Heart of Man

I wanted to throw the game. I really did. Even if we lost against Carolina, we would still be in the playoffs, and they would clinch their spot. If not, and we won, then the Rangers would take the eighth seed in the Eastern Conference. They were fighting hard, too. They wanted it. They wanted their next Stanley Cup. You could see the drive and determination in each of their eyes during warm-ups. This is what they lived for.

We took the game by storm. Dana Tyrell had been called back up, since he had recovered from whatever injury had gotten him sent to Norfolk for. This was the first time we played on the same line, with Ryan. Marty went back to Vinny and Steven, Simon was moved to another line, and we resumed like normal.

When the game finally ended, realization dawned on the Canes, that their season was over. It felt very much like an out-of-body experience. The entire time playing, I just felt off. None of my passes went where they were supposed to go, and poor Cam Ward.

He looked like he was dying, when the eighth goal slid past them. It would have been nice to win on home turf, but you can’t pull seven more goals out of nowhere with one minute and thirty-six seconds to spare. I had a high respect for the Carolina Hurricanes, but no amount of speed nor skill that Eric Staal possessed, could help them.

I think, after the first period, they accepted it, because the game felt very slow on both sides. Boucher never said one word, he only watched us. Was he letting us take it easy before playoffs? We were slated for the Pittsburgh Penguins. Unfortunately for me, it was Eric’s little brother, whom said that he’d love to root for us, but ‘Jordy’ would kill him.

Morning practice was nice. It was calm, soothing, and very relaxing before the pressure set in. Could we afford to do this, though? Geno wasn’t playing the rest of the season, having his surgery taking the better part of six months. Harper’s boyfriend was still out with his concussion, so Simon assured me they weren’t much of a problem, despite having won the cup a few years prior. Hell, we played them maybe a week and a half ago for the first time since I came to Tampa Bay, and they were just all over the place.

Another problem that had come up, was my contract. Even though terms were agreed upon in March, we had to wait for the cap numbers, so they can make sure everything’s in order. This worried me though. What if they find out they can’t keep me? Where will I go?

“Anna?” I jerked to my left, Boucher’s hand on my shoulder. I looked up at him, nodding slowly. “You alright, there? I called your name, but you never answered. You are up for the media tonight.”

I exhaled quickly, the night seeming like it just started, before it was over, and the eight seeds decided. I’m sure the Rangers were breathing a sigh of relief. Avangard was out of the playoffs, according to Jaromir’s voicemail, and it looked like Salavat and Atlant were going to eventually face each other in the finals. Hopefully, not that I wished my team bad or anything, but hopefully I would get a chance to fly out there for finals, depending on how it goes, and such. If we can sweep Pittsburgh, then we’ll have that time off before the next round.

“Miss Trovato, how does it feel to be going to the NHL Playoffs for the first time?” I saw a camera flash in my face, and noticed that I had yet to change out of my equipment. I suppose I was lucky enough to get my skates off. A video camera stepped up, and a man with an NHL Network microphone stepped into my face, awaiting my answer.

“Uh, it feels great, I guess. I mean, I don’t know what to except, so hopefully it will be a fun ride, and a learning experience.”

“Your KHL team was eliminated from the Gagarin Cup Playoffs early on, only making it to the second round, and losing in seven games. Do you feel that your presence there could have changed things?”

My jaw dropped, and several interviews around us halted. I opened and closed my mouth, but nothing came out for a moment. “I trust my former teammates and coaching staff to do their best. They are the best of the best, and I know they did all they could. They are still a strong force to be reckoned with, with or without me.”

I tried to bite back the bitterness in my tongue. Why were they brining Avangard into this? “Will you be returning to the KHL next season, since your contract has not been confirmed yet, due to the salary cap fixation?”

I closed my eyes, rubbing my forehead for a moment, before sighing. I needed to stay calm, for my sanity, and my team’s sanity. “I plan to remain here in Tampa, if they’ll have me. Unless it comes from Steve’s own mouth, then I would not trust it.”

“Anna.” I looked to the woman who was next to me first. She was an ebony-skinned woman, but had a soft, yet determined feature about her. The pinkish-orangey dress suit she wore complemented her greatly, making her much more welcome than the suit in front of me, plus the eight or so speaking into their recorder, while trying to catch what I said.

“Yes ma’am?” A smile spread mildly onto her face, before she raised her hand up, silently asking if it was alright to record the interview. I beamed, and I think she could tell how much I respected her right now. She quickly flipped it on, and held it close enough to get my sound bit, but not close enough to suffocate me.

“Your team will face the Pittsburgh Penguins in the first round of the playoffs, without super stars Sidney Crosby and Evgeni Malkin. How do you fe-..”

“Trovato, what is your take on Erika Harper’s public announcement earlier this week, with her allegations onto Sean Morrison of the Flyers, and one Kathleen Edwards? Did you have any part in this? Did you know what Harper planned on doing?” The NHL man held the recorder-microphone-thing so close, I could have eaten it. The smile was wiped off of my face, and I almost regretted agreeing to my name being down for media tonight, as three or four other cameras came closer, and nearly half of Simon’s reporter people.

“Excuse me?” I breathed in deeply, and let it out slowly, hoping he would change his mind. Apparently manners don’t exist in America.

“I asked what you thought about Harper’s announcement of legal matters. Never mind that, then. What about your intake on Roxanne McGregor’s suicidal and depressive behaviour? Were you aware of any of these activities?”

“Excuse me?” He looked stunned for a moment, his mouth mimicking mine only minutes before, opening and closing like a fish, and fumbling with the device in his hand. I kept a straight face, something I had learned from my childhood, and continued to stare at him. I wanted an explanation.

“What’s wrong?”

“How dare you interrupt this woman. She was speaking, and you were not. Even if she was not a woman, you do not interrupt someone else when they are speaking. I am sure your mother taught you better than that. Shame that she have to find out that your manners have gone to waste, for you have surely disregarded them, when interrupting a fellow journalist.” I was pretty sure all eyes were on us at this point. “Just like the game of hockey, where you must work together and respect your opponents, in the world of journalism, you must work together, trusting each other to ask the right questions, and respect them as they respect you. Just like hockey, it’s a collaborative effort.”

I think he forgot the cameras were rolling at this point, as I was sure the entire dressing room could hear his accusing words. Some wondering how he even came to the conclusion he did. Others, silently ashamed that they sometimes, occasionally, often shared those same thoughts. “How does a game tie into journalism? Something so juvenile can’t possibly be as hard-working as what some of us go through. What do you know of the media world? What is hockey to you, Miss Trovato? What does this game mean to you?”

“Hockey? It’s much more than just a game. No matter what country we come from, no matter what name we wear every night, we are just players in a game. Pawns on a chessboard. We fight and do as instructed, no questions asked. In a world where you eat ice and are addicted to the scent of winter, you go where are comfortable. That level, on the ice, defines the player. Who they are, who they play for, what they want and who they win for. Does that answer your question thoroughly? I can further go on and explain how I see journalism, and the struggles every journalist goes through to survive in the industry, if that would please you.”

“I’m sorry, I-..” I cut him off, shaking my head.

“I don’t want you to apologize to me. I just ask that you mind your manners.” He opened his lips again, but I interjected again. “If you wish to apologize to someone, apologize to the person you interrupted.”

He only nodded, before holding his recorder slightly out again, looking at the woman who looked like a deer caught in headlights, before gathering her wits about her. “If I may, since the situation has been brought up,” I winced at this hoping she wasn’t getting ready to say what I thought she would. “The Kontinental Hockey League Awards are coming up soon. Are you aware of any nominations for yourself?”

I raised my eyebrows at her, glad some of the tension was starting to seep away. “No, I figured since I didn’t complete my season there, that I was ineligible.” She chuckled slowly, before pulling a piece of paper out of her pocket.

“My name is Anastasia Rudinova, and I am a journalist for the KHL’s website.” I nodded to her, obviously preparing myself for the language I was unable to practice frequently now, as she belted out her introductions in Russian. After a few moments of hearing what I was nominated for, I thanked her before she disappeared, allowing me to turn back to the non-Russian speakers.

NHL-Man stepped forward again, his recorder slightly in front of him, his grey suit flustered. “Miss Trovato, would you be willing to give us a translation of your KHL affairs? Are you nominated for any awards this year?”

I felt the goosebumps on my body, even under all of my equipment. “Uh, yeah. I’ve been nominated for the Best Troika, Sekunda or Split Second, and the Alexei Cherepanov Rookie of the Year Award.”

“What exactly are those?”

“Troika is pretty much like a best line award. I played with Jaromir and Alexei, our captain, on that line, so I'm sure that's why we got it. They are great players, so I'm happy for them. She said they awarded it to the old line, before I left, but it will consist of four of us, whoever they chose to replace me. The Sekunda award, is also known as the Split Second award. It's given to the earliest goal scorer in any game, and the latest goal scorer in any game. It was one of our last games, and I scored 3 or 4 seconds into the game. Jaromir scored 5 seconds before the end of the game, so we took it in one foul sweep. Uh, Rookie award is a rookie award. I’m honoured to have been chosen.” I saw the woman with her recorder out, obviously catching it all to report back to the KHL. “Awards are in May, but who knows.”

“Have you received any offers to participate on the Worlds team this year?”

I sat up a bit straighter, somewhat more excited that I had been, ironically. “Yes, I have been extended an offer. I hope it does not come to that, but should the Lightning not make it past the second or third round, I will join Finland at Worlds.”

“Would you rather cup finals, or worlds?”

“I’d rather bring home the Stanley Cup, to be perfectly honest, and that’s what we’re going to try and do.” By that time, several journalists left to go find my other teammates, leaving only the NHL man, since his colleagues were getting the other four of us, and a woman who looked as if her mouth would never open.

“Miss Anna, if I may so ask the questions from earlier?” I opened my eyes a bit wider, sleep trying to set in. I wouldn’t be able to get back on the ice like this, meaning coming in even earlier tomorrow morning to make up for the lost time.

“Of course. I saw the press conference with Miss Harper, but it is not my opinion to give on what I think of the situation. She seems like a good, down-to-earth type of person, but you never know what’s underneath, and that’s the scary part. I am proud of the fact that she followed through and found out, if this is indeed identity theft, that she discovered who was in it to get her. In all respect, though, if it is an NHL player, I do think we have some serious problems on our hands.”

“So you don’t have a side in this, I take it? Aren’t you friends with Erika Harper?” I tried to bite back the ghost of a smile, before shaking my head.

“No, we are hardly acquaintances, but that’s all right.” I felt my phone buzz, and I flipped it open. Reading it quickly, multiple times, my face paled considerably, before I forgot that I was being visually recorded. Looking back up, I mustered a small smile. “I also believe that this information about the Bruins’ forward is not true, and just some drunk guy getting her and some one night stand mixed up, on the drama in their lives. Cut her some slack.”

They both nodded, before the guy turned the camera off, allowing me to snatch my undergarments, shorts, and team shirt off the stall shelf, and fly into probably the quickest shower of my life. After a few moments, maybe about 10 minutes tops, I was dressed in my clean clothes, completely ready to go, and hair dried, put up sloppily. Hey, at least it was up.

Getting everything ready to go in my stall, I wandered out into the hallway to see Eric, Joni, and Tuomo standing against the wall, watching Tanya try to convince Parker to come get into the car with her. I smiled, looking at her interact with him, before walking up to the trio, who liked like they were trying to be part of the mafia.

I looked up at Eric’s dejected face, before I felt my eyes start to water, and Tuomo hug me. I wrapped my arms around his midsection, angry that I was part of the reason that their season was over. “Anna, it’s alright, kulta. We’re here for you and your team, alright? These kinds of things happen.”

I leaned back, nodding my hand and trying to wipe the stray tears away. He smiled, before Tanya came over with a tired Parker. “Great game, Anna.” I grinned, before enveloping the woman in a hug. She was perfect for Eric; I loved their entire family to pieces. They could all come live with me for the rest of my life, and I’d be happy with how adorable they were.

“Thank you, Tanya. Hey, little man, are you tired?” I bit my tongue, kneeling down and ruffling Eric’s son’s hair, as he gripped his mother’s hand sleepily.

“Anna!” Scratch being tired. I was mauled by the kid, how easily sent me to my ass as he squeezed around my neck. “Are you still coming to visit me this summer while Mommy and Daddy go on vacation?”

I looked up at his parents, wondering if they had come to agreements with what we each proposed, while they went on a three-week cruise. Eric only nodded, before wrapping his arms around Tanya, and pulling her into him. I looked to Parker, whose bright blue eyes looked back at me with anticipation. “Actually, Parker, you’re going to come back to my house in Tampa, and then I’m going to take you to Russia with me. How does that sound?”

He screeched with joy. “You mean a vacation? Where is Russia? When are we leaving?” I laughed heartily at the sight on him practically climbing over me, and up his father’s legs, belting out question after question.

The original plan was to have Parker just stay with me in Tampa the entire off-season when I got home, but after my former GM called me the other night, sounding pretty urgent, a trip to Russia was required. Eric was alright with it, and get all of Parker’s paperwork information taken care of, but Tanya wasn’t too heft on it, until she realized I still had my house, and that where I lived in the Omsk region was virtually unpopulated.

~

I sat in my rental, slightly unnerved by the text I had received in the locker room. No doubt the woman at the desk let him in, since I spent fifteen minutes arguing with her to give him the ‘fucking spare’, so it wasn’t that big of a deal. I just couldn’t get the courage to get up there and listen to three hours’ worth of bitching.

The only good thing, at this point, of him being here, is that he can help me find a car. The dealers in Tampa were just a bunch of rip-offs. I might not have problems in the monetary department, but I wasn’t about to pay eight times the face value, just because he knew I could afford it.

Slamming the car door shut, I grabbed my bags out of the back and made the trek into the rather large entrance way, and into the elevator, pressing my level, and waiting for the door to close. My phone vibrated again, and I looked at the caller id to see it was Val.

“Hello?” It was just now midnight, our flight from Carolina not taking nearly as long as projected.

“Banana, nice to hear your voice. I’m coming to Tampa tomorrow, so stock up on food.”

“Who else are you inviting?”

“Oh, just me.”

“What time should I pick you up from the airport?”

“Our game ends around three, so hopefully by six. I’m not sure. It’s flight 4937. Hiedi’s going to her parents while we have a few days off, so you can trust us your apartment, since you have to leave a day before us to go up to Pittsburgh with your team, right?” I was speechless. Val never ceased to amaze me. Tomorrow was the last day of the regular season. I quickly responded, before shutting the phone off.

The elevator binged, and I stepped out and up to my door, not even bothering to unlock an already-open door, and stepped in. “How did you get here? Your game should maybe just now be ending.”

Teemu Selanne threw another piece of popcorn into his mouth, as he sat back on my couch, watching our highlights against Carolina. He ignored me, allowing me to drop off my bags in the hall, and walk into the kitchen, stealing a piece of the pineapple pizza that was still warm. “They moved our game up a few hours. My flight landed about the time your third period started. It’s nice to see you too, Anna.”

I winced, picking up the half empty box, and the untouched pineapple pizza below, something both my former teammate and I had in common, and plopped next to him on the couch, setting the boxes on the table. “If I had of known you were coming, I would have cleaned up a little bit.”

“It’s not a big deal. It’s actually pretty clean. How are things with you?” I didn’t look at him the entire time, but I could feel him occasionally peaking at me from under his growing hair. Anaheim was slated to play Nashville, starting the thirteenth.

“Good as can be expected. You?”

“Not bad, I guess. I saw your interview that was live, by the way. Congratulations on your nominations.” I could have sworn he was grinning, as I choked on the second piece of pizza I was trying to consume.

Fucking brilliant. “That was live?”

“Anna, can I use the shower?” I spun around in my spot, to see Saku Koivu coming out of the guest bedroom, a change of clothes in his hand. I smiled widely, before nodding. He quickly vanished, and I wrapped my arms around Teemu’s neck, hugging him tightly.

“Thank you for coming out. I missed you guys terribly.” He hugged me back, before letting go and kissing my forehead.

“Next time, Anna, please call us. We love you very much, and it’s hard when our little kulta is in Russia, and makes little Teemu, Saku, and Valtteri fly out to secretly see her first game.” My jaw dropped.

“You were there? Holy shit, why did you not tell me?” I wanted to be angry, but I was smiling and too happy for angry emotions. Even though we had all gone through this shit, they still cared about me.

He grabbed the first piece out of the second pizza, and wolfed it down. “We wanted it to be a surprise. Besides, it was still our off-season, so why not? We also were all in Finland, so it wasn’t that much of a flight.”

I stuck my tongue out at him “Oh, I thought you flew from here. Well, in that case, I’m glad it was convenient for you.”

“Well, thanks for letting us know. Raimo called me, asking if we wanted to be there. We were sitting behind you on the bench, and Val kept making faces. It was all over the jumbo screen.” I looked at him skeptically, before he only nodded. “They are on the KHL’s photo gallery, and we got them to send to Tampa, who put them on theirs.”

I smacked his shoulder in astonishment. It still hadn’t set in, and I was starting to sound like I was repeating myself. “You guys knew where I was the whole time!”

“We did, but it would have been nice for you to tell us. Val was pretty upset, but Lasse calmed him down. He called and said to tell you hi, even though you guys played against each other half the season.”

“You could have picked up your phone.” I smiled at him, as he picked up another piece of pizza. The water that had been running shut off, and the closing of a few doors let me know Saku was changing for bed.

“Olet vielä lapsi. Rakastettava, mutta niin paljon opittavaa..” I looked at Teemu carefully, wondering if he didn’t have a hidden motive under those words.

I wrapped my hand around his wrist, as he went to take another bite of his slice, and took a bite instead, before leaning back into the cushion. “I’m not a child. I’m about ready to be 25, thank you. If I was loveable, my father would call me back.”

“He left a voicemail. Hän ei ole siellä hänen lapsi. Olen kyllästynyt hänen tehdä tämän sinulle..” I didn’t reply to the Finn, only standing up to go lean on the kitchen counter, pressing the play button on the one voicemail that remained. His gruff, yet refined tone bled through the speaker, the dismal tone quickly forcing Teemu to turn off the tv.

“Anna, this is your father. Your mother has been released to come home. They got rid of the pneumonia, and the water out of her lungs, so we’ll have to take it easy. Her heart is still being monitored. I know you wanted to come home during the off-season, but I think it’s best for you to stay in America. Maybe we can come for the Finals, if you make it. If not, I’ll see you at Christmas.”

“Voi Jumala, Anna.” I felt Teemu’s hands grip my shoulder, and turn me into himself, as the answering machine clicked off after the few second of silence. I couldn’t help but grip him for dear life, crying into his shoulder. “Olen niin pahoillani. Niin helvetin pahoillani.”