When It All Falls Apart

“So if you accept the contract then we will fly you and your son to Germany where you will...”
The photographer didn’t have a chance to finish before I objected.

“I can’ do tha’.” I said sliding the paper and pen back over to him unsigned.

“Why not? You’re a great model it would be great to have you in my portfolio, you would be making one hundred a week. This is a great opportunity.” He said.

“Tha’ all sounds great bu’ I can’ take Thomas away from ‘is friends, this is ‘is ‘ome, I can’ do tha’ ta ‘im. ‘M sorreh and besides ‘m making more doin’ nude modeling.” I said getting up and walking away. Then I got a phone call as soon as I got in my car.

“Ello?”

“Oh Mr. Wa’erson ‘ow can I ‘elp yeh?” Why was the principal of my son’s school calling me?

“‘E wha’? Yes ‘M on me way.” Then I hung up. I never got to school so fast in my life.
I walked into the office to see a kid with a bloody face and Thomas sitting in the main office.

The principal was standing behind the wall thing. When he saw me he let me back and led me to his personal office.

“I’m sorry to have called you down here like this Ms. Sykes.”

“I undastand completeleh Sir, but I don’ know why Thomas would be figh’in’.”

“This was found on Vice after the fight.” He said handing me a photo. I looked at it and my jaw dropped, it was of one of the resent photos Tim Turnitch shot of me. Usually these photos are protected.

“I don’t know how why he has it but Thomas told me that Vice said some sexual things about you and then the fight happened.”

“‘M so sorreh for Thomas’ actions and believe me ‘e is ge’in’ a mouf full when ‘e gets ‘ome, bu’ please don’ expel ‘im.”

“I will not expel him but he will receive out of school suspension for two weeks.”

“Tha‘s fair.” I said getting up and shaking his hand. Now to deal with Thomas.

“Come on Thomas, yer in big trouble.” The look on his face said it all.

“Buy Ms. Sykes.” That Vice kid said as we walked out.
Wow is he serious?

I sighed as I finished making dinner. I just got done ‘talking’ with Thomas, if you can call it talking. He was mad at me for yelling at him, in the fifteen years I have raised him I never yelled at him.

I knew he was mad because he was blaring music, not just any music his father’s music. Was he trying to make me cry? Yeah I admit I sit in my room every night and watch Bring Me The Horizon interviews and cry. I cry because I miss his voice, I missed him, I missed being in his arms and I missed him being the idiot he was.

I quickly whipped my eyes and nose before I called Thomas for dinner. I set his plate up before setting up a small plate for me. After thinking about ‘him’ I wasn’t really hungry but I pushed myself to eat.

Dinner was a nightmare the only thing you can hear were the utensils scraping against the glass plates. Thomas was down stairs watching TV while I was in my room.

I shut off the lights and turned on my laptop, I typed in the password ‘Oliversbaby’, it was the password I came up with fifteen years ago.

I got onto the internet and got onto YouTube; I went into my favorites and clicked a video that ‘he’ was in. I turned it up and sat back and just listened to ‘his’ voice.

I must have watched the same video fifty times before I started to sob uncontrollably. The lights flicked on and I was pulled into arms. I was weak from crying and thinking about ‘him’.

“Mum what’s that matta?” Thomas asks rocking me back and forth.

“I miss ‘im so much.” I said my vision blurred with tears as I sobbed.

“Who mum, who do yeh miss?” Thomas said trying to understand me. I sniffled a lot to try to get this next one out in one piece.

“Yer faa.” That was all I could make out before I started to sob again.

“Yeh mean dad?”

“Y-Y-Yes.” I whispered into his shoulder that I was crying on.

Thomas got under the covers pulling me with him and into his arms. I lay in his arms shaking, crying and weak. This is the first time I have ever let my son see me like this and I feel disappointed with myself.

I promised everyone I would be strong for the sake of Thomas, but most importantly the sake of myself.

About thirty minutes later I feel asleep to the coos coming from Thomas.