want me, you don’t. You don’t, you do. You’re so pathetic. You have no real friends so you play games to make yourself think you do… to make yourself think you’re wanted. No one wants you; you’re just a fatass loser with an Art major.”
“Go. Just get out of here, Bert. I’ll call the police if you don’t.”
Both of us looked to my phone, at the other side of the room. Bert smirked. “Oh, will you? Try to get past me to get the phone, Way.”
“I don’t fucking want you, so just go.” I tried to say it forcefully, but I think my voice was shaking too much.
“Oh, but I want you.” Bert pushed me to a lying position and then unbuckled his pants. Honestly, I can’t say this is the first time he’s tried to take me by force.
I looked up at him angrily and kicked out, but he grabbed my leg and pinched my thigh.
“I said no.” I hissed angrily, trying to sit up. I didn’t want Mikey to hear this, Mikey couldn’t hear this. He would try to stop it if he heard us bickering. He would know, he always knew. Not to mention he had always hated Bert. “Mikey will hear and he’ll—.”
“If your brother comes down here I’ll fuck him too.” Was Bert’s response.
I fell silent, gulping. I stared at Bert with wide eyes.
“Oh, like you won’t enjoy it.” He sneered, ripping my belt off. He had barely managed to pull my boxers off when his phone rang. “Damnit.” He opened it. “Yes, Quinn? … Fuck, now? …” he growled, zipping his pants back up.
I sat up, bulling my boxers on.
He hung up and glared at me. “This isn’t over, Gerard.” He glared one last time before turning on his heel and heading up the stairs.
I pulled my pants up, buckling my belt. My legs felt wobbly, I was tense. I let out a sigh of relief and massaged my forehead before heading upstairs. Bert was gone already, his car wasn’t out front.
Mikey glanced at me, but didn’t say anything. I went into the kitchen and gulped down an entire glass of water before I began to felt normal again. I closed my eyes momentarily and then went outside, climbing into my car. I drove around aimlessly, not sure where I was going or what I was doing. I wound up at a library. There was some convention going on of some sort.
“THE ANTI-GAY ACT WILL BAN ANY HOMOSEXUAL ACTIONS IN PUBLIC. ANYONE NOT IN COMPLIANCE IS SUBJECT TO ARREST.
Act brought to you by: Madden and Iero Law firm. They’re in it for you.”
I stared at the poster overhead.
Iero.
This wasn’t a convention. It was a rally against homosexuals.
This man was Frank’s father? Frank’s dad was a lawyer, wasn’t he? I thought he was a musician… but honestly, how many Ieros were there in one town?
That is how I knew the name… his dad is on those commercials.
I pushed my way past the crowd and into the library. One of the librarians was angrily ranting about how it wasn’t legal for them to hold something like this outside of her library on the phone. Several young kids were staring, noses pressed against the glass of the doors. Some parents were nodding, some looked just as angry as I felt. My blood was boiling.
I stormed to the back of the library. How had I even wound up here? I usually went to the library near my house, but…
“Hey, Frank. It’s okay. He’s the faggot, not you.” I heard someone say. My ears perked up.
“How can he d-do this, Neil? I-In public. People will see m-me and think I’m like him but I’m not.” Frank’s sniffling voice said.
“You shouldn’t have come down here.” The other voice said softly.
I walked behind a shelf in the kid section. Frank was sitting on the floor crying and someone from his band was kneeling by him, trying to comfort him.
They both looked up at me. The other one, Neil, looked confused. Frank sniffled and stared, his eyes peering into mine.
“Frank… your dad…?”
“No… my uncle…” He said shakily, wiping his eyes. “Neil, this is Gerard. Gerard, this is my friend Neil. He’s in Pencey with me.”
I nodded awkwardly at Neil, who held out his hand. I shook it and joined them on the floor.
“Frank’s uncle is Jake Iero, the big shot lawyer.” Neil explained. “He’s an ant-gay-rights activist. He’s supposed to be in Switzerland or Rome or some place now but I guess he’s taking every shot he can to get a pay raise while he still can.”
“While he still can?”
“I’m moving out.” Frank said in a shaky voice. “I have to. I don’t think I can live with him after this. He knows I’m gay, that’s why he’s doing this. He’ll tell my dad and the shit will go off the roof. I can’t be in this family, the only person who cares about me are my grandparents and they live so far away and they’re poor so…” His voice was becoming increasingly higher pitched, the tears flowing more.
“He does not know you are gay Frankie. He was talking to my dad about how it was only a matter of finding the right girl just last night. Calm down.” Neil interrupted him.
“So I live with them anyway, when my entire family is against everything I am?”
“Do you want Riley to inherit that money?” Neil snapped.
“I don’t care about the money.” Frank began to cry even harder now.
“Riley will use it all on supermodels in France, Frank. You can use that money for good. You’ve been given something here. You just have to be strong enough to stay in the battle.”
“It’s not a battle I should be facing! God, I hate them all. I hate my entire fucking family. Mom is getting on my last nerve, Neil. I can’t take it. I’m going to snap and I’ve never felt this close to snapping before!”
I watched the two of them. Neil was doing his best to comfort Frank. I was intrigued, confused. Who was Riley? Supermodels? France? Battle?
Neil pulled Frank into his chest and let Frank cry for what seemed like hours. I put my hand on Frank’s back, rubbing up and down in small circles.
He turned to face me and then scooted towards me. I opened my arms for him, feeling awkward. He crawled into them and sat on my lap, burying his face in my neck.
“I’ll be right back, Frankie.” Neil whispered and left.
“Frank?” I asked quietly.
“I hate him. I’m not like him. You know that, right?” he looked up at me with teary green eyes.
“I know.” I smiled at him and was pleasantly surprised to see him smile back. Neil stepped back with us, sitting down.
“I’ll be right back. I gotta use the bathroom now.” Frank sniffled, standing. He took a few shaky steps and then disappeared from our sight.
I didn’t know what to say, so I busied myself picking at a spot on the floor.
“He really likes you…” Neil said casually. “He talks about you all of the time. You’re like his best friend.”
I looked up at Neil. He was looking at me curiously. “He’s like my best friend too.” I said quietly.
“He has some problems he’s working through; with his family mainly… they make him feel like shit.”
I felt awkward, hearing this from someone Frank knew. Not from his mouth.
“I’m only telling you because I want you to understand him. I think you’re good for him…”
I listened.
“Don’t break his heart.” Neil sighed and then smiled as Frank came up. “Hey, Frankie.”
He smiled sadly, taking a seat between us. “This is neat, you two meeting. Didja talk?”
Neil nodded, glancing at me. “Yeah. He’s cool, Frank.”
Frank’s smile grew even more and his eyes met mine once again. “Yeah, he is.”
Later That Day
I offered to take Frankie home because Neil had to leave for work, but Frank didn’t want to go home. He said he wanted to see where I lived. He wanted to see my room.
We got in the car and on the way, he talked the entire time. Hearing his voice gave me the goosebumps. I hadn’t had those in a long time, since high school when I had a crush on this girl who took naked pictures of herself for her boyfriend—and anyone else, it turned out—to see.
“What are you thinking about?” he asked suddenly, looking at me.
I looked away from the road and at him, then back to the road. “I’m thinking about how I probably have dirty clothes all over my floor.”
He laughed and looked out his window. “Is this your neighborhood?”
“Yeah.” I said, and then turned into my driveway. “And this is home sweet home.”
He smiled, getting out of the car. He looked around. “So this is what you see every morning when you leave for school? It’s nice…”
“Some can call it that, I guess.” I said, locking the car door and heading up to the house. “Mikey may be home, I don’t know.”
“Mikey?” he asked.
“My younger brother. He’s seventeen.”
Frank’s eyes widened. “You have a younger brother?”
“Yeah… did I never tell you?”
He shook his head, suddenly looking uncomfortable. “No. I guess not.”
“He’s really nice, don’t worry. He’s pretty dumb actually.” We were at the door.
“I heard that.” Mikey called from somewhere.
I rolled my eyes. “Hey, Mikes. Where are you?” I called, holding it open for Frankie. He walked through, looking around the dark living room.
“Kitchen. We’re out of Fruity Pebbles and it’s really an abomination.”
I grinned at Frankie, leading him into the room.
Mikey looked up. “Oh, hi.” He waved at Frank and I. “Who are you?”
“I’m Frank.” He smiled kind of shyly and waved back. “It’s nice to meet you.”
“I’m Mikey. Nice to meet you too.” Mikey smiled back at Frank and then looked at me. “So this is whose taking Bert’s place, then? He looks nicer at least.”
Frank looked at me curiously, and then back at Mikey. I coughed a bit and Mikey’s eyes widened, and then he left muttering about cleaning his room.
“Who is this Bert?” Frank asked me.
“No one.” I muttered, walking towards the basement. “My room is down here… c’mon. It’s dark so you can hold onto my jacket if you—.” He stepped by me, linking our hands together. “Or that.” Thank God I’d already stepped into the dark so he couldn’t see me blush.
We carefully made our way downstairs and Frank managed to only almost fall once. Most people can’t go two steps without almost falling their first time walking down these things.
When we reached the ground, he did not let go of my hand. I turned on my small lamp, letting very little light through the room. “This is the only light that ever really comes through here… and from that crack in the window.” I pointed.
He nodded. “Did you draw all of these?” he dropped my hand, walking to my wall. He surveyed the various drawings and sketches I had tacked onto the paneling. “Wow, Gerard. I had seen your stuff in art but this doesn’t even compare… oh my God.”
I sat down on the edge of my bed, watching him. He looked like a small kid at Disney World that didn’t know where to go first. He circled my room a few times, making sure he looked at every single picture in the room, before coming and sitting beside me.
“It’s so neat in here, Gee. It’s like… you. My room is just a room but yours is… it reflects you. My god, this is like another world.”
“Yeah, it’s pretty lame though. I mean, half of this stuff has been here since I—.” I trailed off as the door to the basement opened.
“I told you I’d be back, you mother fucker.” A rough voice said.
Frank looked startled, turning to me.
“Oh my God…” I muttered, my eyes widening three times their size.
Bert appeared at the bottom of the stairs, unbuckling his belt. Then his eyes fell on Frankie and they too widened. “Oh… why hello. Aren’t you pretty?”
I stood up, standing in front of Frank, trying to block him from view. “Can this wait? I’ve got company.”
“I can see. And such good company it is.” He pushed me aside and strode to Frank. “What’s your name, kid?”
Frank looked back and fourth between us and said, “Nick.”
“That’s funny, Mikey said your name was Frank. I guess he was mistaken, right?” he leaned forward, his face level with Frank’s. My heart was pounding against my chest.
“I guess he was.”
Bert chuckled, stepping back. “He’s cute, Gerard. Very cute. But don’t you usually pick boys younger than your own brother.”
“Maybe he’s decided to move onto people who are good for him.” Frank said, standing his ground.
My heart melted for him. I loved him. He was standing up for me, against someone who could certainly kill him. Without any real effort.
“Is that so?” Bert turned to face me. “Is that right, Gerard? What does this little boy know about you anyway? Does he know your middle name or where your daddy is? Does he know how to make you have three orgasms in a row? Does he know what drugs make you giggle like you’re two fucking years old? Does he know how rough you like it? Does he know where you lost your virginity?”
“Maybe I don’t care to know about stupid shit like sex. Maybe I want to know the real him, not stupid impulses his body has.” Frank was now standing too.
“Kid, I could break your neck with one snap of my fingers.” Bert sneered.
“Leave him alone now.” I said, finding my voice. “Get away from him, Bert.”
“Oh, you’re Bert?” Frank asked, smiling. “Very nice to meet you.”
Bert sneered again, raising his clenched fist in the air. “What do you mean, ‘oh, you’re Bert,’ you little douchefuck?”
“Leave Frank alone!” I shouted, grabbing Bert’s arm.
He swung his other arm around, punching me with enough force to knock me down. “You little faggot, you listen to me and you listen to me good. Don’t you ever tell me what to do, and don’t you ever tell me what to not do. If I want to punch that little shit to Mexico, I will. If I want to have sex with your mother, I will. Do you understand me?”
“Get off of him.” Frank yelled, trying to drag Bert off of me.
Bert yanked his arm free and spit in my face. “You think this is over? It’s not over. Just be glad I didn’t have sex with you with your little baby boy here.”
With that, he stormed back up the stairs.
Frank and I were silent. He was looking at me in horror. Then he leaned down, reaching to help me up. I grasped his hand with mine and he heaved me up, and then put his hands on my face. “Are you okay? That was Bert? Gee, who was he? Is he your ex… or…?” he was clearly worried. “Did he hit you right here? Yes, it’s red… What was he talking about, sex with you with me here? Your mom?”
“Hey, wait. He just runs his mouth, alright? He says anything that enters his mind. He’s not as bad as he seems.” I lied, trying to make Frankie feel at ease again.
“Not as bad as he seems? Tell me that isn’t normal behavior towards you?” Frank put his hands over his face. “Oh my God, Gerard… no wonder you’re so quiet, if you’re ‘friends’ treat you like that.” His fingers slid down my arm, making me shiver. He gripped my hand firmly. “Gerard. You are better than that. You deserve the world.”
I looked away from him, sniffling.
He wrapped his arms around me. “You do deserve the world… now sit down and tell me everything.”
For once, I didn’t protest. I took several deep breaths as he sat me on my own bed. He was watching me patiently, grasping my hand.
I took a last deep breath and began. “High school was awful for me too, Frankie. Only I took the hard way out… I barely graduated. I did drugs, I drank, and I had sex with anyone who would touch me…” I closed my eyes. “I mean, I don’t have any diseases… at least not as of a year ago. But I was stupid and there were scares, plenty of them. Sometimes I would get so high I was sure my drugs had been laced and I was dying… Bert introduced me to a lot of it. I guess you could have called him my boyfriend though it was never really official or anything…”
His fingers were still stroking my palm and it made me feel calmer. Suddenly I couldn’t stop talking and I wanted to cry, but I forced on through it revealing more about me than I’d ever told anyone, though still not even scratching the surface.
“I always knew I should quit but when I was having sex with random people or dong drugs, I felt accepted and wanted.” I finished nearly an hour later.
Frank smiled sadly at me. “I’ll always accept you.” He said, his voice full of emotion. He threw himself onto me, wrapping me in a tight bear hug. I never would have guessed he was so strong.
I returned his hug, burying my head in his shoulder and beginning to cry. I had always wanted to hear that from someone. Always, since I was younger. My sobs were embarrassing and loud, but he didn’t laugh. He just held me tight, rocking me in his arms and letting me cry and cry and cry.
It seemed to take hours before I sat up and then walked to the other side of my room, with my back to Frank. I wiped my face off and took several breaths. “I’m sorry I did that…”
“Don’t you ever apologize for something like that again.” He crossed the room, standing by me. His arms went around me and I turned around, looking into his eyes. “Your eyes are so pretty.” He whispered, raising his hand. I almost flinched as he ran his finger under my eye, smiling. He then leaned against me, pressing his lips against mine.
I kissed him back softly, closing my eyes. My hands shook as I ran them through his hair, gripping his head closer to mine. His chest was pressed against mine and I wasn’t the only one whose blood was rushing, if his heart beat proved as much.
He pulled away from me, but then he kissed me cheek several times before taking a step back and looking at me.
“You make me feel…” I trailed off, not knowing what to say.
“You make me feel like a natural wommmman!” he sang, throwing his hands up in the air.
I was so taken off track that I began to laugh hysterically. He grinned at me, taking glory in the fact that I had found this so hilarious. I fell down onto the ground laughing, clutching at my chest.
“Was it really that funny?” he giggled.
“Comic relief.” I sputtered, taking a deep breath. “Oh my God, Frank… That was great….” I fell over, beginning to laugh again.
He bent down, pulling me up. “Well when you decide to quit making fun of me—.” He pouted.
I hugged him tightly. “Thanks.”
He smiled, patting my back. “Anytime, Gee. Anytime.”
I was sitting alone in my living room, trying to make up a bullshit essay on Hamlet. It would have been a lot easier if I’d read the book, because I keep getting it and Julius Caesar mixed up. I had read it in high school but that was the problem. I’d also read Caesar that same year… hence the getting the confused. I was so lost in thought that I didn’t see my younger brother Mikey come into the room.
“Hey, Gee.” He said, throwing himself down by me on our couch.. “Whats up?”
“Hey, Mikes.” I said looking up at my brother. He’s really tall with a mousy face and somewhat long dirty blond hair. He wears glasses that are too big for his face and they’re usually hanging at the end of his nose, causing him to resemble a waddling goose in my opinion. Geekiness ran in the family. “Nothing, just homework.”
He nodded and said, “Where were you the other night?”
I arched my eyebrow. “Why?”
“I was just wondering. You usually come home at some point in the night… or morning… but you were gone for an entire day.” He shrugged.
I was biting my lip and looking at him. “I was with a friend…”
“Bert?”
“God no.” I said without thinking. After I had said it, though, it occurred to me that he was the perfect excuse. “I mean, yeah. With Bert.”
Mikey just looked at me, this time raising his eyebrow.
“What? It’s none of your goddamn business anyway.” I stood and gathered my things, making a rather dramatic exit as I went down to my room.
Now that my working mood was ruined, I threw myself onto my bed and grabbed the student index, flipping to the ‘I’ section. Right next to the name Frank Iero was a small thumbnail picture of him. I ran my finger over it gently, looking at his face. It was really pretty. Pretty was the only word for it. He most certainly wasn’t handsome—not in the stereotypical big man sense, at least. I didn’t find myself wanting to ‘jump his bones.’ Instead, when I looked at him, I wanted to lay down with him in a park and stroke his hair or face.
It was beginning to get hard, only seeing him at school. His parents weren’t yet gone to Rome, much to his and my disliking. I get the feeling that when they leave he’s going to invite me over again. I don’t think I’ll go. I’m getting too close to him. It gets hard to not tell him my the total extent true feelings for him when he so casually grabs my hand or arm to lead me somewhere. When he walks next to me, lightly bumping against me. When he smiles at me and urges me to talk, though I’d usually just shrink back into my own thoughts. He is good for me. He’s breaking me out of my shell piece by piece, but I’m not sure how I feel about it.
We haven’t kissed again, even though it was a very nice kiss. I couldn’t get what he said out of my head. I was special; he looked forward to seeing me. Someone looked forward to seeing me. Someone who wasn’t using me for sex, that is.
I heard the doorbell ring in the distance, but didn’t bother to get up. Mikey was out in the house. He could get it. A few minutes later, the door leading into the basement opened and someone stepped down it. Bert McCracken looked up at me.
“You’re ignoring all of my calls. What did I do now?” he asked, glaring at me.
I shrugged, casually hiding the Student Directory under my pillow. He moved towards me, staring at me. I looked back at him, feeling myself tense up.
“What? Is there someone else now? Someone cooler? Someone who can get you drugs cheaper?” he whispered.
I looked up the stairs. The door hadn’t been closed. I muttered this.
“It doesn’t matter.” Bert laughed. “Who the fuck cares if your douchefuck of a brother sees us?”
“Mikey isn’t a douchefuck—.” I began, but he hit me across my face.
My eyes widened and I raised my fist, but he grabbed my arm and forced my hand down.
“I don’t like being played, Gerard.” He hissed.
“No one is playing anything.” I tried to stand, but he pushed me back onto the bed.
“Oh, I think you are. You’re playing mind games with me. You want me, you don’t. You don’t, you do. You’re so pathetic. You have no real friends so you play games to make yourself think you do… to make yourself think you’re wanted. No one wants you; you’re just a fatass loser with an Art major.”
“Go. Just get out of here, Bert. I’ll call the police if you don’t.”
Both of us looked to my phone, at the other side of the room. Bert smirked. “Oh, will you? Try to get past me to get the phone, Way.”
“I don’t fucking want you, so just go.” I tried to say it forcefully, but I think my voice was shaking too much.
“Oh, but I want you.” Bert pushed me to a lying position and then unbuckled his pants. Honestly, I can’t say this is the first time he’s tried to take me by force.
I looked up at him angrily and kicked out, but he grabbed my leg and pinched my thigh.
“I said no.” I hissed angrily, trying to sit up. I didn’t want Mikey to hear this, Mikey couldn’t hear this. He would try to stop it if he heard us bickering. He would know, he always knew. Not to mention he had always hated Bert. “Mikey will hear and he’ll—.”
“If your brother comes down here I’ll fuck him too.” Was Bert’s response.
I fell silent, gulping. I stared at Bert with wide eyes.
“Oh, like you won’t enjoy it.” He sneered, ripping my belt off. He had barely managed to pull my boxers off when his phone rang. “Damnit.” He opened it. “Yes, Quinn? … Fuck, now? …” he growled, zipping his pants back up.
I sat up, bulling my boxers on.
He hung up and glared at me. “This isn’t over, Gerard.” He glared one last time before turning on his heel and heading up the stairs.
I pulled my pants up, buckling my belt. My legs felt wobbly, I was tense. I let out a sigh of relief and massaged my forehead before heading upstairs. Bert was gone already, his car wasn’t out front.
Mikey glanced at me, but didn’t say anything. I went into the kitchen and gulped down an entire glass of water before I began to felt normal again. I closed my eyes momentarily and then went outside, climbing into my car. I drove around aimlessly, not sure where I was going or what I was doing. I wound up at a library. There was some convention going on of some sort.
“THE ANTI-GAY ACT WILL BAN ANY HOMOSEXUAL ACTIONS IN PUBLIC. ANYONE NOT IN COMPLIANCE IS SUBJECT TO ARREST.
Act brought to you by: Madden and Iero Law firm. They’re in it for you.”
I stared at the poster overhead.
Iero.
This wasn’t a convention. It was a rally against homosexuals.
This man was Frank’s father? Frank’s dad was a lawyer, wasn’t he? I thought he was a musician… but honestly, how many Ieros were there in one town?
That is how I knew the name… his dad is on those commercials.
I pushed my way past the crowd and into the library. One of the librarians was angrily ranting about how it wasn’t legal for them to hold something like this outside of her library on the phone. Several young kids were staring, noses pressed against the glass of the doors. Some parents were nodding, some looked just as angry as I felt. My blood was boiling.
I stormed to the back of the library. How had I even wound up here? I usually went to the library near my house, but…
“Hey, Frank. It’s okay. He’s the faggot, not you.” I heard someone say. My ears perked up.
“How can he d-do this, Neil? I-In public. People will see m-me and think I’m like him but I’m not.” Frank’s sniffling voice said.
“You shouldn’t have come down here.” The other voice said softly.
I walked behind a shelf in the kid section. Frank was sitting on the floor crying and someone from his band was kneeling by him, trying to comfort him.
They both looked up at me. The other one, Neil, looked confused. Frank sniffled and stared, his eyes peering into mine.
“Frank… your dad…?”
“No… my uncle…” He said shakily, wiping his eyes. “Neil, this is Gerard. Gerard, this is my friend Neil. He’s in Pencey with me.”
I nodded awkwardly at Neil, who held out his hand. I shook it and joined them on the floor.
“Frank’s uncle is Jake Iero, the big shot lawyer.” Neil explained. “He’s an ant-gay-rights activist. He’s supposed to be in Switzerland or Rome or some place now but I guess he’s taking every shot he can to get a pay raise while he still can.”
“While he still can?”
“I’m moving out.” Frank said in a shaky voice. “I have to. I don’t think I can live with him after this. He knows I’m gay, that’s why he’s doing this. He’ll tell my dad and the shit will go off the roof. I can’t be in this family, the only person who cares about me are my grandparents and they live so far away and they’re poor so…” His voice was becoming increasingly higher pitched, the tears flowing more.
“He does not know you are gay Frankie. He was talking to my dad about how it was only a matter of finding the right girl just last night. Calm down.” Neil interrupted him.
“So I live with them anyway, when my entire family is against everything I am?”
“Do you want Riley to inherit that money?” Neil snapped.
“I don’t care about the money.” Frank began to cry even harder now.
“Riley will use it all on supermodels in France, Frank. You can use that money for good. You’ve been given something here. You just have to be strong enough to stay in the battle.”
“It’s not a battle I should be facing! God, I hate them all. I hate my entire fucking family. Mom is getting on my last nerve, Neil. I can’t take it. I’m going to snap and I’ve never felt this close to snapping before!”
I watched the two of them. Neil was doing his best to comfort Frank. I was intrigued, confused. Who was Riley? Supermodels? France? Battle?
Neil pulled Frank into his chest and let Frank cry for what seemed like hours. I put my hand on Frank’s back, rubbing up and down in small circles.
He turned to face me and then scooted towards me. I opened my arms for him, feeling awkward. He crawled into them and sat on my lap, burying his face in my neck.
“I’ll be right back, Frankie.” Neil whispered and left.
“Frank?” I asked quietly.
“I hate him. I’m not like him. You know that, right?” he looked up at me with teary green eyes.
“I know.” I smiled at him and was pleasantly surprised to see him smile back. Neil stepped back with us, sitting down.
“I’ll be right back. I gotta use the bathroom now.” Frank sniffled, standing. He took a few shaky steps and then disappeared from our sight.
I didn’t know what to say, so I busied myself picking at a spot on the floor.
“He really likes you…” Neil said casually. “He talks about you all of the time. You’re like his best friend.”
I looked up at Neil. He was looking at me curiously. “He’s like my best friend too.” I said quietly.
“He has some problems he’s working through; with his family mainly… they make him feel like shit.”
I felt awkward, hearing this from someone Frank knew. Not from his mouth.
“I’m only telling you because I want you to understand him. I think you’re good for him…”
I listened.
“Don’t break his heart.” Neil sighed and then smiled as Frank came up. “Hey, Frankie.”
He smiled sadly, taking a seat between us. “This is neat, you two meeting. Didja talk?”
Neil nodded, glancing at me. “Yeah. He’s cool, Frank.”
Frank’s smile grew even more and his eyes met mine once again. “Yeah, he is.”
Later That Day
I offered to take Frankie home because Neil had to leave for work, but Frank didn’t want to go home. He said he wanted to see where I lived. He wanted to see my room.
We got in the car and on the way, he talked the entire time. Hearing his voice gave me the goosebumps. I hadn’t had those in a long time, since high school when I had a crush on this girl who took naked pictures of herself for her boyfriend—and anyone else, it turned out—to see.
“What are you thinking about?” he asked suddenly, looking at me.
I looked away from the road and at him, then back to the road. “I’m thinking about how I probably have dirty clothes all over my floor.”
He laughed and looked out his window. “Is this your neighborhood?”
“Yeah.” I said, and then turned into my driveway. “And this is home sweet home.”
He smiled, getting out of the car. He looked around. “So this is what you see every morning when you leave for school? It’s nice…”
“Some can call it that, I guess.” I said, locking the car door and heading up to the house. “Mikey may be home, I don’t know.”
“Mikey?” he asked.
“My younger brother. He’s seventeen.”
Frank’s eyes widened. “You have a younger brother?”
“Yeah… did I never tell you?”
He shook his head, suddenly looking uncomfortable. “No. I guess not.”
“He’s really nice, don’t worry. He’s pretty dumb actually.” We were at the door.
“I heard that.” Mikey called from somewhere.
I rolled my eyes. “Hey, Mikes. Where are you?” I called, holding it open for Frankie. He walked through, looking around the dark living room.
“Kitchen. We’re out of Fruity Pebbles and it’s really an abomination.”
I grinned at Frankie, leading him into the room.
Mikey looked up. “Oh, hi.” He waved at Frank and I. “Who are you?”
“I’m Frank.” He smiled kind of shyly and waved back. “It’s nice to meet you.”
“I’m Mikey. Nice to meet you too.” Mikey smiled back at Frank and then looked at me. “So this is whose taking Bert’s place, then? He looks nicer at least.”
Frank looked at me curiously, and then back at Mikey. I coughed a bit and Mikey’s eyes widened, and then he left muttering about cleaning his room.
“Who is this Bert?” Frank asked me.
“No one.” I muttered, walking towards the basement. “My room is down here… c’mon. It’s dark so you can hold onto my jacket if you—.” He stepped by me, linking our hands together. “Or that.” Thank God I’d already stepped into the dark so he couldn’t see me blush.
We carefully made our way downstairs and Frank managed to only almost fall once. Most people can’t go two steps without almost falling their first time walking down these things.
When we reached the ground, he did not let go of my hand. I turned on my small lamp, letting very little light through the room. “This is the only light that ever really comes through here… and from that crack in the window.” I pointed.
He nodded. “Did you draw all of these?” he dropped my hand, walking to my wall. He surveyed the various drawings and sketches I had tacked onto the paneling. “Wow, Gerard. I had seen your stuff in art but this doesn’t even compare… oh my God.”
I sat down on the edge of my bed, watching him. He looked like a small kid at Disney World that didn’t know where to go first. He circled my room a few times, making sure he looked at every single picture in the room, before coming and sitting beside me.
“It’s so neat in here, Gee. It’s like… you. My room is just a room but yours is… it reflects you. My god, this is like another world.”
“Yeah, it’s pretty lame though. I mean, half of this stuff has been here since I—.” I trailed off as the door to the basement opened.
“I told you I’d be back, you mother fucker.” A rough voice said.
Frank looked startled, turning to me.
“Oh my God…” I muttered, my eyes widening three times their size.
Bert appeared at the bottom of the stairs, unbuckling his belt. Then his eyes fell on Frankie and they too widened. “Oh… why hello. Aren’t you pretty?”
I stood up, standing in front of Frank, trying to block him from view. “Can this wait? I’ve got company.”
“I can see. And such good company it is.” He pushed me aside and strode to Frank. “What’s your name, kid?”
Frank looked back and fourth between us and said, “Nick.”
“That’s funny, Mikey said your name was Frank. I guess he was mistaken, right?” he leaned forward, his face level with Frank’s. My heart was pounding against my chest.
“I guess he was.”
Bert chuckled, stepping back. “He’s cute, Gerard. Very cute. But don’t you usually pick boys younger than your own brother.”
“Maybe he’s decided to move onto people who are good for him.” Frank said, standing his ground.
My heart melted for him. I loved him. He was standing up for me, against someone who could certainly kill him. Without any real effort.
“Is that so?” Bert turned to face me. “Is that right, Gerard? What does this little boy know about you anyway? Does he know your middle name or where your daddy is? Does he know how to make you have three orgasms in a row? Does he know what drugs make you giggle like you’re two fucking years old? Does he know how rough you like it? Does he know where you lost your virginity?”
“Maybe I don’t care to know about stupid shit like sex. Maybe I want to know the real him, not stupid impulses his body has.” Frank was now standing too.
“Kid, I could break your neck with one snap of my fingers.” Bert sneered.
“Leave him alone now.” I said, finding my voice. “Get away from him, Bert.”
“Oh, you’re Bert?” Frank asked, smiling. “Very nice to meet you.”
Bert sneered again, raising his clenched fist in the air. “What do you mean, ‘oh, you’re Bert,’ you little douchefuck?”
“Leave Frank alone!” I shouted, grabbing Bert’s arm.
He swung his other arm around, punching me with enough force to knock me down. “You little faggot, you listen to me and you listen to me good. Don’t you ever tell me what to do, and don’t you ever tell me what to not do. If I want to punch that little shit to Mexico, I will. If I want to have sex with your mother, I will. Do you understand me?”
“Get off of him.” Frank yelled, trying to drag Bert off of me.
Bert yanked his arm free and spit in my face. “You think this is over? It’s not over. Just be glad I didn’t have sex with you with your little baby boy here.”
With that, he stormed back up the stairs.
Frank and I were silent. He was looking at me in horror. Then he leaned down, reaching to help me up. I grasped his hand with mine and he heaved me up, and then put his hands on my face. “Are you okay? That was Bert? Gee, who was he? Is he your ex… or…?” he was clearly worried. “Did he hit you right here? Yes, it’s red… What was he talking about, sex with you with me here? Your mom?”
“Hey, wait. He just runs his mouth, alright? He says anything that enters his mind. He’s not as bad as he seems.” I lied, trying to make Frankie feel at ease again.
“Not as bad as he seems? Tell me that isn’t normal behavior towards you?” Frank put his hands over his face. “Oh my God, Gerard… no wonder you’re so quiet, if you’re ‘friends’ treat you like that.” His fingers slid down my arm, making me shiver. He gripped my hand firmly. “Gerard. You are better than that. You deserve the world.”
I looked away from him, sniffling.
He wrapped his arms around me. “You do deserve the world… now sit down and tell me everything.”
For once, I didn’t protest. I took several deep breaths as he sat me on my own bed. He was watching me patiently, grasping my hand.
I took a last deep breath and began. “High school was awful for me too, Frankie. Only I took the hard way out… I barely graduated. I did drugs, I drank, and I had sex with anyone who would touch me…” I closed my eyes. “I mean, I don’t have any diseases… at least not as of a year ago. But I was stupid and there were scares, plenty of them. Sometimes I would get so high I was sure my drugs had been laced and I was dying… Bert introduced me to a lot of it. I guess you could have called him my boyfriend though it was never really official or anything…”
His fingers were still stroking my palm and it made me feel calmer. Suddenly I couldn’t stop talking and I wanted to cry, but I forced on through it revealing more about me than I’d ever told anyone, though still not even scratching the surface.
“I always knew I should quit but when I was having sex with random people or dong drugs, I felt accepted and wanted.” I finished nearly an hour later.
Frank smiled sadly at me. “I’ll always accept you.” He said, his voice full of emotion. He threw himself onto me, wrapping me in a tight bear hug. I never would have guessed he was so strong.
I returned his hug, burying my head in his shoulder and beginning to cry. I had always wanted to hear that from someone. Always, since I was younger. My sobs were embarrassing and loud, but he didn’t laugh. He just held me tight, rocking me in his arms and letting me cry and cry and cry.
It seemed to take hours before I sat up and then walked to the other side of my room, with my back to Frank. I wiped my face off and took several breaths. “I’m sorry I did that…”
“Don’t you ever apologize for something like that again.” He crossed the room, standing by me. His arms went around me and I turned around, looking into his eyes. “Your eyes are so pretty.” He whispered, raising his hand. I almost flinched as he ran his finger under my eye, smiling. He then leaned against me, pressing his lips against mine.
I kissed him back softly, closing my eyes. My hands shook as I ran them through his hair, gripping his head closer to mine. His chest was pressed against mine and I wasn’t the only one whose blood was rushing, if his heart beat proved as much.
He pulled away from me, but then he kissed me cheek several times before taking a step back and looking at me.
“You make me feel…” I trailed off, not knowing what to say.
“You make me feel like a natural wommmman!” he sang, throwing his hands up in the air.
I was so taken off track that I began to laugh hysterically. He grinned at me, taking glory in the fact that I had found this so hilarious. I fell down onto the ground laughing, clutching at my chest.
“Was it really that funny?” he giggled.
“Comic relief.” I sputtered, taking a deep breath. “Oh my God, Frank… That was great….” I fell over, beginning to laugh again.
He bent down, pulling me up. “Well when you decide to quit making fun of me—.” He pouted.
I hugged him tightly. “Thanks.”
He smiled, patting my back. “Anytime, Gee. Anytime.”