Four Letter Lie

It had been a week since I talked to Max about Ronnie; one week since I told him that I would let him know if I could get in contact with Ronnie – and I never did. I ignored his phone calls, texts, even the desperate voice messages which terrified me as to how worried he sounded about his best friend. I’m on edge, jumpy all the time and I can’t sleep! I’m like a ticking time bomb, waiting to explode. My mind is out of control; over analysing every possible outcome and situation that could eventuate from what I need to do. I need to tell the truth, all this lying and sneaking behind peoples backs is ruining me.

I left early this morning, sneaking away from my dirty work to escape for a while. I headed to Starbucks, grabbed a coffee to go and just walked. I didn’t have a plan where I was going; I just needed to do something to occupy myself for a while. It was nice, not having to speak to anyone, not having to think about my next move, I just went with what felt right.

After an hours’ worth of wondering, I had to take control and start the walk back home. I needed to face my demons and get everything aired out. Time went faster than I hoped and before I knew it I was standing at the front door of my apartment. Strolling in composed, Ronnie caught my eye immediately.

“Where the fuck have you been?!” He almost yelled, bursting out of the seat below him.

“I went for a walk” I shrugged casually “What’s the big deal?”

“I was worried that’s all” his voice was calmer now “I woke up finding you not here, called your cell, no answer you were gone for hours!”

“My phones in my room, that’s why I didn’t answer”

“Oh right”

“I’m going to change, after that, I need to talk to you”

“About what? Is it serious?”

“I don’t know yet. Just give me a second, I feel dirty”

I walked away quickly to avoid Ronnie stopping me. Closing the door behind me I searched my draws, pulling out a pair of black shorts and a stretched tank top that fitted me loosely. I checked my phone to see that there was plenty of missed calls and texts from Ronnie but also some from Max. Quickly I sent him a text.

Max, I’m sorry for ignoring you – there is a reason. Give me an hour and I’ll either call you or come see you, depending on what happens in this next hour. I’ll let you know regardless.

Throwing my phone back onto the bed I headed back out to the living room where Ronnie was sitting on the couch. I sat across from him, heaving in a crap load of air.

“Look, I’m not sure how you’re going to take this but can you please just hear me out until I explain everything?”

Ronnie just nodded in response, making my stomach chuck another loop.

“Last week when I told you I was going to see Emma, I wasn’t. Max called me, he was vomiting and begging for help. Worried as fuck I left and I didn’t want to tell you where I was actually going because I wasn’t sure how you would react. Once I got to his place, he was throwing up every few minutes – his going through withdrawals. I think he was right in the pits of the withdrawals, I think by now his body should have settled down. After a while, he vomited up all he could and I helped him get to bed, gave him water and sent him to sleep. But before that, Max had got me to promise him that if he went through the withdrawals that I would give him the chance to explain and apologize for everything.” I paused for a second, trying to read Ronnie – his eyes were revealing nothing.

“Then, on the night when you took me out for dinner, when we stopped for you to get the ice cream he called me again, asking me if I had heard from you. I lied and said no, not knowing if I should or not because I didn’t want to cause something between you two. I told him that I would try contacting you and let him know if I got a hold of you. I haven’t spoken to him since then, except for a few minutes ago when I text him, but other than I have ignored his worried text messages, calls and voice mails. I need to tell you also that I’m going to tell Max everything that’s happened between us and also let him explain and apologize like I promised, it’s the least I can do.” I spoke calmly, letting my words spill.

A few moments of silence passed before Ronnie slowly pried his mouth open, a confused look spread across his face “So let me get this straight, you’ve been going behind my back about this whole Max shit, you’re going to tell him that his best friend and ex-girlfriend that his still madly in love with have been fucking and now you’re just going to give in to him forget everything that happened? Fall back into Max’s arms like he never fucked you over? That is so weak it’s disgusting!” He spoke hastily.

“That’s not how it is at all, yes I went behind you back, but with the best intentions. I’m sure if your ex called you, begging for your help and vomiting on the phone to you, you would rush to help them. If not you’re a heartless monster that is. And who said I was giving into him? I’m holding up my end of the deal Ronnie, I promised him that I would let him explain, promises actually mean something to me and I always uphold them to my best ability!” I defended myself.

“You have to be kidding me” he laughed obnoxiously
.
“Look Ronnie, I don’t mean to hurt you in any of this. As much as I appreciate how much you have helped me recently and how much you do mean to me, I need to make decisions for myself and I think giving Max a chance to explain will put both of us at ease. And I don’t know about you, but I don’t think Max is going to appreciate this thing that’s been going on between us, even more so if we intentionally keep it from him.” I spoke calmly, ignoring his arrogance.

“What ‘thing’? All this has been to me is a good fuck, It doesn’t bother me one bit if you tell him, go right ahead just as long as you know that this crap between us was fake, all I wanted from you was some action and I got it” he smirked.

That’s when I lost it. I stood up and walked over to Ronnie, staring down at his cocky expression “Well I’m glad to know that you’re just the person everyone makes you out to be. A cocky, arrogant prick that has his own head shoved that far up his own ass and a mind that is run completely by his dick. I’m giving you 10 minutes to grab your shit and get out of here” I spoke fiercely before storming into the bedroom to grab my phone before back out to the living room, grabbing my cigarettes and heading for the balcony.

“Oh and Ronnie…” I turned to him, he looked up with a dark look in his eyes “Fuck you!”

Slamming the door behind me as I sat down on the balcony I sucked in a huge breath, trying to calm myself and make sense of what happened. I couldn’t believe him, I thought I could trust, depend and have faith in Ronnie, I guess I was completely wrong and the things people say about him are true.

A new text message had appeared on my phone screen, it was from Max.

What’s going on Abby? Is everything okay?!

I didn’t bother replying soon enough I was going to have to face him with the truth anyway, the thought of prolonging it just a little longer brought me a sense of peace.

Needing to zone out I dialled Ricky’s number. My mind cleared a little when I heard his voice, as soon I replied with a weak ‘hey’ he knew something was wrong. I spilled my guts to Ricky about everything, he was pretty surprised about Ronnie and I shacking up but he didn’t judge. That was one thing I loved about Ricky, no matter what I did, he would never judge me for it. He put his phone on loud speaker so I could talk to all the guys, I even started sulking like an idiot about how much I missed them. They just ripped me off like the brothers they are to me. Too soon, the boys had to go, reluctantly we said our goodbyes and we promised each other we would see each other soon.

I looked at the time, it had been well over 20 minutes since I told Ronnie to leave. Walking back inside I called out “You better be gone!” and as a reply all I got was silence. I took a quick search through the apartment to find Ronnie’s stuff gone along with himself. An eerie silence fell through the apartment, a quiet I have never felt before – I was completely alone physically, emotionally and mentally.

My phone trembled in my hand as realisation kicked in, I was alone completely. I couldn’t face Max, not in the state I was in instead I opted for the safest option. I curled up on my bed, pressed dial and waited for fate to kick in. As Max answered, his voice was anxious and worried, he thought something had happened to me. After I explained that his was not the case, unfortunately, I sucked in a prolonged breath before letting everything out.
By everything, I meant it. I told him about my lies, my distrust, my sleeping with Ronnie and everything in between. He remained quite the entire time, soaking up how wrong I have been. When he didn’t say a word after I had finished my lengthy explanation of everything I simply said “Goodbye Max” and hung up.

I threw the phone across the room, pulled the pillow over my faced and sobbed like a complete train wreck. My screams were muffled by the pillow thankfully so the neighbours didn’t think I was getting murdered. I cried until nothing came out anymore. Wiping my tears away I knew I had to leave for a while, just get away, clear my mind and then I could move on.

I stood up, grabbed a bag from my wardrobe and filled it with clothes and essentials before I recovered my phone of the floor. Locking up the house, I headed outside to my car, threw the bag on the passenger seat and dialled a familiar number.

“I’m coming to visit for a while, where are you?”