You Said You Read Me Like A Book

I got through the first part of my first day of home-schooling successfully. Now, I stared nervously at the clock. At exactly four, there was a knock on the door. Gerard came in and smiled at me. Ray just nodded to me and I sighed. I got up and took Gerard’s hand. I led him back to the room I was staying in. I shut the door and turned to face him.

“What’s wrong, sugar?” He asked, putting his hands on my hips. I closed my eyes. The words didn’t want to come up.

“We can’t be together, “I choked. I looked anywhere but in his eyes. I knew that if I did, I would see the pain. He took a deep breath.

“You don’t love me?” He asked me.

“No! It’s not that… I just… This isn’t right… You’re married. And, as much as I want to believe that age is but a number, Chris Hansen would beg to differ, “I muttered.

“Why now?”

“Because, Ray noticed… And he started asking Mikey, but I wasn’t gonna let him shoot Mikey down, so I stepped in. I already lied to him, Gerard, “I said quietly. He clenched his jaw.

“So, what? You’re breaking up with me?” He asked, now obviously hurt.

“It’s not like it would’ve worked out…”

“I was going to leave her, “he said flatly.

“What?”

“I was going to leave her, “he repeated.

“Well, now you don’t have to, “I choked. He cupped my face in his hands, but I jerked away.

“Gerard, I’m doing this for you, “I said, knowing that he wasn’t going to take the easy way out of this. His mouth hung open slightly. “You could be arrested for this. You would rot in a jail cell, and then, where would I be? I’d be worse off than I am now. Please, don’t hate me for trying to do the right thing…”

“I’ve never been one to do the right thing…”I just sighed.

“Look, I don’t want to be with you, “I said coldly. He closed his eyes and nodded slowly.

“Alright, I understand, “he said flatly.

“I want you in my life, but I don’t want it to be so complicated. Please understand, “I said, now realizing how much he was hurt.

“I know. I’m sorry. I just, I really love you, “he sighed.

“I love you too, and it’s because I love you that I’m doing this. If you really love me, you’ll trust me on this, and you won’t push me away…”I said softly. He just nodded, and I threw my arms around him. He hugged me back tightly.

“Ok, “is all he said.