I Am Not Andrew Laeddis
This story will have no happy ending
No. no, no! It’s all lies; nothing but a cacophony of ingenious lies and vindictive tricks that has all cleverly been designed to confuse and deceive me. It’s not true. No one will believe it, right? I don’t believe it, do I? No! Focus Edward; you are not Andrew Laeddis. I know that – knew that… but Blast! Why did I take their pills and smoke their cigarettes? Now they’ll fully claim me, they’ll have me crawling at their feet and eating out of their hands. My grip on reality is already slipping through my fingers… I can feel it; that sweet pleasurable drug of innocence that is insanity and ignorance, is slowly dying inside of me. Their drugs are racing through my system, dulling my senses and slowly numbing the fire inside of me. I don’t want to be silenced, but it’s already too late.
I grab my skull, reel back in agony as another wave of unbearable lightning bolts of pain shoot through my temples. I can already feel the ice pick probe cutting into my brain and splitting the vital connections to and from my prefrontal cortex as they lobotomise. I can already feel the shocking departure from my delusions as once again the world as I know it is turned upside down. This time the truth will kill me.
“This will be the end of you baby…” her words swim through the mess that has become my mind, but they are far too late. It’s too late to fight back now. And then I’m falling as my legs crumble an my body slumps to the ground as reality and fantasy finally merge into one. Then nothing as the images… no memories flood back. This can’t be the truth… I will save her, we will have our happy ever after… I’m not going to let her go… I AM NOT ANDREW LAEDDIS…
…It was just another day. No, more than any other day, because this was supposed to be a good one. Andrew Laeddis returned home early, idly admiring the beautiful Lake House he resided in. Today was going to be a good day. It had been a while since there had been any bad ones and only yesterday had he begun to enter his house with some ease and little fear that he would walk inside to find his wife half dead after having tried to kill herself. Ignorance is a curious thing. No one would have been expected a man like Andrew Laeddis to be one. As a war veteran who had experienced the liberation of Dachau and seen many horrifying images of what some sick men can do, no one would have expected him to ignore or turn a blind eye to the sickness that was claiming his wife.
He smiled when he saw her. She hadn’t answered his calls but had stayed silently swinging outside on their chair swing. He shook his head and cursed himself for being so paranoid. But when she stood and walked slowly towards him the fear was back in an instance.
“Why are you all wet baby?” he asked. She only smiled back. Not her happy smile but the smile that warned him he was on dangerous territory. It was the smile that told him he was talking to a woman whose head was in the clouds, flying high above them with the stars. When she was like this there was only one place Andrew Laeddis could continue to embrace his ignorance – and that was in his office with his beer bottles.
However today something just wasn’t right. He anxiously peered behind her, towards the lake where what looked like three small logs where floating in the water. The fear had now entirely possessed him, burning in his stomach and eating away at his guts. “Where are the kids, baby?” His voice was trembling and he flinched as his question only rewarded him with another fanatical smile.
The water was freezing as he waded inside the lakes icy depths. He was smiling now too, trying to desperately convince himself that the horrendous images that were plaguing his imagination were only a result of his constant paranoia. We can never imagine the pain, anger or grief that Andrew Laeddis felt when he pulled his young daughter Rachel from the river. The pain left him in long agonizing cries as he pulled Peter and Sam from the water too, splashing desperately too shore in a hopeless attempt to warm their cold bodies. It was as if they were dying at that very moment, before him and images of their short lived lives flashed before his eyes. It was like someone had stolen inside his chest and cut three great lumps out of his heart. It was as if all past nightmares of the dead starved children from Dachau had flown from the past too settle their cold bodies before his knees. He took off Rachel’s shoe and held her small foot against his chest. They couldn’t be gone, they just couldn’t be….
Cold arms wound themselves around his neck. In an instant Andrew was still. It was this woman’s arms and hands who had so coldly killed his children. It was his ignorance to her insanity that had caused her to commit this terrible… crime.
Her words were more pin pricks to the scrawny mess of his heart. They only drew more pain. She nattered on about taking the kids for a picnic and getting them ready for dinner. She spoke as if they were alive. As is she hadn’t killed them. It was too much to take in with the sudden loss, his guilt and the anger! It was like his body had been set on fire and there was only one way to get rid of it. He took her in his arms, feeling sickened by the quick eager smile that sat smugly across her lips.
“If you ever loved me, you’ll stop talking…” he whispered through his tears.
“I love you…” They were just words, said by the empty corpse that had been his wife. Maybe that was what enabled Andrew Laeddis to grab his gun. Maybe it was that knowledge that his real wife had long left him, driven out of her body by sickness. Maybe it was that truth that enabled him to pull the trigger and take her life. Maybe that was what enabled Andrew Laeddis to murder his wife…
I didn’t do it! It’s not true! But even as the lies tear their way from my lips, I know they’re no longer true. The world I knew was nothing but a dream. The perfect dream where the end of me was yet to come and my wife, my family and I may not have lived a happy ever after, but in that world I had been able to claim revenge. Now I know that my children’s death has been avenged at the cost of my wife’s and that death I can only avenge by the end of me. This story has no happy ending. No sweet moral. My name is Andrew Laeddis and in the summer of 53 I murdered my wife because she killed me children due to her insanity which I chose to ignore. I am Andrew Laeddis.
I grab my skull, reel back in agony as another wave of unbearable lightning bolts of pain shoot through my temples. I can already feel the ice pick probe cutting into my brain and splitting the vital connections to and from my prefrontal cortex as they lobotomise. I can already feel the shocking departure from my delusions as once again the world as I know it is turned upside down. This time the truth will kill me.
“This will be the end of you baby…” her words swim through the mess that has become my mind, but they are far too late. It’s too late to fight back now. And then I’m falling as my legs crumble an my body slumps to the ground as reality and fantasy finally merge into one. Then nothing as the images… no memories flood back. This can’t be the truth… I will save her, we will have our happy ever after… I’m not going to let her go… I AM NOT ANDREW LAEDDIS…
…It was just another day. No, more than any other day, because this was supposed to be a good one. Andrew Laeddis returned home early, idly admiring the beautiful Lake House he resided in. Today was going to be a good day. It had been a while since there had been any bad ones and only yesterday had he begun to enter his house with some ease and little fear that he would walk inside to find his wife half dead after having tried to kill herself. Ignorance is a curious thing. No one would have been expected a man like Andrew Laeddis to be one. As a war veteran who had experienced the liberation of Dachau and seen many horrifying images of what some sick men can do, no one would have expected him to ignore or turn a blind eye to the sickness that was claiming his wife.
He smiled when he saw her. She hadn’t answered his calls but had stayed silently swinging outside on their chair swing. He shook his head and cursed himself for being so paranoid. But when she stood and walked slowly towards him the fear was back in an instance.
“Why are you all wet baby?” he asked. She only smiled back. Not her happy smile but the smile that warned him he was on dangerous territory. It was the smile that told him he was talking to a woman whose head was in the clouds, flying high above them with the stars. When she was like this there was only one place Andrew Laeddis could continue to embrace his ignorance – and that was in his office with his beer bottles.
However today something just wasn’t right. He anxiously peered behind her, towards the lake where what looked like three small logs where floating in the water. The fear had now entirely possessed him, burning in his stomach and eating away at his guts. “Where are the kids, baby?” His voice was trembling and he flinched as his question only rewarded him with another fanatical smile.
The water was freezing as he waded inside the lakes icy depths. He was smiling now too, trying to desperately convince himself that the horrendous images that were plaguing his imagination were only a result of his constant paranoia. We can never imagine the pain, anger or grief that Andrew Laeddis felt when he pulled his young daughter Rachel from the river. The pain left him in long agonizing cries as he pulled Peter and Sam from the water too, splashing desperately too shore in a hopeless attempt to warm their cold bodies. It was as if they were dying at that very moment, before him and images of their short lived lives flashed before his eyes. It was like someone had stolen inside his chest and cut three great lumps out of his heart. It was as if all past nightmares of the dead starved children from Dachau had flown from the past too settle their cold bodies before his knees. He took off Rachel’s shoe and held her small foot against his chest. They couldn’t be gone, they just couldn’t be….
Cold arms wound themselves around his neck. In an instant Andrew was still. It was this woman’s arms and hands who had so coldly killed his children. It was his ignorance to her insanity that had caused her to commit this terrible… crime.
Her words were more pin pricks to the scrawny mess of his heart. They only drew more pain. She nattered on about taking the kids for a picnic and getting them ready for dinner. She spoke as if they were alive. As is she hadn’t killed them. It was too much to take in with the sudden loss, his guilt and the anger! It was like his body had been set on fire and there was only one way to get rid of it. He took her in his arms, feeling sickened by the quick eager smile that sat smugly across her lips.
“If you ever loved me, you’ll stop talking…” he whispered through his tears.
“I love you…” They were just words, said by the empty corpse that had been his wife. Maybe that was what enabled Andrew Laeddis to grab his gun. Maybe it was that knowledge that his real wife had long left him, driven out of her body by sickness. Maybe it was that truth that enabled him to pull the trigger and take her life. Maybe that was what enabled Andrew Laeddis to murder his wife…
I didn’t do it! It’s not true! But even as the lies tear their way from my lips, I know they’re no longer true. The world I knew was nothing but a dream. The perfect dream where the end of me was yet to come and my wife, my family and I may not have lived a happy ever after, but in that world I had been able to claim revenge. Now I know that my children’s death has been avenged at the cost of my wife’s and that death I can only avenge by the end of me. This story has no happy ending. No sweet moral. My name is Andrew Laeddis and in the summer of 53 I murdered my wife because she killed me children due to her insanity which I chose to ignore. I am Andrew Laeddis.
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Really not so sure about this so would love to hear some opinions or advice, please don't be a silent reader?? x