Listen to the Thunder

“Jack, I want to talk to you,”

I turned round at the sound of the hiss, frowning when I saw Kyle with his hands clenched. I’d only walked to the grocery store to get some bread (I fancied some toast but we’d run out), but they didn’t have the bread I liked so I gave up. And now I’ve been stopped by Kyle. What does he want? And why does he look so angry?

“Uh, okay?” I offered.

Kyle scowled and grabbed my wrist, yanking me along behind him. I squeaked and tried to keep up with his fast pace, frowning even more when he lead me behind the art building.

“What’s going on Ky…”

“Why would you say to Pat that I’m cutting?” Kyle interrupted, glaring at me.

Fuck. Thanks a lot, Pat.

“Because I…”

I trailed off, biting my bottom lip. Do I tell him the truth?

“Don’t bullshit me, Jack,” Kyle snapped.

Fine.

“Because I saw cuts on your wrists during lectures and I was worried, okay? Pat is your best friend – he deserves to know!” I retorted.

“What I do is none of your business,” Kyle said through gritted teeth.

“You’re kidding, right? When have you not been my business since we first met, huh? You’ve been wedged into everything whether you wanted to be or not and I can’t just let you mutilate yourself!” I exasperated.

“You broke up with me, Jack. Yeah, it was my fault and I deserved it, but it was still you. And I didn’t start dating Nick until long after you started dating Alex, so you can’t use that excuse. Why the fuck should I still be involved in your life when you’re the one that cut me out?”

“You were hooked on drugs, Kyle, what did you expect? You had a new life and I had mine, so why shouldn’t I have cut you out?”

“If you had cut me out, why am I here now? Why are you still butting into what I do when we’re not even friends?” Kyle said lowly.

I bit my bottom lip, swallowing the lump that rose in my throat. I thought we were friends.

“I care about you, Kyle. I always will. I don’t want you hurting yourself,” I mumbled.

“WHAT IS IT YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND?!” Kyle exploded. “THAT WE’RE NOT IN EACH OTHERS LIVES OR THAT YOU’RE AN INTERFERING ASSHOLE?”

I whimpered, tears filling up my eyes. I will not cry. I will not cry.

“NO ANSWER? OF COURSE, YOU’RE STILL AVOIDING THE TRUTH. GET A GRIP, JACK, WE’RE DONE. IN EVERYTHING,”

“You don’t mean that,” I whispered.

Kyle gritted his teeth, tears filling his own eyes now, but he shook his head.

“I do mean it. And the sooner you realise that, the better. Stop talking to me. Stop butting into my life. Just…stop,” Kyle hissed, his voice cracking at the end.

I reached out to touch him, to beg him to stop stamping on my heart even more than he already has, but he walked away without turning back. He walked away. I’ve lost Kyle all over again, and this time it’s my fault. I should never have told the guys about Kyle’s self-harming. Maybe he’d still want me in his life if I hadn’t told. This is all my fault.

All my fault.

I choked a sob and sank down the wall, leaning against it as the tears flowed freely down my face, pain shooting across my chest. Why does it always have to be like this? Why can’t we just find a middle ground? Why does it always end with my heart breaking?

With a shaky breath I pulled my cellphone out of my pocket, and dialled a familiar number.

Alex: Hey Jacky, where are you?
Jack: A-Alex, a-are you busy?
Alex: No baby, why? What’s wrong?
Jack: H-He’s so mean. He yelled a-at me and w-wouldn’t stop yelling.
Alex: I don’t understand what you’re talking about, love.

I choked a sob and I heard Alex curse under his breath.

Jack: C-Can you just come and get me, Lex? Please? I need y-you.
Alex: Of course I will. Where are you?
Jack: Down the s-side of the art b-building.
Alex: I’ll be ten minutes. Don’t move.
Jack: Lex?
Alex: Yeah, Jack?
Jack: I l-love you.

I heard Alex chuckle softly.

Alex: I love you too, Jack. I’ll see you soon.

Alex ended the call, so I slid my phone back in my pocket and wrapped my arms around my knees. I hate this. I hate all of this. The tension, the anger, the frustration. Why does Kyle have to be so mean? I’m only trying to help. Doesn’t he want my help? Doesn’t he want me?