How to Get Rid of Your Ex Girlfriend

The door opened before I even had a chance to knock, revealing Lena with her arms folded and a frown placed firmly on her face. “Oh, are you here to yell at Sam?

I looked at her quizzically, forgetting my bad mood for a moment. “Why would I want to yell at Sam?”

“Um…because he told everyone? That was how it got around, you know. He is a little bit of a blabbermouth.” She tried to beckon me inside, but I didn’t move.

“I’m not mad,” I said dully. “I never told him not to, did I? I should have assumed-”

Lena dropped her hand and stared, more with surprise than the usual evaluation. “What’s wrong with you?”

“Hey!” I was affronted. “Listen. I’m NOT mad at-”

“I know you’re not mad!” She threw her hands up into the air in exasperation. “But you SHOULD be. Judging from what happened, you didn’t expect the secret to get around…”

“Yeah, I didn’t. But I didn’t tell you guys, so it’s not Sam’s fault.”

If I wasn’t mistaken, Lena looked…impressed? She was raising her eyebrows in a way that suggested incredulity, as though she couldn’t believe I would say something like that. “I know. Don’t take this the wrong way, Nick, but you never really do…think first. I expected you to come charging in here and beat Sam to within an inch of his life.”

“Well,” I said shortly, brushing past her on my way inside. “I had a lot of time to mull things over in detention, okay?”

She grabbed my shoulder suddenly, halting me in my tracks.

“Hey!”

“Listen.” She forced me to turn around, and I glared at her with impatience. “You haven’t been acting like yourself lately. Neither has Tyler. I want to know what’s going on, NOW.”

Feeling too tired to shake myself out of her grip, I sighed deeply in that oh-my-god-my-world-is-crashing-down way. Why? Because I felt like acting like a drama queen. Might as well be one of those if I’d already turned myself into an angsty teenage girl.

Oh crap. Lena’s right, I really do have problems.

I looked down at her and forced a smile. “You know, that’s exactly what I’m here for. Only you can’t tell ANYONE. Neither can Sam. Make sure he knows that.”

“Well, I’m glad you’re going with this willingly. I was fully prepared to torture you with strategically built questions, but I guess there’s no need.” She grinned sheepishly before turning on her heel. “I’ll go grab Sam. He’s upstairs hiding from you.”

I watched Lena disappear up the stairs and wondered briefly if I really should tell them. But I was pretty sure Sam could keep a secret if it was this important, and I did need to confide in someone. So I was going to do it. I was going to admit EVERYTHING.

Feeling braver, I sunk down onto the couch and waited. A few minutes later, Sam bounded down the stairs with Lena in tow. I was alerted to their presence by the thumping noises, and craned my neck over the back of the couch. “What took you so long?”

“I made Sam take an oath,” Lena explained.

“Good. ‘Cause this secret is kind of important…”

Sam dropped down on the chair opposite me, hands clasping in his lap. “Fischer, I’m sorry,” he said quickly. “I thought…I just thought, since you did say you were tired of pretending to be gay…” His voice trailed away and he looked at me apologetically.

“It’s fine.” I gave him a reasurring grin. “It’s kind of my fault for not telling you to keep your fat mouth shut.”

“Still…sorry.”

“He said it’s fine,” Lena interrupted, eyes flicking from Sam to me. “Now tell.”

“Long story or short story?”

“Just tell.”

“Long story or short story?” I inquired casually, leaning back on the sofa in an attempt to make myself feel more comfortable with this. “Because it does matter.”

“Stop stalling!”

I sighed and leaned forward, giving up looking at anyone and fixing my eyes firmly on the floor. “Fine,” I managed, focusing on memorizing the striped pattern in Sam’s carpet. Red. Brown. Gay…gray, sorry. Then red again. Red, like bed. Like my bed, where Tyler and I had made out…

“Tell us!” Sam urged.

I swallowed. “I’m gay.” Yellow, now. Red again. Pink. Like pink post-it notes. “And I’m kind of…in love with Adams…”

There was a short silence in which I focused on the strip that came after the pink, but I couldn’t seem to be able to remember the name of the color. All I knew was it was the exact color of Tyler’s eyes in the darkness, the exact shade they had looked just half an hour ago when he was standing in my room glaring at me.

No one said anything, so I just continued slowly. “You know how we were pretending to date? Somewhere along the road things turned…real. And then we kissed. Again, I mean, again after that time Sophie made us kiss. I kind of got all freaked out and ran away, but then I came back and he had alcohol and I just wanted to forget about everything.” I bit my lip. “And we ki – and…well, I woke up. That was when I came over here and tried to tell you all of this, but ended up saying only the first part.”

I paused. “Then the next day, he wouldn’t so much as look at me. I didn’t know what was wrong, so I decided to lay it all on the line…the note was from me. Not Nerd Boy.”

“Who, Christopher?” Lena asked.

I nodded shortly. “Whatever. He’s still a bastard. Anyway, so now I know he doesn’t give a shit about me. He kissed me, but it was probably just a trial sort of thing. And that night, he only did what he did because he was drunk. He doesn’t like me. I’m a fool for deceiving myself.”

A moment of silence passed. Then Sam said, “You’re not a fool.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?”

He shrugged. “I tried.”

We both turned to Lena, who, quite indecently, was grinning broadly. “You ARE a fool.”

“Thanks?”

“I can’t believe-” She laughed, getting to her feet. “Wow. Just wow. You and Tyler are the biggest idiots in the freaking world.”

I stared at her quizzically. “Where are you going?”

“I’ll be right back!” she said excitedly. “Just stay here. And Sam?” She turned to him sternly. “Don’t let him leave. Even if you have to tie him to a chair or something.”

“Got it.” Sam threw her a salute, and she slapped his hand away with a laugh before dashing down the hallway.

As soon as I heard the door slam shut, I whirled to face Sam. “If you even try…”

“Shut it, Fischer.” Sam was smiling slightly. “I’m not sure what Lena’s doing, but knowing her, it’ll probably work and you can thank her later.”

“She’s bringing him here, isn’t she?” I asked dully.

He shrugged. “Probably.”

I jolted to my feet. “I am NOT talking to him!”

“Yes you are,” he insisted, a hand shooting out to grab my wrist. “You’re going to stay right here.”

“You can’t make me!”

“Talking will help. I’ll bet you fifty it does,” Sam said slyly.

I held out my hand. Well. Fifty dollars was a nice incentive. “I’ll take you up on that.”