Status: very much alive.
Life Is the Medicine
the hooha
Sakura stifled a yawn, miserably staring at the stack of papers she had to deliver to Tsunade. She had the most shitty wake-up call that same morning. Waking up to a masked man, Sakura thought, was definitely not something comfortable. And how the fuck did that ANBU agent even get in her house? She scowled and pushed open the Hokage’s door office with her hip, balancing the tower of papers cradled in her arms. He was just staring at her while she slept, wasn’t he? Goddamn it. She knew those assholes were creepy.
“Good morning Saku- well, someone looks like shit this morning. And it’s not me!”
Sakura couldn’t believe her teacher was already drunk. Oh, wait, Sakura squinted, noticing that Tsunade was a bit too chipper for her own health. Yeah, that woman definitely didn’t’ sleep. She just sighed, stopping short when a sheet of paper fluttered to the ground. How she hated when stuff like that happened.
“Good morning to you, too, Tsunade-sama.” She might’ve been exhausted to the point of death, but she had been pummeled too many times to forget her manners. Tsunade had made sure to do so.
The Hokage took another full swing of sake. “Good! I need you to do some… some… ah, fuck. Shizune, what was Sakura going to do?” Tsunade turned to her eldest student, narrowing her eyes and swaying a bit on her chair. Shizune went stiff and shook her head slowly.
“I don’t… know?”
“You don’t.” Tsunade nodded, looking down at her desk with distinguished consideration. “Alright then, here’s your assignment.” She grabbed the first report on her desk –which had a sake stain, but Sakura ignored it- and handed it to the slumped medic.
“Yeah, er. Good day. And close the door when you go out. Jiraiya has been all over my brea-”
“Thanks. Door. Right. Bye.” She honestly did not want to know what happened during Tsunade’s free-time, even less when that pervert-sannin was around. Sometimes, Sakura could feel a chill crawl along her skin, and she always knew that this meant that her teacher was off somewhere being reckless. It was awkward, feeling something and assuming that meant that your teacher was having sex somewhere. But Sakura lived with it.
She decided to read her assignment, only to stop short. She furrowed her brows and read harder, as if the words were going to melt and rephrase. They didn’t. Sakura felt like kicking a puppy. Just her shit-luck. She had been assigned to the maternal wing, the spacious land of cleanness, gossip, and violent mood-swings that could probably get you killed. Last time Sakura ventured into that section of the hospital, she had fled from a hormonal pregnant lady that just wouldn’t stop crying. Ever since then, she had sworn to never go there ever again. Ever.
It seemed that her ever just expired. And for the moment, spreading women’s legs and inspecting pubic areas was not in her to do list. Sakura wondered if she could just tag the assignment to some newbie medic and sneak into the E.R., where medics of her caliber were actually needed. It sounded like a pretty good plan. All these clean and white hallways were getting to her. She missed the vibrant red.
“Oh, Sakura? I knew Tsunade was going to send in a medic. But I never thought it’d be you.”
“I know, right? Crazy.”
“Great, because today we’re handing out free gynecology check-ups, and according to this report…” Amaya looked down at her clip-board, her pleasant smile widening. “Well, you’re in charge until your shift is over, which will be by 7 PM. Oh! And we’re a bit cut short on personnel; there was this terrible accident on the border with Suna. Rogue-nins, something like that. Well, duty calls. Have a nice day!” With this said the blonde did a bee-line around Sakura and hastily exited the hallway, heading straight towards the E.R.
“Right. Slacking time.”
Sakura turned heel and spoke to the secretary, retrieving her clip-board and resuming her newbie hunt. She knew that if she personally appointed some intern with this assignment, they’d be more than glad to oblige. And as far as she could remember, caffeine was fundamental to any medic. So, she headed straight for the cafeteria.
But it was closed.
For remodeling.
12 and a half crotches later
“You’re sticking that in there? Are you shitting me?”
“Are you crawling out my ass?”
32 crotches later
“I don’t… maybe… I’m not sure if…”
“Oh, trust me. This isn’t the first vagina wart I’ve come across with, Ino.”
“…”
35 crotches later
“Whoa, Hinata.”
“I… um-well, I… I… I…”
“Don’t worry. You’re clean as a whis- Aw, shit. Wake up.”
42 crotches later
“Do you have… an ace of diamonds?”
“Go fish.”
“Crap.”
45 crotches later
“Dear god, what’s this scarred tissue? Did a snake bite you or something?”
“…”
“Anko-san?”
50 crotches and 3 coffees later
“Take a seat ple- Temari?”
“Shut up. Our medics suck, and they try to take pictures and everything. Kazekage’s sister and all.”
“Um. Would you mind rem- well, that was fast.”
“Shikamaru won’t stop bitching over some rash. Is it fucking contagious or what? If it is, get rid of it. Now.”
“Well, have you experienced any itching or-?”
“Now.”
61 crotches later
Sakura slumped in her seat, staring at her ramen with little to no appetite. “I swear, Naruto, if I ever see a vagina in my life, I’ll fucking punch it in half.” She couldn’t even use her hands. Just what kind of nasty things did she just touch with her hands?
Naruto grinned. “Did Hinata pay a visit?”
Sakura furrowed her brows, giving the blonde a confused look. “Huh? Why are you asking?”
“Nothing. Just… er… asking… Wait. So you actually got to see Hinata naked?”
“Oh, for the love of-”
“Good morning Saku- well, someone looks like shit this morning. And it’s not me!”
Sakura couldn’t believe her teacher was already drunk. Oh, wait, Sakura squinted, noticing that Tsunade was a bit too chipper for her own health. Yeah, that woman definitely didn’t’ sleep. She just sighed, stopping short when a sheet of paper fluttered to the ground. How she hated when stuff like that happened.
“Good morning to you, too, Tsunade-sama.” She might’ve been exhausted to the point of death, but she had been pummeled too many times to forget her manners. Tsunade had made sure to do so.
The Hokage took another full swing of sake. “Good! I need you to do some… some… ah, fuck. Shizune, what was Sakura going to do?” Tsunade turned to her eldest student, narrowing her eyes and swaying a bit on her chair. Shizune went stiff and shook her head slowly.
“I don’t… know?”
“You don’t.” Tsunade nodded, looking down at her desk with distinguished consideration. “Alright then, here’s your assignment.” She grabbed the first report on her desk –which had a sake stain, but Sakura ignored it- and handed it to the slumped medic.
“Yeah, er. Good day. And close the door when you go out. Jiraiya has been all over my brea-”
“Thanks. Door. Right. Bye.” She honestly did not want to know what happened during Tsunade’s free-time, even less when that pervert-sannin was around. Sometimes, Sakura could feel a chill crawl along her skin, and she always knew that this meant that her teacher was off somewhere being reckless. It was awkward, feeling something and assuming that meant that your teacher was having sex somewhere. But Sakura lived with it.
She decided to read her assignment, only to stop short. She furrowed her brows and read harder, as if the words were going to melt and rephrase. They didn’t. Sakura felt like kicking a puppy. Just her shit-luck. She had been assigned to the maternal wing, the spacious land of cleanness, gossip, and violent mood-swings that could probably get you killed. Last time Sakura ventured into that section of the hospital, she had fled from a hormonal pregnant lady that just wouldn’t stop crying. Ever since then, she had sworn to never go there ever again. Ever.
It seemed that her ever just expired. And for the moment, spreading women’s legs and inspecting pubic areas was not in her to do list. Sakura wondered if she could just tag the assignment to some newbie medic and sneak into the E.R., where medics of her caliber were actually needed. It sounded like a pretty good plan. All these clean and white hallways were getting to her. She missed the vibrant red.
“Oh, Sakura? I knew Tsunade was going to send in a medic. But I never thought it’d be you.”
“I know, right? Crazy.”
“Great, because today we’re handing out free gynecology check-ups, and according to this report…” Amaya looked down at her clip-board, her pleasant smile widening. “Well, you’re in charge until your shift is over, which will be by 7 PM. Oh! And we’re a bit cut short on personnel; there was this terrible accident on the border with Suna. Rogue-nins, something like that. Well, duty calls. Have a nice day!” With this said the blonde did a bee-line around Sakura and hastily exited the hallway, heading straight towards the E.R.
“Right. Slacking time.”
Sakura turned heel and spoke to the secretary, retrieving her clip-board and resuming her newbie hunt. She knew that if she personally appointed some intern with this assignment, they’d be more than glad to oblige. And as far as she could remember, caffeine was fundamental to any medic. So, she headed straight for the cafeteria.
But it was closed.
For remodeling.
12 and a half crotches later
“You’re sticking that in there? Are you shitting me?”
“Are you crawling out my ass?”
32 crotches later
“I don’t… maybe… I’m not sure if…”
“Oh, trust me. This isn’t the first vagina wart I’ve come across with, Ino.”
“…”
35 crotches later
“Whoa, Hinata.”
“I… um-well, I… I… I…”
“Don’t worry. You’re clean as a whis- Aw, shit. Wake up.”
42 crotches later
“Do you have… an ace of diamonds?”
“Go fish.”
“Crap.”
45 crotches later
“Dear god, what’s this scarred tissue? Did a snake bite you or something?”
“…”
“Anko-san?”
50 crotches and 3 coffees later
“Take a seat ple- Temari?”
“Shut up. Our medics suck, and they try to take pictures and everything. Kazekage’s sister and all.”
“Um. Would you mind rem- well, that was fast.”
“Shikamaru won’t stop bitching over some rash. Is it fucking contagious or what? If it is, get rid of it. Now.”
“Well, have you experienced any itching or-?”
“Now.”
61 crotches later
Sakura slumped in her seat, staring at her ramen with little to no appetite. “I swear, Naruto, if I ever see a vagina in my life, I’ll fucking punch it in half.” She couldn’t even use her hands. Just what kind of nasty things did she just touch with her hands?
Naruto grinned. “Did Hinata pay a visit?”
Sakura furrowed her brows, giving the blonde a confused look. “Huh? Why are you asking?”
“Nothing. Just… er… asking… Wait. So you actually got to see Hinata naked?”
“Oh, for the love of-”
♠ ♠ ♠
Where am I going with this? No idea. But I do plan to take this to another level.I'd love to hear what you think so far~ so don't be shy and leave a comment.
<3