Faded
Almost
Since I fell asleep so early last night, I wake up around four a.m. Pepper is laying on top of me, her big, gray, loving mass crushing me. I feel okay. Well, I don't feel like I'm tired of living today. I push her off me and put my bare foot on the carpet, stretching my quads. I wonder if my dad came home last night. Probably not. He hasn't slept here in well over a week.
When I go downstairs to watch some mind-numbing TV, my brother is already there. Suddenly, I feel self-conscious, like he can see through my pajama bottoms and like he can see the cut on my calf. Has it bled through? Can he see last night's tears? Can he hear my echoing silent screams?
No. He's asleep. Disney Channel plays in the background while I watch my eighteen year old brother's peaceful pimpled face. He opens his eyes.
"Hey Peanut," He says. Nickname from when I was a baby. I don't know.
I nod and turn around.
"You okay?" Surprised, I stop in my tracks. I nod again, lift the corner of my mouth into an almost-smile, and quietly go back upstairs.
When I go downstairs to watch some mind-numbing TV, my brother is already there. Suddenly, I feel self-conscious, like he can see through my pajama bottoms and like he can see the cut on my calf. Has it bled through? Can he see last night's tears? Can he hear my echoing silent screams?
No. He's asleep. Disney Channel plays in the background while I watch my eighteen year old brother's peaceful pimpled face. He opens his eyes.
"Hey Peanut," He says. Nickname from when I was a baby. I don't know.
I nod and turn around.
"You okay?" Surprised, I stop in my tracks. I nod again, lift the corner of my mouth into an almost-smile, and quietly go back upstairs.