Tired n' Lonely

Three in the morning swang by pretty quickly. I stuck an old Misfits tape into the system as the clock ticked on and returned to two empty whiskey bottles and an extremely drunk Joey on my couch. He vaguely patted the space beside him, though he took up most of the room on it himself.
“Come on, Nicky-wicky, time for bed.”
“Hey, who said I was sharing?”
“I am not sleeping on the floor. I'm too famous and pretty for that.”
“Ugh, but it's hard enough to sleep on that thing alone.”
“Aw, you're gonna turn down the chance to sleep with awesome Mr. Rockstar here?”
“You are oh so persuasive.” I mocked, “much as I would like to I really don't think there's room.”
“Ah, maybe it's a sofa bed. It should be a sofa bed.” He stood up, throwing the sofa cushions onto the floor, and low and behold... I had been sleeping on a folded up sofa bed for the past 3 years. I smacked my forehead in disbelief.
“Oh, what the hell? That is not even funny.”
He pushed the crate aside and pulled the bed out, “oh come on, it is a little.”
I sank down onto it, “yeah, I guess it is. Only a bit though.”
“Got a quilt?”
“Sure.” I fished down the back of the couch and pulled out the big duvet I wrapped myself up in every weekend. This thing REALLY needed a wash.
“Thank fuck. It's freezing over here!”
“Yeah yeah, because Iowa is totally sweltering. By the way...”
“...Oh god, don't tell me you're actually a man.”
“Nooo... I was gonna say no spooning with me. I know what a pervert you are.”
“Hey, I can't help what I do in my sleep.” He sat on the opposite edge of the bed and we made awkward eye contact.
“So,” I interrupted the moment, “ what film is it going to be, now? Halloween, The Exorcist or The Little Mermaid?”
“The Exorcist sounds fun.”
I got up, relieved that I had a reason to break eye contact with him and went over to the video machine. I really needed some new videos. I had plenty at home, but I never remembered to bring them here with me.
He had sorted the quilt out and buried himself under it by the time I turned around again.
I walked quickly to the bed as the credits started. I was 22 and scared of monsters under the bed.
I joined Joey under the covers, and we huddled close together for warmth in the cold room. The bed smelled musty and old- it had not been opened for years. I had certainly had no idea it was a sofa bed. His arms were wrapped around my waist and my face was buried in his neck. It was strange – a cross between a comforting,protective hug between siblings and a tender embrace between lovers.
He smelled heavenly. Manly, but in a soft and comforting way, not a “hasn't washed for weeks” way.
I found my hand on his abdomen. It was toned, and I felt the tense muscle beneath my fingertips as I slid my hand under his shirt.
“Hey, you... I thought Crazy Nicky was gone for the night?”
“She is... I just....” want to feel human flesh next to mine again, I finished mentally. Boy, would that make me sound like a nut job.
“Oh Nicky...” He said, holding me close to him. “I think you just need a hug.”
I closed my eyes. He was right. Three years without a hug from someone other than my kids. Three years. I couldn't hold my tears in, no matter how hard I tried, and I sobbed semi drunken tears into his shoulder.
I hadn't ever cried like this before. I was in mourning, for the freedom I had lost.
My life was cast in stone, now.
He held me close to him, a proper hug. Just what I needed. As I sobbed into his T-shirt he kissed the top of my head, stroking my hair softly as he did.
“You're so beautiful, Nicky. And you have your whole life ahead of you. Don't you forget that.”
“My whole life? My life was over when I was 14 for fuck sake.”
“You're life is far from over.”
“It doesn't feel that way. Get up, take the kids to school, come to work, go and pick the kids up, go home, go to sleep then get up and do it all again. Every day the same. Every month, struggling to pay the bills. Every year forgetting Him, forgetting my dad, forgetting what it was like to be able to just do this... stuff like this... sitting up with a film and a good friend. Going to a gig.”
“But you are doing this, now. Forget the rest of the week. This is now, this is what we are doing.”
“I haven't done something like this since we did it before.”
“You know I would come here every weekend if I could, right? I had such a fun time last time, and tonight, too.”
“But you can't. And I can't come and see you, either... and I can't write to you, you're on tour all over the place.”
“Nicky, I'm sorry, I really am.”
“Don't feel sorry for me. You've helped me, you really have. You've just... reminded me of everything I had to give up, as well.”
He looked in to my eyes “Well, from now on I vow I will be there to remind you about everything you've got going for you; two beautiful kids, a kick ass job, your own business, awesome, sexy, famous friends,”I giggled as he kissed my forehead, “come on, sweetheart, you need to get some sleep.” he said, and I nodded, laying my head down on his lap and he stroked my hair as Linda Blair screeched on the television.
I closed my eyes, thinking of him and our kiss. He was such a sweet guy. My kind of guy. He was fun to be around, good natured, hot, a musician... gorgeous hair... gorgeous eyes... I winced, trying to fight back a relapse of tears. He was so amazing, and he could never be mine.
His hand was on my shoulder now, running up and down my arm. It was relaxing, and warming.
I would dearly of loved to rip his fucking shirt off right about now. But I couldn't do stuff like that any more.
His hand slowed a little, as he began to fall asleep himself and I managed to pull myself out of bed to turn the TV off so we were not rudely awoken by the loud static which would blare through the speakers when the film finished. I slipped unnoticed back into bed with him. He was fast asleep already. I kissed him gently on the lips and lay down beside him. His arm sleepily drew me close to him and I felt my heart thud against my ribcage as his naked torso pressed against my own (though I was at least wearing a bra and pants.) I shuddered as an electric feeling coursed through my veins. Damn him. I hadn't felt this way for years.
I ignored the fact that every fibre of my being was telling me to pin him down and treat him as my sex slave in favour of screwing my eyes shut and hoping sleep would come quickly. Thank heavens it did.