Hold on Tight and Don't Look Back

I descended the steps of the tour bus for the last time and looked up to find a quaint, brick home staring back at me. The grass was hidden underneath inches of fluffy white snow, the tiny paved walkway to the door was barely visible. The center of the front lawn was home to a large oak tree, branches heavy from the burden of snow.

“It’s not much, but it’s home,” Mikey grabbed my hand as he made his way down the stairs.

“I think it’s absolutely adorable! I love it!” I smiled up at him.

“Oh, it’s nothing compared to that monster you call your house,” Frank laughed, disregarding the stairs and jumping to the ground.

“My house is a monster, who are you kidding?”

“A beautiful monster,” Gerard chimed in as he made his way up the path to open the front door.

“Hey, Gee, I think you’re forgetting something!” Ray yelled as he nearly stumbled out of the bus.

“Ah, shit! What did I leave in there this time?” He yelled back, frustrated with the thought of forgetting something once again.

“Your manners, asshole.”

“What do you mean my manners? I’m opening the god damned door to let us in, it’s fucking freezing out here.” He slowly placed the key into the shiny silver lock.

“Ladies first, dumb ass,” Ray smiled at me, motioning for me to go ahead of him and Frank.

“Yeah, Gerard, ladies first,” I teased him.

“I’m sorry, did I miss the memo that you were a lady, he smiled as he chuckled at his useless joke.

“Oh, I’m so offended,” I tried to give him a death stare, but I ended up smiling instead. I am so bad at lying, it’s almost like a curse.

I gently let my hand slip away from Mikey’s grasp and walked through the front door. The room in front of me looked like the home I’ve never had. The living room looks like it hasn’t been cleaned in months, the black couch cushions aren’t in their proper places, the coffee table is littered with old magazines and newspapers, and the flat screen TV hanging on the wall is slightly crooked and covered with dust.

“Oh, my, god, pardon our mess. I totally forgot the house was this trashed, I’ll clean it up just give me a minute,” Mikey was frantic as he entered the front door, appalled at the current state of his living room.

“Don’t worry about it, honestly. I hate clean, it seems so untouchable,” I smiled as I grabbed his arm trying to calm him down.

“Are you sure, I can clean, really, it’s no big deal,” obviously he wasn’t going to give up that easy.

“Yes, I’m sure. Don’t change your ways because I’m here,” I lightly kissed his cheek as I placed my hand in his.

“Welcome home,” I felt Mikey’s hand grip mine tighter as he slowly rested his chin on the top of my head. Those two words made the journey all worth it, I finally had a place I could call home, a place where I felt safe, a place where I knew I belonged.

**

I search the wood stained kitchen cabinets for plates to place my freshly made pancakes on. It’s barely seven in the morning but I just couldn’t sleep. My head was spinning from trying to process all of the thoughts running through my mind as it tried to shut itself down so my body could rest. That’s even putting aside the fact that my sleeping arrangements are a little less than desirable for the moment. The house only has four bedrooms, a luxury in Jersey according to Ray, so I’m forced to sleep on the cold couch until the guys decide what to do about the lack of space.

Underneath the sink I find I find four wooden trays with handles. I could take the guys breakfast in bed, I’m sure they’d love being rudely awoken by their house guest. It seemed like a brilliant idea to me, what’s the fun in living with four guys if you can’t mess with them every now and then?

I carefully assemble the four trays with pancakes, a cup of syrup, and orange juice. On the table to my right I can see a note pad and a sharpie marker. I can write them each a cute little note! That’ll really kill their manliness. “Your body could promote world peace between warring nations, maybe you should take your shirt off some more,” I quickly scribble on the note for Gerard, for safety I add a “JK” and a smiley face in the bottom corner. The paper crumples as I tear another sheet off of the pad, “I am jealous of your amazing afro, you need a hot girl to tame that shit,” I think Ray would agree with that statement, if not, then that’s kind of embarrassing for me. “Thanks for being the best friend I’ve never had, you’re an amazing kid” I wrote Frank’s in cursive, adding a personal touch and finished it with a small heart at the bottom. Now for Mikey’s, where do I begin? I could tell him I love him, because I really do, but what if he doesn’t love me back? That’s something I’m not willing to risk. I frantically script the words “You’re beautiful, never change,” on the small slip of paper.

Knowing my reputation with carrying too many things up the stairs at once, I grab Gerard’s tray and quietly make my way to his bedroom. His black hair is messy on top of his pillow, his body is encompassed in several bright red blankets, his face rests upon his large hands. With caution not to wake him from his serene state I place his tray on the table beside his bed and quietly exit the room.

I carefully return to the upper level holding the trays for Ray and Mikey. The door to Ray’s room was half closed, and I didn’t want to wake him by pushing it open. Most of the doors in the house squeak when they move on the hinges and I was worried his would do the same. I carefully set both trays on the ground and pushed Ray’s into his room through the tiny opening. Mikey’s room is just across the hall, his poster plastered door is hanging open, his floor is messy, littered with shoes and clothing. The top of his head is barely visible underneath the covers, his arm is hanging off the side of the bed, and his glasses are sitting on the pillow next to him. I fold his note in half so that it will stand up on its own and place it next to his glasses, I lay his tray on the overcrowded bookshelf near his bed before lightly kissing his hand.

“What are you doing up at this time of morning?” Frank asked, his eyes groggy with sleep. He was standing in the doorway of his bedroom running his fingers through his hair.

“What are you doing without any pants on?” I laughed, I think he forgot he was only wearing underwear.

“Oh, shit,” he quickly looked down at himself, realizing his mistake. “I’ll be right back!”

His door slammed shut and I took the opportunity to grab his tray from the kitchen. I creep up the stairs, stopping every three steps making sure Frank can’t hear me coming.

“Hey, where’d you go?” he asked, wearing pajama bottoms this time around.

Shit, he found me. That motherfucker just ruined his own surprise. “Right here,” I smiled at him as I climbed the last few steps.

“What do you have there?” his eyes squished up with curiosity.

“Breakfast in bed,” I handed him the tray. “Except it’s not really breakfast in bed because you’re standing in the hallway,” I laughed.

“Early morning dry humor? I see how it goes. But, pancakes? Fuck yes. I knew there was a reason we kept you around for so long,” he flashed me a large, dorky smile. “I need your advice about something, want to come into my office and chat?” he seemed like he genuinely wanted my help despite his attempts at trying to make me laugh.

“Sure,” I smiled, “what’s up?” I followed Frank into his dimly lit bedroom and took a seat Indian style on his unmade bed.

“Well, now that we’re home from tour and are going to be sticking around for a while to work on new material I thought it would be the perfect chance for me to take this girl I like out on a date,” his hands were shaking as his mouth struggled to find the words to say.

“So do it.”

“I’m nervous, what if she says no?” his eyes focused on the bed as his voice trailed off.

“Why would she say no?”

“I don’t know, because she doesn’t like me?”

“How do you know that?”

“I don’t,” he sighed. “But what if it’s true?”

“This girl has no reason to not like you, you’re adorable, funny, and the best friend a girl could ask for.” I smiled and patted his knee, hoping he’d come around and agree with me.

“So why’d you make pancakes?” he glanced over at me and I could see the pain in his eyes.

“Because I couldn’t sleep,” I hated to admit that to him, I certainly didn’t want him thinking it was his fault I had problems sleeping on a couch.

“Oh,” he was staring at the bed again. “Why aren’t you eating any?”

“I can’t, they have too many carbohydrates.” He flashed me a confused look. “I’m diabetic, remember?”

“I tried to put that out of my mind, I don’t really deal with people fainting without warning very well. It freaks me out.”

“I noticed. So, what’s this girl’s name?”

“Amy,” he smiled. “She’s a little shorter than me, has short black hair that comes just below her chin, she wears these cute little glasses that have plastic, black frames, and she has the prettiest green eyes I’ve ever seen.” Finally, I got him talking; now I just needed to boost his self confidence a little bit. That should be easy enough, right?

“She sounds adorable,” I smiled at him.

“Yeah, she’s just like me. She’s just so…..amazing.”

“Why don’t you call her right now and ask her on a date for tonight?” I handed him my cell phone.

“Because, I just can’t do that,” he placed his head in his hands. “I just can’t, what if she says no?”

“I’ll tell you what,” I moved over towards where Frank was sitting and placed my arm around his back.

“Why don’t you see if she wants to hang out with me today and I’ll talk to her for you?”

“You would do that to me?” he asked, smiling widely as he jumped off the bed.

“Of course, I’m always here to help. Besides, it’s the least I could do,” I felt his arms wrap around my body as he pulled me to the ground.

“You really are the best friend ever, it’s not me,” he let his arms remain around me a moment longer and I slowly wrapped my arms around him.

“It is you, it says so on that paper right there,” I let go of him and pointed to the paper on his pancake tray.

“Oh, this paper?” he was smiling as he picked it up off his bed.

“Yes, that one, what other paper would I be talking about dumb ass?” I’m not sure why, but I really enjoy calling Frank names, maybe it’s just the kind of love-hate relationship we have with one another.

“I don’t know,” he smiled again. “But thanks, Lexi, I really appreciate it.”

If I couldn’t help him out with his girl problems, what kind of friend would I be? After all, he is the one that always calmed me down when Gerard was being a dick, and that’s more than I can say for anyone else in this house.

**
“So, how do you know Frank?” Amy asked me as we made our way down the mall. She was staring at me, her face was home to the biggest smile I had ever seen.

“My mom is a friend of Gerard and Mikey’s aunt, long story short I ended up on tour with the guys, and I live with them for the moment,” I focused my attention on the path in front of me, I was hoping Amy wouldn’t get the wrong idea.

“That’s so cool! It’d be so fun to go on tour with them, I could actually spend some time with Frank, I never get to see him anymore,” the smile had washed away from her face, I could tell she missed him.

“How did you meet him?” I asked, hoping to cheer her up a little bit.

“Once, when I was 7, I was walking my dog, and he was a rather large black lab, so he was actually walking me, and I ran right into him as he was walking down the street. I started to cry because I thought the dog had hurt him and he would beat me up, but he didn’t. We were really close after that, until he joined the band, and now I don’t get to see him very often,” she paused for a moment to catch her breath. “I wish I could see him more, sometimes I wish he would have never joined the band, even though I know it was always his dream. I just, sometimes I feel like if he had never left we would have gotten married.”

“Do you ever talk to him about it?” by she had stopped walking and was on the verge of tears. “Because, I know for a fact he really misses you and cares about you, maybe you should call him.”

“Do you really think I should?” her eyes widened, it wasn’t until just now that I realized Frank was right about them being the most beautiful green eyes, they sparkled the sun on a summer lake.

“Yes,” I smiled at her. “You should.”

She fumbled around in her pocket and quickly pulled out her cell phone, I could hear the buttons beeping as she dialed Frank’s number. We stood there, in the middle of the crowded mall, for what felt like an eternity before she hung up and placed the phone back in her pocket.

“We’re going on a date!” she was so excited she was almost to the point of screeching. “Tonight! Tonight! Me and Frank!”

“That’s so awesome!” I couldn’t hold back my feelings of overwhelming joy for both Amy and Frank. She was a great girl, and he was a great guy, and they were going to be together. I felt her tiny feminine hands grasp themselves with mine as she began to jump up in to the air. I slowly lifted my feet off the ground and began to jump with her. “Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay!” we shouted as we jumped in circles. To the everyday mall shopper we probably looked like a couple of over caffeinated, idiotic teenagers, but we didn’t care.

**
I could hear the water hitting the tile floor as it flowed out of the shower head, the familiar soothing noise was accompanied by Frank’s severely off key rendition of “I Want To Hold Your Hand” by The Beatles. He was in hallway bathroom preparing for his date with Amy tonight and had asked me to pick out an outfit him for him to wear. From his closet I picked out one of the various pairs of dark wash jeans and laid them down on his bed. I placed a black t-shirt that read “Only I can be this awesome” beside the jeans as well as a black leather jacket to protect him from the bitter cold.

“Gerard and Ray are going guitar shopping tonight, so it looks like it’s going to be just you and me, kid,” Mikey was smiling at me from the doorway.

“Kid?” I asked, laughing.

“Yeah, kid. You’re younger than me so by default you’re a kid,” he walked over by the bed and let his arms engulf me in a backwards hug as he kissed the top of my head.

“Whatever you say, whatever you say,” I turned myself around in his arms so I could hug him back. I could feel his warm breath on my skin as he moved his mouth closer to my ear. “I have a surprise for you, I’ll tell you about it as soon as the guys leave,” he whispered. He released his arms from around my body, disappeared down the hallway, and left me standing there wondering what kind of surprise it was going to be this time around.