Save Your Heart

I was woken up by Derek brushing the hair out of my face with his fingers. He was kneeling down beside my bed. He smiled when I opened my eyes and kissed each one lightly. “Hey, baby.”

“Hi.” I said. My voice was groggy. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and sat up. Derek got up from the floor and sat next to me. “I’m sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing? I should be the one apologizing.” He put his arm around my shoulders and held me close to him. His smell of soap and aftershave permeated my nose, but I wasn’t complaining. “I was out of line. I’m sorry.” He kissed my forehead. I rested my head on his shoulder.

“His name is Tyler.” I began. I felt Derek give my shoulders a squeeze. “I was pretty much in love with him in high school. And...”I paused, uncertain on how I was going to say what happened next. I looked up at Derek; I could tell he had an idea what I was about to say, he mouth was sightly open in surprise and his eyes were sad. I continued with my story. “...he used that to his advantage. He told me he loved me so I would sleep with him.”

“You didn’t, right?” He hoped.

I lifted my head off of him and gave him an apologetic look. “I loved him. I was naive and young. He told me he would leave me if I didn’t.” I was prepared for him to call me a whore and tell me I was a stupid girl. When it happened, that’s what everyone told me. I believed it. A part of me still believes it. I should have known, however, that Derek was different. He wrapped me in his arms and told me he loved me. He told me to forget about my past, because that’s just what it was, my past. He said that all that matters is right now and our future together. Our future. I loved the sound of that.

He laid down on my bed and patted the spot next to him. I did as he told me to and curled up next to his side with his arm supporting the back of my head and my hand on his chest. He rubbed my back slowly. We laid on my bed for hours. All we could hear were each other’s breathing. I was falling so hard for this guy, harder than I’ve ever fallen for anyone. The trust I had in him scared me. With the experiences I have had, the more you trust someone, the more apt they are to leave.

“Don’t leave me, okay?” I muttered.

Derek sighed and kissed the top of my head. “I couldn’t even think of doing so, baby.”

I wrapped my arm around his torso and squeezed. I was so relieved to hear those words come from him; just him saying that made me feel better.