Nerds Get the Guys

'in my mind you just keep turning me,every which way but loose baby there's no excuse to turn me, every which way but loose...' I smile listening to the song flood through the walls, it's a good movie too but i'll never be invited to watch with them.No the whole school is next door and i'm in my dorm alone,no roommate because and i quote 'ewww he's a nerd get away the freaks in there!' but hey fuck them, just because i wear thick rimmed glasses cut myself and have no friends does not make me a nerd... Okay maybe it does but whatever i like me if you don't that's your problem and you can go fuck yourself with the dildo in your top drawer, sorry internet skank didn't mean to share your info.

Brushing the bangs from my face i check the clock, he should be exiting the building to go study now! I sit up and crawl to the window, sure enough he's exiting the building. Mmmm brendon urie the hot shot sex pot on campus, who i'm pretty sure is straight. He's everything i'm not popular beautiful and wanted, i sigh relaxing back onto the bed and close my eyes.I think about how nice it would be to have him in my room, holding me tight... Then i remember who i am, the freak-nerd who wears woman's batman panties and the weirdest clothing possible;and yes the panties are my choice again if you don't like it fuck you.

Getting up i strip down i think i'll go for a shower then read until eleven, peeling off my girls t the only t shirts i wear ;because woman's clothing is all i fit... Again the panties are a choice there batman so calm your self. Anyway i glance into the full length mirror across from me, i can see the old scars from the accident and i look away quickly and slip into the bathroom.I run the shower and step into the boiling water, after my shower i slip on my batman underwear and crawl into bed. It's not until i'm cozy that there's a knock at my door, i groan getting up and pulling on some pj pants i answer it. Laying on my doorstep is a book with the word 'fag' written across the cover, did i forget to mention i'm openly gay?

I sigh picking it up i toss it into the trash before shutting and locking my door, i'm fucking perfect and they can all suck my big cock. I crawl back into bed and open up my big book of lyrics, old ones i wrote from two years ago just before the accident....

Morning**

I'm in the midst of straightening my hair when my alarm goes off, i smile i'm always up before it even sounds. Finally happy with my eyeliner and everything i put my glasses on grab my bag and lock up my dorm. I hurry to class so i don't have to pass him, i mean english is the only class we have together and i'm terrified to run into brendon. But on the other hand he might notice me, ha no and if he did he'd just make fun of me like the rest. I step into the classroom and mr beckett is writing on the chalk board, "ryan your early as per usual." I laugh and take my usual seat,"chea i mean it's your class." He smiles turning to face me, he's got mile lines."Well that's nice but you sure this doesn't have something to do with running into ..." I raise my hand "only a little!!"

He laughs "relax i won't talk," the bell goes and we go on like we don't share a kinda bond;i mean he knows what happened... "So she thought you'd actually fuck her?" I look up and he strides in so majestically jon his best friend at his side, all the guys here want to be him and all the girls want him to fuck them, and yes i'd be part of the girls not the men;or the neanderthals as i like to call them.. Well except him he's a god, i look back to my book fast so i don't get caught by the ass holes of the class.I hear the chair next to me get pulled out and i'm positive its only going to be moved but i thought wrong, glancing to my left i see him sitting next to me; eyes averted to jon who he's in deep conversation with.

My heart's beating in my ears i try to focus on reading the copy of moby dick in front of me, he bumps my elbow and i jump slightly. "sorry," it's so casually tossed over his shoulder but to me it's him acknowledging my presence;and to me that is HUGE! Class begins and all talking stops and i'm, busy writing notes focusing all my energy on them instead of the blinding god beside me."So what was the theme or message behind the book?" Nobody raises there hands so i put mine up, "yes ryan?" I take a breath "it's telling you revenge is not the solution and in the end things never go right and you'll just loose more than you had to gain."

He smiles warmly "good, now open your text books to page ninety three..." "nerd *cough* nerd*cough*" I hear them snicker behind me, "oh lighten you you guys just cause your idiots doesn't make that funny." I look to my right the guy beside me smiles "i'm spencer nice to meet you," "Ryan... thanks," he smiles and waves it off wait a second.... Did i just make a friend sorta? When class ends i gather my things "hey ryan you have a spare don't you?" I look over to spencer "umm yeah how the fuck did you know?" He smiles " i've been your other neighbor since you got here." I hang my head "sorry i should know that..." He shrugs "nah i mean i've never made an effort, well until today i mean you don't seem as bad as the ass wholes like to make you sound."

"Thanks i think, you wanna grab a coffee or something?" He nods and we walk to the cafe, "so ryan how's your back?" I stop "wh-what?" He looks away sipping his drink "you don't remember me do you..." i shake my head and he sighs "i was the one who..." he doesn't have to say anymore before recognition hits me, "oh my god!" He nods and i dunno what to say " i'm so sorry i just wanted to see if we could be friends i mean i hope so, " I bite my now split and bleeding lip "su-sure..." even though what he did to me was horrible and it's something i'll have to live with the rest of my life i need a friend and from the look of him he's real sorry, He walks me to my dorm room and we set up to have coffee tomorrow.

"Brendon get the fuck out!" I look over and he's pushed to a wall and i watch him slide down, when he looks at me i quickly unlock my door and slip inside. peeling off my shirt i turn on the radio and grab my razor,i cut while forcing myself to look at it that word and those marks... 'I do not want to be afraid I do not want to die inside just to breathe in I'm tired of feeling so numb Relief exists I find it when I am cut..' I drop the blade and breath heavy i glance at my wrists red and dripping , there's a sudden knock at the door and i rush to clean up;slipping on my long sleeve shirt in the process. "o-one second.."

I scramble to the bathroom and drop the razor in the sink i run the tap and wash it and my wrists, i cover them with my long sleeve and answer the door;i'm shocked to see brendon standing there. "co-could i use your phone?" He looks as if he's been crying,"ye-yeah co-come in..."I step aside and he steps it, i point to the rainbow thing on the desk and he nods. I step into the bathroom and tidy up hiding the razor in the mirror and washing the little bit of blood in the sink. " I'm on the left side... Look jon i just need a fucking ride outta here for a day or two okay? Alright then see you in ten..." I hear him hit the button and i take this as a que to rejoin him, i push my glasses up sitting on the bed.

He sniffles then turns to me, his eyes are like pools of silk i fucking love them
there so pretty... "Sorry to just show up and demand to use your phone..." "Yo-you didn't de-demand, and it's fine i do-don't get vis-visitors.." he smiles sitting next to me, god it takes my fucking breath away."why not?" I shrug "i'm we-weird.." He smiles getting back to his feet "well i think your pretty cool, umm..." "Ry-ryan.." He leaves with a smile wow has today been fucked up or what?