Falling to Pieces

“Another fever,” Joel told Lindsey as he pressed more ice on Rose’s forehead.
“Joel?” Rose whispered.
“Shh,” he whispered as well. He laid next to her and caressed her burning cheek. “It’s alright.”
“I’m dying,” Rose whimpered. She turned on her side so she was watching Joel’s expression.
He pulled her in his arms and let the unseen tears fall into her red hair. All through June Rose had gotten worse, much worse. Fevers once a week, she had lost a lot of weight, and bruises covered her papery skin from sliding into things. What scared him the most was the blank look she would get her eyes, like the life had already left her.
“I wont let you,” he promised.
“You cant stop me.”
Had she really lost hope? Was she not going to try?
He held her tighter, refusing to hear her words, to hear the truth.
“And I'm scared,” she said, crying now.
Joel stared at her helplessly. “What do you want me to say?”
She shook her head. “I don't know.”
He sat up. “What are you scared about? I mean from the obvious reason.”
“Do you think that I will go to Heaven?”
He didn’t look back at her. “Is that what this is about? Why you want me to bite you? So you don't have to find out?”
She was silent for a moment, considering this.
“Yes. You are lucky that you will never have to think about that,” she said.
He chuckled. “Yeah I will never have to think about Heaven because I wont ever die. I’m real lucky.” His voice was bitter at the end.
He left the room, turning his back on her because it was the only thing he knew.
Lindsey looked at him when he passed her, Nethiel stared as well as he walked out onto the patio. He pulled out a cigarette, lighting it. He stared at the smoke for a moment.
“I don’t smoke,” she told him.
He remembered shrugging. “So live a little.”
“If I die of lung cancer, it’s on your conscience,” she hissed at him, taking one,
How ironic.
It will forever be on his conscious.
* * * * *
I woke up in bed with a stiff feeling. I sat up and stretched. I stood up and sat up and stretched, feeling all this extra energy.
I opened the door and walked down the hall. In the living room, Joel and Nethiel were talking.
Joel looked up at me, his eyes tensing.
“What's going on?” I asked.
“We’re trying to think of some way to finish this,” Nethiel said.
I sat down across from him and Joel. “By this you mean the war.”
Nethiel nodded.
“Lucky you,” Ivy said coming in, “You get to come into the end of the war.”
“Hopefully the end,” Devon said coming in.
The two took a seat, Ivy in Devon’s lap.
“Why not just go at it?” Ivy asked, “ I mean we can out number them now, we have werewolf alliances!”
Andrea was in the room now too.
“Because we may have more numbers, but they have more power. Plus they have the advantage,” She said looking at me.
I looked down.
“Why not just dump me on some porch step then?” I asked.
Joel’s eyes widened when I looked up.
“I mean I’m causing this entire problem!” I yelled.
Andrea shook her head. “You aren’t to blame. This war was about to end eventually anyway.”
“You can call it a favor,” Devon said.
“Devon! I think she’s going to cry,” Ivy said.
“My sweet Ivy, I have to disagree with you, she’s going to have an angry melt down, she has a lot to be angry about,” he said.
“Wanna bet me ten bucks?” She asked.
He smiled. “You're on.”
But he was too late. Thick tears blocked my vision and my throat grew thick and hot.
Devon handed Ivy the ten dollars, sighing.
“We cant just go and hurry this along,” Nethiel said, “We have to consider the human society among us. If we let a full out battle happen on the streets, how do you think that will affect the mortals?”
“Oh come off it!” I yelled, wiping my tears with my sleeve.
All the immortals looked at me questioningly.
“We aren’t that breakable,” I whispered.
Andrea smiled.
“I was human too when the war was going on. I hated being babied, but there is a reason for it. I don't believe you are breakable, you're probably the one of the stronger humans that I have seen.”
“No she’s not,” Joel said.
It was the first thing he had said since I walked in the room.
“Thanks Joel,” I hissed.
“She wasn’t dying of leukemia!” Joel said, “She didn’t have to worry about fainting in the middle of a fight!”
“All the more reason to not waste time trying to protect me when I am going to die anyway.”
“No all the more reasons to protect you! You're too weak to survive a war,” he said.
I stood up and slammed my fist on the table.
“I. Am. Not. Weak.”
“You know that’s not what I mean,” he sighed.
“No Joel I don't. I'm human so that obviously makes me stupid, slow, fragile, and emotional. According to you freaks I am the annoyance that over populates the world,” I growled.
“Rose,” he whispered.
“But I suppose you're right on the emotional part,” I continued, “Because I have a heart that beats.”
Everyone grew quiet. They all looked at Joel with heart broken eyes and I realized the sting my words had on him. I waited for his rage, for the breakdown.
He stood up.
I waited.
He’s going to leave, like he did last night. He’s going to leave because that was what he was best at. Running away.
Then again, I wasn’t any better.
Then he crouched down, like a predator would on a prey.
I was prey.
A low growl escaped his lips and then I was flying through the air. I landed hard on the floor behind us and he was above me, his lips on my throat.
“Now pretend that I wasn’t in control,” He said against my skin, “Pretend it was in my intention to kill you. Do you realize that you would be dead right now?”
I shivered and closed my eyes.
This was the closest I would get to him biting me.
“Go on,” I challenged, “You're so close.”
He growled and raised his head.
I looked up.
He snapped at me, inches from my neck.
And then he was gone and I was on the floor.
“Joel…” Lindsey suddenly said. I didn’t know she was in the room.
“No,” I heard him say in the other room, “She needs to realize what she’s up against.”
“Come on Rose,” Andrea said, “I want to talk with you.”
I stood up and followed her out the room, watching Ivy give Devon the ten dollars back, plus ten she owed him, then finally out the house.
We walked in silence till we were in the woods.
“Nethiel met me when I was human,” she said, “It’s harder for them. To control the anger, to control the thirst. You haven’t got a clue how hard it is for them.”
I looked down at my feet. Watched as they moved against the grassy ground and leaves that covered it.
“He refused to change me as well,” She said, “But things change in the end.”
“I don't think he will, he’s set,” I said.
“That’s how Nethiel was too, he thought it would ruin me,” she said, smiling slightly, “And to tell you the truth, after he bit me, I wanted to die. The pain, the thirst, the temper is so horrible.”
I looked up.
“But you're dying, he’ll want to keep you alive, no matter how selfish it makes him, and knowing that is what you want. I have no doubt that he will bite you.”
I grinned.
“Really?”
She laughed.

When we got back I was sitting on Andrea’s bed. She was braiding my hair.
“My turn next,” the little vampire girl said. She looked at me and smiled. She held out this old fashion china doll.
“Her name is Lucy,” She said.
“That’s a pretty name,” I said.
She hopped up on the bed.
“I was eight when I was bit,” she began, “ It saved me though. I was swimming with Lucy. My mom came out and told me to come inside, but I didn’t want to. It was late September when the nights grew colder. It got real cold outside, and I was sick. A few days later I didn’t get any better. Nethiel found be crying in a hospital. He knew that I was dying and that the only way to save me was to bite me.”
I looked at her.
“Are all vampire stories sad?” I whispered.
They both laughed.
“I wasn’t really joking,” I said softly.
Heaven took my hand. “Do you know that every vampire has a gift?”
I looked at her and shook my head.
“I see things,” she whispered.
“Heavenly,” Joel said, suddenly at the door. “I think I hear Nethiel calling you.”
She smiled, looked at him, then at me, then left.
Andre stood up. “That’s Ivy.”
She walked out.
I looked down at the blanket.
“Either they caught on, or my poor human ears cant hear all the calling,” I whispered.
“I think they caught on,” he said gently.
“Heaven…” I trailed off not knowing where to begin.
He leaned against the door frame.
“She’s an interesting child, isn’t she?”
I nodded.
“Go on,” He said.
I looked back up and tilted my head.
“Go on what?”
“Ask me questions.”
“Will you answer them?” I questioned.
He smiled and nodded. “I suppose I should get into the habit.”
I paused.
“What did she mean by the ‘gifts’ bit?”
“Give me a minute to try to explain.”
I silently waited.
“There is a saying, or theory, that explains Heaven’s case. Its been said that as the venom from the bite enters bloodstream, it shuts down all the organs, except the brain. Apparently, in some cases, the venom can turn on a ‘switch’ in the brain. The part of the brain that psychics use.”
“So, the venom caused Heaven to see things?” I asked, to clear things up.
Joel nodded. “Exactly.”
“But Heaven says that all Vampires have a gift, they just haven’t found it yet,” he said.
I smiled. “What is yours?”
He shook his head. “Dunno.”
I stood up and smiled at him.
“Maybe its your artistic abilities,” I whispered.
The smile that I loved warmed his face.
I took a tentative step towards him.
“It could be your mad smoking skills,” I continued.
“Maybe,” he laughed.
I took another step.
“Or maybe its incredible tolerance,” I said softly.
“Could be,” he said in the same tone I had used.
“Or how you listen to me all the time when half the time I'm not saying anything important,” I laughed.
“It’s possible.”
I stepped once more and was in front of him.
“But do you know what I think it really is?” I asked.
“What?”
“I think it’s your ability to make life suck less,” I said.
His smile stretched.
“That’s a very good estimate,” he whispered.
“Joel,” I whispered.
He nodded. “I know. Me too.”
I smiled.

Later Joel and I went out for a walk.
I sat against the tree that out looked the lake that Andrea had shown me the other; she said it was special to her and hoped it would help me as it did for her. I closed my eyes and listened to the pages turn that were tied into a book that Joel was holding.
I had given him a book to read that I brought with me, he needed to get away from the war conspiracy that him and Nethiel were in. I smiled as I picture the two of them huddling over papers that were scattered over the table.
“Why on earth would you do that to children?” He yelled.
He was reading Flowers in the Attic by V.C Andrews, one of my favorites.
“Just read the book, Joel,” I said.
After a few moments he put down the book, he had finished, which didn’t surprise me.
“You just spoiled it,” I said, opening my eyes.
He frowned. “What do you mean?”
“You didn’t just read the book to enjoy it,” I said.
“I wanted to know what was going to happen,” he said.
I laughed.
He stood up and walked over to the lake, dipping his feet into the water.
The water…
“Joel I want to get baptized before I…” I said.
He looked over at me. “Rose.”
“Please?”
He nodded and walked over to me. He took my hand in his.
“But not because you're running out of time?” He asked.
“Yes, it is, I…”
“You're going to Heaven.”
That broke my heart. I closed my eyes and felt the tears coming. He said I was going to Heaven.
He said I was going to die.
“Rose?”
“Tell me I wont die,” I whispered.
“Rose…”
“Why wont you save me!”
He pulled me in his arms. “I'm trying to, but you refuse to help.”
I didn’t say anything. He wasn’t going to bite me, Andrea was wrong, he wasn’t going to, wasn’t going to…
“I want to go home,” I finally said.
He pulled back, my eyes opening.
“Home?”
“Yes to South Carolina, I don't want to be here.” I said.
“You're safe here,” he said.
I walked away and into the woods.
And then I froze.
I hear Lindsey’s ear splitting screech.